(Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. This fanfic is. Whoever steals either of these shall perish from the face of the Earth, along with their lovely relatives. I'll keep the house.)
Chapter 4...
"Kakuzu-san? Is that really you?" The shark-man asked cautiously, even though he already confirmed it was him by his inverted pupils and black stitches circling both his arms. Kakuzu nodded, ashamed of meeting his fellow comrades in such...inappropriate and unneeded fashion. Hidan, meanwhile, was somewhat catching up on what was going on, but was still lost. He examined Kisame and Itachi's black coat with red designs on it and guessed it was the uniform of the organization Kakuzu mentioned earlier.
Akatsuki, eh? The priest suddenly grew interested on the subject. He wanted to know more. But before he asked any questions, he quietly watched the scenario with the three Akatsuki members with curious eyes.
"Kakuzu, I never really bothered to know what your interests were," Itachi signed, "but now your starting to worry me."
"I have no interest in women's clothing!" The scarfed man spat out, his face turning pinkish once again. He huffed and snapped, "Why the hell are you guys here anyway? Weren't you two supposed to be at the Hidden Leaf Village?"
"Well," Kisame started, "it was a long distance from where Itachi-san and I were to the Hidden Leaf, and the weather conditions were not in our favor." He pointed down to the Uchiha. "Itachi-san caught a pretty bad fever from the rain a few nights before, so we've decided to stay at an inn until he is fully recovered. Which brings us here today."
Kakuzu glanced down at the shorter man. "Serves you right," he muttered, but the Uchiha prodigy caught it. He glared into the other's bright green eyes, readying his onyx ones to activate his Sharingan so he could make the masked man suffer his infamous Tsukuyomi. The shark man quickly stopped him by swiftly grabbing Kakuzu's white scarf with lightning speed and wrapped it around the younger man's eyes. Itachi, overwhelmed by the sudden impact over his eyes, fell over and landed on his buttocks with a thud. The others watched as Itachi attempted to stand up, but he kept falling again and again, and then without warning, he fainted right on the spot.
"I guess using too much chakra when you have a fever is not the smartest thing to do, huh?" Kisame chuckled, but then let out a heavy sigh. Now he HAS to carry the boy back to their inn. Oh joy. He remembered the last time he had to carry him. It was after a battle with an Anbu squad from a random village he didn't care enough to memorize. Itachi used his Mangekyou Sharingan far too long and passed out after he finished them off. The shark-man carried him "dead-deer style" and sprinted to the nearest shelter he could find. But he forgot that his over-sized weapon responded to any kind of chakra form nearby (it was on his back), and it actually sucked out (or "shaved") almost all of Itachi's leftover chakra. Therefore, he was in critical condition for a longer period of time than he was supposed to be. Afterwards, Kisame nearly lost two-thirds of his lifespan because of Itachi's "It's-All-Your-Fucking-Fault-That-I-Nearly-Died" attack, which included thousands of shuriken and kunai's showering down, several Amaterasus and Tsukuyomis (and other torture Genjyutsus), and, of course, Itachi's black double swords slashing endlessly at the poor ex-Hidden Mist nin.
This was another reason why Kisame could only carry him "bride-style" (scary images!), but he didn't approve of it very much, especially in public, even though he knew the dire consequences he must face later if he didn't.
Kakuzu watched as a familiar gloom was radiating from the blue man, along with a long, tired sigh and a slight slouch on his back. He walked up to the man and patted his back in a similar way he did with Hidan that morning. It was a reaction, a strange one, but a reaction nonetheless. Kakuzu opened his stitched mouth and asked, "You want me to carry him?" Kisame's yellow orbs lit, hinting the now-scarfless man that he should take that as a yes. He bent down and grabbed the unconscious Uchiha's back collar and pulled him up like a cat. But then he had a second thought and lowered him, still clutching on to his coat. Instead, he stood up and chose to drag him like a dead body. Since Kakuzu was quite tall, the only thing that really touched the ground was Itachi's heels.
"So, which way is the inn?"
Kisame, still slightly amused by the way Kakuzu was carrying his partner, opened his mouth to answer until
GRRRRRRROOOWLLLL...
This was the loudest protest from a stomach any man could have imagined to make. It was so loud, all three men could of sworn that people halfway across the WORLD would have heard that. Locals stopped their chatting abruptly as they were interrupted by the internal complaint. They looked around for the source of the noise, but soon shrugged it off and continued with their life. Kakuzu thanked every God in existence that people were ignorant enough to not notice it was him. He set his free had on his stomach and felt the soundless vibration of his empty stomach settle after a few seconds. His inverted eyes stared down, thinking, I'm guessing that's not such a good sign. A hand landed on each of his shoulders suddenly and Kakuzu spun his head around to see two concerned faces of Hidan and Kisame.
"Kakuzu-san, I believe it's time for you to eat."
"You're not going anywhere until that damn stomach of yours is full."
The ex-Hidden Falls nin was slightly dumbfounded, but then nodded his head, not noticing a smile forming on his stitched lips.
With Kisame leading the group, all three men (and one passed out Itachi) started to walk towards the center of the Harusame Village. The designs on Kakuzu's skirt glittered brilliantly as it flowed on behind, catching the attention of random locals who were trying to figure out whether he was a male or female. Maybe even a transsexual. But they tried not to think of that.
