Author notes: I know, some of this is probably boring… Buffy keeps obsessing over Faith and what she's thinking/feeling. But it's kind of necessary I think, since she's newly discovered she might love her, and she knows she isn't happy… or is it going overboard? Give your opinion…

Chapter 3

In a little under an hour, Giles was parking his car in front of Xander and his family's house. There were three vehicles parked outside of it: Xander's pizza delivery car, his apparent new occupation; Oz's van, for he had apparently come along with Willow; and a car Buffy did not recognize. Buffy frowned at this third car, curious; she had thought that Xander had said his parents weren't home. Whose car was this, then?

Faith had started to drift back to sleep about fifteen minutes into the remainder of the drive back to Sunnydale; she had somehow started to lean in towards Buffy slightly, her eyelids just barely keeping from shutting all the way as she seemed to be fighting to stay awake. She had flinched when Buffy lightly touched her shoulder, her eyes opening wide momentarily with surprise, but then almost immediately starting to sink shut again.

"It's okay, if you're tired, go back to sleep," Buffy had told her gently, keeping her hand resting on her shoulder. "Obviously you need it."

Faith had looked at her somewhat blearily, as if she didn't understand what she was saying. After a few moments she had leaned her head back against the seat, starting to close her eyes, but Buffy spoke to her again softly.

"Faith… you can lean against me again, if you want. You might be more comfortable."

Faith had opened her eyes again, frowning at Buffy in an almost suspicious way. Only when Buffy had assured her again in a deliberately nonchalant tone that she didn't mind, then scooted herself closer to Faith so she could make the move on her own if she chose to, did Faith hesitantly, almost warily follow Buffy's suggestion. She had rested her head against Buffy so gingerly at first, kept her body so stiff and slightly separated from Buffy's side, that Buffy knew she was probably more uncomfortable in this position than she had been by herself. But as she 

began to slip into sleep, her body had gradually relaxed, grown heavier against her, and Buffy had instinctively slipped an arm Faith's shoulders, holding her closer to her side. She found herself absently playing with strands of Faith's hair as her thoughts had slipped back to what the younger girl had said, how she had reacted, during her talk with Giles…

Buffy was almost certain now that Faith remembered at least some, if not all, of what had happened between them in her mind. Why else would she be so worried about herself and what she might do, so obviously guilty, so ashamed and sorry for her actions? Obviously she was no longer evil- not that she had ever really been in the first place. And that lent credence to the theory of her remembering.

But then again, Buffy had thought Faith was different, that she was sorry, before she ever set figurative foot inside her head. Based on Buffy's dreams, Faith's action in her head before Buffy got through to her, even some of the things she had said to her on the roof top that fatal night… given all that, Faith had been sorry long ago, before Buffy even realized. And if she could remember… then why didn't she seem to remember that Buffy had told her she loved her?

Maybe she DIDN'T remember… or maybe Faith just couldn't believe it. Maybe she was ashamed or afraid to be the recipient or Buffy's affection… maybe she didn't think herself worthy of it. But why then had she awakened when Buffy told her she loved her?

Whatever the case, Buffy was almost certain now that Faith was purposely trying to reject her not because she didn't want Buffy, but because it scared her that Buffy wanted her. She was going to have to take it slow with her, just as she'd thought… she'd have to show Faith enough support and caring for her to gain confidence in herself and to realize that Buffy did care for her, but not so much that it further accelerated her fears. It would be a tricky balance, one Buffy was not sure she could accomplish.

As Buffy gently held the sleeping brunette to her shoulder, she had noticed Giles glancing back at her in his mirror once more, trying to catch her eye. There was some perplexity about his expression, but also a softness that made it clear to Buffy that even if her former Watcher wasn't yet clear on the details, didn't quite get what had happened between the two girls, he did not judge her. He trusted her, supported her… a big relief for Buffy, to have someone willing to understand.

Now, as he glanced back at them in Xander's driveway, announcing rather unnecessarily to Buffy that they had arrived at their destination, she could feel Faith awakening again, lifting her head. As Buffy smiled at her, getting out of the car and carefully lifting Faith into her arms again to carry her into Xander's house, she could sense the other slayer's tension, felt it in her suddenly brick-hard muscles. Obviously the thought of going to see the others made her nervous, if not scared.

