Chapter Three

Stephanie

I heard the door open and swung my eyes from the television screen.

Joe was back.

I tensed, turned off the T.V., turned it back on, got up, started to pace and then sat back down. As soon as I slumped onto the sofa again, Joe walked in. He looked tired, worn out and pissed.

But when his eyes landed on me, his face softened. "Steph...how long have you been here?"

"Only a few minutes." A few minutes and two hours.

He sighed, took a seat beside me and we stayed like that for a minute, both staring ahead. Then he reached out his hand, closed it around mines and sighed again. His touch made my hand heat up and I wondered what my reaction meant. "Listen Stephanie..." He started, uneasily. "I'm sorry about last night....I just kind of....everything just got out of hand."

I smiled lightly. "I over exaggerated-"

"No....no, you didn't. You had a right to be angry. I just...escalated it to an unnecessary height." He shifted, took my chin and made me look him in his eyes, his deep brown eyes, and said earnestly, "I don't want to fight anymore. And I think...in order to...not fight that we...shouldn't...give each other the opportunity to do it...anymore."

To say that was a surprise would be an understatement. There were a lot of things I expected out of his mouth but that hadn't been it. I couldn't even understand where he was going with this. "Wha...t?" Was all I could manage to ask.

He smiled sadly, kissed my nose and said, "It shouldn't be this hard, Stephanie. We shouldn't fight over small things like this. We shouldn't have to question each other's actions or have all these insecurities about us."

"..What are you trying to say?"

Morelli shook his head as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "I guess...I'm breaking up with you."

**********

Ranger

Ten fifty five.

It was already ten fifty five and Stephanie still hadn't called. I rubbed my head and glanced over at my packed bags. It was time to quit stalling. I needed to speak with her before I left. I needed to see her face. Make sure she was okay. Make sure....

I told Tank I'd be back, noted his slight nod and then I was off. Driving down the darkened streets of Trenton towards her apartment complex. When I rolled into the parking lot, all was quiet and...strangely eerie. I let myself into her apartment, froze, listened for any movements but heard nothing. Was she sleeping? At this hour? Either that or she wasn't home. I cursed myself silently for not having enough sense to phone her first and then headed towards her room, keeping my footsteps close to unheard.

She was lying in her bed when I got there. Sleep, obviously. The covers were thrown askew over her form, her chest was rising and falling with every breath and I couldn't help but smile in spite of everything. She looked just as amazing when she slept.

I heard a mumble and watched her open her eyes and come awake. I always found her ability to sense a presence in her bedroom uncanny. Not wanting to freak her out, I flipped the light switch on.

It didn't work. Her eyes widened and she toppled off the bed. "Damn it, Ranger! Door, doorknob! I have those things for a reason!" She got up, glaring daggers at me and I was still smiling.

The smile dropped however when I got a decent look at her face. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were red and I could see the darkened stains on her nightshirt. She had been crying.

I stared at her and she stared back for a beat before averting her eyes and hopping back in bed. "What?" She grumbled after I'd stared at her longer. "What do you want?"

I opened my mouth but no words were coming out. Probably because my brain had suddenly shut down as soon as I saw her face. I had too many urges floating around through my body, pumping into my bones. I wanted to ask her what's wrong. Ask her if she needed my help. Ask if something had happened. Ask her how she felt about last night. If she spoke to Morelli. If she wanted to speak to me. Why she had been crying.

But most of all, I just wanted to comfort her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and melt away her pain.

Yet, I didn't do any of those things. For more then one or two reasons. It occurred to me suddenly that Stephanie thought she was the only one who had done wrong. That she was the only one who had cheated. She didn't know about Selena and, in a way, that made my acts of treason seem all the more worst.

"I'm leaving tonight." It was the only thing I could think of to say. I was still stalling, I realized. Coming here and seeing her face hadn't been enough ammunition to talk about what I wanted to talk about all day. The elephant in the room, staring me down.

She turned to narrow her eyes slightly at me. I had no clue what she was thinking. Her eyes looked hollow. "For how long?"

I paused. "A month."

Stephanie didn't say anything for a while. She just stared straight ahead, seemingly lost in whatever daze that had captured her. I thought about moving towards her, about hugging her, kissing her, showing an inkling of concern but I didn't. My heart wanted to do it but my limbs had a different agenda. My legs kept me rooted to the floor.

"Okay."

Her voice was small and heartbreakingly sad. Her expression was calm and nothing about her body language made me think she wanted me here. I felt an unfamiliar sense prickle in the center of my chest. I felt my heartbeat speed up and I knew what was coming. The elephant in the room. It was about to be mentioned.

