Here's the finale. Well, of the shipping war. There might be a few more chaotic fanfictions that are sequels.
[Friend ]*What happened in the previous episodes*
WhiteRose vs Lancaster shipping war.
The WhiteRoses are many, but Lancaster holds the Flame of Truth.
The battle is harsh and with losses on both sides, but eventually the Lancasters are overrun and their generals take refuge in John's secret pepsi stash.
Cinder and Tyrian are knighted Paladins of Lancaster, and it will be their mission to go and find a way to restore the status quo
Now we cut back to the story:
*at John's secret pepsi stash*
[Friend] Cinder and Tyrian alike were knighted that very day, quickly and without ceremonies. They were both given a Pepsi of Power each and a Symbol of the True Faith to help them overcome their challenges. They set off immediately.
Ten minutes later, they were back to ask what their mission actually was.
"The plan is not simple, not complete, not smart and probably not going to work," began John, aka WeirdGuyOne. "I'll come out and say it: I have no fucken clue what you two should fucken do. Their cheap a** move was not something we expected, so they gained the advantage. We must strike at their very heart, or they will eventually find us even here."
"What do you suggest to do?" asked Jaune.
"SHUT UP!" screamed WeirdGuyOne. "You will kiss Ruby non-stop to keep her busy and try to fight off the taint of WhiteRose!"
Jaune jumped in fright and hurried to return to make out with Ruby. The crimsonette had first tried to push him away but then she had just accepted it. They had taken it as a sign the vile WhiteRose influence could be defeated, but they would still need to hurry.
"Cinder, Tyrian, you will go and murder Ozpin 1.0 to steal the dolls. Without them, Ruby will return to normal. I will then try to find a way to destroy the dolls without killing Ruby!" stated John.
"Yes, sir!"
"And you will murder anyone who tries to stop you!"
"Yes, sir!"
"And while you're at it, murder any WhiteRose shipper you find!"
"YES SIR!"
"THEN WHAT THE FUCKEN HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!"
"Yessir!"
*Attempt n1, sneaking in*
Cinder and Tyrian walked into the large building where Queen Weiss and Lord Ozpin 1.0 ruled the land.
Tyrian quickly killed the guards, crying a little as he couldn't torture them, and Cinder liquefied the front door.
Yes, they were SNEAKING in.
"Death to WhiteRose! Long live Lancaster!" they shouted as they charged into the building.
Weiss quickly took out Myrtenaster and charged at Tyrian. The scorpion Paladin of Lancaster merely watched as the blade bounced off his skin. "HA! Do you like my Semblance!? I am immune to weapons!"
"Wasn't ya Semblance fucken invisibility?!" shouted Cinder as she engaged Ozpin 1.0
"That was last time, I can change it! Look!" He held up the Symbol of the True Faith and glowed red and white for a second. "Ha! Now my Semblance is teleport!"
He teleported behind Weiss and kicked her out of a window. Cinder quickly sent Ozpin after her with another kick and they both turned to the thrones.
"F***, where are the dolls?!" screamed Tyrian. Instead, a timed bomb exploded, and Tyrian had to use his new teleporting Semblance to send them back to their headquarters. "Doesn't matter, next time we'll win!"
[Me]
John looked at Tyrian and shrugged. "You know, I think it's time for me to do something. But I'm too lazy, I'll just send Ozpin 2.0"
Ozpin 2.0 appears annoyed, "I had to buy about 400 fucking windows just because you decided to smash every one you saw and made an excuse that they were looking at you funny when you were making weird faces." John just shrugged. "Put it on my tab." Ozpin facepalmed, "There is no Vale. There is no tab. Beacon Academy is currently under siege and I put the now cured Salem and her army over there. We will be overrun." John looked at Ozpin 2.0 seriously, "Well shit. Tyrian, Cinder, change of plans. We're bringing out the Branwen twins. The situation has escalated."
