Welcome back to What's that Smell! This chapter contains yaoi (Shoo shoo NaruSasu fangirls! That pairing isn't here!), character bashing, and a few other stuff. Also contains a very evil inner Sakura, farty Kakashi (ha-ha…that sort of rhymed I think), woman hating Sasuke, mpreg, and random ass Naruto. Oh and props to SheWolfByakugan (sorry if I spelled that wrong, but I am one lazy motherfucker sometimes…) for some of the ideas included in this chapter.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. My alternate dimensional self does though…wait what?

"…then I said that's not a snake! That's my dick!"

"Jiraiya, that's not even close to being a joke. You just walked up to an old lady and said exactly what you just said." pointed out Sakura while holding Jiraiya's groceries. 'Nobody cares how long your ugly wrinkly old man penis is!'

"Remind me why I'm wasting my time with you?"

"Because, Kakashi-sensei said we had to do community service by hanging out with old people…" Sakura rolled her eyes. 'Darn it Kakashi-sensei! I wish Naruto was here to do this with this crazy old pervert…where is he anyway?'

"WHO YOU CALLIN' OLD?!" screamed Jiraiya. "SHOW SOME RESPECT TO THE GREAT AND POWERFUL JIRAI-AH! MY BACK! MY SEXY SEXY SEXY BAAACK!"

"Jiraiya! Are you okay?" Sakura put down the groceries and bent down to help the Sannin.

'HAHAHAHAHAHA!' laughed inner Sakura. 'SUCK ON IT OLD MAN! YOU THREW OUT YOUR FUCKING BACK! I OUGHTTA TO LEAVE YOUR ASS OUT ON THIS ROAD TO DIE! I DON'T CARE IF NARUTO'S YOUR GODSON, CUZ YOU CAN SUCK MY IMAGINARY DICK, CHA! MWAHAHAHAHAH!'

"Y-yeah…I'm fine…" Jiraiya grunted a bit. "Just a little…shit…my fucking back…"

*MEANWHILE*

"Are you sure nobody's gonna see us, Sasuke-kun?" asked Kisame as he sat down on his boyfriend's couch nervously. "I don't want to get you in trouble."

"I know, baby." Sasuke smiled, something he rarely did around the idiots he knew. "You look tired, honey. Do you want some tea, baby?"

"Sure." Kisame smiled. "I'm surprised you got a day off! I could have sworn you were on a mission today."

"Um…" Sasuke blushed as he poured his tea. "I was on a mission…"

"Oh?"

"Yes…" Sasuke sat down. "We're supposed to look after some senior citzens and I got some dumb scumbag old woman that tried setting me up with her damn granddaughter, who is a freaking fugly person…with tits and everything! UGH, how I hate breasts! All big and floppy…why do straight men even like them?! They're nothing but big bags of fat with bumps on them! Anyway…I…uh…pushed her down some stairs when she wasn't looking."

"Why?"

"CUZ I'M GAY! WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T I PUSH HER DOWN SOME STAIRS AFTER SHE TRIED TO SET ME UP WITH HER UGLY GRANDDAUGHTER?!" Sasuke sighed. "I'm sorry, baby…I just hate girls…"

"It's okay…your brother doesn't like girls either…" Kisame suddenly regretted what he just said.

"Oh, does he have a boyfriend?" Sasuke thought about how delicious it would be to kill off Itachi's lover in front of him.

"Uh…" Kisame looked uncomfortable while blushing. Sasuke noticed this and let out a gasp of horror.

"Are you…cheating on me with ITACHI?!" Sasuke gasped.

"NO! He came onto me, but I told him no!"

"Good…"

"Though having a three-some with your brother and you would be hot…"

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"UH! I mean you're so hot, so why would I need Itachi? Heh…heh…"

"Good!" Sasuke kissed Kisame on the cheek. "I have something to show you upstairs…come up when you're ready…"

"Okay Sasuke." Kisame smiled at his sexy boyfriend. 'Still, it would be hot if we had a three-some or something…'

"I KNEW THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING!" Sasuke had overheard Kisame thinking out loud…again.

"DAMMIT!"

"WE'RE STILL HAVING SEX, BUT ONLY THIS TIME NO TOUCHING FOR YOU!"

"NOOOO!"

*MEANWHILE*

"UGH!" Naruto shuddered. "My 'Sasuke is about to do something gay' sense are acting up again!"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Shino.

"KAKASHI ALMOST FUCKING KILLED ME!" Naruto screamed in Shino's face. "Oh…hello Shino."

