A/N: Here is another long chapter, a product of my summer reading procrastination.
It's mid-July. Heat comes off in waves throughout the entire day and almost all of District 12's electricity bill has doubled over the summer, including the bakery. This means Peeta's mother forbids the air conditioning in the bakery and returns to the use of an old plug-in fan. Katniss has her own at the cash drawer and the back kitchen has two of them. This air conditioning dilemma has been going on for a little over a week and Katniss already feels herself losing a couple of pounds due to the excessive sweating.
She used to wear khaki pants and a shirt undernearth her uniform polo, but not anymore. Instead of the thick and tight polo, the bakery settled for a lose fitting t-shirt that is not black and instead of the pants, she's wearing shorts.
Peeta Mellark has no complaints.
Usually, he would be awake and working before she even arrived, taking a fresh batch of cheesebuns or raspberry muffins out of the oven because he stopped sleeping in.
Not today.
Mr. Mellark shrugged it off, but Katniss knows better. She has a gut wrenching feeling all day without his presence. She is overwhelmed with curiosity and worry, but since the baker is not so worried, she shouldn't be either, should she?
Peeta does not officially have to be in the bakery until 3pm but he is normally here for free labor anyway.
Katniss deliberated in her head all day, wondering if she should go upstairs to check and see if he is okay. But she would need the baker's permission first. Wouldn't it be rude to just up and walk in his house? Maybe she should ask.
"Mr. Jonathan, do you think it's possible I could go up and just…check on him, possibly?" She bit her lip as Mr. Mellark sighed.
"Katniss, I don't know. He's having a bad day." This made Katniss's thoughts run wild with worry. She calmed down once she reasoned that it can't be that bad if his father does not look all that worried.
Mr. Mellark saw the look of disappointment dawn upon her face and he immediately felt for the little girl. She is obviously deeply concerned for his son, but he can't decide if Peeta would be okay with letting someone into his room to look for him. He doesn't know if Peeta wants to be bothered. But the truth is, the baker has seen the way the two have interacted over the few weeks and automatically knew that Peeta wouldn't hesitation to let Katniss visit him.
So he smiled and nodded and her.
Without hesitation, she ran for the stairs.
As soon as she hits the hallway, she knows something is wrong. It's way, way too quiet.
Her father has always told her that she has the lightest footsteps he has ever heard, but it was so quiet in the Mellark house, she can hear them. The floor creaks right in the middle of the living room. She heads towards the hallway that held all of the bedrooms. There are three of them and on the other side of the house is the master bedroom. Katniss notices something strange about the hallway. Something is off.
Then, she sees it.
The very last room on the left is wide open. That is the door that constantly stays shut and no one ever goes in.
It's Steven Mellark's room.
Peeta's door in slightly ajar, but she creeps in to take a peek anyway. Even through the small crack that she has made with the door, she can see how much change Peeta's room has gone through. The twin size bed that used to be by the window was now a queen sized bed on the completely opposite wall, in the corner. His dresser that used to be covered in baseball and basketball stickers is now a firm and wooden dresser with a bedside table to match. Also, he traded in his basketball goal for a fifty-four inch flat screen television. The room is completely dark, and she suddenly notices why.
Peeta has pulled his dark curtains to where absolutely no sunlight can be shown through. His only source of light that is present is the light escaping from the hallway and alarm clock that beams the time on the ceiling.
She's finished focusing on the room, now she's here to help Peeta.
She sees one of his feet poking out from the foot of the bed, but that's all she sees. His whole body is drowned in covers and blankets and pillows. He's awake though. She knows this because Peeta tends to make a heavy breathing sound when in a deep sleep, but right now, he's just breathing ever so slightly. It's so silent in the room that it's all she really hears.
The door opens up a little bit more and moves into the room, making sure not trip over the clothes that are thrown askew around the room. Her eyes wander off to the green and blue plaid boxers that are on the ground.
She kneels down next to the bed, very desperate to find Peeta's face. She lifts up a pillow and finds it.
His cheeks are slightly red and he has blonde curls tousled down to his eyebrows. He is kind of sweaty so some of his curls are sticking to his forehead. Without even thinking, she moves the hair over to the side of his face so she can examine it. As she does this, he opens his eyes.
Peeta watches her as she props her forearm on the edge of the bed and rests her chin on top that, slightly smiling at him. Her gaze drops from his face to the forest green baseball cap he's desperately clutching in his hand.
As soon as she sees the "District 5" logo on the cap, she knows exactly what is going on.
He's grieving. Mourning.
He misses Steven.
As if reading her thoughts, he speaks up, but not in the upbeat voice Katniss has grown to love, but a raspy and quiet voice. "He wanted to move up to District 5 after graduation and go to a trade school to be an electrician." Katniss had not known that. Something tells her that that little piece of information was something only Peeta knew about his late brother.
Peeta shifts around and rolls over to make enough room for Katniss. He is silently inviting her into his bed and she blushes at the thought.
Her blush only deepens whenever she reaches out to touch him and is met with bare skin.
He's shirtless.
