FOUR

I sit down and start to eat my breakfast, alone. At least the greasy food I picked is helping with my hangover, that and the bottle of water washing the painkillers down my throat. Damn, I've blown it. The only girl I could ever imagine myself with and I have to go and fuck it all up, literally.

"Four," Zeke calls out as he opens my door and lets himself in.

"Zeke."

"I thought I felt like shit this morning but you look worse than I even feel."

I don't even bother responding; well, there is a bit of a grunt.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Big night last night," Zeke says. "I was in the control room a few minutes ago. Seems you were starring on the screens this morning."

Great, that means that all of Dauntless should know about me and Tris by lunchtime.

"There are going to be broken hearts all over the compound," Zeke says with a laugh.

"Yeah, including mine," I say under my breath, but I know Zeke heard it.

"What happened, man?" Zeke asks.

"I don't even know," I say.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't remember shit. How wasted was I?"

"Pretty wasted. I told you. I told you you'd be a lightweight last night. Although with the amount of tequila we drank..." Zeke says, shaking his head. "I don't even remember how much we drank."

"Then it must have been a hell of a lot," I say.

"You really remember nothing?"

"Not a thing. I woke up to find Tris and I naked in my bed. Next minute she is running to the bathroom and throwing her guts up. It only goes downhill from there."

"Do tell," Zeke says.

"So, not realising I'm naked I go running into the bathroom to find Tris half leaning against the wall, naked as the day she was born. Well, I just stopped dead in my tracks. Here she is looking green, having just thrown her guts up and even then she just took my breath away. I couldn't move, I just stood there staring at her like a complete dumbass."

Zeke is rolling around laughing. "Oh dude, you have it bad."

"Yeah, I guess I always have," I say.

"Well, keep going," he says.

"I finally stop staring and then I cover her with a towel and flee the bathroom as quick as I can. It's bad enough standing there naked but not only that..." I say.

"You were standing at attention, weren't you?"

"Oh yeah. Which made it worse because Tris couldn't stop staring at me."

"So, you two had a stare off in the bathroom. This couldn't get any funnier," Zeke says, still laughing at me.

"It's not funny Zeke."

"Oh come on, Four. It is extremely funny. The only two Abny transfers in like decades and they end up giving it up to each other and they can't remember because they are too shit faced drunk. I couldn't have ever predicted this shit."

"How do you know she can't remember?"

"If you can't remember, then there is no way she is going to remember. Tris and Christina were drinking shot for shot with us for hours. Granted, we were chasing ours down with beers, but Tris isn't a drinker. So yeah, there is no way she is going to remember."

"What do I do about this? I can't just leave it."

"You are going to have to talk to her."

"I know that," I say. "I just don't know what to say to her. I feel sick just thinking about it all."

"You know, it's not just you who did this to her. She is just as responsible."

"Doesn't make me feel any less an asshole about it."

"Give yourself a break, Four. It wasn't like you intentionally did this to her. And she took something from you, as well. It just doesn't seem as bad to you because you are so fucking in love with the girl, you can't see straight around her."

"Really?"

"Yes, do you know how painful it was to watch and listen to you during initiation? Shauna and I thought you would have made a move. When you didn't we thought you must have gotten over your little crush. But then we both have been able to see how you look at her every time you see her. You've even started volunteering to watch the screens outside the compound whenever you know she is going on a trip."

"I didn't even realise that I was doing that."

"Well, I've gotten to know you pretty well over the last couple of years. Message her, Four. Just try to set up a time where you can get together and talk. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain."

"But you saw the way she bolted from here," I say.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure she didn't do it to hurt you. I'm sure she has a lot going through that pretty little head of hers over this."

"True."

"Here, take these for your headache," Zeke says, handing me some pills. "They are just the ones they give in the infirmary. Stronger than that over the counter shit they try to sell us."

"Thanks."

"Rest up, Four. Mum is expecting us at her place for dinner tonight. At least it gives you an excuse not to have to go to the dining hall."

With that, Zeke is out the door and I am left in my own misery again.

I send a message to Tris that we need to talk. I take the pills that Zeke gave me, knowing that by the time I am out of the shower they should be working and I can just go back to sleep. Damn, what a morning.

