A/N: I own none of this. But J.K. Rowling does…

Chapter 4

Slughorn's party was agony. Severus had somehow managed to snag an invitation and spent most of the evening attempting to get Lily's attention. Luckily, Frank Longbottom was also a member of the Slug Club, so Lily spent most of supper talking to him about Alice. It was a good distraction, but there were still several moments when Severus managed to catch her eye.

When the clock chimed 8:30, Lily made her excuses and headed back to Gryffindor tower. She still had a four-hour patrol with Potter to look forward to. He had crossed her mind more times that she cared to admit during the evening. Remus' words echoed in her head over and over again.

"Lily! Wait!" A voice called out.

She turned, even though she already knew who it was.

"Yes, Severus?" She asked.

"Why did you leave so soon?" He asked in return.

She sighed. "I have patrol tonight."

"With Potter?" Severus practically growled.

"Yes. With Potter."

"I bet you're loving all the time you get to spend with him, aren't you?" He implied snidely.

She didn't answer right away, which earned her a glare from Severus. "I'm not doing this with you, Sev." Lily stated tiredly. "I don't have the energy for it."

His eyes widened in hope. "You haven't called me Sev in a long time," he whispered. "I forgot how much I missed it."

Lily massaged her temples. She could feel a headache start to rear its ugly head. "I have to go." She said quickly, ignoring his last comment.

She turned to leave, but Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her back. She yanked her hand out of his grasp.

"Please don't touch me." She said quietly.

"Lily, don't you understand?" Severus said, his long black hair falling in to his eyes. "I need you. Even if it's just as your friend. It doesn't have to be anything more."

Lily felt the initial sting of tears in her eyes. She blinked them back angrily. "I needed you too, once. But you thought it was easier to cast me aside and treat me as if I was something sticky stuck to the bottom of your shoe." She paused to keep her emotions in check. "I don't forget things like that, Severus, so don't get your hopes up, just because I slipped and called you an old nickname," she finished coldly.

He didn't stop her as she stormed off. She practically spat the password at the Fat Lady and tore into Gryffindor tower. She ripped open the door to her dormitory and flung herself down on her bed. She didn't notice anyone following her, but wasn't surprised when she heard a voice.

"Alright there, Lils?" Evie asked.

Lily groaned. "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." Grace said slowly.

"Did Potter do something to you?" Alice asked. "Because if he did, we'll hex him into next year."

Lily laughed humorlessly. "It wasn't Potter." She sat up and looked around at her three friends. "I just ran into Severus."

Evie snorted. "Well, well, well. He just seems to pop up wherever you seem to be, doesn't he?"

Lily issued another groan. "Tell me about it. I just want him to leave me alone."

"At least he's not in Gryffindor." Alice reasoned.

"True. But if he was a Gryffindor, things would be different. I think we'd still be friends." Lily said. "And all of this wouldn't be happening."

"It does no good to dwell on the 'what ifs', Lils." Grace said sensibly. "The truth is that Severus was your friend. But then you had a falling out and now he feels guilty."

"Then why is it that I am always the one feeling like complete bullocks?" Lily wondered.

"Because you are entirely too good of a person." Evie said. "And Severus uses that to his advantage. He knows that you were going to go off and feel like crap."

"That just makes me hate him more." Grace chimed in.

"Don't hate him." Lily said tiredly. "We shouldn't expend so much energy on hating others."

"Says the girl who hates James Potter." Grace argued gently.

"Oh sure," Lily began. "Throw that in my face."

"You're just mad because it's true." Evie pointed out.

"It's not true." Lily muttered softly. "I don't hate him. In fact…" she trailed off, not willing to say the last part of that thought out loud. But her friends knew her better.

"In fact, what?" Alice prompted.

"I don't want to talk about it." Lily said quickly. She jumped off her bed. "I have to go do my patrol."

"With Potter?" Evie asked suggestively.

Lily nodded, but didn't say anything.

"You're blushing, Lils." Grace said, causing the three other girls to giggle.

"I hate all of you, right now." Lily said sarcastically.

"I thought you said we shouldn't waste our energy on hating others!" Grace yelled after her as Lily quickly left the room.

She dashed back across the common room and through the portrait hole. The corridor was, thankfully, devoid of any other human. She sat against the cool stone, drew her knees against her chest, and willed her mind to empty.

She was so confused. Confused about Severus, confused about Potter, and though she hated to admit it, confused about her Transfiguration homework. It was at times like that this that she wished that Petunia would still speak to her. She needed her sister. She needed comfort and advice, not teasing. She leaned her head against the wall and shut her eyes. It was best not to dwell on the 'what ifs', Grace had said. This was her life; these were her problems.

XXXXX

James had spent the time between the end of the meeting and his patrol well. He and Wormtail had made a quick trip to Hogsmeade through a secret passage. His Invisibility cloak and their new castle map really came in handy when the order of business was to break the rules. Besides, his personal supply of Honeyduke's chocolate and Butterbeer had been running dangerously low.

