The next morning, Daniel tells me that he and Jack have two days off, and that means that I have them off, too. Daniel dotes on the babies, not letting me do so much as a diaper change. I keep trying to get in for some cuddles, at least.
"I think you're confused about who is in charge of this house," Jack tells me after several protests.
"Daniel?" I say in surprise.
"Goodness no, the babies," I giggle, knowing that's the truth, "And a child wants its parents."
Yes, a nanny isn't a mother. I have to back off and let Daniel be the father when he's here to do it.
Jack is bothered when I don't do anything with my free time.
"Don't you have any friends?" he asks.
I shake my head.
"Hobbies then?"
I glance down. Does being exceedingly dull get you kicked out of this strange little family Jack has formed?
"What about school?" Daniel asks.
"I'm not taking any classes now," I reply.
"Why not?" Jack asks.
"I've got a job."
"A job that won't mean you can't take a couple classes. There is all the time when they are sleeping, and you'll have days off like this. It's an unpredictable job, but I would hate to think we're getting in the way of your education."
"I'm fine," I say firmly.
"You are bored. Take a couple of classes. After all, I remember something about you wanting to become a psychologist, and that is one of those really long degrees," Jack points out.
"That was something of a lie," I admit. After seeing Jack lie his ass off at the party, I'm not afraid of admitting it. It earns a laugh from Jack, but the next words swipe the laugh off his face, "I only took psychology classes as a substitute for therapy."
"Did it help?" Jack asks seriously.
"I think so," I admit. I got out of the house, at the very least.
"Good. Still, you won't want to be a nanny forever. On your days off, you should either get some classes to study for, or some friends, or maybe a boyfriend."
"Jack," Daniel scolds.
"It's too late to register for classes now. The semester has started," I say.
"She's seventeen, Jack, she can be a couch potato if she wants to be," Daniel scolds.
"Eighteen," I correct.
Both men stare at me. "You were seventeen a few days ago when you were interviewed," Jack points out.
I nod.
"Did you have a birthday and not tell us?" Jack accuses. I don't answer, but he guesses the answer anyway. He stands up, and heads to the kitchen.
"Jack!" Daniel explains, and I can tell that he would follow the older man if his hands weren't full of twins. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making the girl a cake!" he explains.
"Jack!" I protest, noticing that I'm starting to sound just like Daniel.
He sticks his head back into the living room, "Do you want to help?"
I can't help but grin. I've never made a cake before, and it was way more fun than I thought it would be.
Cake is right up there with babies by way of distraction.
-0-
They are gone for several days again. They come back, and I know that something has happened. I also know that if I ask, Jack is going to lie to me. So there isn't any point in asking.
Daniel calls Sam twice to make sure she's all right. After the second time, as we sit rocking babies in the living room, I ask, "What happened to Sam?"
Daniel sighs, "She got captured on a mission. Sold as a wife, actually. She was almost… well, let's just say it's a good thing we got her out before night fell. She keeps saying that she is all right, but I can't imagine being all right after that."
My stomach churns, "You saved her?"
"Well… the team did. She fought the guy, though. Fought him and won."
"Still you kept her from the worst of it," I say.
He stares at me for a long time, and starts to open his mouth in a question that I am certain is going to result in my lying. So I stop him. "Psychology classes."
"I never told you about these babies' mother," he says softly, "She's kidnapped. Jack and I are working really hard to get her back."
Oh. Get the breath back in your lungs.
"Find her," I say.
Even if it means these babies go away. Even if that will destroy all three of us.
"Find her," I plead. Find her like no-one found me.
"I will," he promises Mattie in his arms.
-0-
The nightmares had been gone for many months, but trust a conversation like that to bring it back.
It's Jack who knocks at my door. "Can I come in?"
"I'm fine," I say, the scream turning to a sob.
"You're not. I've had nightmares like that, and I know it will be a long time before you are fine," Jack corrects. The babies were woken by the scream, of course, and I pick them up to comfort them. I think I need cuddles more than they do.
