Demons: Chapter 4

A/N: I want to thank all the readers, without you guys this story wouldn´t be going so well, you are all my inspiration.

As always, the Polyvore sets are linked on my profile page.

A lot of love for my beta for being awesome!

Follow me on Tumblr to get more news about this story: search for poisonangelmuse

Enjoy!

Imagine Dragons - Monster

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me
A monster, a monster
I've turned into a monster
A monster, a monster
And it keeps getting strongerCan I clear my conscience
If I'm different from the rest
Do I have to run and hide? (oh oh oh)
I never said that I want this
This burden came to me
And it's made it's home inside. (oh oh oh)

Oliver Queen spent five years of his life on a hellish island; he was beaten and tortured, was hungry and cold, he saw too many people that he cared about die right in front of him. He was filled with guilt and anger, and he wondered if he could have prevented it all from happening. If he had been a better boyfriend and not cheated on Laurel, if he hadn't felt the need to run away from her when she mentioned that she wanted for them to have a future together, if he hadn't asked her sister to go on the Queen's Gambit with him, would it all be different? Would his father have survived if he wasn´t on that boat? Would Sara not have become an assassin? Would he?

Would all the suffering that he had caused to all those people be avoided? Could that mean that Shado would still be alive? Probably not. Her fate was sealed as soon as she put her feet on the island. She and Yao Fei would never leave the island, no matter if he was there or not. But that didn´t absolve him of the guilt that he felt every day for not saving her, the woman that made him change, that helped him change from the stupid immature boy that left Starling City to become the man that he was today.

Oliver had been sorry for a lot in the past ten years, for hurting so many people, for not being the man that his family wanted him to be, for failing his city more than once. But nothing would be his bigger regret than the day he let Felicity Smoak walk out of the door. She was one of the few people in his life that he truly trusted, she was his friend and partner, and yet he had hurt her way too many times. Their relationship had always been complicated, she was a necessary ally since day one, the woman that could help him with his mission and also the woman that always drove him crazy. He feared for her safety most of all, because like every other woman of his life, she could end up getting hurt and that was something that he just couldn´t deal with, so he tried pushing her away.

He dated several women, and watched her from afar, he just couldn´t let her in, she was the only one that really had the power to hurt him. So they spent their days at Queen Consolidated and their nights at the foundry, she would be the light of his dark nights, and for a while, that was enough. She was his friend and his partner, without her and Digg, he would never have been able to do what he needed to do. They were his team and his friends, his confidants and the only ones that knew the real him. They were a solid team. Together, they got to help many people, they were one of the only things in Oliver´s life that made sense and that made him feel like he was doing the right thing when he hooded up every night; even when he doubted himself, they were there to pick up the pieces and put him back together. They were the reason that he never gave up on the fight.

But one day, Felicity was put at risk because of him, because of a choice that he made to let a madman live, and for a few seconds, he thought he would lose her. She constantly put herself in danger, trying to help them, but no mission was worth the risk of her getting hurt – yet she never saw things that way, and that would always result in an argument.

Then Russia happened and everything spiraled out of control – he never planned on sleeping with Isabel Rochev – and neither was he planning on Felicity finding out about it, or to see the look of hurt and deception in her eyes. He felt like time after time he was failing her, hurting her to the point of no return, but he just couldn´t be what she needed him to be, not right now, not when he was wearing the hood. So he told her that, that Isabel was a meaningless one night stand, and then he let her in on what he was trying not to show for so long: he couldn´t just be with someone that he really cared about and risk that person's life. She gave him a sad smile and left telling he deserved much better than Isabel Rochev.

The night that Count Vertigo took Felicity, he never felt more afraid and more furious, so at the first chance to take him down, he put three arrows in him to make sure he would never touch her again. Felicity was off limits, and anyone who tried to hurt her would find the same fate as the Count. That night, she was shaken up, saying she was sorry for making him take another life when she knew that he didn´t want to be a killer anymore, but what she didn´t see was that there were no choice to make: she would always come first. The look in her eyes and the tremor in her hands were the only things that stopped him from kissing her that night; he felt out of control, and just the thought of losing his Girl Wednesday took him on the edge, he just needed to feel the touch of her soft skin, to feel her breathing next to him, to make sure that she was there and alive, that she was safe. But he didn't act on it because he knew if he did, things would change and he was not sure if he could go on living without her by his side.

Time passed and things got more complicated. He could see, in her eyes, that she felt something, he could hear it in her voice every time he was out on a mission, or how she would let out a deep breath every night when he came down to the lair beaten and bleeding.

