Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

Notes: Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script. Some obviously for this work of fan fiction.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

Chapter 4

Life goes on

25 December 1940, Tallis House

Emily Tallis emerged from her bedroom. Her migraine still raged but she felt it was necessary to play hostess. She had after all insisted on having everyone for Christmas dinner. Her thoughts turned to Cecilia, her second child and eldest daughter. She would always take on the hostess duties without question, although she knew she was somewhat reluctant, she never complained. Christmas had always been one of her favorite holidays. She was always so thoughtful in the gifts she chose for each family member. She was the only one of her children she allowed to comfort her when she had one of her migraines. Cecilia was the most like her and probably suffered herself. But her little girl had a stubborn side as well. It was that stubbornness that often put a rift in their otherwise loving relationship of mother and daughter.

She stumbled against the banister at the head of the stairs and rubbed her throbbing temples. Smoke. She smelled cigarette smoked and whipped around to face an empty hallway. She laughed to herself realizing that her first reaction was to yell at Cecilia. The door to Cecilia's room had been locked since the day she left home almost five years ago. She felt a little silly turning to yell at Cecilia but she smelled smoke. She was sure of it. She wiped a tear from her eye and continued down the stairs. She missed her daughter ever since she left home. She admired her for her stubbornness and love in her defense of Robbie. She knew her daughter liked the young man but never realized just how much until that day in the courthouse. Nothing was more heartbreaking than to hear usually strong and defiantly confident daughter break down in tears when the guilty verdict was read. Now there was no chance of ever telling her daughter just how much she loved her as she had learned that she had died in the underground tube station of Balham.

That was one of the reasons she had made such an effort to surround herself with family for the holiday despite the war going on. She would never get the chance to see her Little Cee again. Leon had arrived. As did her niece and her husband Paul Marshall. Her nephews Jackson and Pierrot had learned to call the Tallis household home since their attempt to run away. Briony had called at three am as she was getting off her shift to wish her a Merry Christmas. The hospitals were swamped. Her husband Jack was the only holdout. He was as he said stuck at the Ministry when he phoned. With the bombings everybody had to remain and work. Something didn't feel right to Emily. How could he just brush off the family like that? Cecilia was dead. She died because as a result of the war. He could have at least asked. So she decided to ring up the Ministry to attempt to protest and get him home for the holiday only to find that the Ministry had been closed due to the bombings. What she had suspected for a long time was now confirmed. It saddened her but she decided instead to focus on the family she had. She had even renewed her friendship with Robbie's mother Grace after learning of his death. She would be joining them for dinner.

She entered the drawing room with a smile on her face as she was happily greeted by her son. He asked her if he could mix her a drink or if she wanted a mug of Paul's hot rum and chocolate.

"Gin and tonic," she found herself saying and then chuckled to herself. She had never fancied gin too much but it was Cecilia's favorite.

***

Robbie found Cecilia sitting on the stairs smoking a cigarette. He chuckled. "Cee, you know you are not supposed to be smoking on the stairs."

"I wasn't supposed to smoke in the house but that never stopped me from lighting up in my room." Cecilia responded. "And how do you know I'm not supposed to be smoking on the stairs?"

"My mother used to come home complaining about your mother complaining to her about your smoking." Robbie replied. "Sometimes she blamed me for getting you hooked."

"It's not your fault." she replied reassuring him. Cecilia changed the subject. "Did you enjoy your tour of the house?"

"I did. I never realized how big this house was. How did you not get lost?" Robbie asked.

"Who says I didn't?" Cecilia laughed. "Unlike Leon however, I figured out that if I went into the service tunnels, I would end up in the kitchen, or the linen room. I usually found your mother there and she helped me find my way to where I wanted to go. You didn't go into my room did you?"

Robbie shook his head. "You asked me not to. What are you hiding, Cee? You've been in my room. You even slept in my bed!"

Cecilia smiled. "Only once. You were there that night, weren't you?" She asked.

"I was." Robbie replied. "I was there the day you heard of my death as well. I wanted to comfort you, but I couldn't."

"I thought I felt you." Cecilia replied. "If you really want to look inside my room, you can. I have nothing to hide from you. But it doesn't look like my room now. I cleaned it before I left home."

Robbie gasped. "You cleaned?! I heard about how you kept your room." He responded. "It would be no fun if you cleaned it. Let's go to the library instead and have sex!"

"Robbie! Someone might hear us!"

"We're ghosts. We can do anything."

Cecilia playfully hit him across the chest. "You're impossible!"

Robbie pouted and walked away toward the kitchen like a defeated little boy. Cecilia laughed and followed him.

In the kitchen, Betty still ran a very tight ship. There were new younger faces in the kitchen but there was little doubt about who was in charge.

Grace Turner sat diligently polishing the silver. She was still the best at it so the job was hers. Betty told her that since she had been invited for dinner with the family she did not have to help out in the kitchen, but Grace insisted. Betty noticed that she did things a little differently than she usually did. Rather than just pick up and polish as she went, Grace seemed to be saving all the spoons for the last.

A roast cooked in the oven.

Robbie and Cecilia entered the kitchen. Cecilia took in the aroma of the roast. She always loved the aroma of a roast cooking in the oven far more than actually eating it. Leon was the one who always loved a finely cooked roast. It made a far better meal for a cold Christmas dinner than it did on a hot summer day. But Cecilia had insisted on having one on that summer day for Leon's sake because of his fondness of the meal.

Robbie moved behind his mother as she polished the first of the spoons that she had left. She shivered as he passed. She whipped around thinking that she had seen something reflecting in the spoon but saw nothing. She smiled and then returned to her polishing. Robbie smiled.

