Merrill/Lyna Mahariel [1]
Origins - DA:2 Act 1
Merrill's POV
Rabbit Heart [Raise it Up]
(Elvhen translations at end. Fewer here than in the previous chapter. You won't miss much if you read them afterwards.)
If you would have told me all those months ago that my Lyna would be a Grey Warden, I would have laughed and asked how many deep mushrooms you had eaten. If you had told me that I would never see Tamlen again, I would have thanked you, but felt a bit reluctant about it. If you had told me that I would be hated by my own clan, I would have cursed you to the deepest, darkest hole in the Void. And yet, all of this has come to pass and all I have left is this damned shard.
Lyna: the only member of my clan that understood me. The reason that I smiled. She made me laugh every day. And we'd pick blackberries together. And I'd tell her about Elvhenan as we looked up into the stars… She is a great hunter, a skilled rogue, and her beauty is second to none. Her rare blue eyes shine brighter than the purest of rivers. At least, that's what I think. And I should know, she is ma sa'lath. Well… she was…
Tamlen. Well, he was a good hunter, I suppose. I wasn't particularly fond of him, but he was Lyna's hunting partner, so I made peace with it. The way he looked at her made me so angry. Mythal must have watched over him, because no matter how often he tried to court Lyna, I never had the mental ability to catch him aflame. But I wanted to. She was my heart, not his. Of course, it seems shameful to speak ill about him now…
It was just a normal day. Lyna and Tamlen were on the hunt and I was in my aravel reading a tome about Fen'Harel. Now that I think of it, the Dread Wolf might have been involved… Anyway, they were tracking a bear when they came across some shemlen. They claimed (at bow-point) to have found some sort of ruins in the forest. They should have left the shems there and come back to camp. They should have brought me along. But Lyna is nothing if not curious…
So they went to the ruins and found the Eluvian. They should have stopped there. They should have come back to find me. And Tamlen never should have touched it. I'm not sure what really happened. I only know what Duncan and Lyna told me. Tamlen poked at it and there was a bright light. Lyna fainted or fell and the Warden Commander found her while searching for Darkspawn. But Tamlen wasn't there… he was just gone. Poof! So Duncan brought Lyna back to the Keeper.
You should have seen the looks on our faces when a shemlen showed up with one of our hunters unconscious in his arms! By the Creators, we nearly killed him! But once I took her to the safety of my aravel and he explained himself to Marethari, it started to make sense. She was so sick… There was ma vhenan, lying frozen, shaking, and sweating from some unknown illness, but there was nothing I could do! I stayed with her while she slept. For two days I did not move, barely eating, never sleeping. I cared for her as best I could, but she grew so pale…
And when she awoke, she didn't remember what happened to Tamlen and she demanded help to look for him. I tried to tell her no; I tried to tell her she was too sick. But she wouldn't listen... So Fenarel and I decided to go with her to keep her safe. She was so weak… I nearly had to carry her back to the ruins. I didn't mind. I love her so. And if she wanted answers, then by the Creators, I was going to help! But when we got there, Tamlen was nowhere to be found. Duncan was there, staring at the Eluvian. I had read about it. It came from the age of Arlathan and was used for communication, maybe even transportation. From what I understood, the Tevinters stole it. As far as how it got to Fereldan… no one knows for sure.
Duncan said it was corrupted, that it destroyed Tamlen and made Lyna sick. And so he broke it! He smashed it into a hundred pieces! He had no right! It was Elvhen; of the people! And he was just a human. It is a Keeper's duty to preserve the ancient ways; to collect lost knowledge! So I took a shard; just one piece of the large mirror. That way, if the Eluvian was somehow tainted, it was less dangerous than having the entire thing. It was a simple notion. Though, thinking about it now, it was still quite risky.
Breaking the mirror didn't cure Lyna. After returning to camp, she still grew weaker. It was killing me to see her this way. She kept telling me, "Merrill, ma lath, fear not. If Falon'Din is to take me, I would have you by my side." And I was so mad at her for talking like that, though I know it wrong now. I hated the idea that she was begging for death and leaving me alone. I was so alone before her… I didn't want to be that way again; not after I felt love. I swore to her that I would find a cure. I prayed to Dirthamen, Andruil, Sylaise, and any God that would hear me! But I found no answers. She continued to be ill, continued to make arrangements for a pyre, and continued saying goodbyes to me. It all seemed so hopeless! I would kiss her like every time was my last, but her fate was in the Creators' hands. There was nothing I could do but cry and hold her close.
