So, originally I had decided I wanted to end this holiday special but I got inspired for this year's Christmas :)
Seasonal Allergies
The twelve-year old Teddy Duchamp was being forcibly dragged through town at the firm grip of his mother's hand.
"You are going to visit Santa whether you like it or not," she stated with finality,"Your little brother isn't old enough to go so I want you to go. We are keeping the tradition alive!"
Her determination made him cringe.
"But ma, I'm twelve years old!" Teddy whined as he resisted his mother's tugged at his sleeve.
"You sure as hell aren't acting like it."
"I refuse!"
"You're going."
"Never!"
"Stop acting like a baby."
"You have no right to drag me here against my will!"
"Oh yes, I do. I am your mother and you will do as I say. Now stop embarrassing yourself and suck it up. You are going!"
"But maaaaa!" Teddy slumped his shoulders so that he looked like a sack of potatoes.
His mother gave him a look, a bitter death glare that made him stand up straight, shut his mouth, and continue walking.
"Now," she said, "brighten up a bit. Embrace the Christmas spirit!"
"I'm allergic to Christmas," he stated dryly, sneezing afterwards, "See?"
His mother sighed, "Oh for heaven's sake, just go!"
She extended her right arm at the entrance to Billy's grocery store, where Santa visited every year, and gave a final "encouraging" shove towards the door.
Teddy stumbled, muttered under his breath, and turned around to see his mother beckoning him forward.
"Oh wait, don't forget the camera!" She shouted, holding it out to him, "Make sure to get a picture. Oh! And please, no antics this time."
With a final grunt, he began to follow the masses of mothers and fathers with their young children into the building. Teddy observed that most of the kids were no older than 8, and when he walked in alongside them their mothers gave him weird looks.
"Santa, Santa!" Most shouted, "I wanna see Santa."
"You will honey, just wait your turn."
Teddy grumbled, squashed in the crowd and annoyed at all the screaming.
Multiple times he considered sneaking away without his mother noticing, but every time he tried he was pulled back in by the drag and push of the people.
"Oh for crying out loud!" He screamed when he waited for a half hour and it still appeared he wasn't moving forward at all. Mothers and fathers and children glared at him.
"What?" He asked innocently.
Children came up and poked him in the arm with candy canes.
"Aren't you too old to be visiting Santa Clause?" One snotty girl asked him, to which he almost screamed back in reply that Santa didn't actually exist. Luckily he caught himself in time and swallowed the comment.
Eventually, he was so sick of the crowd and the noise and the shoving that his occasional muttering of obscenities turned into loud shouts of rage. Families turned to him with looks of horror and anger. Many mothers quickly slapped their hands over their children's ears. Some kids snickered, some were clueless.
"Young man, if you are trying to pick a fight, go somewhere else to do it."
The dense crowd parted like the Red Sea to reveal a heavy man in a red suit with rosy cheeks and an obvious fake beard.
He was sitting up on a golden throne, fake snow and a Christmas tree surrounding him.
And sitting, perched like a bird on his lap, was none other than...
"Vern?!"
Silence.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Teddy ran towards his friend.
"Uhhhh..."
"Young man!" Santa interjected, "Young man, you will be reported to the authorities for harassment if you step any closer."
Teddy dared.
He ran up to the throne, grabbed Santa by the beard, nearly ripping it off, and whispered in his ear, "Please, I can't take these people anymore, I just need one picture. Just one. For my little brother."
Santa Clause growled, trying to push Teddy away from him. Vern fell to the floor with a thump. Children began to whimper and parents became concerned.
Teddy had Santa by the beard while at the same time attempting to snap a picture.
Eventually, Vern recovered and grabbed the camera from Teddy's hand, leaving the fat red man and the twelve year old military man to beat each other up. Santa gave a final shove, nearly knocking Teddy away from him, but Teddy managed a final punch into the jaw.
SNAP!
I bright yellow flash filled the grocery store.
Shouts of horror filled the room and families fled like rats.
Clause was on the ground, rolling in piles of cut up paper.
Teddy wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, "Well, that could have gone worse. At least this time I didn't actually reveal that Santa's a fake."
He grinned and grabbed the camera from Vern, "Thanks for snapping a pic, man" and headed smoothly out the shop doors.
"Umm, what exactly just happened?" His mother asked, standing in the parking lot with fleeing families all around her.
"Oh nothing," Teddy answered calmly. His hair and glasses were disheveled and his shirt nearly ripped in two, "I'm just allergic to Christmas, that's all."
He sneezed and handed her the camera, complete with a photo of him beating up good ol' Santa Clause. For the second time.