Jemma Simmons

Jemma Simmons prided herself on being and outwardly displaying that she was a professional in her field of study.

A leading professional, at that.

But even amid her professionalism, she still hid secrets and led a life outside the lab.

Sure, she liked following rules and all (What else could she say? Following the rules made her feel like a good person.), but everyone leads a second life in private that only a few other people know about.

Jemma's private life was known only to Leo Fitz.

Jemma swore that he knew her better than she did in every aspect.

She had a hidden life beneath that lab coat of hers and the only physical reminders that she had such a life were her four tattoos.

Her first tattoo was on her left shoulder blade. It was a heart formed out of the names of her parents and her grandmother in her loopy, black scrawl. She had designed the tattoo herself and was proud of her handiwork.

Her family had been there for her every step of the way, constantly encouraging her to be the best she could be. From her earliest years of formal education, they gave her all they could and didn't hold her back when her teachers wanted to pull her out of her age group of five year olds who were starting to read books and do basic mathematics and put her in with kids who were two years older than her so that she could learn more advanced things.

Jemma had been scared of being different.

Her parents told her that she wasn't different, that she was gifted and that she should feel proud about it and not scared.

Jemma believed them and embraced her genius.

Neither Jemma or her family realized that "gifted" would mean getting a letter from MIT.

Jemma was fifteen when she got the letter from MIT stating that she was being offered a full-ride scholarship.

Of course her parents let her go and of course she went, leaving home when she was sixteen to study in America.

Jemma knew that she was different, going to school with people that were two years older than her had taught her that, but crossing the Atlantic ocean and being in America alone was what really opened her eyes to just how different she was.

Instead of having her peers constantly remind her that she was younger and shunning her like they did when she was in Sheffield, her peers (and even a few professors) at MIT would either treat her like a child, downright ignore her, or didn't take her seriously.

She got her tattoo after she took her finals at the end of the year before she flew back home to Sheffield for summer holiday.

When she returned to MIT for her second year of study, she was already used to the homesickness, the loneliness, and the way her peers ignored her. She adapted to her surroundings and began doing her best work, sometimes staying late in the labs to work on reports and complete extra credit assignments. She was doing all of this to keep herself sane and she hoped that somehow she would show everyone how wrong they were for underestimating her. Maybe by turning some heads she wouldn't feel as alone.

Looking back, she realized that she had gone a little mad in her attempt to fill the void of loneliness.

Then, one night, everything changed.

Jemma was taking a small break one night when she was working on a report in the biochem lab and she turned off her station light to sit and enjoy the calming effects of the quiet darkness.

She had just closed her eyes when the door to the lab opened and someone snuck in.

Her eyes shot open and she looked into the darkness, seeing only the faint silhouette of a person creeping back to the other corner of the lab where the chemicals were stored.

She heard the door to the supply room creak, saw the light from inside the closet, and heard the shifting of glass before the light went out. Then she heard the intruder walking to the door.

She had to stop them.

Before she knew what she was doing, she was telling the intruder that chemicals could only be removed from the lab with proper authorization.

As if a thief would give a damn about authorization!

She saw the figure of the thief spin around and boldly turned on her desk lamp, ready to face the intruder.

She had stated on many occasions that it was scientifically impossible for one's heart to skip a beat, especially when looking at someone who was aesthetically pleasing, but the instant she laid eyes on the thief, she mentally reevaluated that conclusion.

Her heart had definitely skipped a beat.

The intruder was a young man, possibly her age or close to it, with a pale complexion, glossy curls that were dark honey colored (or was it light brown?), and the deepest azure eyes she had ever seen.

She also noted that he had a bottle of liquid arsenic.

She collected herself and asked him who he was and if he had written authorization to remove the arsenic.

He replied, telling her that he was an engineering student and she grabbed her cell phone off the desk, flipping it open to call campus security.

He added hastily that he needed the arsenic for an experiment he was doing.

Then she noticed his accent.

Scottish. Possibly from Glasgow.

He was quite far from home as well. Maybe he could use her help…

She offered to help him, as she clearly had more experience with hazardous chemicals. She was always up for a challenge, maybe this was the chance she needed to garner some respect and attention.

She offered him a seat and they began talking about his experiment. Jemma noticed how he was gradually warming up to her, even if he wasn't making too much eye contact.