"…" Shino just stared.

"Uh…where's Kiba…" Naruto covered up his crotch. He had heard a rumor that Shino's glasses could see through clothes.

"Sniffing around, I think." Shino yawned. "Have you seen Ino at all today?"

"Ino?" Naruto frowned at the name that was Ino. He had always hated that bitch. If she wasn't Sakura's best friend, he'd have murder that bitch. "Why would you bother yourself with her?"

"She dropped her diary, so I'd thought I return…" Naruto snatched the diary. "…it…"

"HEHEHEH!" giggled Naruto as he broke the lock with a rock and started reading it.

"Your funeral Naruto…" Shino shrugged and walked off whistling.

Dear Diary, Sasuke-kun is sooooo sexy! I wanna have his babies! He's so amazing! I spied on him while he was training with Billboard Brow, that loser Narutard, and Kakashi-sensei. He looked soooo seeeexy with his hot muscles glistening in the sunlight! I had to stop spying cuz Naruto's crazy ass saw me. Luckily, Sakura thought that Naruto was just being stupid again and shut him the fuck up. Even so, I decided to leave in case that fucker ran to drag me out of the bushes.

*MEANWHILE*

"Oh hell yeah…bent over for daddy…" Kakashi was giggling like a crazy fangirl over Might Gai doing something with his team. "Damn it Tenten…move your stupid ass out of my way…oh yeah...SHAKE THAT TASTY BOOTY FOR DADDY!"

"Huh?" Tenten turned to the direction where the noise was coming from. "W-who said that?"

"Who said what, Tenten?" asked Lee.

"I thought I heard someone tell me to shake my butt for him…"

"Your butt is nasty, Tenten." pointed out her sensei. "He was probably talking to Neji anyway."

"Why Neji?" asked Tenten. 'MY BUTT ISN'T NASTY!'

"Cuz…I've heard people say that Neji has been taking b…"

"LIES!" yelled Neji. 'Nobody must know that I take bun strengthening classes…I wonder who spread that rumor…I swear to Kami-sama, if it was Naruto…"

"DAMN IT GAI!" yelled Kakashi from the bushes. "SHAKE YOUR ASS FOR DADDY!"

Team Gai turned around towards the bushes. Kakashi felt his face turning a bright red color. Did they hear him? If they did then…oh shit...maybe they didn't know it was him… Thankfully, Team Gai only backed away slowly and ran off in four different directions. Kakashi was safe…for now.

"Damn it…it's too bad Gai was with his team…otherwise I would have tranquilized his sexy ass booty…hm…" suddenly Kakashi's stomach started making a groaning noise. "Oh god…I have to shit! The bathrooms' so far away though…I'm gonna shit myself before I can get there! Nobody's around though…oh what the hell. I may as well."

*MEANWHILE*

"Damn, Ino's a freak!" Naruto had just gotten through with reading page 54 of Ino's diary. It mentioned that Ino often took pictures of Sasuke when he wasn't looking and stole a pair of Sasuke's dirty boxers, only to sniff them EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! "Fuckin' perv…" Naruto said taking a stolen pair of Lee's dirty boxers and taking a deep sniff. "What a loser…"

"NARUTO!" Sakura called out to Naruto. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"GAH! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SNEAKIN' UP ON ME?! GEEZ!" Naruto put away his crush's panties.

"Kakashi-sensei said we have to take care of someone old today and get them to sign this form." Sakura handed Naruto his form. "I'm already done with my job. By the way, Jiraiya's already taken."

"DAMMIT!" Naruto raged. "I WAS GOING TO EXPOSE KAKASHI AS A ALMOST MURDERER TODAY!"

"…"

"Well shit… I guess I have to go…" Naruto sighed.

"Do you even know who you're going to help out today?" when Naruto opened up his mouth, Sakura quickly said, "SOMEBODY'S THAT'S FIFTY AND OVER!"

"Damn…hey, who's Sasuke doing? Maybe his old man or lady has some friends!"

"Hm…I don't really know. He said he was heading home after he gave me his form to hand to Kakashi. Maybe you should check there." As she watched him run towards Sasuke's house, she palmfaced herself for being an idiot. There was no telling what that idiot would say to Sasuke. 'Darn it Naruto…DO ANYTHING STUPID AND I WILL DESTROY YOU! CHA!'

