I am going to be interviewing both you and Mr Quirrell as a pair. Is that OK?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Sure, why not.
Quirell - Flower King: - *nods*
Excellent. Now, you and Mr Quirrell have been in a love triangle with Mr Voldemort for a while, correct?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Not exactly. That small rodent tried to steal him away from me by latching his soul onto his. However, the Dark Lord will always be mine! I am his closest follower, and I WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Bella, he chose to latch his soul onto mine, not the other way round. And the moment that happened, he was mine. HE IS MINE!
Bellatrix Lestrange: ABSOLUTELY NOT! You may share a body, but we share MORE than that! He is MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE !
Bellatrix Lestrange: Mine!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Your physical relationship is just that! Pure sex. He doesn't love you. HE LOVES ME!
Bellatrix Lestrange: NOT AT ALL! He loves me! If you can't realise and accept that, then you're not intelligent enough to know MY Lord, never mind share a body with him!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Bella. We're engaged.
Bellatrix Lestrange: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh, stop! I'm going to pee!
Quirrell - Flower king!: We're engaged, and we've adopted Ginny Weasley. YOUR Lord and Ginny are my family now!
Bellatrix Lestrange: Well, apparently not, seeing as I saw him just this morning and we...well, he denied it. He was telling the truth, he wouldn't lie to me!
Quirrell - Flower king!: He's just trying to spare your silly little schoolgirl crush...
Bellatrix Lestrange: Oh, please. It's not a school girl crush, much less silly. It is LOVE, which you willl never know, SQUIRREL.
Quirrell - Flower king!: So go on, tell me. What do you define as love?
Bellatrix Lestrange: What me and the Dark Lord share.
Bellatrix Lestrange: My apologies, the Dark Lord and I.
Quirrell - Flower king!: No, Bella. Tell me. What do YOU feel love is? What is love?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Love is the most spectacular,indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone or something.
Quirrell - Flower king!: You use so many big words for something so SIMPLE!
Bellatrix Lestrange: Just because you're too STUPID to understand.
Changing the subject... How do you fell about your character being killed off, by Molly Weasley of all people?
Bellatrix Lestrange: *laughing at Quirrell's inability to reply* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA owned!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Bellatrix, i'm a school teacher, left with high OWLs and NEWTs, and went on to teach many subjects. You left Hogwarts with a bucket and more STDs than physically possible. How am I the stupid one?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Still more intelligent that you.
Quirrell - Flower king!: *sarcastically* Yes. Obviously *rolls eyes*
Bellatrix Lestrange: *smirks* Anyhow, back on subject.
Yes... So, your being killed. How do you feel?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Personally, I feel fluffy inside.
Quirrell - Flower king!: FLUFFY!?
Care to explain?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Death is good.
Yet here you are, alive and well...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *walks into the room* Back again! What did I miss?
Quirrell - Flower king!: Quite a bit Ginevra. *glares at Bellatrix*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: That's nice
What ACTUALLY happened at the battle of Hogwarts?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Who is this aimed at?
Both of you? If you wish to answer the question.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Oh well, I mostly made out with Harry...
Miss Lestrange? What actually happened from your perspective?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Well, I was being this badass thing, cursing people into next week, and I was kicking ass. The Dark Lord was winning, and then that Potter brat tried to kill us all. He's so annoying! Anyway, back to me. I was doing this really awesome battle thing, it was epic! I was doing so well, and everone was so scared of me. I've never had so much fun!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: And then my mum killed you. It was awesome!
Quirrell - Flower king!: And then Potter came in, and tried to kill you with a hammer...
*Interviewer writes all of this down.*
Bellatrix Lestrange: Well, that's what I wanted you to think. I merely cast a spell, making me appear to die, and hid. Now, I'm waiting for the right moment to strike.
Quirrell - Flower king! Very SMART of you to announce your plans to a reporter, Bella!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Hmm... Sorry Interview-person, I just need to call my ex-boyfriend a moment. *walks away and pulls out phone*
By all means Miss Weasley.
Note: - Since Last months issue, having our interview with Harry and Ginny together, the happy couple has separated Ginny talks now about a fellow called Dean Thomas...
Bellatrix Lestrange: I'm revealing this for a reason, Squirrel, so how about you shush up.
Quirrell - Flower king!: Well this is the best reunion ever, Bella!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *on phone* Oh, hey Harry! Look, listen a sec...
There is some talk that you and Mr Lucius Malfoy had a fling?
Bellatrix Lestrange: That's a long story. You see, he and Dobby had...messed up...and Narcissa was being a bitch, if I'm honest...and...it was one time, okay?
Do you harbor any feelings for Mr Malfoy?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn re-entered the interview room.
Bellatrix Lestrange: Hahahahahaha! Nope.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *closes phone and walks back over*
Muggles pair you two up on the internet, as well as you and Severus Snape, you and Yaxley... you and Mr Quirrell, the obvious you and Mr Voldemort...
Quirrell - Flower king!: *hugs Ginny* you OK? *registers comment and looks disgusted* Ew...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *hugs Squirrell back* Why wouldn't I be?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Yes, well, Muggles are STUPID, aren't they.
Bellatrix Lestrange: LIKE SQUIRREL
Quirrell - Flower king!: If i'm so stupid, how come I'm the one who got everything YOU wanted, Trixie?
Bellatrix Lestrange: Hush up, you.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Leave him alone! He's my adopted parent!
Quirrell - Flower king!: *looks smug*
Quirrell - Flower king!: See? Told ya!