"I've known you've had some big scary trauma in your past since we met. I think it's time you tell me."
I shake my head.
"Let's see… based on what happened to Carter, I'm guessing kidnapping or rape."
I look down.
"Both, then," he says. "The bastard get punished?"
I nod.
"Well, thank goodness for small mercies. How long were you gone for?"
"Thirteen months," I whisper.
He stares at me with a look of pity I haven't seen since the day I was rescued. It twists my stomach. I never should have told him.
"How the hell are you functional, girl?"
I laugh a bit at that. The babies have quieted, and he takes them from my hands to put them back in their crib against my will. I think he's going to leave, but he sits back on the edge of the bed. He wants to talk more? I thought that chunk would be enough horror to keep questions away.
"Look. I know you studied psychology, and I'm not a big fan of psychologists myself, but…"
I shake my head.
"Okay. But… where did he keep you?"
"A basement. Don't feel sorry for me. Please. I've got my demons, but I'm doing fine."
Now. When I can leave the house sometimes without having a panic attack. As long as there are babies to rock.
"If there is anything I can do, let me know," he says. He starts to get up to leave, but after a second he turns back, "Do you want to watch some crappy TV show for a while? Chase the ghosts away, as it were?"
I smile and nod. This might be a crazy family, but I've accepted that it is my family now.
-0-
"And who might you be?" the woman on the other side of the door asks. She looks a lot like Sam, only a little older. I recognize her from somewhere… where? Oh, of course. The picture on the wall. Charlie's mother. She sounds angry. She probably thinks I'm romantic with her ex… whatever. So she probably doesn't know about Daniel, and I'm not going to be the one to tell her. I will listen though, because it's going to be better than soap opera.
"I'm the nanny."
Oh, shit. That was worse. What does a stroke look like? She's too young to be having a stroke, right?
"Nanny?"
"For the babies."
"Babies?"
"Yes, the twins… I'll go get Jack." The woman looks a little pale. "Ah… why don't you take a seat?"
Jack meets me in the hallway, and he just smiles and walks past me. I'm grateful for that, because I don't exactly know who I would say was here.
I go, and get the babies, who are stirring. I make sure to stay close enough to the door that I can hear the conversation.
"You have babies?" the woman asks, sounding wounded.
"Of course not. They're Daniel's kids."
"Who is Daniel?" she asks.
Ah, the million-dollar question, women, but once you ask it, you can never un-ask it.
"He's a friend from work. He and his newborn twins was temporarily homeless, so I took them in for a bit. His wife is missing in action."
"Wow," the woman gasps.
Daniel's married to this woman? Married to this woman he's looking for? Oh, she is going to be pissed when she gets back and finds out that he has been living with a man.
"You always did go a bit above and beyond for someone on your team," the woman says softly.
"I assume you've got the divorce papers?" Jack asks.
"Yeah," she says.
"You got a pen?" he asks.
"Read them first," the woman scolds.
"I trust you, Sara," he says softly.
A scratch on paper. Then there is silence.
"We were good together, weren't we, Jack?" she asks uncertainty.
"Yeah, Sara, we were the best."
They sit in silence for so long I'm tempted to go out there and see if they are seriously just sitting there staring at each other. Then I hear Sara laugh. "You haven't changed, Jack."
More silence during which I assume he gives some sort of a look which prompts her to give more of answer.
"You're just as silent as we were when we were married."
He chuckles at that, and hear them stand up. She must be almost to the door before she turns. "Jack… enjoy those babies. You deserve it… after Charlie. Don't feel guilty, just love on them while they are here," she says softly.
"Thanks," he says. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he doesn't really agree with what she's saying. He's just trying to pacify her. He feels guilty about his son's death? Why?
Well, it's just another way I fit with this crazy family. I've got a lot of guilt about dead family members, too.