He slipped quietly out through the portrait hole to find Lily already waiting in the corridor. She was sitting by herself against the wall, her neck back and her eyes closed. Her red hair cascaded down her shoulders, and from that angle, the creamy skin of her neck seemed to never end. Oh, how he wanted to kiss the skin on that neck, to run his hands through her hair, to feel her body against his own.

He rumpled up his own hair (something he was prone to do, despite its natural state of untidiness) and slid down the wall next to Lily.

"Is it time, Potter?" She asked without opening her eyes.

"It is, Evans." He answered. "You ready?"

"Ready as I will ever be." She replied.

He quickly jumped to his feet and held out his hands to help her up. She took them, a look of surprise on her face. He pulled her up with a little too much enthusiasm as she was thrown against him, her nose level with his mouth. She looked up at him in surprise.

"I'm sorry." He said earnestly. "It's all those Quidditch muscles. I don't know my own strength." He laughed. He really hadn't meant to throw her against him like that.

"That's okay." She said, giving him a strange look. She didn't move away, for which he was grateful, but she was staring at him quizzically, as if trying to draw some conclusion. It was a penetrating gaze, and he felt like squirming.

Finally he stepped away before she did. "Where shall we start?" He asked.

She shook herself. "We'll start up and work our way down."

"Sounds great," he responded.

They made their way upstairs in silence. Lily was too busy thinking about everything to even notice the trick staircase. Only when James roughly grabbed her arm to keep her from falling through the stairs did she notice.

"Easy there, Evans!" James said, steadying her.

"Thanks, Potter," she said. "I wasn't paying attention."

"Clearly." He paused. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she replied quickly.

"Why do I get the feeling that's not sincere?" He gave her a small smile, and something inside of Lily broke open. She felt the urge to tell Potter everything. She clamped her mouth shut. Potter wasn't interested in why she was so distracted. It was very evident that he didn't give a damn about Severus.

She exhaled loudly. Maybe he didn't care about Severus, but Remus had said that he cared about her.

"I'm not fine," she admitted. "I feel like crap, actually."

"Are you sick?" James asked, concerned.

"No," Lily insisted. "It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?"

"I had a run in with Severus on my way back from Professor Slughorn's party." She said.

"And that's a big deal because… why?" James asked, confused. "I know he's a slimy git, but you don't seem the type to let that bother you."

Lily realized then that James did not know about her and Sev's history. She gave him a brief rundown. He listened patiently, never taking his eyes off her face.

"I just find it incredible that somehow he manages to make me feel like I'm the one who did something wrong," Lily finished.

"Lily… I mean, I always wondered why he would act a little strangely around you, but he is a… strange… young man. But honestly, I really had no idea…" James said.

She smiled at him. "Not many people did know. I think the crowd that Severus fell in with thought it was beneath him to be seen with me. And stupidly, I went along with it."

"Why?"

"Because he was my best friend." Lily answered matter-of-factly. "He was there for me when my sister wasn't. He made me realize that I wasn't the freak that she made me believe I was."

James gave her an apologetic look. "I'm so sorry." He said sincerely. "No wonder it's so awful to see him."

"It's more… uncomfortable, than painful." Lily admitted. "But, thanks Potter," she said. "I appreciate the apology, even though you didn't do anything wrong. This time." She winked at him.

"Would you like me to hex him for you?" James asked. "I could think of a whopper."

Lily laughed. "No. If I wanted him hexed, I would've done it." They walked for a moment in silence. "Besides, you're Head Boy. You can't go around hexing any student you want."

"Then what is the point of wearing this stupid badge then, if I can't abuse my power?" James joked. Suddenly, his teasing air vanished and a serious look came over his features. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop. She didn't pull her hand away the way she had with Severus. His thumb started to stroke the back of her hand setting her nerve endings ablaze. "But thanks for telling me this, Lily. I care about what happens to you, even if you don't realize it yet."

Her breathing quickened. Standing there with Potter, in the moonlight, his hand upon hers, made her feel alive. As if she was the only girl in the world, and he was the only boy. And all that he saw was her.

"I know that you do," she whispered.

He leaned closer to her, his hazel eyes boring into her green ones. He was close enough to smell, a mixture of soap, earth, and (interestingly enough) chocolate. She closed her eyes in anticipation of his lips upon hers. She could feel his breath on her skin and her body trembled. She hadn't realized how much she wanted James Potter to kiss her until that moment.

But the touch of his lips never came. For at that moment Peeves the poltergeist decided to dump two buckets of water on the young people's heads, drenching them from head to toe.

"Ickle wittle humans, kissing in the corridors!" He shrieked, before bouncing back down the hall and disappearing through the wall.

Lily could practically see the smoke coming from James' ears.

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him." James growled.

While the threat may have been genuine, the sight of James soaking wet, with his hair plastered to his forehead and water dripping from his robes, wasn't very intimidating.

Lily laughed. "Come on, Potter. Let's go dry off."

Without hesitation, she grabbed his hand and they headed back towards Gryffindor tower.

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