Committing to Win Chapter 4
I don't own SVU or the characters associated with SVU.
"Richard, please, don't do this." Olivia cringed as he forced her against the wall of her bedroom. She barely registered the picture that fell from the wall as her body slammed up against it. Richard ignored her pleas as he forced his knee up between hers to further disable her.
"Richard, I'm a police officer. Things will be so much worse…" Richard silenced her with a forceful slap that caused her to slide down the wall slightly. Olivia forced herself to stay in the now, refusing to let her mind take her back to Sealview and Lowell Harris.
It was almost as if Richard was waiting for her to decide what she wanted to do. Olivia had to make a decision whether to concede to his demands or to continue to fight what would ultimately be a losing battle. She used what strength she had to shove Richard a few feet from her; enough to allow her to break free once again. She made it a few feet before his weight was on her with a crushing tackle.
"No!" Olivia's voice was forced as her breathing was compromised. Richard hovered over her, almost daring her to strike him again. "Richard, please."
Richard didn't speak, he just stared at her while he used his body to restrain her. Olivia feared the trance like gaze he subjected her to and wondered if he wasn't on something. Olivia felt yet another crushing blow to her face as Richard delivered another shot, this time closed fist.
He effortlessly pulled Olivia up off the ground so that she had to grab him to keep her balance. He looked hard and ominous as he stood holding her in his powerful grip. Her frantic pleas only managed to arouse him further as he watched her flinch against his threatening fist. He turned and with a single gesture managed to throw her onto her bed. Olivia used the momentum to propel herself up only to be flattened under his weight once again.
Her body was telling her to accept the abuse, but her mind continued to fight. She was Olivia Benson. A New York City Detective. A SVU detective at that. She couldn't let him rape her, here in her own home. She flexed every muscle in an effort to refuse him from his continuous assault on her body. Another harsh slap sent her into a whimpering cry that only excited him more.
Her body was giving out on her, but her mind was on overdrive. She had escaped Lowell Harris, barely, but it was becoming clear that she wouldn't escape Richard Morris. He used his strong forearm against her throat to prevent her from being able to struggle against his efforts. She felt her shirt rip open at the same time she felt his leg effortlessly part hers. She was so easily immobilized but she couldn't dwell on that too much as she found herself concentrating on breathing. He had one arm pinned under his heavy torso while the other frantically pulled at the arm that restrained her.
"No! No!" Olivia couldn't believe this was really happening. She felt her pants release at the waist and slide down her legs. His heavy body was able to once again restrain her once he had managed to remove her pants completely. She opened her eyes to find Richard only inches from her face. He had a crazed look on his face as he stared at her.
Sara knew better than to touch Olivia to wake her, but she hated the way she suffered even in her sleep. She decided she would have to take the chance that Olivia would unintentionally hurt her. "Olivia."
Olivia fought in her sleep and there was no guessing as to what was causing her such distress. Sara had to wake her cellmates often during her stay in prison and knew it was always appreciated afterwards. Sara was scared, but more afraid for Olivia. Although she didn't, and probably wouldn't ever know the details of Olivia's attack, she knew it to have been brutal.
Sara called Olivia's name once more as she approached the couch where the older woman had fallen asleep after their time in the park. Sara expected Olivia would swing out if she just shook her, so she decided to do what she had done in the past. She timed it perfectly, placing her forearm against Olivia's throat. The pressure, the pain and the sudden loss of breath made Olivia's eyes snap open. She stared at Sara with an angry fear that made Sara brace against whatever Olivia would give her.
The grip Olivia had on her arm was enough to make Sara cry out and the sound of her voice was now enough to pull Olivia from her hell.
"Sara? What are you doing?" Olivia refused to let go of Sara's arm despite her eyes pleading with her to release her.
"I'm sorry, Olivia. I had to." Sara tapped Olivia's wrist with her free hand, hoping to get the former detective to release the death grip. "You were dreaming, I'm sorry. Olivia, please!"
Olivia suddenly realized she was hurting Sara and quickly released her. "Why would you do that?"