He asked for her name after about an hour and she introduced herself, saying that nobody really called her "Jemma" and that she preferred to be called by her surname. He shook her hand and told her that his name was Leo Fitz, but that everyone called him Fitz.

Jemma asked what the arsenic was for and his face fell.

Then Fitz took a deep breath and apologized to her, saying that there wasn't an experiment, and that he was planning on committing suicide by poisoning himself.

Her mood changed from excited to concerned in a heartbeat.

Jemma explained that she wouldn't be able to stop him from poisoning himself but that he shouldn't kill himself because he was the only one who had really talked to her at all since she arrived.

He was just as lonely as she was and just as gifted too.

He put the arsenic back and even walked with her back to the dorms (turns out that they lived in the same building), promising that he would call.

Somehow they kept running into each other all over campus; at mealtimes, at the library, and one time he asked if he could do his laundry with her because he didn't have any quarters.

As their laundry was being washed, they talked about their interests and found that they both enjoyed watching Doctor Who. Jemma invited Fitz to her dorm to watch with her and soon the two of them were inseparable.

They would do everything together; laundry, research, projects, and they would even finish each other's sentences.

One time, she caught a nasty cold and fever while on her period and Fitz had braved a blizzard to get her chicken noodle soup, tea, and feminine hygiene products. She never expected a guy to not mind going into the female needs aisle and picking up a box of tampons, but Fitz told her that he had done it for his mum before and it was no problem. Jemma took care of Fitz when he was sick too.

They were matched in wits and smarts, whatever Jemma didn't know, Fitz did and vice versa.

Jemma couldn't help but feel like there was something other than friendship and partnership between them. Every time they would watch Doctor Who together, she would fall asleep and wake up against Fitz's chest or shoulder. He would be awake and staying still while flipping through other channels on TV, trying not to wake her.

Every time he did this, Jemma swore that her feelings for him changed a little.

They were both offered a chance to join SHIELD, a covert world organization that helped people. Jemma and Fitz agreed and then moved to upstate New York and started school at the SHIELD Academy.

They were right across the hall from each other in their dorm building and that was great news for their work together. People actually started calling their team "FitzSimmons".

Most of their colleagues swore that she and Fitz were dating but they both denied those accusations.

Every time Jemma told people that she and Fitz were just friends, more and more of her conscience called her a piss-poor liar.

She found herself wanting Fitz as more than just a friend, even having her dreams turning to fantasies of Leo and how meticulous and skilled his hands were, how he'd demonstrate his skills on her body in a way that would make her jolt awake at night with her knickers clinging to her in a way that was both pleasant and uncomfortable.

She would try to flirt a little with Fitz to see if he reacted but either she was rubbish at flirting or he was rubbish at picking up on her attempts because he didn't take notice.

Jemma found out it must have been the latter of the two because her flirtations did catch the interest of Matt Parks, a twenty-one year old mortuary specialist who was very attractive, even if he wasn't Fitz. Matt was nice, he also enjoyed Doctor Who and he seemed to get along well with Fitz. Fitz was more on edge around Matt but Jemma just chalked it up to nerves about the collaborative project they were doing to ensure their early graduation and entry into SHIELD's Sci-Ops facility.

She and Matt began dating that week and things started out innocent and fun between them, gradually moving faster and getting more intimate as the months passed.

Fitz seemed okay with her being with Matt, even if he kind of intruded into their traditions of doing laundry together and watching Doctor Who. Jemma would go do autopsies with Matt while Fitz hung back to do his laundry alone, something he didn't seem to mind.

Jemma enjoyed Matt's company, namely the times spent fooling around together on her sofa in various states of undress until Fitz walked in on them.

He had bolted from the room and Jemma had followed him, much to Matt's dismay.

Jemma apologized for not telling Fitz about Matt being over and Fitz told Jemma that she was a grown woman who could do what she wanted with who she wanted. He just wanted her to put a sock on the doorknob so he wouldn't come barging in on them.

She and Fitz designed, built, and submitted their project after testing to the Sci-Ops facility.

Jemma wasn't sure of her feelings for a while after the incident with Matt on her sofa because of how hurt Fitz sounded when he told her she was allowed to do whatever she pleased.