It had all started with her innocent smiles, small innuendos and no brain filter. He knew she had a crush on him, one that in the past stroked his ego and made him stay shirtless more than necessary in front of her. But now, he could see that things had changed, they both had changed, and the look in her eyes scared him – because if she felt for him anything more, anything deeper, remotely close to love – she would risk everything to save him, and he couldn´t risk putting her in more danger than she already was for helping him with his mission.

He knew back then how much his own feelings had started changing towards Felicity, and no matter how much he tried to ignore them, or shut them deep down, he just couldn't control them. Every time she smiled and laughed, it brought a small joy to him, and he knew that having feelings for her was a liability. To let him have those feelings for her, and let her know it, would jeopardize their safety and their mission, and he couldn´t risk any of that – so he stood, watching her in the shadows, trying to pretend that he couldn´t see the gorgeous and bright woman that she was; ignoring the fact that the only times he could sleep was when he was dreaming of her; that she was the only one that could bring him peace inside, she was the only one that could put his nightmares at bay. She was his sunlight in the middle of the darkness that his life had become since the island.

So to see her eyes light up when she met Barry Allen killed him inside. It wasn't like he was expecting her to stop living her life because of him, especially since he didn´t do the same for her, but it didn´t hurt any less to see her look at another man the same way she used to look at him. The young man could be a safer choice for her, someone that wouldn´t put a target on her back just by standing too close to her, he could give her the things that she deserved and that Oliver so desperately wanted to give her, but knew that he probably would never be able to. So he watched as they work together, the small smiles and flirtation, and in a way, he accepted that he would never be more to Felicity than her friend.

But that didn´t mean his blood didn´t boil when Barry was hit by a lightning and Felicity ran to be by his side at Central City, staying there for an entire week. He wouldn´t admit that is was jealousy, since he was happy to see her moving on and being safe and happy, but when he needed her help and she wasn´t there to assist him, his control slipped. He relied on her, she was part of the team, and he needed her in Starling City by his side and not by Barry's bedside at the hospital. For the first time, he felt like Felicity wouldn´t pick him if she needed to make a choice and never had he felt more abandoned than in that moment.

Maybe he did overreact when the bomber started to attack and he failed to stop him, but Oliver never dealt very well with not getting what he wanted, and for him, failure was not an option. Since he started his fight against the crime in Starling City, he always found a way to stop those maniacs, but after the Undertaking, things weren´t the same, and he still doubt himself from time to time. When Shrapnel got to bomb a second location, and more people died because of it, he felt like he was failing this city all over again.

He was on the edge that night. He had let Shrapnel get away and was almost was hit by a bus, so he was fuming when he got back to the foundry – he and Felicity always argued about different things, especially when on a mission – but it had never been as intense as the fight they had that night. Oliver felt his control was slipping, he hated to feel impotent and helpless, things he swore to himself he would never feel again. So he lashed out at her, told her that she was the one who was responsible for the mission failure because she was too caught up on Barry Allen to do her job; but the moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it, but because of his pride, he didn't back down, and soon they were shouting at one another and Digg had to break them apart.

When Felicity left to calm down, he immediately felt like punching a wall, but instead of doing so, he stripped from his leather uniform and decided he should work out his frustration, before he did something he would regret later. He kept punching the training dummy, putting all of his frustration into his punches, his muscles aching from the excessive exercise. Oliver didn´t know how long he stood there training, but when Felicity got back to the lair, she didn´t even bother looking in his direction, she just sat in front of her computers and went back to work, like he wasn't even there.

He hated being ignored, so he went for his secret weapon, the salmon ladder. He knew how much Felicity liked watching him do it, so he grabbed the iron bar and went to it, the heavy sounds of metal clashing together seemed to draw her attention, yet she refused to look at him. He did the entire set, doing it all the way to the top, angry that she didn't even bother to give him one small look, and decided that if she wanted to ignore him then he could do the same. He jumped from the top of the ladder, falling on his feet on the mat, his body sweaty and tired; his shoulders were tense, and he cursed Digg for leaving early. Maybe if he had stayed, they could have worked some of his frustration out while sparring.

He was halfway though a water bottle when Felicity started talking, and soon things went over the roof and out of control, and finally it hit the fan when he admitted needing her, needing her so bad it hurt sometimes. So he wasn´t that surprised when their bodies collided together, when he felt her taste for the first time, to feel her so close to him – it was heaven and hell all at once. He let go of his self-control to feel what he had been holding back for the past few months, for the first time since coming back to Starling City he let go and just felt, and he felt everything, and then he was touching her everywhere and soon he was inside of her – nothing felt more perfect than to hear her moaning his name while she clenched around him – no woman had driven him so crazy over the brick.