"I can't just wake you, you'd kill me." Sara got to her feet, tenderly rubbing her arm. "Are you okay?"
Olivia sat up, silently begging her heart to slow down so she could process what just happened. She remembered being awoken the same way while in jail and despite the fact that it was Sara the process was still so unnerving. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry, for...if I...are you okay?" Olivia wondered if she would have really hurt Sara had she not been able to wake up in time.
Sara took a few steps back from Olivia, taking a defensive stance that was purely habit. She waited until Olivia got to her feet and began to approach her. "It takes a long time you know, before you actually sleep."
Olivia stopped a few feet from Sara. She recognized the hollow stare and knew not only had she gone back there, so had Sara. Olivia could feel her legs again and her breathing was beginning to even out. She studied Sara wondering how she managed all these years on her own. "Do you sleep yet, Sara?"
"Not too often. I try to stay awake for a long time so that I'm too exhausted to even dream. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't." Sara looked up at Olivia wishing there was something she could do for her. "Do you dream about him or prison?"
"Mostly him." Olivia suddenly felt weak and she quickly found her way back to the couch. "Can only stand for so long before..."
"Why did you shoot him, Olivia?" Sara refused to move closer instead took a few more steps away from Olivia who seemed genuinely surprised at her question.
The apartment was suddenly noiseless, the hum of the traffic below no longer a background constant. Olivia took a long time before she looked Sara in the eyes. "I shouldn't have. I should have cuffed him and called it in." Olivia could feel her body shaking and she could hear her words waver, but Sara was looking for something.
Sara made her way over to the couch where Olivia seemed to welcome her close presence.
"I couldn't do his time with him, waiting until he got out, wondering if he'd do this to somebody else, wondering if he'd come back for me." Olivia's words were almost whispered. "It was really the only choice I had."
"Now what?" Sara's tone was angry. "You're no longer a cop, you're hurt still and you can't sleep. It'll get better, that's what they keep telling us and it never does, Olivia. It never gets any better, in fact things just get worse."
Olivia turned her body to face Sara. She took Sara's hand only then noticing the scar that ran the length of her palm. She traced it with her finger, refusing to look up knowing Sara wouldn't meet her gaze. Her heart slammed against her chest just seeing proof of how Sara had to fight to survive both in and out of prison. "It'll get better, Sara. I believe that. I have to believe that."
Sara knew Olivia wouldn't ask about her scar but the gentle way she acknowledged it was enough for the both of them. "Do you think you could take me to where they buried my mother? I don't know where she is."
"Sure." Olivia leaned back against the couch, pleased when Sara relaxed enough to do the same. "I'll find out where she is."
Sara wasn't sure if visiting her mother was what she needed or even wanted to do, but there was always something that pulled at her when she thought of how she never got the chance to say goodbye. "I'm going to try to sleep a bit, maybe you don't for a while."
Olivia closed her eyes, but instead of Richard's angry eyes she saw Sara's fearful ones. Things would get better, they just had to.
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Trevor Langan considered his time to be valuable to those that paid for it and also to those he paid. The irritated glance he offered instead of a verbal greeting was enough for Grace to offer an apology, but not an excuse. He wouldn't hear the reason for her tardiness, wouldn't much care.
Grace nodded at the man Trevor was slated to defend as he sat in cuffs at the small table the jail provided. She noticed but ignored the way his eyes never met hers, yet managed to take the rest of her in. "Good afternoon, Mr. Edwards. I'm Grace Ann Mills."
"You're amazing, Grace." Nolan Edwards was a decent looking man, barely out of his thirties. He grinned as if he was entitled to more than proper representation.
"Never heard that one before. Shall we get down to business? I have read all I could get my hands on concerning the charges that have been filed against you." Grace found it difficult to look at Nolan Edwards, not wanting to look for what would help him beat these charges. She wondered why Trevor insisted on taking these seemingly impossible cases, he was beyond the public defender that would normally be stuck with such a trial as this.