"Hey, Faith, it's okay," she told her quietly, pitching her voice low where Giles wouldn't hear it as she began to carry her to the front door, one of Faith's arms loosely around her neck in an attempt to partly support herself and make herself easier to carry. "They want to help you too, all right?"

Faith didn't say anything, but Buffy could tell just from the way she felt in her arms that the other girl was unconvinced, her flat, deliberately blank expression notwithstanding. As Buffy and Giles made their way into Xander's house and down his basement steps, she was careful not to jostle Faith too much or to lose her balance.

The first thing Buffy realized when she reached the basement floor was who the mystery third car must have belonged to.

"Anya," she blurted, blinking with surprise as she looked from the slim girl to Xander, standing in a nervous, fidgety manner a few feet apart from her, his usually messy hair a little more unruly than usual. Willow and her boyfriend Oz were there as well, sitting together on Xander's beat-up love seat, but it was only the ex-vengeance demon Xander had gone to prom with that she had eyes for at the moment.

"Anya… I thought you left Sunnydale before the…" she cut herself off quickly, glancing down at Faith still in her arms, and busied herself with setting her down on Xander's couch/bed as she attempted to change her wording. "So, so, what are you doing here?"

She sat next to Faith absently, still looking between Anya and Xander curiously.

Xander looked suspiciously edgy and guilty; he kept flicking his eyes about nervously, and when he spoke his words were just a little too quick.

"Yep, Buff, Anya's back, isn't that great? Don't ask me why, because I don't know. So don't ask, I am not Mr. Answers here! And hey, look, everyone, Faith's back too! Isn't that great! Hi, Faith!" he babbled, giving her an obviously forced, overly enthusiastic wave.

"Yeah, everyone's back. Kind of like a family reunion," Oz said neutrally form where he sat with an arm draped around Willow's shoulders. Almost as an afterthought, he added a beat later, "Right up to the awkwardness. Hi Faith. Buffy, Giles."

For Oz, that was an extremely long speech; Buffy would have stared, had Willow not taken up his slack with her own greeting.

"Yeah, uh, hi everyone… hi Faith. I, I see you're out of your coma, I mean, Giles told us, but now I, I see it, because you're here, so obviously I see you, and you seem okay, I mean, other than the not-walking-thing, but other than that you seem okay-"

She would have undoubtedly rambled on for an indefinite amount of time, growing more and more flustered, had Anya not interrupted her. Giving Xander a pointed glare after her initial open-mouthed, indignant-yet-anxious staring at Faith, who was once more avoiding everyone's eyes, she spoke to the room at large with clear incredulity.

"Wait a minute, just hang on a second here! Everyone, while we're all 'Hi-Faith'-ing… let me get this straight. This is FAITH, right- THE Faith? The one who wanted to have Mr. Anaconda eat the entire town during Ascension: The Return? THAT Faith- is this THAT Faith?"

Buffy could feel Faith stiffening beside her, an ambiguous mixture of anger, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and hurt flitting rapidly over her features before she hardened them once more. Her jaw tightening and shoulders drawing together as she stared fixedly at some point past Anya. 

Instinctively, Buffy took her hand, squeezing it in supportive reassurance. Faith looked over at her rapidly, her dark eyes wide, nearly panicked as she hurriedly looked from their joined hands to Buffy's face, then back at the others. Realizing she was probably pushing things with an inner jolting, and also noticing how Willow and Xander too had looked at them, startled, Buffy took her hand away reluctantly, moving it instead to Faith's arm.

"Yes, she's that Faith, Anya," Buffy said in a tone that dared the other girl to cross her. "And by the way, it wasn't an anaconda, it was more like a basilisk or something. Like in Harry Potter- which book was that?"

"Well actually it was in more than one-" Willow began, but Anya cut her off, tossing her hair off her shoulders and rolling her eyes.

"Whatever. Anaconda, basilisk, giant rabid bunny- it's the same psycho killer girl either way. And you're just going to sit there and be all 'Hi Faith!' and 'Let's help you get your strength back so you can rise up and murder us Faith!' ?!"

Buffy could feel the heated anger surge through her veins, settling heavy and oppressive in her chest; she could feel her face flushing as she narrowed her eyes at Anya fiercely, her hand on Faith's arm tightening unintentionally with her intensity.