So they had sex in the lair, over the medical metal table, it was hard and fast. Oliver put all the intensity of his deep feelings into his thrusts, sucking her skin, tasting her and memorizing every inch of her and every moan that she made because he knew that deep down, this wasn´t supposed to happen, that his lack of control would cost him, that he may end up losing her over this – because while he was The Arrow, he would never be able to be the man she wanted him to be.

So he took everything she gave him and got lost in her, because if he would only have one shot with Felicity, then he would take everything she wanted to give to him, he would cherish that night forever. But when it was over, he knew that things would never be the same, and no matter how much he wanted to pretend that things would be okay, he knew that it wouldn´t. He couldn´t take the risk of exposing her to his enemies, both Oliver Queen and The Arrow had too many of those, and he would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

So he laid them on the mat, and grabbed a blanket that was folded on the medicine rack, and covered their half-naked bodies with it. He slowly traced her pale skin, memorizing her small freckles and the curve of her cheeks, touching her like he knew he never would again. He kissed her hair and whispered he was sorry against her now messed-up hair. He watched her sleep for a little longer, and then covered her with the blanket, touching her golden hair one more time before leaving. He needed distance, he needed to get away from her and from all the things she had made him feel.

He knew that telling her that their night together was a mistake was a low blow, but he couldn´t find another way to put some distance between them, to make those blurred lines go back to what it was before he lost it. Oliver saw how her eyes filled with tears and he knew that he had broken something inside of her, but in his mind it was for the best, it would be best if she just forgot about him.

For a while, he thought that things had gotten back to the way they were supposed to be. Felicity still rambled about the most improper things, Oliver tried to ignore the meaning of them and Diggle would laugh, and be the third Musketeer. It worked for a few weeks, but when the Mirakuru appeared in Starling City and Roy was infected, Oliver felt again scared; he knew the danger of the drug and he dedicated himself to end this threat once and for all. So perhaps that was why he missed the signs that something was wrong, but at that point there were so many things that were wrong, and maybe he was overwhelmed by it – Laurel was lost in her own addictions, his mother had lied about Thea's paternity, and Sara was back in the city and fighting against the League.

Oliver felt like a little lost boy. All that he knew was a lie, and he felt like exploding. So when Sara went through some family problems as well, he saw how easy it was to be close to someone that knew exactly what he had been going through. She was a safe choice, an attractive woman that knew how to defend herself, she didn´t need protection, and they had a story together. She had been through as much hell as him after the Queen´s Gambit went down, she knew the horrors of his past, and suddenly he felt like he could try again; so he did. Maybe they shouldn´t have tried to jump from having sex once in the lair to being a couple so soon, but Oliver was tired of being alone and felt like maybe this was his second chance; Sara was tainted as much as he was, he didn´t have to worry about destroying her, or that being with him would be too dangerous – she put her life at risk everyday – she was the safe choice. He knew her, knew how to be with her. She was familiar and safe.

Maybe he did try to ignore the signs: the look of hurt in her eyes every time she saw him kissing Sara; the way she seemed to try to fit in; when she looked devastated when she couldn't achieve information about the Clock King. Maybe if he had paid more attention, he could have stopped her from leaving, but he knew deep down that she was tired and hurt, that she felt like she had lost her purpose and was being substituted by Sara, but that was not truth – Felicity would always be his girl, even after she left.

The lair felt empty without her comments and the sound of her typing on the computer, he missed hearing her voice on the comms, and to feel her arms around him after he came back from a dangerous mission. He missed watching her though the glass walls in his office at Queen Consolidated, he missed the ramble and the small comments. He missed her smile, the way her blonde hair would look in her ponytail, the way she pushed her glasses up her nose, the way she would carry her tablet with her all the time and the way she always looked amazing in her skirts. He missed everything about her.

He knew that he had made a mistake telling her that their night together was wrong and that it would not happen again. He tried to shut her out so he wouldn´t lose her and in the end, he end up losing her anyway.

The first few months he tried to keep his distance and yet to keep tabs on her. He knew she was now a part of Wayne Enterprise, she had got a good position in the science department, and she was doing much more than serving coffee and making appointments like she had done when she worked for him. In a way, he was proud to see her achieve such things, but that didn´t make him miss her any less. He saw that she was safe and happy, and that was enough for him, so he did as she asked and he let her go.

