Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than the story line . All rights belong to J.K. Rowling
CHAPTER FOUR
[FADE TO]
Harry and Ron looked down at the list in Ron's hands. There were numerous items listed there, and neither one was sure how they were going to manage to get them all.
"Listen to this, guys," said Ron as Hermione, Ginny, Neville and the twins gathered around to hear what he had to say. "This is what's on the list:"
"One spigot,
One tea cozy,
One lemon drop,
One unicorn tail hair,
One pumpkin pasty,
One enchanted parchment,
One knit elf hat,
One deck of exploding snap cards,
One philatracy of gushing love,
Three drops of Veritaserum,
One quick quotes quill,
One beaker bubotuber puss,
One "Support Cedric Diggory" badge,
One lightsaber,
One boomstick."
"What the hell is a lightsaber?" asked Harry.
"Damned if I know," said George looking warily at Hermione.
"So what's a boomstick?" asked Neville.
"Damned if I know," said Fred looking warily at Hermione.
"What are you two looking at?" screeched Hermione at the twins.
"Nothing," said George.
"I'll never tell…" said Fred in a sing song voice, dancing away as Hermione took a swing at him in frustration.
"Oooh…" she growled as they stayed just out of her reach.
"Well," said Ron diplomatically, "let's get the first item. Where can we find a spigot?"
"How about Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?" said Harry while ducking to avoid being hit by Hermione as she lashed out at Fred. The looping kick flew over Harry's head and struck Neville square in the face.
He whimpered and cowered behind Ginny, sticking his face out over her shoulder.
"Oh, for goodness sake Neville, grow up!" said Ginny, her eyes glowing red for an instant. He scooted away from her and hid behind Ron.
"Oh bother," said Harry. "Let's just go."
[FADE TO]
Professor Dumbledore sat there in Madam Pomfrey's office, his tongue stuck out while she wrapped it with gauze. He started gesturing wildly with his hands. Suddenly, a small floating circle appeared to the left of him. There, inside the circle was a very disgruntled Draco Malfoy.
"Do I really have to do this?" he asked, obviously upset. Dumbledore gave him a stern look. He began gesturing again.
"So now, as we left off…" began Draco, looking at Dumbledore's hands. "The Magnificent Seven… wait a moment, I WILL NOT CALL THEM MAGNIFICENT!"
Dumbledore lashed out, striking Malfoy in the gonads. He curled up and moaned. Dumbledore waited patiently for him to finish, and then glared at him again. Malfoy started to speak again as Dumbledore's hands started again.
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Malfoy spit out, "the Magnificent Seven, including the git and the Mudblood," another glare, "proceeded to the bathroom of one Moaning Myrtle to retrieve a spigot. Little could they realize what they would find there."
"Hey!" screamed Draco. Don't stop there! What did they fi…" He was cut off as Dumbledore grunted while giving Malfoy a death stare. "Oh, and he's Albus Percival Wulfdick Brainless Dumbledore." Dumbledore rose and flicked his wand. Where Malfoy had been sitting, there stood a small white ferret.
The ferret jumped out of the floating circle, looked at Dumbledore and turned its back to him. Squatting down on its haunches, the ferret proceeded to leave a 'present' for Dumbledore. Getting up and scratching its hind feet in the direction of the Headmaster, it exited stage left.
[FADE TO]
They entered into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and looked around. The lights were out, and it appeared to be deserted. They crept across the floor towards the sinks when they heard it. A low moaning sound was coming from one of the u-bends. They froze dead in their tracks and listened intently. After a moment or two they started being able to make out words.
"Oh yeah… that's it… oh… just like that…"
"Is that Myrtle?" whispered Ginny.
"Sure sounds like it," whispered Ron in response.
"Oh! Don't stop Casper, don't stop!"
"Casper?" whispered Hermione.
"He's a friendly ghost," said George.
"Apparently very friendly," said Fred.
"Oh God, I'm gonna be ill," said Harry, turning green.
"Neville," hissed Ron, "get a spigot, and let's get the hell out of here." Meanwhile the moaning was starting to reach a fever pitch.
Harry lost his dinner there on the floor. The moaning abruptly stopped.
"Who's there?" came Moaning Myrtle's voice from inside the u-bend. She stuck her head and shoulders out through the door. Her glasses were skewed on her nose, and one pig tail had come out. Her robes were down off her shoulders.
"Run!" screamed Ron, grabbing Harry and dragging him towards the door. The rest of them beat a hasty retreat, but Fred lingered by the door.
"Er, Myrtle? You've got a little ectoplasm there," he said making a wiping motion near the corner of his mouth with his finger. "Yeah, right there." He sped out the door laughing himself silly.
[FADE TO]
They ran down the stairs and out the door to the courtyard. They rounded the corner of one of the greenhouses and stopped to consider their next step.
"I'm gonna be traumatized for life," muttered Neville dejectedly.
"You and me both," whispered Ron, looking almost as green as Harry.
"If you would kindly return to the task at hand," Hermione said, taking on her 'taskmaster' role, "We can go into the greenhouse and collect the bubotuber puss and get out of here."
They crept around the side of the greenhouse, and froze. There, in front of the greenhouse were about twenty zombies milling around. In front of them was Tom Riddle.
"Cool costumes," whispered Neville.
"Yeah," whispered Fred and George together.
As they watched Tom started to talk.
"Alright, you's grunts. It's gonna be like this. I… urk!" He began to convulse, and then a great shudder wracked him. He started to shrink, his skin shriveling, and he grew even more thin and gaunt than he already was. He became almost skeletal, and his arms lengthened so he was touching the ground easily as he couched down on his haunches. His eyes had become large and pale, catching the moonlight in them.
"Where is it, Precious," he hissed. Then a couple of wretched coughs wracked his small body. "Gollum, Gollum."