"Don't you talk about her like that again, Anya!" she nearly growled, her hazel eyes flashing at the utterly maddening girl dangerously. "You don't know what the hell you're running your mouth about, so you'd better keep it shut if you don't want me to shut it for you. Who are YOU to be calling people psycho killers anyway- how many people have YOU maimed and mutilated over the past millennium?"

"Hmm, let's see, I'm not really sure," Anya mused, frowning in all seriousness as she put one finger to her chin, musing. "I used to keep count, but that one day there were so many all at once I lost track, and so from then on I didn't' bother to make an exact tally. I could make a rough estimate maybe, give or take a few thousand-"

Seeing the disbelief and discomfort on the others' faces and the annoyed frustration on Buffy's, she paused, her frown deepening.

"Oh, was that one of those questions where you didn't really want an answer? Because I don't understand those! Why are you ASKING if you don't' want me to answer you?"

"It's called making a point, Anya," Buffy said through gritted teeth. "My point is you don't' know what you're talking about, and you're being a hypocrite. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Well if you're making a POINT, you should just SAY it," Anya sniffed, scrunching up her face with confused irritation. "How am I supposed to get your point if you don't SAY your point? Just say, 'Anya, you killed people too,' don't ask me how MANY I killed, that's too confusing. And anyway, that's all different. I'm a vengeance demon! Or, I WAS one, before I got stuck here as one of you stupid powerless humans. Killing people was my job, most of the time, and it was all very civilized. I didn't just go around killing people to kill people, I had to be ASKED, it was my JOB. Just because I enjoyed it- okay, it was just different, okay?" she said finally, seeing the unconvinced look on Buffy's face and the mix of bewilderment and slight revulsion on the others'. " I didn't bring about an Ascension! I was a VENGEANCE DEMON. She was just a GIRL, that makes her a LOT scarier than me. And as for me being here, I-"

Xander butted in on her monologue hurriedly at that point, a strange horror shooting across his face.

"Well, normally I'd argue with you there, Ahn- normally I'd say that it's her being a girl with slayer power and easy maiming moves that would make her scary… but on second thought, normal girls are scary too," Xander interrupted, his eyes darting between Anya and Faith as if he were expecting something horrible to happen and was praying it wouldn't, that his talking would somehow divert it. "Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded! I mean, I like girls, I don't think they're scary because I'm SCARED of them, like in a third grade way. Although some of those third grade girls can be viscious… but, but I mean, girls are- I'm not scared of you either, Faith, that isn't what I meant," Xander said quickly, looking at the dark slayer almost pleadingly, as if he expected her to jump up and stake him. "Well, okay, that was a lie. But I'm scared of Buffy too! I mean, not, I'm not, really, just, more like sorta intimidated. Because she could literally kill 

me with one hand if she wanted to. Oh god, I'm sorry, I wasn't going to talk about killing! I'm not afraid of- you know what, I'm shutting up now," Xander cut himself off lamely, his face a brighter red than Oz and Willow's hair. "Right. Now."

He turned his face away slightly, cringing; Buffy glanced at Faith, wanting to gauge her reaction. The younger girl had actually looked up at him with a bewildered disbelief as he spoke… and as he dug himself into a deeper and deeper hole with his own words, Faith not seemed to be angry, embarrassed, or offended, but rather amused. A little smirk played at the corner of her lips, and Buffy's heart lifted a little to see it. It was another reminder of the old Faith- the old Faith when things had still been okay.

"Hey Xander?" Faith said suddenly, her tone quiet, level, but with just a very slight undercurrent of mischief in it that made all the others turn to look at her in shock. This was the first thing she'd said since Buffy carried her down to them. Faith continued to look at Xander, not nearly with the cocky assurance she would have been before, but despite her low tone, her still slightly lowered gaze, that little smile still turned up her full lips.

"Maybe these ain't the best first words… but your fly's down, man."

Xander's eyes dropped down to his crotch at an amazing speed, and his eyes bulged with a horrified embarrassment that only emphasized his already crimson face as he turned around hurriedly, fixing his zipper. Giles, from where he stood a bit awkwardly just outside the younger people's circle, looked nearly as flustered as Xander; while Oz smiled faintly, Willow seemed frozen, her face wavering between surprise, startled laughter, and strangely, an almost resentment as her eyes moved between Xander and Faith.