He snaps his fingers like Thanos but it summons Raven and Qrow. They start spinning after Qrow's bad luck makes part of John's pepsi stash fall on them. And by part, I meant 300 cans. Which is 1% of the stash. John looks at his cans with a depressed look. "NOO! MY PEPSI! YOU MONSTER!" And with that, he changes Qrow's semblance to something better. 'Erectile Dysfunction'
I'm just kidding. He changes Qrow's semblance to something better! The Way Of Memes. "Now, Raven, your semblance is fucking weak. I'm giving you a better teleportation semblance. Quantum Teleportation! And uh, Hazel is going to distract some people." John snaps his fingers, Hazel appears, and his semblance is finally truly revealed because not feeling pain is a medical condition, a rare one at that. "Now, Hazel, your semblance shall be Gamma Radiation Generator in which you turn into the hulk but stronger because you can inflict dust into yourself with that medical condition and the radiation would make the dust super-powerful. So, like, here's some ice dust, fire dust, gravity dust, and earth dust. No, lightning dust would kill you. I did the calculations and had a test subject."
John explains too quick for everyone to process, handing Hazel the dust, and then teleporting Hazel with the dust affecting him and his passive gamma radiation turning him larger with extra powerful effects. He has become the RWBY Hulk. And then John teleports Tyrian, Cinder, Raven, and Qrow to a location that might be the throne in Atlas.
He looks at Ozpin 2.0, "it's time to take back Vale." And then walks off, spawning a cane in his hand, drinks his regular pepsi, and teleports outside in between a hundred White Fang who ship White Rose. Hazel is currently at Mistral, a city taken over by White Rose shippers, taking out the armies of White Rose shippers. Back at Vale, hundreds of White Fang are on the floor, incredibly injured. Adam, who was given magic powers by Ozpin 1.0, is currently battling John who is using a gun firing pepsi cans at Adam.
The War Escalates.
[Friend] Let's see what happens in each city.
*Vacuo*
Ozpin 2.0 sips a cool drink on the beaches of Vacuo. "No WhiteRose here," he stated calmly, deciding to be a d*** to John since John was always a d*** to him. "Just Bumblebee shippers who are murdering BlackSun shippers. My job is done."
*Mistral*
"Who the f*** has that much Aura?!" was a WhiteRose's last words before Hazel stomped her into a fine red pastry.
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOODBATH! SKULLS FOR THE SKULLTHRONE! THE TANK OF LANCASTER HAS ARRIVED, HERETICS! COWER AND FLEE BEFORE MY MIGHT!"
"The guy's a mountain!" shrieked a soldier before a punch sent him flying.
"THE TRUE SHIP WILL RULE OVER REMNANT!" Hazel thundered. "SURRENDER IS NOT AMONG YOUR OPTIONS! FIGHT AND DIE OR FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES! THE WHITEROSE SHALL WILT!"
Somewhere in Vale, the ghost of Summer Rose felt the urge to roll her ghostly eyes and make a ghostly sarcastic remark.
*Atlas*
"Sis, incoming another pile of garbage!" Qrow shouted as the umpteenth Schnee Mecha charged at them.
Raven sighed in annoyance before teleporting 100 times, each time delivering a devastating slash at the robot. After she landed, behind her the robot fell to many tiny pieces. "Thanks, but shouldn't the Grimm be backing us up? Isn't Salem with us?"
"She's being controlled!" shrieked Tyrian as he gutten a civilian. The poor civilian was a Monochrome, not a WhiteRose, but Tyrian was merciless. "Our beloved goddess is being controlled! I won't stand for this! AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
His hair turned yellow and spiky. Everyone looked at Cinder.
She sighed. "At the moment, his Semblance is Power Increase," she explained wearily and Tyrian created a ball of blue energy in his hands. "He just went Super Sayan."
"KAMEHAMEHA!"
*Menagerie*
"Remind me again, why are we fighting here?" asked Yang.
"Dunno, I just know we're here and there are WhiteRose shippers to gut," shrugged Blake.
"But... but..." cried Pyrrha. "But Jaune... he... I..."
"You'll find another man," wisely replied Ren, patting her back.
"Look! CRDL is among the WhiteRose! We can break their legs!" shouted Nora.
Ren's eyes darkened immediately, and he spoke with a creepy and eerie voice. "Amakh nitler Garwou rvunasaka xochcir nahekur vvvvvvVVVVVOWIEJAKU!"