"Morelli and I worked it out."

I wasn't sure what I had expected her to say but those words were definitely not it. And I knew that, indirectly, she had mentioned the elephant. The episode from last night. "That's good." Was all I managed to strain out.

She smiled lightly at me, I stared back and then I left. Just like that. No goodbye, no hugs, nothing. It was over. In our own way, we were moving past last night. Past the cheating on both our parts. Where that left us, I didn't know. I didn't know if she'd want to still see me when I returned or if she still wanted to talk to me. I suppose I'd have to cross that bridge when we came to it.

But as I slid behind the wheel of my car, I realized with painful certainty what I had expected to happen in her apartment this night. Against all better judgment and outside factors, I had expected Stephanie to tell me that she and the cop were over and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

The realization made more guilt form in my chest. Guilt about last night. Guilt about wanting that while Selena waited for me. Guilt about the pain in my chest while I stared up at the apartment building.

But most of all; guilt about the tears that Stephanie had undoubtedly shed and the reasoning that told me she had been crying me and the decision she had made last night.

The mistake.

I drove out of the lot with a new perspective. One that informed me that no matter how much I wished or dreamed, Stephanie Plum would never be mines and it was time to stop pursuing a something that'd never become a reality.

When I hit the road, I brought out my cell phone, flipped it open and speed dialed a number.

"Hello..?" She sounded drowsy with sleep and I smiled softly.

"Hey, it's me."

"Oh hey." She yawned and came awake rather quickly. "What's up? What's the matter?"

I clutched the phone, glanced down, stared and then said quietly, "I've got to tell you something..."

********

Stephanie

I don't know what made me lie to Ranger about my relationship with Morelli but I don't regret it.

He shows up after ignoring me all day and tells me he's leaving for a month?! It was like another blow to the stomach from him. He didn't even care about last night or how I felt. I know he must have seen my tear stained face but he didn't question me about it.

Yet he managed to get closure while I didn't. He left here thinking everything was alright. That I was with Morelli, that last night could be forgotten and, God, I wish it could be but I knew that it wouldn't. Not in my mind. I wanted to tell him that I wanted him to stay, comfort me, explain to me why he had left before I got up this morning but all those things had stuck in my throat and all that came out was my cold disposition.

If he didn't care then why should I?

I curled back under the covers, closed my eyes and tried to think of all the pros of this situation. I wouldn't have anymore men in my life. PRO. They did nothing but cause me pain. And yes, I guarantee you, when Ranger returned; there'd be no romantic involvement anymore. Physical, emotional, anything.

There'd be no more guilt over Morelli. PRO.

There'd be no more confusion. No more being torn. PRO.

I'd finally be happy. PRO.

I frowned at the last one after I thought about it for a minute. Would I really be happy being lonely? I shrugged the mental question off almost as soon as it entered my mind. A lot of women lived happy lives alone. At least I had my friends, family and my hamster, Rex.

I didn't realize I was crying again until I felt my cheeks dampen. I wiped at my eyes and sighed, thinking that loneliness would be worth the tears.

***

Three weeks later

***

Stephanie

I was throwing up again.

My head was in the toilet, my hair was pulled back into a short ponytail at my neck and all the things I ate this morning was coming back up. The bad thing was that the only thing I ate had been a peanut butter and olive sandwich so, after a few minutes, I was just dry heaving.

I say back on my hunches, ran a forearm over my sweaty forehead and sighed loudly, breathing heavily. As I sat there, I stared up at the ceiling, just now noticing the weird display of decorations in my own bathroom.

I smiled numbly at my obliviousness, felt my stomach churn and then went back to dry heaving for a good minute or two. After I was done, I slumped out, went in search of Rex and bent down to stare at him through the cage bars. He was running on his wheel, fast and alert and I thought that he had it so easy.

"You're lucky." I whispered hoarsely to him. "You should enjoy your lucky, hamster life."

Rex paid me no mind. And he didn't have to. All Rex had to do with run on his wheel, poop, sleep and eat. His life was so simple. He never had to deal with the side effects for bad mistakes or worry about parasites or being shot at or any other human complications.

And he sure as hell didn't have to worry about carrying the baby of a guy you cheated on your boyfriend with, now ex-boyfriend, who had made it perfectly clear that his own wants and needs came before anything else.

Yeah, hamsters had it easy.

Yezzir. I finally got this biznitch (story) moving, haha. I know you all have questions....and they will be answered with updates! :)

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