Matt showed up early before Doctor Who night and asked if he could talk to Jemma. She agreed and Matt proceeded to pour out his heart to her, telling her how she was beautiful, smart, funny and how he loved her. He promised her that this was the truth and that he meant every word.

She forgot all about Fitz and Doctor Who and everything when Matt kissed her.

She kissed back and was half aware of her hands moving to pull her clothes off and somehow get Matt's off as well and then Matt hanging his boxers on the doorknob before he took her to her bed.

Jemma lost her virginity that night and woke up in the early hours of the morning to the hard realization that she regretted being charmed into bed by Matt and then just having sex like it was nothing and also that she didn't truly love Matt. She had imagined a more romantic way of losing her virginity and she had wanted to lose it to someone she loved.

She stood by the window in her bathrobe and could've sworn she saw Fitz staggering up the path to the building.

Leo Fitz was the man she was in love with, she had loved him all along. She had wanted to lose her virginity to Leo and made love to him while losing it, cuddling each other during the after-play. What Matt did was just shag her and then fall asleep; no cuddling, no after-play and there was hardly any foreplay.

His hands hadn't been gentle or loving, they had been groping and needy.

Jemma was disgusted with herself.

She took a scalding hot shower to sear the lingering feel of Matt's hands touching her off her body and then puttered about her dorm room, tidying up aimlessly, until Matt woke up and asked her what was for breakfast.

Jemma only had cereal and tea in her dorm, and Matt had come up behind her after getting dressed and pressed his hard-on into her clothed arse, telling her that he didn't get to give her his wake-up call. Jemma wanted to vomit because she had said yes last night to him, but she bravely told herself that today was a new day. She sidestepped Matt and poured his tea, avoiding his advances.

Matt smiled at her sweetly during breakfast and Jemma had hid behind a fake smile, wanting to get him out of her dorm and then burn her bed sheets.

Her phone rang and she answered it to find it was Fitz and he had a hangover. She had smiled when she realized he needed her help and Matt asked her if it was Fitz. Jemma had nodded and said that it was which left a sour look on Matt's face. Jemma hung up with Fitz and then pulled her shoes on to see Fitz, the only thing that stopped her was Matt clearing his throat with a disapproving look on his features.

Matt told Jemma that he didn't like her spending all of her time with Fitz. Jemma lied and said that she and Leo were just friends, to which Matt raised his voice in anger, slammed his fist on the table and demanded to know why "Fitz" was all of a sudden being called "Leo". Jemma was frightened and then Matt's features softened and he apologized for getting mad and left, but not before reminding Jemma that he didn't like disloyalty.

Jemma rushed over to Leo and began bustling around to care for him. She asked him why on earth he got hammered and he drowsily replied with saying her name, her first name.

Jemma didn't mention that part of his hazy hangover to him when he asked and she spent more and more time with him as the days before winter break became less.

Matt got angry whenever she came back from Leo's and always demanded an explanation as to why she was still talking to Leo. Jemma started to feel threatened but didn't tell anyone.

One week before winter break began, Jemma was collecting her laundry from the dryer alone while Leo was printing out their plane tickets and she overheard one of the older cadets talking about washing lingerie before wearing it. Her girlfriends laughed and one asked her why she went out and bought new lingerie. The cadet answered and said it was for Matt Parks, her boyfriend, and that she wanted to surprise him on their four month anniversary.

Jemma was devastated and grabbed her laundry from the dryer without folding it and ran from the campus Laundromat to her building, going into her dorm and closing the door before crying as she threw her clothes into her suitcase haphazardly.

The door to her dorm opened and she rushed out, already expecting Leo to come by around this time with their tickets.

She stopped short when she realized it was Matt, then she yelled at him, expressing her feelings by calling him a liar and a cheater. She walked into the kitchen, still livid and upset. Matt followed her, yelling that he wasn't sure why he had bothered with her in the first place. She yelled back that she hated how he lied to get her into bed and then lost her virginity to a lowlife like him.

Matt was turning red with rage now and he advanced on Jemma, walking her back into a corner, telling her that he was so sick of how she was still seeing Leo when he had told her to stop seeing him ages ago. Jemma opened her mouth to protest and Matt raised his hand to her. All she could do was whimper a plea of mercy but mercy never came.