Trevor knew he would sit in on this meeting. He warned Nolan more than once to pay attention to what Grace was saying to him. Although Grace never dressed inappropriately, he wished she would have dressed down for this particular meeting. The blatant disrespect was beginning to get to Trevor and he knew it was all Grace could do to stay professional.
"I didn't rape my wife, Miss Mills. We simply had sex. We're married and that's what married people do." Nolan believed he would beat these charges like he had in the past. Grace could only shake her head when she read through the past complaints against him from his wife.
"So, somebody else put her in the hospital, Mr. Edwards? Did somebody else have sex with your wife because I got to tell ya, the exam results suggest your wife was indeed raped. Brutally raped, Mr. Edwards." Grace slapped the folder down onto the table not caring that the pictures of Mrs. Edward's battered body slipped out for full viewing.
"It wasn't rape. She is my wife." Nolan glared at Grace.
"So, are you saying because she is your wife that this can't be rape? Somebody raped your wife, Mr. Edwards and until you own that there really is nothing I can do to help you." Grace got to her feet, quickly sliding the photos together to replace them within the file.
"You ever been raped, Miss Mills? You bitches want it, but if it's not exactly the way you want it, all the sudden it's rape." Nolan grinned at Grace as she forced herself not to go at him.
"There really is nothing I can do for you. Good luck to you, Mr. Edwards." Grace was quick to leave the room and knew she would have at least a few minutes before Trevor would join her outside the prison and give her hell for bailing on his client. She had even less time than she thought she'd have as Trevor appeared before she was ready.
"You want to tell me what's going on? You walked out on a client, this is not like you, Grace." Trevor was angry, yet his controlled voice did little to calm Grace today.
"That man raped his wife. Hurt her bad, Trevor and smiles about it. Claims it isn't rape, because she's his wife? I can't do this." Grace wanted to pace to calm herself, but stood tall in front of Trevor knowing she needed to be angry right then.
"It's rape, there's no doubt. Our job is to find a way to create a doubt in the minds of the jury." Trevor figured he would lose his ace on this and was prepared after watching her with Nolan Edwards. "Just do your job, Grace. I told you about getting emotionally involved with the defendants we represent."
"I'm sorry, Trevor. I cannot help that man beat these charges. He beats the charge against him and then what? He takes it out on her for pursuing this in the first place? He rapes her again, this time it's even worse because he knows he will get away with it." Grace was suddenly furious. How was she ever able to look the other way and just do her job. Nolan Edwards was the very monster both Olivia and Renee fought against. She felt as though she would be betraying them both by spending one more minute talking to that man.
"Grace, I have a job to do and so do you. I don't like what he has done any more than you do, but it is not my job to have an opinion." Trevor stared Grace down hard and she knew what was coming and braced for it. "You work for me, not for him. Your job is to find a way to help him beat these charges. There are ways for his wife to remain safe if she chooses to reach out for help. That is not our concern."
Grace looked up at the sky, almost as if asking for strength. "I can't do this anymore, Trevor. Not every defendant is guilty, I know that and in those cases we work to get justice for the accused. Nolan Edwards is a guilty son of a bitch and I refuse to help him."
"You walk away from me again, Grace, there will be no coming back. There will be no resigning, I will terminate you and you know how that will look for you in the future." Trevor's controlled tone was now threatening and Grace took a moment to ask herself if she could do what was needed for Mr. Edwards.
"Terminate me, Mr. Langan." Grace turned without waiting for a response from her former boss. The wind that blew her hair in front of her eyes felt good against the heat that burned her skin. She was angry and sickened at what she had been asked to do. She understood her job and what it all entailed. She had helped on many cases where she wasn't particularly fond of the defendant. There was something about this one that said enough was enough.
Grace was once again jobless and once again it was her choice to stand up for what she believed to be right. She went to bat for Olivia and it had cost her her job. Now, she refused to go to bat for Nolan Edwards and that too would cost her her job. She would be okay, somehow she felt she would be better for her decision. Renee would have applauded her for her strength. She often told Grace to stand taller than her height for pride could not be measured in inches. Grace wore heels to give her added height, ironically enough the first thing to go when she got into the car was her shoes. She would be okay, she would have to be.