ACT III: The Assumption
It is the next day. The scene descends upon the front door of Rupert Giles' house. It cuts to the inside where the "Scoobies" are having another meeting regarding their unusual visitor.
GILES (flipping through a book flippantly): I hope you all were able to come up with a significant amount of information because, honestly, I'm sorry to say I was not able to find much in these books. Like I said yesterday, usually you only have to worry about portals opening up to dimensions with unspeakable horrors, like Hell dimensions.
XANDER: …or dimensions where all television is the Lifetime network.
Awkward silence.
GILES: Does anybody but Xander have anything to say?
WILLOW: We came up empty.
TARA: Yeah, no witches or warlocks opened at up, at least according to what we could find out.
WILLOW: Or… lack of what we found out.
ANYA: Xander and I, we didn't find out anything, either.
GILES: Why not?
ANYA: We were having lots of The Sex.
Giles throws up his head and sighs. The room is then filled with several quiet groans and sighs.
GILES: Oh, why did I ask?
BUDDY: Well, Buffy and I found out a little something. But it wasn't much. Just that some old demons who are planning something big, and it has to do with portals, and it's like something they did a long time ago. (He sits back, puts his hands behind his head, smiling.) Yep, we, uh, roughed up a coupla baddies.
Spike scoffs loudly.
SPIKE: A couple?? Ha! I beat hell oughtta a whole Rugby team of demons!
GILES: Demons play Rugby?
SPIKE: Well, er, not that I know of. I mean… well it was a whole lot of them. That's my point.
GILES: So what did you find out?
Just then Riley enters the house, and the room.
BUFFY: Ah, it's my wayward, gun-toting boyfriend! We were just about to get the juicy part.
RILEY (as he sits by Buffy): I hope I haven't missed anything good!
BUFFY: Unfortunately you just missed Hostile 17 making an ass out of himself.
RILEY: That DOES sound good!
SPIKE: Eh, you want this information or NOT?!
BUFFY (grumbling): Sorry… Spike… please continue…
SPIKE: Well. Apparently there are these ancient demons, called the Ra'd'ha'Sha, they exist in two different dimensions at once, the one we're in, and the one where Buddy lives. Back like four hundred years ago or so they wanted to get rid of the Slayer in both dimensions so they could go about with this… are you ready for this?.. apocalypse they were planning.
BUFFY: Another one??
XANDER: What's with all these apocalypses? Or, would it be, "apocalypti?"
GILES: Not for sure what the plural would be. The word was only intended to be singular. As in, there's supposed to be only one.
BUDDY: Multiple apocalypses?? Man, I'm glad I don't live in this dimension.
SPIKE: Well, anyway, these Rads – my lil' nickname for 'em – they sucked the Slayer from one dimension to another so they could have both in one place and kill two birds with one gigantic stone, right? But it didn't work. Apparently having two Slayers in one dimension made each one more powerful and they handily defeated the Rads, reducing their number and ruining their day. Now they're at it again. My sources think they're just going to try to kill one at a time this time.
BUFFY: And how reliable is this fantastic information from you, Spike? I mean, here we both are… again. Two Slayers.
GILES (reading a page from a new book): He's right. I can't believe I forgot about them. The Ra'd'ha'Sha. They're multidimensional beings, usually only existing in two at a time, who have always sought control over whatever two they are in. Indeed, in 1600, exactly 400 years ago, they brought the Slayers – one male, one female – from one dimension to another to destroy them both with one powerful spell. But their nefarious plan backfired; having the two in one dimension doubled each of their powers, essentially increasing their combined power fourfold. The demons were easily defeated; apocalypse postponed. One of the few left alive returned the displaced Slayer promptly. Their powers returned to normal shortly thereafter.
BUDDY: But why would they make the same mistake again, bringing us both together?
BUFFY: Maybe they've been working out? Getting buffed at some demon gym?
GILES: My guess is that some benevolent entity, who witnessed the last attempt, opened up the portal and brought Buddy here to increase your powers again.
WILLOW: But who?
RILEY: We've got some nice demons. Maybe I could ask them.
BUFFY: You have non-hostile hostiles??
RILEY: Hey, I don't make the rules…
BUFFY: You just follow them. Right.