Bellatrix Lestrange: Shut up, fire head. Or I will set your head on fire.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Try me!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: And you can't talk about MY hair! Have you ever SEEN a hairbrush?
Quirrell - Flower king!: *raises wand* Don't. Touch her.
Bellatrix Lestrange: It's a lifestyle choice. And you just stio me.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Jelly Legs Jinx!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Ginny... no...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Oops. Too late. Sorry Squirrell.
*interviewer hides*
Bellatrix Lestrange: Unjellify! Crucio!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *ducks*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *bat bogey hexes*
Bellatrix Lestrange: *dodge* Missed me! Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Shit... just... Ginny! *grabs her away from spells*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Silencio!
Quirrell - Flower king!: She CAN do non-verbal spells you know. Not that well, but-
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Oh. Um...
Bellatrix Lestrange: *Sends non-verbal Crucios at you both*
Quirrell - Flower king!: Stay behind me - *gets hit by Crucio, collapses to floor silently screaming*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: SQUIRREL! Oh no you didn't!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *sends lots of spells at Bella*
Bellatrix Lestrange: *Lifts spell* HAHAHAHAHAHA OH YEAH I DID! *Ducks and dodges them all*
Quirrell - Flower king!: *sends non-verbal expelliarmous at Bellatrix*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Melofors!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: I don't even know what that does but what the hell!
Quirrell - Flower king!: Ginny? What have I told you about sending spells you don't know that well?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: I think it's the pumpkin head spell...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: I picked it up from some game...
Bellatrix Lestrange: Whoops, missed me! *Cackles*
Quirrell - Flower king!: ... You're grounded from X-box for a week!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Damn.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Aguamenti?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *water bursts out of wand into Bella's face*
Quirrell - Flower king!: Will you just SIT DOWN!? *non-verbally moves a chair to catch her as she falls. Painfully.*
Bellatrix Lestrange: *giggles* INCENDIO!
Quirrell - Flower king!: AGUAMENTI! *water meets flame*
Quirrell - Flower king!: Nice spell. You're ungrounded.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ALOHOMORA! *door opens* Dammit!
Quirrell - Flower king!: ... *facepalm*
Is it safe to come out?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Nope
Quirrell - Flower king!: *Gives Ginny phone* Text Tom. Get him here. Only he can stop this crazy person.
Bellatrix Lestrange: CRUCIO! *Hits Ginny while she's not looking*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *wasn't looking*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Ow.
Quirrell - Flower king!: ... *walks slowly towards Bella*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: That didn't even hurt that much.
Bellatrix Lestrange: Should I make it hurt?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Nah. I'm fine thanks.
Quirrell - Flower king!: She still hit you... *stands in front of Bella.* You cursed my daughter.
Bellatrix Lestrange: Hahahahahahahha So I did.
Quirrell - Flower king!: *punches Bella in the face. Hard.* STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY FAMILY! TOM! GINNY! THEY ARE MINE. I WON! YOU LOST! DEAL!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ... Go Squirrel!
Bellatrix Lestrange: *Hair Whips Squirrel, knocking him to the floor* How about no!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Legilimens! I mean, whatever the hell that does...
Quirrell - Flower king!: What the hell is your hair made of? *rubs face*
Bellatrix Lestrange: DEATH! *Banshee Screech*
Quirrell - Flower king!: *actually laughs* I knew this girl was crazy!
Bellatrix Lestrange: *Cackles* And it smells like strawberries!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Really? Oooh...
Quirrell - Flower king!: Ginny?! Well, Strawberries do smell nice...
Bellatrix Lestrange: STRAWBERRIES AND DEATH!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: It's an interesting combination, Squirrell...
Quirrell - Flower king!: Now... are we going to sit down and finish this before someone get's killed?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Course not. That would be boring
Quirrell - Flower king!: *shakes head* I blame Tom... What has he taught you?
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: That life is exciting
Quirrell - Flower king!: Well if you keep going on like his, life will be incredibly short too!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ...
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: ...
Quirrell - Flower king!: Aw Ginny, don't cry. *Hugs* I just want you to LIVE life, as in live as long as possible.
Bellatrix Lestrange: *Cackles*
Quirrell - Flower king!: *keeps wand raised* Why are you laughing...?
Bellatrix Lestrange: 'Tis Funny!
Quirrell - Flower king!: That's only because you heartless!
Bellatrix Lestrange: Obviously.
Quirrell - Flower king!: ... oh... right. I walked into that one...
Bellatrix Lestrange: Like you'll walk into Death? Yeah, I know.
Quirrell - Flower king!: No one will die. Not today.
Quirrell - Flower king!: Except you if you hurt Ginny!
Bellatrix Lestrange: We'll see...
Quirrell - Flower king!: *raises wand, ready to defend*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *just sits and watches, ready to get the popcorn back out*
Quirrell - Flower king!: Ginny! At least cast a shield around yourself!
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: Fine... Protego!
Quirrell - Flower king!: *nods approvingly*
Bellatrix Lestrange: *sits and giggles* Can we get on with the interview, or did someone kill the interviewer?
*shaking under a desk*
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *sighs*
W-well, I w-was going t-to ask wh-what your relationship w-with each other is, bu-but I can see it clearly.
Ginny the Ginger Devil Spawn: *nods* Yep...
Note: - Since Miss Lestrange was bored, she cruciod the interviewer for an hour before leaving, making it clear she never wanted to see them ever again.