NIGHT

So funny—you never know what you'll want afterwards.

I thought the first thing I'd want was a hot shower with the temperature set one degree below scald, and then a big plate of turkey and dressing, heavy on the cranberry sauce, but it wasn't.

Oh, I got the shower, all right, and it was a heck of a lot better than the light that was all I had to wash in this morning. Say what you want, hot water feels pretty great, though I wasn't dirty or even sweaty. I just wanted to get that place off me!

That darn chain! Well, I feel a lot stronger about slavery now! Maybe I'd even have something to add to a discussion if one came up. Maybe not. There's something about it I don't want to talk about; freely, that is.

That's why the first thing I wanted surprised me: a big mug of coffee and a few minutes alone here in my room, before the rejoicing gets going good. I didn't even turn the light on! You'd think I would have had enough of alone—just sitting there all day—trying to keep it together—don't know that I did such a good job, though. There towards the end, I almost let it get away from me.

I started out good, but—guess I let my thoughts go too much. It was spooky; that damn gray door—who knew what could come through? Or whether it would ever open again?

God, I could think up a million things—all of them, bad—some, really bad—some, fucking terrifying! Nobody wants a broken bone or knocked-out tooth, I don't care how tough! Or to starve to death or die of thirst.

And then him—scary, though I don't think I showed it, at all. I stood right up and looked at him that second time! Proud of that, but it was hard.

But him, besides his size, he could have knocked me down in a heartbeat, and then kicked me all over the place. Hell, I would have bounced off walls like a tethered soccer ball!

Man, this coffee tastes great.

Don't guess there was much spring in that chain, though. I probably wouldn't have gone far.

I thought he would. I braced myself—at least for something. I only saw him twice—scary—shit, I'm surprised I didn't need that shower, but not for my hair, ha! —Especially that second time. He came in—stalked in—like he does—stomping those boots. I noticed them that time for some reason; maybe I thought I was going to get much better acquainted with them real soon!

And he just stood there—almost shaking-like he—that's when I got really scared. Like he was holding himself back from knocking me senseless!

Yeah, if I'm honest, I thought he might kill me!

All I remember was that stare at me—pure disgust. Something hadn't worked out like he planned. I think he was revolted. He loathed me, hated me. No, that's too strong a word. It wasn't that personal. He just couldn't be bothered with something as worthless, useless to him as me. I'm sure of that part. Absolutely sure!

Maybe he had bought all the hype about me and then found out the truth and knew he'd been cheated, big time!

But what puzzles me still—I think about it and I guess I will for a while—my mind goes back to what he said when he turned away—it's like I am seeing it again—every detail in slow motion—he turned away on his heel, quick like he does—but I'm seeing it slow and quick too, at the same time, and I remember—I'm trying to analyze this—I need to—remember-

I remember kind of sighing with relief, 'cause you generally don't turn your back on someone you're going to kick or knock in the face. Maybe he heard me, I don't know. Maybe I was shaking a little myself, even though I was trying hard to keep it down. I knew I didn't have a chance—not like things were. I was about as dangerous as a tied-up kitten. Oh, I could have hit, sure—but—anyhow, I'd damn well have tried!

It was what he said. He put one foot forward, quick, like he couldn't get away from me fast enough, striding away, and he said, "Perhaps, someday. I will wait."

What the hell? Someday? I have no idea—he'll wait? For what? Damn, what's he think he's doing, making a date? Ha!

Double damn, my plans sure don't include getting in anything like that again! Hell, I'm really going to have to get some distance on today not to run like a rabbit if I even hear his name again!

Memo to self—have to get that under control, ASAP.

But, I doubt he'll look for me, either—not someone so repulsive and useless you can't even be bothered to look at for more than two seconds and even that almost makes you nauseated! I'll probably never have to worry about him again; he's had his fill of me!

This coffee tastes so good—so good. The festivities seem to be heating up across the hall. I hear my name being chanted by many voices. Time. I stand up, put down my wonderful mug, and walk out of darkness towards the light.