ANYA: I'll bet it was the Medunas. They're not nice, necessarily, but they like to manipulate things to try to kinda balance things out, make things fair. They're meddlers who have been known to open portals between worlds.
GILES: But they've been quite for centuries. Some even think they may be extinct. My guess would be the Remulkens.
SPIKE: I've tussled with a few of them once. Back in the '20's. Believe me, if they could open portals, they would have opened one to get away from me.
BUFFY: Was it the smell??
Spike gives Buffy a dirty look.
WILLOW: Well, it isn't really important who it is. As long as those two are together, they probably won't try to attack. Or when they do, they'll get their butts kicked.
BUDDY: Well I wish they'd hurry up. I'd really like to go home. I'd rather not just sit around waiting for them.
There's a loud knock at the door.
GILES (heading to the door): I wonder who that is.
He looks through the little viewing lens on the door. He sees through the fisheye lens two men in dark suits.
GILES: Oh dear. Looks like Jehovah's Witnesses or something.
SPIKE (licking his lips): Ah, they're tasty.
Giles opens the door.
GILES: Look, sorry, we're in the middle of--
The two men's faces transform into grotesque, snake-like heads with huge sharp teeth. As they begin hissing one punches Giles in the chest and send him hurling backwards into the room. They come into the room a few steps.
Buddy and Buffy pop up immediately and converge on the demons. Spike steps over to where Giles is lying while Buffy and Buddy lay their first blows.
SPIKE (looking down on Giles): Looks like you should be careful what Buddy wishes for, Rupert.
Buddy and Buffy's blows have surprisingly little effect on the demons, who mostly just grin and take it. After another moment of this apparently futile effort on the Slayers' part, the snake demons, with little resistance, strike their own blows. It isn't long before both Slayers are flailing on the floor.
Riley jumps into action and attacks them both. After punching him away he tries to tazer them. They're both shocked and step back a little but a reptilian tail whips out from the one on the right and it bats the tazer out of Riley's hand. The other sends a blow into Riley's chest that sends him crashing into – and smashing – Giles' coffee table.
GILES (slowly getting up): Dear lord, I wish they'd take this outside.
The Slayers try for Round Two. Again, after a scuffle, they are sent to the floor. This time Buffy's nose springs blood as well as the side of Buddy's mouth.
XANDER (finally getting up): OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sort of thing usually goes better.
BUDDY (groaning): Talk about being off your game! These Rad dudes are badass.
BUFFY (struggling to get up again, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her sweater): That extra power had better kick in soon! Maybe the third time's a charm?
The Slayers this time both try low kicks to throw the demons off of their footing. They do almost fall, but they brace themselves on the doorframe and counterattack. Every blow the Slayers try is either parried or taken with little damage. And every blow the demons deliver are near-devastating to Buffy and Buddy. Again, while advancing further into the room, the demons send the Slayers to the floor.
Giles looks pleadingly at Spike.
SPIKE: Wha?? Oh come on! Are you forgetting again that I'm evil??
Willow and Tara both try casting spells. Willow sends a wind their way that almost knocks the demons over. Tara freezes one in place, but the spell only lasts a few seconds.
GILES (as he heads for his weapons cabinet): Come on, Spike! They look like they'd be fun to beat on!
SPIKE: Well… (he sighs)… you DO have a point. All right! I'll give it a go.
As Giles gets a large ax Spike, vamping out, runs past the Slayers, who are trying to get up again, and attacks the snake demons. Riley also struggles to his feet. He pulls a small caliber handgun, which had been hidden under the back of his jeans and his sweater.
TARA (to Willow): Ooo! A gun! That might work! Um… why don't they try guns more often??
WILLOW: You know… I'm not sure.
The fight becomes a full-on melee as Spike dukes it out with them as Giles tries swiping at them with his ax. Riley shoots at them whenever he gets a clear shot… only regarding Giles. The Slayers, meanwhile, are still dazed, crouching on the floor.
SPIKE (after accidentally getting shot in the back by Riley, snapping his head back towards him): Hey!
Riley grins, shrugs, and takes aim again. One of the demons takes advantage of Spike's momentary distraction and lands a crushing blow to his head that sends him backwards, and nearly falling on his backside. With Spike out of the line of fire, as well as Giles, Riley lets off a full volley of gunfire, wounding the snake demons numerous times.