"Sasuke…Sasuke…SASUKE! SASUKE UCHIHA!" Naruto growled. "Damn stung up piece of…"

Naruto gave up knocking and ringing the door bell and decided to look through the window. What he saw was a complete and an utter surprise. Sasuke was NAKED, though his bottom half was covered up by his black, silky expensive looking blanket, so it wasn't exactly X or M material, and was passionately making out with a fully clothed man. Wait that guy looked familiar…wait…was that…OH SHIT! THAT WAS KISAME HOSHIGAKI OF THE HIDDEN MIST VILLAGE! Was he raping Sasuke? If he let Sasuke get raped…SAKURA WAS GOING TO MURDER HIM!

Naruto pushed up the window, but sadly got it open just a bit. 'DAMN WINDOW! MAYBE I SHOULD YELL FOR HELP OR SOMETHING! GOTTA HELP…*GRUNT* CAN'T…LET…SAKURA-SAN…*GRUNT* DOWN…*FARTS* Oosps…heheheh…'

"Oh Kissy-koi! IT FEELS SO GOOD! TOUCH ME!" Sasuke cried out.

"I'm not even doing anything and he's begging to touch him." Kisame thought out loud.

"THAT'S CUZ I'M HORNY AS HELL FROM YOUR VOICE! TOUCH ME WITH YOUR WORDS, DANGIT!"

"From my voice?" Kisame looked unsure. 'How can anyone be turned on by a voice?'

"I love you so much Kissy-san!" Sasuke kissed his neck. "Talk to me more!"

"Uh…you have nice…uh…duck butt hair…" Sasuke moaned at this. "You…smell nice…"

"Oh more!"

"You have a nice ass…I've never seen a nicer looking ass then yours."

"OH YES!" Sasuke kissed all over Kisame's face. "TELL ME MORE! OH KISSY-KOI!"

"Damn…that's some fucked up shit up in there!" Naruto was shocked that Mr. Perfect was gay, had a freaky weird relationship with his killer of a brother's partner, and got turned on by his boyfriend just saying something. "Wait, this is easy blackmail…yes! FINALLY! SOMETHING ON SASUKE! ER…I mean…SAS IS GAY! HAHAHAHA!"

"What's that noise?" asked Kisame.

"I don't know, but whatever it was just caused me to go soft."

"Thanks for nothing voice!"

*2 hours later*

"Oh Kissy-kun, you were wonderful." giggled Sasuke. "I won't be able to walk for weeks! It's too bad you can't stick around and fool around anymore. Can't you just quit and be with me? We could do what we've always wanted to do…raise a family!"

"…of what? Ugly as hell fish kids?" said Naruto still watching the two. It was amazing his eyeballs hadn't fallen out from seeing KisaSasu. Maybe it was because the two were covered up, making it hard to see anything clearly.

"That voice is right, Kitty-Poo…"

'KITTY POO?!' Naruto wrote this down. More blackmail for him!

"I'm unattractive and our kids might be ugly too…"

"No! You are the sexiest person in the world! I love you Kisame and I wanna have your babies no matter what!"

"GAY!" yelled Naruto.

"Please, listen to me, Kissy-kun!" Sasuke pressed his lips against Kisame's lips. "Kissy-kuuun! Please put your babies inside of me!"

"Uh…" Kisame blushed. "B-but how?"

"You know how dummy!" Sasuke pouted, thinking Kisame wanted nothing to do with him and a family of their own.

"I mean…uh…you don't even have a…va-va-…oh kami I'm getting sick just thinking about saying the word…"

"I don't have a what?"

"A vagina! There, I said it!"

"Of course I do!"

"WHAT?!" screeched Naruto.

"SEXY-NO-JUTSU!"

"HOLY SHIT!" Naruto squeaked as Sasuke turned into a female version of himself with long black hair, not so big tits, and he looked like Itachi and his mother…

"DA FUCK?!" Kisame wasn't sure whether or not to run.

"I can only do this for an hour, Kissy-koi, so take me already!" Sasuke flung his female body on his lover. "Make me the mother of your child!"

"I'll try not to barf…" Kisame wrapped his body around Sasuke, but carefully pull a bag over his head to avoid the ugliness that is woman!

"Naruto, what are you do…"

"SH!" Naruto glared at Neji. "I'm watching Sas-is-gay and Kiss-me having sexy time!"

"Well whatever." Neji started to walk off when Naruto screamed and jumped on his back.

"GAH! SHARK/WEASEL PORN!" Naruto screamed. "FIRST KAKASHI ALMOST FARTS ME TO DEATH AND NOW…ALMOST GAY PORN!" Naruto's brain was mind fucked that when he seen them "doing it" WITHOUT the blanket covering them.

"GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Neji. "You stink! Did you shit on yourself?!"

"NO WAY! KAKASHI FARTED ON ME, SAKURA, AND SAS-IS-GAY!" Naruto screamed right in Neji's face. "THAT RETARD ALMOST KILLED US! AND HE TURNED HIS HOUSE INTO NOTHING BUT RUBBLE!"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Neji walked away with the blonde following him.

"He did though! I was awful! I could have been killed! Me, the future Hokage!"

'Oh crap…here he goes with the 'I'm gonna be Hokage someday!' thing…!' Neji glared at him from the corner of his eye. 'If he doesn't shut the fuck up in about two seconds, I'm going to shove his head up his own ass!'

"…and that's why I need your help!"

"To do what?"

"EXPOSE KAKASHI FOR THE FARTING BASTARD HE IS! HE COULD STRIKE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT! HE COULD FART ON ANY OF US AND MURDER US! WE MUST WARN THE VILLAGERS!"

"You're just making stuff now, Naru…" a strong smell floated by his nose. "GOOD GOD! WHAT'S THAT SMELL?! JESUS SAVE US! IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEBODY'S TRYING TO KILL US! UGH!"

"Kakashi…" Naruto glared towards the training grounds. "Come on Neji! I'll show you I'm not lying!"

"I'M NOT GOING…OH GOD…that stink…oh God help me…" Neji fainted, but not before saying, "T-tell…Gai-kun…I…I…I…I love…him…"

"GAY!" Naruto yelled at Neji's fainted body. Naruto then dragged Neji's body into the woods where the stink was coming from. Sitting in the bushes, was Kakashi, farting up a storm with his pants down, back turned to Naruto. "AH HA!"

"OH CRAP!"Kakashi jumped up, pulling up his pants. "You scared the shit outta me!"

"Literally I see…" said Naruto.

"What do you want?" Kakashi growled.

"I've got a bone to pick with you, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto pointed a finger at Neji. "LOOK WHAT YOUR FUNK DID TO POOR NEJI! YOU PROBABLY KILLED THE POOR BASTARD!"

"Quit acting so damn dumb, Naruto." Kakashi groaned. Man, he had to fart again. "Go on and play or something."

"NOT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE FOR ALMOST KILLING ME!" Naruto pointed at Kakashi's face.

"I never…" Kakashi was about to give Naruto the business, but then he literally blew himself away only to land on Neji's chest, butt to his face.

"OOF!" Neji coughed for a few seconds before seeing what was in front of him. "What the…"

Kakashi hiccupped and farted…right in Neji's face. Naruto wanted to laugh but damn that stuff stunk and he had once been in Neji's place before, so there was a bit of sympathy (or was it empathy? Hm…). Kakashi silently cursed his farts and got up, each inch was covered with farts and hiccups. 'Why can't I stop…*fart*This is annoying! WHAT DID THAT BURRITO DO TO ME?! FIRST I CAN'T SHIT, I CAN ONLY FART, AND NOW I'M DEALING WITH *FART* THIS IDIOT!'

"STOP IT, SENSEI! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" Naruto cried. "Neji may be a jackass sometimes, but he doesn't deserve this!"

"Huh?" Kakashi blushed when he realized he was above Neji and farting on him. "Oosps…heheh…sorry Neji!" he stepped aside, farting along the way.

"NARUTO WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOUR ASS!" Neji screamed in Kakashi's face. "YOU DISGUSTING PRICK!" Neji turned around to Naruto. "TO THE VILLAGE TO GET SOME LUNCH CUZ ALL THAT FAINTING MADE ME HUNGRY!"

"GAY!" Naruto shouted after Neji.

Okay, that's it for now. Uh…this chapter didn't come out as expected, but I think it's good. I think I'll bump this story up to M a little later since FF. net won't let me do it now. Should I rate this story rated M? I don't think so unless I put in some spicy lemons. The only pairings in this story I will do are these (in case you people haven't figured it out already):

NaruLee

KisaSasu

GaiNeji

KakaGai

A bit of SasuSaku (later on believe it or not)

NaruSakuLee

TenHina (yes I thought of this pairing while typing this)

And whatever I pop into my head next. I really don't need any pairing suggestions right now, but I will let you guys know when I'm going to need pairing suggestions, new story ideas (still working on those other stories BTW), or if a story's rating will change. This one's rating WILL change, but not now. See ya next chapter!