That's when Duncan suggested she become a Grey Warden and gain immunity from the taint. At first, I thought it was the perfect solution. But Lyna didn't want it. I didn't understand why she would choose death over salvation… until Duncan said that she would be forced to battle the Blight. I wanted to wrap him in the hottest of flames and watch him burn for his treachery! My Lyna, off to fight an Archdemon? It was a suicide mission. Even she thought so, claiming she would rather die with her people… In my arms.
But the Keeper told her that she should go, that the Blight would destroy even the Dalish if it wasn't stopped. And, despite my protests, she started packing. Elgar'nan, but I tried to stop her! She said she could help. That she was protecting me. That she would return. I want to believe her… But the darkspawn are relentless, filled with nothing but chaotic rage.
Our clan soon left for Sundermount, barely escaping the hordes. I hope she finds us here.
Lyna is gone. She did stop the Blight. She did kill the Archdemon. But no one has seen her since the final battle in Denerim. I keep hoping that she will return; that we will be together again. But I lie awake at night, staring at this damned shard and wonder… why. Why doesn't Marethari want the Eluvian restored? Why doesn't she trust my magic?
I found a way to remove the taint from my shard! I made it safe! But… it wasn't easy. A spirit offered me help. His name is Audacity. He taught me how to use my blood to cleanse the shard. When I told the Keeper, she grew so angry! I'd never seen her so furious. I just don't understand! It is a Keeper's job to remember! That's all I want! I only desire to rebuild the Eluvian so that we may all rediscover its secrets! So that Tamlen did not die in vain! So that Lyna can be proud of me! So that we can all be whole again!
But everyone fears blood magic; they think I'll become an abomination. But I won't. I'm too smart; I'm too careful. So I left the clan. I have new friends now. They take care of me. They don't support my decision, but they don't judge me like the Sabrae did. No, they trust that I won't hurt anyone but myself. And they should. Blood magic is a gift and it comes with a price. The only thing Audacity wants is to be free. That's all anyone wants, really. It seems like a fair deal.
The Eluvian is so shiny and new… but I can't make it work! I've tried! I give my blood to the mirror day after day! I raise my gashed wrists to the sky, offering all of me! When will it be enough? When will it be restored? The day that Lyna left, I was weak. I was just a little rabbit-hearted seth'lin. But today… I've got the heart of a lion! I will do anything to help the Dalish return to greatness, whether they appreciate it or not!
But some days, as I sit in my bath on the impoverished side of Kirkwall, watching the water turn from blue to red, I wonder if what I am doing is right. I think about the fear in Marethari's eyes. I wonder why so many are against me honoring the Elvhen way. But when I drag my blade over my arm and feel the power and the knowledge pouring into me, lighting every inch of me on fire…
I can't stop. I won't stop. This is a gift. A burden I must bear. But I will be the savior of my people.
Translations (in order of appearance):
Elvhenan - The ancient Elvhen civilization
Ma sa'lath - My one love
Mythal - One of the Elvhen creators, known as The Great Protector
Fen'Harel/Dread Wolf - The Elvhen trickster god
Shemlen/Shems - Humans
aravel - A wagon with sails, used by the Dalish as mobile homes
ma vhenan - My heart
Arlathan - The ancient cultural center of the Elvhen world, collapsed by the Tevinter Imperium
ma lath - My love
Falon'Din - One of the Elvhen Creators, known as The Friend of the Dead. He guides elves into the afterlife.
Dirthamen - One of the Elvhen Creators, known as The Keeper of Secrets
Andruil - One of the Elvhen Creators, known as The Goddess of the Hunt
Sylaise - One of the Elvhen Creators, known as The Hearthkeeper
Elgar'nan - One of the Elvhen Creators, known as The God of Vengeance. Also used as an expletive.
seth'lin - Weak blood