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Making their way through the small crowd of Harusame Village, Hidan thought through all the questions he was planning to ask once they got to a restaurant. He mentally listed all the evidence that he has gathered so far:
The Akatsuki Organization is a secret alliance which was created relatively recently, therefore is the reason why he has never heard of it
He noticed a long, thin scar passing through two of the nin's headgear, so he assumes that they're both missing-nins from other Hidden Villages
Judging by their appearance and chakra level, all or at least most of the members are highly skilled Jounins, Anbu Captains, or any other elite-level ninjas
Supposedly, all the members know each other fairly well, meaning that there are only a small number of people who actually joined
Since there are only a small number of members, he highly doubted that each ninja would go on missions alone. Maybe a two to three ninjas per group, but not solo
So, he concluded, Kakuzu came the the village to either look for his missing partner or to find a new one. Hidan smirked, partially assuming it was him. But then a new question arose. Why me? There are plenty of other powerful missing-nins out there. His ruby eyes looked straight at the man in front of him who was still dragging the blindfolded Itachi like a child with a rag doll.
Why me?
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"How's here?" Kisame pointed out a small blue restaurant a few feet away. It looked like a fairly simple place until they looked up and stared at the sign that read, "Great White" in big bold letters. Two sharks were painted on the sign, each posed to bite off one of the letters. A number of yellow light bulbs rimmed the edges, flickering on and off every now and then.
"These people are wasting money on their electricity bill," Kakuzu commented. "They should know that nobody's going to notice that the lights are on, especially in the afternoon."
"Kakuzu-san, I know you have a fetish for money, but it's not yours, so why should you care?" The shark-man said, giving the other man a stern expression. The stitched man frowned and gave Kisame the same face.
"Kisame, I know you have a fetish for fish, but that doesn't mean you have to drag the rest of us down with you, ya know?" Kakuzu huffed. A vein of anger was visible on the ex-Hidden Falls nin's face. He was fond of the ex-Hidden Mist nin and rarely got into any arguments with him, but when the stitch-man was in a foul mood like he was now, no matter who it was, his temper rose at the smallest things until he finally snapped.
The shark-man shot him a menacing glare, his hands ghosting over the handle of his Samehada threateningly. Kakuzu responded to the threat by raising his free hand. The thick black stitches on his forearm loosened themselves and slithered around his arm like a snake. The tip of it rose up like a head, as if it was readying itself to strike it's prey.
Hidan was quite amused with the show. He watched as sparks were flying everywhere between the two Akatsuki member's eyes, glaring at each other to death. He bet his money on Kakuzu, even though he didn't have anybody to bet with (isn't that the point?).
Both were ready to clobber one another until
GRRRRRROWWLLLLL...
Both members froze in place, unable to respond to what just happened. Kisame bit his lip trying to hold in the urge to crack up and weaken his guard. But the man in front of him seemed to have lost the will to fight. The black string (tentacle? stitch?) sewed itself back into his arm as he put it down.
"Aw, fuck it. Let's go in and eat." Kakuzu then turned his head around to look down at the still-unconscious Uchiha. Feeling unkind and evil all the sudden (not that he already wasn't), he dropped Itachi who hit his head in the dirt road. Hard. His eyes snapped open behind the white scarf and tears of pain were already welled up inside.
"...!!!" A soundless scream of pain from the prodigy pleased the stitched man. Kakuzu was not very fond of the young man, for he was "a damn stuck-up, no good sone of a bitch" as he claims, so inflicting pain on him in some way, shape, or form made Kakuzu happy. Plus, Itachi had to suffer a fever, so it made Kakuzu a very happy person.
"We're going inside to eat. Get up and stay up," Kakuzu said to the Uchiha, "'cause I am defiantly NOT going to drag you around like Zetsu's next meal."
"..." Itachi sat up and unwrapped the cloth over his eyes. His face darkened as he glared at the taller man. Kakuzu gave a humph and walked off towards Kisame. As the Uchiha gave no sign of attempt to get up, the forgotten priest went up to him and offered some assistance. Itachi, having high pride and reputation, shot his now Sharingan eyes dangerously at him that said, "TOUCH ME AND PERISH." Hidan was freaked out by the Uchiha's eyes suddenly change from onyx to crimson within milliseconds. While he was frozen in place, Itachi smoothly stood up and caught up with the other two men who were already standing in front of the "Great White" restaurant, waiting for the younger two.
"Hidan!" Kakuzu called over to Hidan loudly. The silver haired priest swung his head so fast he thought he heard his neck crack. Ignoring the strange snapping sound that came from Hidan, Kakuzu continued, "What the hell are you waiting for? The Apocalypse? Hurry up!" Hidan tried to nod, but his head was stuck in the somewhat painful position. He took his hands and placed them on both sides of his head. He jerked them around quickly to face front, cracking his neck back in it's normal position.
"I'm comin', I'm comin'." The priest rose and strode towards the group, rolling his neck side to side making popping noises along the way. The other three members looked at him like he was crazy or something, but shrugged it off and all four marched inside.
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Author: I never really planned to write so many chapters for such a stupid story. But ah, well, at least I'm not wasting anymore paper with my drawings now
Hidan: Kakuzu's finally gonna be able to eat! REJOICE!
Kakuzu: What did you say about letting me "eat after the next chapter"?
Author: Er...cake?
Kakuzu: I'M GOING TO EAT YOU INSTEAD BITCH!!!!!!
Author: GYAAAAAAAHHH!!! Don't eat me! I, I, I taste like...um, uh...BUTT!!!
Kakuzu: Why you little...!!!
Kisame: (Holds Kakuzu back) Please Kakuzu-san! Some decency and patients! It's still working on the fifth chapter right now!
Kakuzu: I don't give a shit! LET ME KILL IT!!!!!!!!!
Itachi: If you kill it, you'll never be able to eat again, Kakuzu. I don't even know Kishimoto's gonna be planning to make a scene with you eating anything, unless he kills you off like he did with Sasori...
Sasori: Hey, I'm still alive now you bastard
(Pause)
All (but Sasori): OH MY GWAD!!!! ZOMBIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! (runs)
Sasori: ...damn you all (walks off)