And suddenly she wants to touch more of him. But she pushes those thoughts as far down as she possibly can and focuses on what he's doing. His arm is snaked under her neck and he rests his other hand on her stomach. It amazes her just how he can act like this is the most casual thing in the world. Snuggling in his dark bedroom, half naked. No biggie. She has never been this close to a male human being before, but the feeling excites her. He feels her freeze at his touch, but his hand remains planted exactly where it is.
However, he makes no sexual advances at all. He just stares at his ceiling and sighs.
"This morning, I got up and went to go brush my teeth, but the window AC in his room was making the most aggravating sound ever." He swallows, "I just went in there to unplug it. Next thing I know, I see the hat hanging on the bed post." If possible, he clutches the poor baseball cap a little harder. "Then, I was gone."
"It's okay to mourn, you know. It doesn't mean you're weak." She speaks for the first time. Finally, he looks her right in the eye. Katniss notices that his eyes are puffy and he has probably been crying. She is brought back to that day six years ago. Peeta had just turned eleven and he refused to get out of his bed. Mrs. Mellark begged Katniss to come over and talk some sense into him and make him get up. It ended up exactly like this time, expect Peeta cried into her shoulder the entire time and he was entirely clothed. But then again, she would never complain about the last one.
"I know," he asserts. "It's just one minute, I'll close my eyes and see him smiling at me, messing with my hair." Slightly, he closes his eyes as if he's giving himself a visual aid. "And the next, I see him laying down in his bed, completely cold and unbudging, with a bottle of pills clutched in his hand."
Immediately, she plants her palm against his cheek. Peeta's cheek is hot and her palm is cool. He doesn't flinch away from the temperature difference, though. If anything, he invites it and finds comfort. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
Everyone apologized to Peeta when Steven died, but only Katniss's apology seemed to have a real effect on him.
"Mom blames herself," he says quietly. He adds in one more thing, practically whispering. "I blame her too."
He then starts to speak a little louder. "She was always pushing him, run the bakery, get this education, get this college degree, go to this district, marry this woman and settle down to have children who can run the bakery. She has always had that pressure on him since he is the oldest. She doesn't do that to me and Rye. It was only him."
Just talking about this subject makes him feel tears prick in his eyes. He buries his face is the small crease of her arm and underarm, tightening the grip around her waist and entangling his legs around hers. Instantly, they both seem to notice just how close he is to her breasts.
It dawns on them how much has changed in the past six years. Her breasts have grown- oh how her breasts have grown. He didn't completely notice how big and round they were until he was practically pressed against them. He notices how completely smooth and shaved her long legs are. Likewise, she takes the opportunity to put her hands on his shoulder, his very muscular shoulder. Gently, she slides her hand down from his muscular shoulder to his muscular waist. At the same time, he releases the death grip from around her waist to gently relax on her hip. From her hip, he travels down the side of her thigh, savoring the touch of her skin. It is only the moment that he reaches the plump and firmness of her round butt that they realize; they are groping each other in his bed.
Her heart accelerates and they both jump back, effectively pushing Peeta off the bed.
"Sorry, uh, I-" Peeta starts, recovering and popping back up from his fall.
Katniss stands up quickly, standing straighter than normal. "No, it's cool. I better get back down anyway. Your dad will probably be looking for me." It amazes her how normal her voice sounds. Then again, she's always good at putting on a front.
"Y-yeah, um. I guess I'll start working too." With him being all upright, Katniss can finally see him in all his glory of no shirt on. He's pale, no doubt, but his skin is smooth and flawless. Broad and muscular chest with a hint of a six pack. He has a small happy trail at the bottom of his stomach. As she left that room, she's left with the curiosity of where that happy trail leads too.
Katniss has spent the past few night at Annie Cresta's house, along with Madge. All they can talk about is how Annie finally opened her heart up to Finnick. Annie didn't give up all the details to their conversation at his house because there are some things that she keeps between the two of them.
"And, he kissed me."
Madge gasps. The poor girl honestly looks like she is about to cry. Then again, she has always been a sucker for sappy love stories.
Annie goes into detail about how their first kiss went and how she loves the taste of his mouth. Katniss's mind wonders off the what the Mellark's boys mouth tastes like. Briefly, she imagines herself finding out.
Her mind snaps back to reality when Annie starts to whine about how much Katniss works.
"I have eight hundred dollars saved up, just from the beginning of the summer," Katniss retorts, swallowing the last of her homemade lemonade.
"That's not the only reason," Madge smirks. "Her and Peeta have also gotten quite comfortable together."
Katniss blushes and slaps Madge a little harder than she should have. She forgets how fragile Madge is, but with Annie, she could slap harder. Madge continues while rubbing her sore mark. "I walked in the other day to buy some toast for my dad and her face was bright red as soon as he came into view," she reports to Annie.
Annie sits back in her chair, swishing her lemonade back and forth, as if thinking. "So you have the hots for the Mellark kid?"
"No!" Katniss acclaims, all too quickly.
Katniss decides not to tell them about to incident in his room. Finnick and Annie have known each other just as long as her and Peeta have, but she does not think they have come anywhere close to doing that. She feels self-conscious as to what they would think of her.
Madge and Annie exchange a knowing glance and Annie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, o-kay."