A/N: Wow, it's been a long time since I last updated this fanfic... but here it is! Thanks for the reviews and everyone that have been reading! ;)
I'm feeling weird...
Maybe the word weird isn't even enough to describe how I'm feeling now, how I've been feeling lately. I've been feeling the weirdest sensations that I've ever felt in my life, and I didn't know if that was good, because it made me feel... well, weird, and that made me start to think that I was sick or something like that. I've searched for medical advice, but still I had no answer to what I was feeling, since it looked like I was perfectly healthy. And that only made me more confused.
If I wasn't sick, what could be happening to me?
I've started to search for answers to why I was feeling like that, I even thought that I was feeling like that because I've eaten something that I shouldn't, but after a little time I've realized that food had nothing to do with it. It wasn't because of something that I was feeling like that... it was because of someone, since all those things that I was feeling intensified when I was close to this certain person.
In these days when we were going to our next destination, I had the opportunity to spend more time and to know Torao better, and I could see a lot of new things about him, sides of him that I had never seen before, and all that only made me feel even more weird. The gentle smile that he now used to give me when he seen each other, or when we were talking. The way that he silently laughed while I told him about my adventures, something that I had never seen him do before, something that I grew to love. The gentle expression he had on his face and the caring way that he talked about his crew; it was clear how much he likes them and care about them.
In a short amount of time, the way that I've felt about him changed, and I couldn't look at him in the eyes without getting nervous, or stay close to him without feeling my heart beating fast, or to look at him without thinking how beautifull he was. This thoughts and sensations only made me feel more and more confused with every passing day, and I even thought in talking about it with him, but decided that it would better if I didn't, since I was afraid that if I did, he would think that he was making me feel sick or something like that and wouldn't want to be around me anymore.
But I really needed to talk with someone about it, so I went to talk with the first person that I could think of. Robin. She's older and knows about many things, so she probably could help me with my problems and confusions.
I've run to the library, where she probably would be, opening the door and calling out for her without even knowing if she was really there.
"Robin, are you there? I need help!" I almost screamed once I was inside the place, feeling a big relief when I saw that she was really there, looking at me, smiling calmly as she closed the book on her hands.
"What happened, Luffy? Why are you so agitated?" She asked me, looking a little worried, and I wasted no time in approaching her and sitting in a chair nearby, hoping that she could really help me.
"I don't know, but I'm feeling really weird! I thought that I was sick, but I'm not sick, and even like that I still feel like I'm sick. I'm feeling all weird and I don't know why..." I've started to explain to her, and she looks at me with a confused look on her face, as if she wasn't understanding what I was saying.
"... but what exactly are you feeling, Luffy? Can you describe it to me?" She asked me, trying to understand what I was talking about, and I started to think in the best way to describe it to her. It was hard to explain something that I didn't even knew what it was, but would try my best to do so.
"Well... I'm feeling my tummy all weird, and my head is confused, and sometimes it feels like I have a fever and my heart beats so fast that it looks like I'm going to have a heart attack!" I've explained to her everything that I was feeling, without telling her the most important part, that it was someone that was making me feel like that. And it seemed that I wouldn't need to do that, since she was looking at me as if she was understanding what was going on.
"I see... tell me something, do you feel like this when you are close to someone?" She asks curiously, and get surprised at how she guessed that without me saying anything. How did she know that? Did she know that I've felt like this for Torao too?
"Yeah... but how do you know that?" I asked him, obviously curious, wondering if she could read minds or something like that. That would be really, really useful, since I could use it to know about many things, like how Torao felt about me.
"It was just a guess, but it seems that I'm really right." He says and then gives a small laugh, looking at me in a very weird way. "You're not sick, Luffy... all these things you've described to me... they mean you're in love."
"In love?" I asked her, confused, not really knowing what she was talking about. I've heard about something like that before, a long time ago. I remember Ace talking about what meant being in love, in one of our conversations about what I should know about life, but I couldn't remember anything he had said on that day because I wasn't really paying attention, so I didn't really know what that meant.
"Yes... how much do you know about love, Luffy?" She asks me, looking curious, and I've started to think deeply about it. I know what love is, I know because of what I've felt for Ace, because people used to tell me that what I've felt for him was love, but I got confused, because what I feel for Torao is different.
"Well... love is when someone is special to you, right? Like Ace was to me. But what I feel for Ace is different of what I'm feeling for Torao. Is this love too?" I asked her, even more confused, and by the way that she was looking at me I could tell that she noticed that. Everything was so confusing now, ever since I've started to feel like this for Torao things had been like this, and I needed to put an end to this confusion as quick as I could.
"Yes, it is, there are many different kinds of love, Luffy. The love you feel for Torao-kun is... how can I explain, the romantic kind of love. This is what makes people become lovers." She explained to me, and then things started to make sense then. I understood what she explained to me, I knew what lovers were, and started to think about the idea of me and Torao being lovers. That could mean that I could hold his hand, hug him whenever I wanted, to tell him freely what I've felt for him and could be always beside him. I really would like that to happen, but...
"I get it now, what this kind of love is. I would really like that me and Torao could become lovers, but... I don't know if he would want that. I don't know how he feels about me." I've said, and this was really a problem. I don't know if he feels the same way that I do, I don't even know how he thinks and feels about me, and this was a big trouble. I've never really thought about it, much less asked him how he felt for me.
"I see... maybe you could get answers to that if you tell him how you feel." Robin says, smiling as if she was confident about what she was suggesting. It surprised me a bit, since I didn't expect her to tell me to just go to him and tell him how I feel. Maybe she had seen something that told her that things would just work out, or maybe she know how Torao feels about me? I thought of asking her, but decided not to do so.
"Yeah, I maybe I should do that..." I say, really considering doing what Robing had said. Maybe telling him about my feelings would be the best decision, and like this I surely would know what he feels for me. I really needed to do that. And that would be no problem for me, since I've always told people how I feel for them, and this time it would be different.
At least that's what I thought, what I've kept repeating in my mind over and over again.
"You really should, Luffy. You should tell him how you feel, you'll never know what will happen if you don't." Robin then finishes, and the confidence in her words really motivated me.
She was right, if I didn't tell him how I feel, I would never know if he feels the same for me, I would never know if we could be together, if he wanted us to be together, and she made me see that.
Talking with her really was the best decision, and I was glad that I did so.
"I'll do that now! Thanks Robin!" I thanked her, giving a big smile, before turning my back to her and storming out from the library, looking for Torao in every corner of the ship, feelings more and more anxious with every step that I took. I thought that telling him about how i've felt would be easy, but it seems that I was really wrong about it, the weird sensations and the anxious that I was feeling telling me that. But that wouldn't stop myself.
I was going to tell Torao how I felt about him, even if I was afraid of what happened after what I did. I didn't know how he would react to that, or what he would think about that, and i know that could distance him from me, that he would not want to have me around anymore, but I had to tell him, or like Robin told me, I would never know what might happen if I didn't.
I would take any risk, because there was a chance that things would work out.
Because there was a chance that I could be with him, like I really wanted to.
And that was worth taking any risk.