During the months after Felicity leaving Starling City, Slade Wilson had come back, to make sure that Oliver knew he was there to keep the promise he made back at the island – that Oliver would feel deep despair, he would lose everything and everyone that he cared about, just like he did. After all those years, Slade was still blaming him for Shado's death and in a way, Oliver knew that he was right. Back in the day, he hadn´t been fast or strong enough, he had failed her, but he wouldn´t fail the people that he cared about, the ones who would now would be Slade´s targets. That was the first time that Oliver was grateful that Felicity had left, because she was out of his life and far away from him in Gotham City, she was safe and that was all that mattered.

Slade came and brought chaos with him. He wanted to show Oliver that he could end him at any moment, and that having a team by his side wouldn´t save him. So he came, left destruction behind and disappeared in thin light. Slade didn´t killed any of them, and maybe his appearance had more of a psychological treat, to make them unstable and make them weak. Slade had said to Oliver once that killing him would be too easy, that he deserved to suffer, to see all the ones he loved have a painful death, while he watched helplessly. So for the next few years, Oliver would always look over his shoulder, never letting go, never living in peace.

A few months after that, Oliver and Sara had agreed that they would be better off as friends, so they parted ways amicably even though she moved away from the city to be her own person and The Canary leaving the Arrow shadow behind, she would come back when Oliver needed her help from time to time.

He focused himself on finding Slade and to bring Queen Consolidated back to its former glory; Roy and Digg would both hood up next to him, the three of them stuck together making the city a better place, and Oliver was happy to have all the help that he could get. He still felt lonely, but he kept his playboy persona, dating random woman and making formal appearances, and for a while it worked until it felt too much to be living that lie. So when Laurel started to appear more and more at Verdant, he accepted her easily, because she was still the woman that had seen the good in him when nobody else saw anything more than a spoiled rich kid. So they rebuilt their lost relationship and for the next three years, she was the woman who slept by his side every night.

But the emptiness that Oliver felt inside never left, and no matter how happy Laurel could make him, he felt like he couldn´t truly love her – after all she didn´t know the true him, just a shadow of a man that she used to know – so just like before, their relationship started to fade away with time. In a way, Laurel understood that he would never be able to open up to her, to talk about the horrors of the island, and the sadness and guilt that he carried with him; so when the time came, she sadly accepted the final end of the relationship that she tried so hard to save, the relationship that was far too long gone to have a happy ending. She left the apartment they were sharing, with a kiss on his cheek and a promise to be there for him, if he ever needed a friend.

The next few months were difficult and sometimes overwhelming, but in a way loneliness suited him, so he did what he did best – he hid his feelings deep inside, and focused on the eternal battle that was fighting the crime in Starling City. One of those nights, he stood behind on the foundry, while Digg and Roy went to patrol, and the silence in the lair was disturbing him, bringing back memories that he had tried so hard to forget, and before he knew it, he was looking for her. He tried to use their database to find all the information he could about her, but she had disappeared. In the past four years, he hadn't received any news about Felicity Smoak. But their database found the information that Mara Smoak, Felicity's mother, had passed away last year. The news brought him sadness and concern, he wished he knew where she was – he wished that he could have been by her side in such a difficult time. So Oliver did what he always did, he added the information into the Felicity folder, together with the information of her time in Gotham City, and once again wished that he had never let her walk out of his life.

Oliver was so caught up in his sparring with Roy, and John was shouting instructions of better defense moves for the young man to use, that he didn't hear the sound of the heavy door opening or the sounds of light footsteps. It was the smell of jasmine and lilacs that made him stop in his tracks, which resulted in Roy punching him in the face. Oliver was too stunned to try to defend the blow and ended up falling down hard on the mats. He looked up and there she was, she looked the same and different at the same time, like five years had not passed by.

"Felicity," he whispered, not sure if he was actually seeing her, or if the blow he received was so strong that he was now hallucinating.

"I need your help," she said, throwing her backpack on the floor, tears running down her cheeks.

"What is going on?" Diggle asked, running to her side, holding her shoulders while she whimpered.

"He took him, he took Connor," she said, finally letting go, falling down in desperation, her legs giving out and Digg supporting her weight.

"Who took who? Who is Connor?" Digg asked her, his face filled with confusion and concern.

"Slade Wilson," she said between sobs.

"What did you say?" Oliver asked her, too shocked to process everything that was going on.

"Slade Wilson took Connor. He took our son, Oliver," she whispered, crying into Diggle's arms, while Oliver's world crumbled at his feet.

A/N: Ok, don´t kill me yet! You guys knew this was coming up!

Thanks so much for all the support again, you guys are so amazing! I've never felt so much love from a fandom before, so thank you for every review, every like, every subscription. It means the world to me.

Thank you!

PoisonAngelMuse