I feel her hand wrap around my cock and I can't help but hiss at the feeling. I didn't think it would be that different than jerking off, but it is. God, it is so much better. I can't help but watch as she slowly moves down my body, giving feather light kisses as she goes. They only make me harder and I can feel myself swelling further as she slowly moves her hand up and down my shaft.

I can't help but moan. I see her look up at me, startled with what is coming out of my mouth. "Is this okay?" she asks.

"Yes, please don't stop," I beg.

I see the smile curl around her lips as she continues her kisses down my body. She finally gets to my penis and at first I think she is going to stop. But no, she is just staring at it as she rubs up and down with her hand. Then her lips are on my head, the feather light kiss has my body thrusting up. She then sticks her tongue out and licks me like I'm a fucking ice cream. Damn that is hot. I can't keep watching and I throw my head back onto the pillow and just enjoy the sensations she is sending through my body.

If I died right now, I know that I would die the happiest guy in the world. Just when I think it can't get any better, she wraps her lips over my cock and takes as much as she can in with her mouth. Holy mother of God, I can't help but to close my eyes tight. I'm gritting my teeth trying to stop myself from coming to soon but I don't think I'm going to last very long, this is just way too good.

I jerk awake as I hear my alarm going off. That's right, I have to get ready to go to Hana's for dinner. I look down and see that my hand is over my cock. I am hard as a rock and need to do something about this. While my hand isn't as tender or soft as Tris' was, I still need to rectify this problem.

I throw the blankets off me and walk into the bathroom. I turn the water on and make it nice and hot, not going to get rid of this with a cold shower. And I stand there and jerk off under the hot spray of the shower. I close my eyes and imagine that it is Tris here doing this to me, for me. I know it isn't but one can only dream and the quicker I get this under control the sooner I can leave for dinner.

I must have slept the whole day away. I hope I can still sleep tonight, especially if my dreams are going to be as good as what I was just experiencing. I quickly finish the deed and wash myself clean, trying to wash away the guilt of thinking of Tris as I jerked off. Then I just shake my head at my ridiculous line of thinking. Yeah, like I haven't jerked off to the thought of her before. It was the only way I got through her initiation. Every night I came home and did the same thing, hot shower and a good wank. Crash and repeat the whole process all over again the next day.

I get out of the shower and quickly get dressed. Hana hates it if we are late and the food is always incredible, so you want to get there on time or Zeke and Uriah will eat your share as well. Greedy bastards.

I get back from Hana's, well fed and ready to crash again. I hope I have no double shifts this week; it has really taken its toll, working all those extra hours this last week. I walk over to the counter and see there are messages on my tablet.

The first is from Eric. Fuck! I can't believe what I am reading. He is telling me that if I hurt Tris he will break my nose. Yeah, great, dickhead, you couldn't even if you tried, I think to myself. Then he goes on to tell me that she doesn't remember anything and he wants to know if I know what happened.

I quickly send him a message back explaining that I was shit face drunk and have no clue, although I have an idea. I'm sure he will be on my doorstep in the morning ready to kick my ass. But that's fine, I probably deserve it and I know that he has become quite protective of Tris since she took the Ambassador role. Probably because she seems to be the only person who can keep him in line. The other factions have started to request Tris and Eric as the people they want to deal with when it comes to Dauntless business.

Whereas before, Max dreaded sending Eric anywhere but Erudite, now he is happy to send them together and it seems it works out well for all parties involved. I asked Eric about it once and he said, "She isn't like the rest of Dauntless. She doesn't try to suck up to me and she tells me how it is when I start to get over-demanding. I like that about her. There isn't any bullshit with her."

I get past Eric's message and find that Gus has given me an extra day off. Thank God for that. I can hide away from prying eyes for an extra day.

The next message is from Tris. Short and simple is the message she has left. I should respond and try to make a meeting time and place but it feels so forced. I need to think about what I am going to do with this situation. So, I don't respond. I instead go and lie down. The big meal Hana gave us is catching up on me, that and my antics last night. I can't believe with all the sleep I got today that I could still be tired.