Buffy found herself grinning as she looked over at Faith, whose smirk lingered for a few seconds, then abruptly disappeared as her lips thinned out again and her expression grew shadowed once more. It was almost as if she were forcing herself to be still and quiet, making herself stifle anything that would bring attention to herself… or maybe anything that would make people think of her personality or her thoughts, of anything to do with her on a more than surface level.



As Buffy's smile faded, and she frowned, watching Faith almost physically draw back inside herself again, she had another sudden thought occur to her. Maybe Faith was, in her way, trying so hard not to be as she had been before her coma, to make the same mistakes and betray what little bit of trust in her they might collectively possess, that she was afraid to say or do anything at all, for fear they might be reminded of pre-coma Faith. Maybe she herself was afraid to be reminded, afraid that behaving in an at all similar way as she had before might make her slide right back to what she had been…

Of course, Buffy couldn't be sure that any of these theories were true. Faith wasn't giving off a whole lot of clues as to how she was thinking, and Buffy had to admit that she wasn't someone particularly gifted in perception at times. However it was obvious that whatever Faith had been thinking and feeling all day, it wasn't anything happy… somehow, her controlled expression were to Buffy, almost as painful and miserable to look to at as if it was desolate anguish.

She was still holding Faith's arm, still felt how cool and hard it was under her hand… nearly like the arm of a statue rather than a girl. An impulse came over her once more to rub it, to take Faith's hand again… but just as Buffy had shifted in her seat slightly, was moving to do so, she could see Willow's eyes turn to look at her with sudden suspicion. The redhead was frowning slightly at her, her eyes resting on where Buffy's hand still lay on Faith's arm. There was a confusion and discomfort her expressive face could not hide, as well as what looked like the beginnings of a very slowly dawning realization… indications that Willow was beginning to pick up on her own how Buffy felt about Faith.

Seeing Willow watching her like that halted Buffy's impulse; she and the other Scoobies had barely even began to deal with the fact that Faith was even here. Adding to the mix her still-not-fully-figured-out feelings for her, without even knowing Faith's take on them, was definitely nothing Buffy wanted to mess with right then.

Taking her hand off Faith almost too quickly, causing the brunette to look at her in surprise, Buffy tried to focus her attention back on Xander and Anya, who had started spatting again a few minutes ago and not let up yet.



"You know though Xander, you could have SAID something about her coming over!" Anya was sniping, jerking her head towards Faith. "Don't be going off on me, just because you're too distracted to remember to zip your-"

"When was I supposed to tell you, you showed up twenty minutes ago, and then Willow and Oz came-"

"What, you couldn't take your tongue out of my mouth before they came for long enough to tell that a-"

"What?!" Buffy sputtered, her eyes bulging with startled disbelief as five pairs of eyes, even Faith's, turned to gawk at Xander rapidly. She wouldn't' have thought it possible for a person to go any brighter red than Xander already was, but he was making a whole new definition of th color across his face.

"Anya- for the love of god-" Xander sputtered, but Anya, seeming oblivious to his torment, went on.

"Okay, so maybe not when we were alone, I'd have thought you were gay or something if you stopped in the middle of a climax to tell me- but you could have said when those two showed up-"

"Oh dear god, will you PLEASE stop this nonsense?!" Giles burst out with. As the others turned to look at him, startled, he strode forward nearly aggressively, pausing in the midst of them like a man reclaiming his role of authority figure. Buffy was surprised he hadn't spoken up sooner, as he usually had little stomach for any mention of sex from any of them. Maybe he was more tired than she had thought.

"We have no time for this bloody foolishness, and even if we did, I would still rather club myself upside the head with a troll hammer than listen to that prattle," Giles went on with much more ferocity than usual, looking from Xander to Anya with a glare that made Buffy's eyebrows shoot up… for this was one of the rare instances where she could see a trace of evidence in his actions 

to make her believe in his past as Ripper. "We are here to come up with plans to deal with our dilemmas in regard to Faith, and we are here to begin putting those plans into action. If any of you do not wish to contribute in a useful manner, then please leave us so we can move forward."

He fixed an unblinking stare at each of them for a few seconds. Nearly everyone squirmed in discomfort and guilt when his eyes came to rest on them. Buffy could sense Faith cringing again beside her, and she put a reassuring hand on her back between her shoulder blades, not caring in the moment who saw or what they thought. She hated to see how she was behaving, how clearly she was beating herself up.

"No one's leaving? Very well then," Giles concluded when no one spoke up, even Anya. "We can use all the help we can get."