Matt backhanded her hard across the face while calling her a prudish little bitch, and Jemma fell to the floor, scooting back into the corner and tasting the metallic tang of blood in her mouth as she sobbed.

He raised his hand to her again and then there was a loud thud as Matt was knocked out and hit the floor.

Jemma looked up and saw the livid face of Leo, who had the fire extinguisher in hand.

She was relieved to see him and his face immediately softened when he saw her. He rushed over to her and helped her up and out of the dorm, tugging the quilt off of her sofa and wrapping it around her shoulders as they went back to his dorm.

Jemma was patched up, given some tea, and then Leo called the campus police to arrest Matt Parks for domestic abuse and battery. When that was taken care of he sat down with Jemma and held her, as if he knew that she needed to be with someone she could trust.

They lived in his dorm until they graduated and then they moved in together at Sci-Ops and spent the years growing closer.

Jemma got a tattoo on her 20th birthday of a small lion wearing lab goggles with Leo's name nearby in her hip/abdominal region. In all honesty, she had been in love with Leo for ages and this was her way of remembering who her true hero was whenever her hope wavered.

On her 21st birthday, she and Leo celebrated together in a quiet way.

Leo baked Jemma a cake and they had a little scotch before Leo pulled a box out of nowhere and told her to open it. Jemma opened the box and gasped in awe as she pulled out a brand new lab coat with her name embroidered on the pocket in a dark blue that matched his eyes.

Jemma looked at him with adoration and he said, "I love you".

Jemma asked him if he really meant it, not wanting to have heard him wrong.

He said he did an a tidal wave of confessions spilled out.

He had loved her since MIT and all through her bad relationship with Matt. He loved her now and told her that she was his best friend as well as the woman he couldn't live without.

Jemma leaned forward and kissed him before confessing her love for him.

Leo slowly deepened the kiss and then they were making love. Leo was slow and gentle, he was a very meticulous and tender lover. He didn't rush and rocked into her slowly, having her reach her peak before easing her down again and kissing every centimeter of her skin. They cuddled all night and Jemma didn't regret a thing in the morning.

Three blissful years later, Leo proposed and Jemma said yes, even if marriage was in violation of the SHIELD handbook.

They were married in a secret wedding in Scotland and it may have been rushed or inexpensive but it was a wedding nonetheless. Jemma was still happy and it still lived up to every wedding daydream she'd ever had, so it was perfect to her.

Then they were chosen for a special team with Agent Coulson and Melinda May on board.

If their marriage wasn't a secret before then it was now.

Jemma got her third tattoo of a compass and the phrase, "Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost". She saw the tattoo on Leo and he had explained the message behind it, then Jemma wanted one of her own, thinking that, not only would a couple's tattoo be nice to have, but also about the great adventure they were going to go on with Agent Coulson and their other teammates.

But, like all great teams, they had their weaknesses.

Jemma's weakness was getting a back massage from Leo because then she would massage him and the heat would build until they were throwing each other's clothes off and making love. Their moment of weakness happened so suddenly during one of their Doctor Who nights when Jemma's shoulders were bothering her and Leo rubbed them without thinking and the next thing they knew, they were stuck on each other like superglue. Their moment lasted all night, and was not mentioned the next morning.

It went unmentioned for one and a half months, when Jemma realized she had missed two periods. She'd usually miss one every couple of years but never two in a row. She bought a home pregnancy test and she felt her heart kick up the pace when she saw that it was a positive test. She promptly went and showed Leo who paled and asked her how they were going to get out of this together, because marriages were banned for all scientists and assets and their contracts weren't up for another year.

A baby wouldn't wait a year to present itself, it would be there sooner than that, much sooner!

Fortunately it was in the Handbook that their marriage was legal and binding. It said nothing about a baby in the book though, and that worried them.

A month passed and Jemma noticed her abdomen beginning to round out a little. She wore more clothes, hoping to cover it up and it worked until she and Leo were alone and Leo would lift her shirt up and kiss the growing bump where their baby was living, talking to it and telling it how beautiful its mum is or how smart she is, and Jemma would wind up telling her bump that its father is a downright genius and a hero.

They were very happy.

Then Jemma had caught the Chitauri virus on a standard mission turned on its arse.

