Chapter 4 - Isla de fan girls
When Ryan opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that he was lying on the beach of an island he had never seen before with Damian and Neil beside him. The sand was a soft and fine as sugar and the sound of waves lapping against the shore was comforting. It was so peaceful that Ryan was happy to stay here forever, lying on the beach without a care in the world. But some small voice in the back of Ryan's head stubbornly urged him to get up and check to see if his two colleagues were alright. Reluctantly, Ryan pulled himself up off the floor, brushed the sand off his clothes and examined his surroundings. The sea was in front of him. Behind him and to his left was a dense green jungle. And to his right...
"Guys, wake up!" he said urgently, shaking Neil and Damian.
Groaning, the other two singers sat up and looked around them, dazed. "Oh God, now where are we?" Damian moaned.
"Never mind that. There's something you guys need to see. Now!" Ryan pulled the men to their feet and led them to the right side of the island where Damian and Neil quickly discovered what Ryan had been so desperate to show them. It was a huge black pirate ship, much like Caroline's, except with a skull and crossbones instead of a white dahlia on a black flag. Their jaws dropped at the sight of it.
"It looks just like the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean" Neil remarked.
"I think it IS the Black Pearl" Ryan said. "The question is: what is it doing here?"
"I have a better question. Well, three actually" said Damian. "Firstly: where are we? Secondly: how did we get here? And thirdly: where in the hell are Emmet and Michael?!"
"Well, the sea must've washed us up he- wait" Neil paused. "Emmet and Michael are missing? Where are they?!"
"That's what I just asked" Damian reminded him.
"Ok, let's all just calm down" said Ryan. "They can't have gone far. We'll just have to look for them. We can start searching in the jungle." And they set off into the trees.
The jungle was eerily quiet. The only sounds came from Ryan, Damian and Neil as they trudged through the immense greenery, pushing past trees and bushes, searching for their lost friends. The silence was a little unnerving to the three men. They had expected to see or at least hear some signs of island wildlife, but not a single parrot was in sight.
"Does anyone else feel like we're being watched?" Damian suddenly asked when they came to a small clearing. The question stopped Ryan and Neil in their tracks. Now that Damian mentioned it, the feeling of having hundreds of pairs of eyes on them were unmistakable. But this couldn't be. They were in a jungle on a remote island in the middle of the sea. They were completely alone. Or...were they?"
"A movement from a nearby tree caught Damian's eye. He turned his head and looked closely. Was it his imagination or was there a pair of eyes staring back at him?
Without any warning, an island warrior sprang towards Damian with a spine-chilling yell and something tightened around his ankles. The next thing Damian new, he was hanging upside down from the branch of a tree by his feet. Then more islanders emerged from the trees, all of them wielding spears and looking fierce.
"Back off!" Neil yelled, holding up his fists. "I'm warning you, I know karate! Bruce Lee was my mentor!" This was a complete lie. Neil had never even seen the inside of a karate studio, let alone taken lessons, and Bruce Lee had died long before Neil was born.
Ryan, who had been holding his hands up in surrender with a fearful expression etched onto his face, now lowered his arms and smiled. "Guys, I don't think there's any need to panic."
Neil and Damian stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "Ryan, we're under attack here!" Damian said. "If that's not a reason to panic, I don't know what is!"
"Damian, haven't you noticed? These islanders are all women! I've got this." Ryan strolled towards the group of dusky maidens and gave them his best bad-boy look: tall posture, eyes slightly narrowed and a leering smile. The maidens suddenly lowered their weapons and stared at him, agape. "Come now, ladies, there's no need to be attacking my friends and me. We're just three innocent travellers, stranded on your island. If you would have the goodness to take us to your leader, we would be most grateful." As Ryan said this, he casually threw an arm around the nearest girl and winked seductively.
The girls all squealed in delight and giggled to one another. After untying Damian, the maidens beckoned to the men to follow them. "That was impressive, Ryan" Neil said, giving him a small nudge.
Ryan shrugged. "What can I say? They don't call me the heartthrob of our group for nothing."
The three men were led by the island maidens through the jungle and up into the mountains in the distance where a small native village was tucked away. Upon closer inspection, the men discovered that the village was populated entirely by women. As Ryan, Neil and Damian entered the village, the women began pointing at them, giggling and chattering excitedly to each other.
They were led to a type of square where all the villagers gathered. There sat two men on wooden thrones decorated with skulls. One of them was dressed in the garb of a pirate. He was covered in face paint and on his head he wore some sort of odd crown. The man next to him was also smothered in face paint but, despite this, he looked very familiar. "Paul?" Ryan asked, staring at him. "Paul Byrom?"
The man raised an eyebrow, then a smile stretched across his face. "Ryan! Neil! Damian!" he cried, rushing forward to meet his ex-colleagues.
"Paul, what are you doing here?" Damian inquired. "And...what are you wearing?"
"What? What's wrong with my outfit?" Paul said, giving his clothes a brief glance. Paul looked relatively normal from the waist up, clad in a pale grey, yet slightly ragged, button-down shirt. Blow that, however, he wore a loincloth that reached just below his knees, showing off toned legs.
"I mean, the shirt is ok" said Damian, "but...the loincloth? Really?"
Paul puffed out his chest indignantly. "I'll have you know, the ladies find it very fetching."
"Mister Byrom" the other man said as he rose from his seat and approached him. His voice sounded exactly like Jack Sparrow. "When you're quite finished, perhaps you'd care to tell me who these gentlemen are, seeing as you already know them."
"Oh, sorry. Mister Sparrow, allow me to introduce my friends Ryan Kelly, Neil Byrne and Damian McGinty. Lads, this is Jack Sparrow."
Neil's jaw dropped. "What, THE Jack Sparrow? The captain of the Black Pearl?"
"Ah, you've heard of me?" Jack asked?
"You could say that" Ryan muttered.
"Well, boys, welcome to my tribe. I see you have learnt the trick to the hearts of these ladies" Jack continued (Ryan still had his arm around the maiden). "Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for my crew" and he gestured towards a nearby tree which a group of men sat around, tied up. They were the members of Jack's crew: Gibbs, Cotton, Marty, Pintel and Ragetti. Even Barbossa was there.
"Well, in me defence, Sparrow" Barbossa said huffily, "when yer under attack, flirtin' isn't exactly yer top priority."
Jack ignored Barbossa and addressed the crowd. "Ladies, prepare a bonfire for the celebration!" At once, the island maidens set to work, gathering firewood and piling it up. Meanwhile, Jack and Paul invited the visitors to come and sit with them and talk.
"We have a lot to catch up on" Paul said. "First, how did you lads get here?"
"Well, it happened like this.." Ryan said as he, Neil and Damian began their story.