Bleeding green blood from numerous gunshot wounds and slices from Giles' ax, as well as sporting bruises from Spike's attack, the demons look at each other, turn back into human form, then run out the door.
SPIKE: Ey! Where the hell do you think YOU'RE going? (He watches them, through the doorway, vanish in a flash of blue light.) Those wankers buggered off! I barely got a workout! Come back 'ere and fight like a man! Or… a, um, man… snake… thing!
Spike's face unvamps and he sighs.
BUDDY (groaning): Man… those Raddies sure are Baddies. I mean… that was just embarrassing!
BUFFY: Ditto! Damn, just how powerful are these things, Giles?
GILES (while putting sword away and closing and locking cabinet): Well… erm, I've got bad news for you two.
Giles then picks up his book from the debris of the coffee table and shakes some shavings off.
BUFFY: That powerful huh?
GILES: Actually, quite the opposite. Those weren't the Ra'd'ha'Sha.
BUDDY: Come again!
GILES: They were Hisss'ake demons. They were just the Ra'd'ha'Sha's – for lack of a better term – lackeys.
Spike scoffs. Then he scoff-laughs. Then he begins full-on laughing.
SPIKE (trying to talk while still chuckling): Lackeys! They were lackeys?! Oh! Oh, this is too-oo-oo rich!
GILES (while Spike continues to laugh and giggle): Well, don't get me wrong, the Hisss'ake are, um, formidable opponents! Uhh, I mean, you're lucky they didn't bite, their bites are spectacularly lethal to mortals… and not too fun for vampires, either, unless you like the idear of spending the rest of your unnatural life as a gelatinous pile of flesh (Spike stops laughing), but, um, they should have been no trouble for a Slayer… um… much less two.
Buffy and Buddy look at each other in disbelief, then back at Giles.
BUFFY and BUDDY: Uh oh.
SPIKE: Lackeys!!
Back in the mirror dimension, Willow and Tanya are wondering what to do about Xandra's body.
TANYA: So, like, do we call paramedics? Police?
WILLOW: How do we explain it?
TANYA: What'll we do? I mean, what, bury her? What do we tell her family? What about the legal stuff, like having a doctor declare her dead and stuff?
A tall woman with short red hair enters the house dressed in a camo-military outfit.
WILLOW: Rene!
RENE: What the hell happened here?! And why's Xandra… XANDRA!
She crouches down to Xandra's body and quickly examines it.
RENE: She's dead! What kind of hostile killed her?
WILLOW (meekly): Um, the hellbound kind?
TANYA: Willow, trying to find Buddy, opened up an unstable portal to a Hell dimension. Something partially came through.
Rene looks at Willow dumfounded.
RENE: That… that was incredibly STUPID! I want Buddy back, too, obviously, but, I mean… why… why would you even attempt something so idiotic?!
WILLOW: Buddy--
RENE: You know, just don't! All right! I don't want to hear it! We've got things to do here. Have you called any police or paramedics?
TANYA: No, we were just debating –
RENE: Good! We can clean up this mess properly. I'll have our agents handle it. We'll fix the legal stuff, make something up.
WILLOW (sobbing): I… I'm sorry, I… nobody feels worse than me! She was my best friend, and… ever since I broke my crayon in kindergarten…
RENE: You've broken a lot more than that now! Dammit! And we were onto something at the Initiative! We think we may have an idea of where he was sent.
TANYA: Where?
RENE: We think some sort of other mirror dimension. An ordinary one. Not Hell. (She grabs a walkie-talkie from her belt.) Agent Gates… Agent Gates!
FORREST (his voice crackles through the walkie-talkie): Yeah?
RENE: We need some assistance here. We've got a Situation Thirty-One.
FORREST: Who was killed?
RENE: Alexandra Harris. One of the students I know.
FORREST: What was the hostile?
RENE: I didn't see it. Apparently something extremely dangerous trying to come through a portal to a Hell dimension.
FORREST: Another portal?
RENE: I'll explain later. We need a team over here stat while the body's still somewhat warm.
FORREST: Roger that. Gates out.
Rene puts the walkie-talkie back. She gives Willow a cold look. Willow's too busy sobbing to notice.