Everyone looked at him while Nora explained. "When he's angry he makes strange noises. Don't ask."
*Vale*
"You stand defeated!" shouted Adam Taurus before the downed form of John. In the back, Jaune desperately wanted to help but he couldn't stop kissing Ruby or she'd fall back in the voodoo enhancement, and he couldn't allow that to happen.
"Actually, I lay defeated, you're the one to stand," snarked John before standing back up without a scratch. "F***, I need a pepsi." Immediately, a can of pepsi appeared in his hand and he took a long sip.
"State your loyalty to the WhiteRose and you shall live!" exclaimed Ozpin 1.0 appearing out of nowhere. "Or remain a dirty Lancaster and die!"
"Hey, what Jaune and Ruby decide to do in bed is not my fault!" exclaimed John. "I'm not dirty!"
"You think you're so smart!?" screamed Weiss Schnee, appearing beside Ozpin. "Adam, kill him!"
"Grbl..."
Everyone look at Adam, only to find him suspended in the air with a purple glow around him. Goodwitch walked in from a door. Of the building, only the door remained, but she still managed to make it look cool. "D-, Taurus, you need to study more," she stated, much to the Bull's despair. "WhiteRose heretics, have you forgotten about us?"
Immediately, 5 more people entered the room.
"For Lancaster!" shouted Port.
"For Lancaster and science!" echoed Oobleck.
"I just want to see my little rose lose her virginity and give me grandbabies!" exclaimed Summer, extremely irritated.
"And I can't stand the Schnee b***!" added Peach, both ghosts glaring at Weiss.
"KILL WHITEROSE WITH FIRE!" shouted Ironwood, royally pissed off.
The final Battle of the Voodoo War had begun.
[Me] John looked at the viewing wall. "It's time for the war!" Before laughing like a maniac, snapping his fingers, reviving Peach and Summer.
Adam looked to John, "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE DONE!? YOU JUST BENDED TIME AND NOW IT'S CAUSING PARADOXES!" John looked at Adam, before stating, "how the fuck do you even have a brain to tell what time is? The fuck? i thought you rushed head first like a bull."
Now, with Hazel. Currently, thousands of White Rose shippers lay dead. Hazel found Tyrian, Cinder, Raven, and Qrow at some point and they took out thousands of White Rose supporters. They captured some forcefully corrupted supporters and changed them to the Lancaster army with a seal of approval. Though, at some point, some Lancaster officers were disappearing, with the Red Army from the Soviet Union fighting with Lancaster.
With Ozpin 2.0, a few White Rose shippers ran to Vacuo. He went to destroy them, but they captured him somehow. "Good. Now, there's something to do. Weiss is being an idiot and fighting John with Ozpin 1.0. John is technically impossible to beat due to him not truly being from here and mostly a comic relief. Vale is currently being rebuilt with most of the Lancaster forces, and there have been too many losses on both of our sides. Winter, Jacques. I want you two to come with me. And if you love Qrow, Winter, drop it. I don't want to have blind fools on the White Rose side. We were never pawns like those above us thought we were. The true pawns are the ones who needlessly die." Ozpin 2.0, who was hearing this being planned, was then knocked back to unconsciousness. His last thought was, "Who the hell was that?"
Back in Vale, Glynda is throwing Ozpin the fuck around. He landed a few successful hits, knocking Glynda to the orange level in aura, so she's not faring well. It seems that Ozpin finally decided to use his previous incarnations and is spawning more of him in Astral forms. They are attacking with much more force, and the only reason Glynda hasn't gone down is because of her telekinesis keeping them at bay. She decides to call for back-up. Cinder and Tyrian both appear with Tyrian with his teleportation semblance. "Got your call, so, we're gonna kill this dumbass wizard?" Glynda nodded to Tyrian, and Cinder threw maiden fire at Ozpin. Ozpin just used his magic to make it disappear. He practically teleported to Tyrian to attack, but a stinger hooked around the cane, allowing Ozpin to get struck by enforced fire due to the maiden powers and telekinesis. Then, a blackhole made Ozpin get stuck to the floor by Glynda. Glynda is using all her energy with Cinder helping.
