I split up this chapter. Reunion is next one, I promise! Meanwhile, enter a depressed, self-loathing Crowley.
Being human is absolutely revolting, Cas thought as he vomited into the small metal toilet. I never had to be sick before.
"Somebody has gotten alcohol poisoning," Crowley muttered behind him. "Want me to hold back your hair?"
"I do not understand," Cas mumbled drily during a breif pause in his retching.
"Just hold tight, sugar muffin, it will be over soon," Crowley drawled.
"Why are you using terms of endearment with me?" Cas slurred.
"Because we're humans now," Crowley said. "We're on the same boat, you and I, but you got more getting-used-to than I do and I have a metric shit ton of guilt."
"I have my fair share of that as well." Cas attempted to stand up, but swayed. He began to fall, but Crowley grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him down on the bed.
"I killed thousands."
"Me too."
"I wrecked Hell."
"It's Hell, it's supposed to be wrecked. I wrecked Heaven."
"Ah, yes, that does seem a little... oxymoronic."
"'M not a moron," Cas slurred.
"Hello, this is Dean," said the elder Winchester brother, answering his cell phone.
"Dean, darling, how lovely to speak to you. Is your refrigerator running? Just thought I should ask," said the familiar voice. Dean swore and hung up.
"Who was that?" Sam rasped.
"Just the king of Hell. Same old, same old."
The phone rang again.
"Dean, before you hang up- I have Castiel."
Dean let a string of curses rush forth.
"Crowley, if you even touch him, I swear I will kill you a thousand times over." Sam raised an eyebrow. Cas, Dean mouthed.
"Calm down, honey bunches. I'm not going to hurt him. We- he- I need your help."
"Help," Dean repeated incredulously.
"Yes, sugar. We got ourselves in a bit of a pinch."
"What do you mean 'we'? Is Cas really there? Can I talk to him?"
"Lover-boy, he's passd out on the floor right now."
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Dean thundered.
"Nothing. Jesus, over-protective much? Lover-boy?"
"Don't- do not ever call me lover-boy again." Sam snickered. Dean threw his younger brother the death glare.
"We both got charged on a drunk and disorderly and we're in jail."
"Is Cas okay, Crowley?"
"Perfect as peaches. He was talking about you."
"Really? What did he say?" Dean felt an odd glimmer of hope at this, but ignored it stubbornly.
"I am certain that he will want to tell you himself."
"Where are you guys?"
"Same town where you locked me up. County jail therein."
"We're on our way."
Dean slammed the phone shut and grabbed his jacket.
"Uh, Dean? Where exactly are we on our way to?" Sam asked indignantly.
"Get your coat, Sammy. We got a lead on Cas."