She was given two hours to live and she worked hard, not losing hope until the last moments. She had to survive for the team, for Leo, and for their baby.

All three antiserums failed and Jemma faced the hardest decision of her life. If she stayed on board when she shorted out, then everyone on board would die, including Leo, herself, and the baby. If she jumped, then she could take her life and the baby's and then everyone else would live. She decided to jump and she knocked Leo out with a fire extinguisher and walked to the edge of the cargo ramp, looking down at her fall. She heard Leo screaming behind her and turned to give her husband one final smile and she planned to mouth the words "I love you.", but her breath was stolen by the wind and a powerful downdraft pulled her from the BUS.

She was falling and she didn't need to be a genius to know that falling from the height she did at the speed she was going and hitting the water would be the equivalent of jumping from a skyscraper and landing on asphalt.

Then Grant Ward appeared out of nowhere and injected her with the antiserum before releasing his parachute.

Jemma blacked out when she shorted out and woke up completely to May helping her walk to the bathroom with a clean change of clothes in her hands and telling her to get cleaned up because Coulson wanted to speak to her.

After her brush with death she showered off and spoke to Coulson. Then she went to the one person she had to do the most apologizing to.

Leo's bunk door was opened a crack and Jemma slipped in, closing the door behind her as she went. Leo looked around and then wrapped her in a bear hug, murmuring words she wasn't hearing, she was just so glad to be able to hug him again. She was so glad that everyone had survived her brush with death.

Unfortunately, one of them had been lost.

A few days later was when the pain started in her abdomen. One flash of pain happened to be so intense that she dropped a Erlenmeyer flask with undiluted dendrotoxin in it and had the flask break and the contents splatter all over her.

She ran to the decontamination shower and stripped down to her bra and panties before starting the flow of cold water over her body and smelling the metallic coppery tang of blood and looking down to find blood running down her legs.

Her heart stopped when she realized that the baby had been lost and that she had miscarried. She would use some of the emergency medicine on the BUS to expel the rest of the tissue from her body but all she could do now was sit down and cry.

Leo came and asked her what was wrong until he noticed she was bleeding.

He fell to his knees in the shower with her, fully clothed and stared blankly as her blood ran down the drain. She wept bitterly as Leo comforted her.

They buried the baby in a shoebox when they landed at the HUB.

Jemma stayed upset and not feeling much like a woman. She wanted a baby and so had Leo but things never work out exactly how you want them to.

They slept together in the same bed after that because both of them still mourned the loss of their baby and were plagued with nightmares about Jemma falling to her death. The team didn't say anything about their sleeping arrangements, understanding the need to be with people you trusted explicitly after having a brush with death.

Jemma got her fourth tattoo on her calf. It was a small angel in light pink with baby blue wings; the angel of her lost child.

Leo got an awareness tattoo to remember their child by, she got an angel. Maybe if she was a better scientist she would've created an antiserum that would've protected the baby.

Maybe then she would've stayed pregnant.

If only she hadn't been so damn selfish!

If she could go back in time, she would've stopped herself from going on that mission.

Leo said that feeling guilty was just grief, that it would go away, but she had a feeling that if Leo had one wish he would wish to go back in time too.

She cried into her husband's chest and Ward said, "I'm sorry for your loss.".

Jemma snapped to attention and Ward was already halfway up the spiral staircase when Jemma and Leo came out of the lab.

"What? H-how did you know?", Jemma asked through her tears.

Ward replied as he came back down the steps, "Well, when we were in the ocean, your shirt kind of rode up and I noticed that you had a bump. As for your loss, I noticed that you and Fitz buried something at the HUB… I knew it wasn't a lab rat because you don't feel that much for them, then I noticed how Simmons kept resting her hands on her abdomen… I'm not blind…".

Skye burst out of the upstairs area in tears and she ran to Ward, embracing him.

Coulson came up behind her with a pained facial expression, saying, "Skye, if I'd have only known before all this…", he paused and his eyes welled up, "I-I would've searched the whole world for you."

Ward looked confusedly between his girlfriend and his boss, finally noticing how they both had similar characteristics.

"Sir… Are you and Skye-", Ward began.

Coulson nodded and cut him off.

"Yes… Skye is my long lost daughter…"