Tyrian changed back to Super Saiyan and charged. Ozpin struggled against his bonds as Cinder both helped Glynda and kept the Astral Ozpins from attacking. Tyrian then yelled, "KAMEHAMEHA!" and vaporized Ozpin 1.0. The three collapsed in exhaustion as all the Ozpin projections disappear and faded. Tyrian used his special pepsi to make two semblances, soul destruction and super saiyan. Ozpin isn't coming back.
Summer, who was fighting a dozen Weiss Schnees, was getting angry. Peach, the weakest link, got turned to a statue after bombing a hundred Schnees, and Summer was great friends with Peach during ghosts, and Summer wants to be alive when her daughter loses her virginity. And Peach can't even become a ghost due to being a statue. Every second, a few Weiss Schnees get decapitated by Summer. Port, who is doing much better than everyone else somehow, is using his semblance. The manly Mustaches. Mustaches are being thrown everywhere, cutting any Weiss that touches one in half, and protecting allies. Oobleck, who's doing as well as Summer, is dashing around the Weiss's, distracting them. Ironwood is facing the original Weiss Schnee and about 40 other Weiss Schnees nearby. She gets a lucky hit, cutting off Ironwood's good arm. That's when a silver light shined through. Half of the Weiss Schnees alive were decapitated. The Original was knocked unconscious afterwards, but the summons still existed. They fought to protect Weiss, but it was for nothing.
Summer, who was so angry, destroyed them all and captured Weiss. She threw Weiss to Oobleck who yelled, "BATTERS UP!" and WHACKED. Weiss's body went to the stars. "AND DONT COME BACK YOU COLD-HEARTED BITCH!"
Adam was enraged, and because Glynda was distracted with Ozpin, he went to attack. Weiss took on the others while spawning more of herself with glyphs, a 500:4 ratio. Though, they're getting destroyed. Odd. Adam, who was out of Glynda's telekinetic grasp, dashed to John at the speed of sound. John calmly sidestepped, grabbed Adam's arm, and twisted. "I gotta HAND it to ya, you're gonna be more than disarmed. It'll be a twist." John said, annoying Adam further with terrible jokes.
"Even I hate my jokes, but I gotta say, this arm is tearible." And with that, John YANKED. Adam's entire arm was dislodged, and then John started bitch smacking Adam with his own arm. "Why ya hittin yourself? Anyways, this is for ruining my god damn cane! MY PRIDE AND JOY SECOND TO PEPSI!" And with that, the sky darkened. Everyone looked to John, stopping their fighting, seeing him pull a book out of his jacket. When Adam and the White Rose legions saw the title, they all grew fearful expressions.
So did everyone else.
John snapped his fingers, teleporting every white Rose nearby him and had them locked in randomly appearing cells while teleporting the Lancaster armies to the polar opposite on Remnant of John's location. Ruby and Jaune were still making out in during this time, and John got a few pictures. He smiled as he showed them to White Rose, making them flinch. Before going to his book and opening it, showing the title to the White Rose army. They all grew even more fearful. "No, ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!" they yelled.
The book was titled FNAF Smut Fan Fictions.
And he had an extra book titled The Bee Movie Script.
Then, he started reading.
Four hours later.
The White Rose Army lay defeated as John shut the books. The army was knocked to comas from cringe, but there were a few deaths from boredom. The unlucky few to be put into a year long coma heard both, the FNAF smut fanfictions and the Bee Movie script. He once again snapped his fingers, the Lancaster army appearing. Ruby was back to normal due to the sheer boredom of the Bee Movie Script removing everything that used voodoo currently. Summer, who was in corporeal form, looked to Ruby.
"So, when can I expect you to lose your virginity? Or did you already? If so, tell me how it went."
And thus, the Shipping War ended.
The screen panned out to show John's cane broken into shards. A clean cut in the middle of the section along with a scythe blade gleaming. It showed a person sitting at the edge of Beacon cliff. They snapped their fingers, making two dots appear behind them.
The screen zoomed in on a soda that was colored gray.
Then the screen darkened.