"Bloody hell," whispered Ron.
"What the f…" said Ginny, grabbing her mouth and blushing furiously.
No more was said however, for at that very instant a strange gonging noise had started.
[CUE MICHAEL JACKSON'S THRILLER]
Riddle/Smeagol started to twitch. The zombies fell into four rows of five behind him. They picked up the rhythmic twitching as well. Soon they were all starting to dance. They all lifted one leg and their hands in unison, swaying from side to side. An eerie singing started.
"It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed
"'Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight"
"Come on," urged George, "before they spot us."
"We've got to get out of here," said Ginny, "before one of them eats Neville."
"Yeah," said Ron, jumping and rolling before coming up with his wand out and starting to weave across the open space between them and the door to the greenhouse, his back hunched over.
"Tell me," said Fred, "does the rolling help?"
"Yeah, the rolling helps," said Ron with a sheepish grin.
They skidded to a stop in front of the door, but Harry couldn't seem to stop himself and went crashing right through the glass door. They looked worriedly at the zombies, who had started to dance in their direction.
Hermione grabbed a pair of dragon hide gloves and pulled them on. She ripped a bubotuber plant out of its pot and grabbed a beaker. "Come on!" she yelled, starting to run for it.
Ginny helped Harry up. He looked like a pin cushion, his body and face riddled with little shards of broken glass. He groaned as the twins swooped in behind him and picked him up by the armpits, carrying him away from the swaying zombies. The rest of them followed close behind.
[FADE TO]
Michael Corner sat quietly on the lakeside holding Cho Chang's hand. She was in tears.
"I can't believe that he would just leave me like that," said Cho
"I'll deal with Potter, Cho. You just stop worrying. He's nothing but a no good prat!" replied Michael.
Cho sniffled. "Thank you, Michael for coming out here to see if I'm alright. It means a great deal to me." She leaned her head closer to his.
"It's quite alright, Cho. If you were my girlfriend, I would never have treated you like that."
"You're so sweet." Cho gazed into Michael's eyes. She batted her eyelashes before she pressed her lips against his.
Michael wrapped his arms around her thin frame. He swooned as she let a small moan escape her throat.
The bushes behind them rustled loudly. They separated with a shock.
"What was that, Michael?"
"I don't know, Cho…could've been the wind."
"There isn't any wind, Michael. It's a clear night."
"Then it's probably just the ghosts of the castle lurking around."
Cho smiled at Michael. "Where were we?"
"Right here!" growled two zombies that appeared from the bushes.
Cho screamed as Michael stood and stepped in front of her.
"Michael, help me!"
"Who are you two?" asked Michael.
The zombies grinned before inching their way closer.
"Curse them, Michael!" screamed Cho.
"I left my wand back in the dorm," replied Michael.
"WHAT?"
"FOOOOOOD" uttered the zombies.
Cho pushed Michael directly into the zombies grasp. "Enjoy your meal!" she said as she ran away.
The sounds of bones crunching and muffled screams were heard, as Cho ran as fast as she could back to the castle, but fell when she ran into a tall frame of a man.
"Another young pretty for my harem," said Riddle.
Cho screamed out loud.
[CUT TO]
They made their way down to the dungeons, looking none the worse for the wear, except for Harry who was covered in bandages. He was moaning loudly with every step. Ginny helped him along, cursing at him quietly as he kept stepping on her feet.
They reached the outside of Snape's office and listened quietly at the door. Ginny placed her hand over Harry's mouth to stifle his moaning so the twins could hear. As they listened voices came from the room.
"Oh Voldie, you're such a big bad Dark Lord."
"Be quiet, knave, lest I make you regret being alive."
"Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me…who's my big dark daddy?"
"We need a diversion," whispered Fred.
"And we know just what to do," said George quietly. He pulled out what appeared to be a small pill. He tossed it into the air, and it sprouted bat wings and flew off down the hall.
"Quick, duck around the corner," whispered Fred. They all hurried to comply.
There was a deafening roar, and then a moment later Snape was exiting his office and running down the hall.
"What was that thing?" asked Ginny.
"Exploding diversionary bat pellet," said George with a grin.
Ron just groaned. They hurried into Snape's office. They skidded to a stop in front of his desk, looking down at a pair of hand puppets there. One was white skinned with red eyes, while the other appeared to have a large hooked nose and greasy hair. Uncontrollable giggles ripped through the group.
"We've got to get the potions," hissed Hermione. She wrenched open Snape's storage cabinet. She carefully poured three drops of a potion in a small vial and stoppered it.
"I'll get the other one," said Harry.
"No Mate, don't…" started Ron, but it was too late. Harry grabbed the vial and promptly slipped on a banana peel. Malfoy's curse had struck again. The contents had flown out and coated Neville who had been facing Ginny at the time. He shuddered, and a look of pure lust came to his face. He jumped on her and started thrusting his pelvis rapidly at her, while attempting to force his tongue into her mouth.
There was a loud BOOM and Neville was thrown backwards against the wall. He slid down the wall in a heap. Ginny appeared to have grown about six inches. Her hair was flying about her head in waves as if it were being blown about in the wind. Small horns sprouted from her forehead, and a pointed tail flicked behind her in annoyance. As she looked up, her eyes glowed with an eerie red light. The air around her crackled with energy.
She looked at the group. "Harry," she purred, "run."
Harry scrambled to get out of the dungeon followed closely by an enraged Ginny.
[FADE TO]
Dumbledore sat in his office once more. "It appears that our heroes have had a rough start to their scavenger hunt. Please join us again in tomorrow's presentation of Hogwarts Theater to find out how they will manage to continue in our stunning continuation of "Ron of the Dead." I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I wish you a good day."