Cecilia started to laugh as Betty scolded a couple of the younger girls. Giggles erupted from a few of the others as Betty walked away frustrated.

"What's so funny, Cee?" Robbie asked wrapping his arms around her from behind. "What's gotten Betty so frustrated?"

"Oh, Betty, lighten up!" one of the younger girls responded. "It's true! I don't care if Mr. Marshall is a millionaire. If he's so rich then he should be able to afford to pay someone to pluck the pubic hair growing from his nose and ears!"

The other girls giggled.

"And those poor soldiers!" another girl added dramatically placing her hand to her forehead. "Having to carry the extra weight of those awful 'Ammo Bars' in their packs."

"That is enough!" Betty screamed.

Cecilia snuggled into Robbie before turning to face him. "That was my first impression of him." she laughed. "I told Leon that he certainly thought he was the cat's pajamas considering he had pubic hair growing out of his ears."

Feeling a little self conscious, Robbie stuck a finger in his ear. Did he have unsightly hair growing out of his ears too?

Cecilia snorted. "Don't worry, darling. You don't have hair growing out of your ears, or any where else that would be considered unsightly." she responded kissing him on the cheek.

"She's right about his chocolate though," Robbie replied removing his finger. "The sugar casing was hard as a rock and much too sweet. When you did manage to bite through it your teeth stuck together. Because of the heat, the chocolate was usually melted. And it didn't taste very good."

She cringed at her own memory. "You should try his 'absolutely scrumptious chocktail' made with rum and melted dark chocolate."

Robbie made a face. "Oh, sounds absolutely delicious," he replied sarcastically. "I don't know what would be worse. Hot or cold?"

"You're lucky. He's not related to you." Cecilia replied. "Although, if we had married he would be."

"Related? I thought he was Leon's friend."

"He is. But he's married to my stupid cousin Lola now." Cecilia replied with disgust. "I suppose that is why he's here for Christmas dinner."

Robbie sighed. He knew that Leon was always trying to set his sister up with one of his rich friends. "Cee, had things happened differently... had the twins not run away..."

"Would I have accepted a proposal from him?" Cecilia finished. "I honestly don't know."

"You don't know?" Robbie asked sounding a bit hurt. He had expected Cecilia to say something along the lines of 'Oh, don't be silly, darling. You know my heart belonged to you'... He could hear her say 'darling' the same way her mother called her father 'darling' every time he read the word in her letters.

"I'm sorry, Robbie. I was being honest. I can't say what I would have done." She answered. "Did I want to marry him? No. Did I even want to be married? I don't know. I supposed I felt as though it was a sense of duty... and would have said 'yes'. But things happened the way they did for a reason, darling. As painful as it was, we are together now, and that is all that matters."

Robbie smiled and took her by the hand. He led her outside toward the fountain. He knew how much her family meant to her. He knew how hard it must have been for her to leave them behind and turn her back on them. He could hardly believe it when his mother told him that she had left home during one of her visits while he was in prison.

As they walked across the grounds to the fountain, Robbie walked a circle around Cecilia to admire her much like he did that fateful afternoon and Cecilia laughed. He loved to hear her laugh. He loved the way her dress flowed behind her. He loved everything about her. He loved her.

Reaching the fountain Cecilia stood on the edge as though ready to jump in. "Triton's arm is missing," she replied climbing down to sit next to Robbie. "I wonder what happened to it..."

Robbie shrugged. The awkwardness of that fateful summer day was gone. They sat together comfortably as they were meant to be. They were no longer 'the eldest daughter' and 'the charlady's son', they were simply 'Robbie and Cecilia'.

Looking into the nearly frozen murky water of the fountain, Cecilia groaned. "I can't believe I took my clothes off in front of you just to retrieve that silly piece of the vase." She chuckled. "What was I thinking?"

"I didn't mind." Robbie teased. "Saved me the trouble. Although the water would have felt nice, and you did look fantastic when you came out."

Cecilia turned and glared at him. "What do you mean I looked 'fantastic'?" she asked in a very serious tone. "Just what did you see?"

Robbie turned red and swallowed nervously. He had never seen a look on Cecilia's face like that before. Relax, he told himself. She's teasing you. Think about it, Turner. She let you feel between her legs in the library. It wasn't working. He tried to speak but only a pathetic little squeak came out.

Her glare did not waver. "You did! You saw something that day when I stood before you in my wet underclothes, didn't you?" she continued still in her 'Ward Sister' mode.

More squeaks. Cecilia burst out laughing and cupped Robbie's cheek before kissing him passionately. Robbie relaxed as they kissed. When they parted Cecilia was smiling at him.

"Cee?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Promise me you will never look at me like that again."

She smiled and kissed him. "I promise."

Robbie looked down at the murky water. "So this is where it all started, isn't it?" he replied. "Both of us were so foolish that afternoon, weren't we?"

Cecilia looked back toward the house at the steps where Robbie had been sitting rolling a cigarette, then toward her sister's bedroom window. "No," she responded. "It all began in the drawing room with my ridiculous decision to fill the vase in the fountain when I could have easily filled it in the kitchen just to have an excuse to walk past you."

Robbie snickered. "I always wondered why you were filling the vase in the fountain."

"And the only reason I asked you for a cigarette was because I lost my nerve to talk to you once I made it outside."

The two of them looked at each other lovingly, then burst out laughing.

Once he composed himself, Robbie knelt down before Cecilia and took her left hand in his. He looked her in the eyes. "Cecilia?"

"Robbie..."

"Will you marry me?"

Cecilia felt like crying. She had waited so long to hear him ask her. "Yes." she replied with conviction. "I will."

Robbie kissed her. "Merry Christmas, Cee."

"Merry Christmas, Robbie."