Disclaimer: - Gravitation is not mine, sadly. It belongs to Maki Murakami.

anti nostalgic

Transparency dyes the night sky, and

I walk alone on the road that always leads home.

Singing to myself, I want to send these kinds of feelings to you in your sleep, oh um…

I'm tangled up in something, I'm getting a little sick of myself…

Tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind…

The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little

I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time.

I know that (those feelings) can't possibly reach you from here.

The tears keep falling; just being able to be close to you.

I'm starting to want to smile, just a little…

Someone asks questions; I'm starting to want this to make more sense.

You cast those too brilliant days into a fading shadow-

Chapter Four

Shuichi sat on a high stool in the Bad Luck studio at NG Productions singing anti nostalgic for the sake of it. Pressing his right hand to his chest, he closed his eyes as the emotions filled his heart too the brim. They were choking the life out of him, he had to stop singing. It was early morning, and the sun was still rising. The studio was dark; he hadn't wanted the lights to mar his mood. He was starting to like the serenity darkness seemed to provide. It was as though reality couldn't intrude into his life when it was this dark. Opening his eyes, he stared down at his black converse stars and let a sigh escape. Seriously, he wished he could feel just a little happy right now.

Spending the night at Hiro's place had been so much fun. He'd missed his best friend's company so much. It was easy to be around Hiro. The laughs came so easily with him. Sleep had also come easily, surprisingly. The only reason he was at work this early was because Tohma Seguchi had called a meeting at seven o'clock in the morning. Shuichi was assuming that the man had either heard about his issues with Yuki, or a new tour was being arranged.

The thought of a tour made bile rise up. Leaving Tokyo was the last thing he wanted right now. If he left, there was no telling what he'd return to. He might not be able to go home right now, but that penthouse he owned with Yuki was his home. At some point, the right answers were going to find him, and he was going to go back there. But, he really couldn't leave Tokyo right now.

Yuki, he sighed again. Yuki, Yuki.

Shaking his head, he adjusted that thought. Uesugi Eiri. That was his name. His real name, which he needed to start using if things were going to get any easier between them, the only problem was he knew so little about Uesugi Eiri. Closing his eyes, he wondered what Uesugi Eiri thought of him.

The pressurized glass door swung open, and Shuichi looked up to find Hiro standing there. For a moment, their gazes met and held before Hiro cocked his head toward the door indicating it was time for the meeting. Getting off the stool, Shuichi followed Hiro out putting his hands into his jacket pockets. They took the elevator to the executive floor, and were strolling down the richly carpeted hallway when Hiro said quietly.

"Don't let him tell you off."

"I don't think there is anything to be told off about," Shuichi said quietly. "E-Yuki," he paused with a shake of his head. He couldn't get the other name out. "He doesn't want me in the house."

"It's not your fault," Hiro said firmly. His hand swinging over Shuichi's shoulder, he pulled him into a quick side hug as they came up to the receptionist's desk. She smiled at them and pointed to the private conference room Tohma used with his most important bands. Hiro steered them toward the closed white double doors. "I'm right here, don't forget that."

"I know," Shuichi said grateful for the warmth Hiro was providing. For some reason, he was feeling extra chilled today. Darned weather was changing must faster than people were saying.

Suguru was already in the conference room. He sat swiveling a chair around as he stared up at the ceiling. When they walked in, he stopped the motion and waved at them. His gaze rested on Shuichi's face with a speculative glance. Shuichi frowned and stared right back.

"What?" Shuichi asked when Suguru didn't look away.

"Are you alright? I heard you slept over Hiro's place."

"I'm fine," Shuichi replied pulling out a seat across Suguru. He didn't want to go into any kind of explanations, mostly because he really didn't have any. What was he supposed to say? 'My boyfriend is having major issues with goblins from his past, so we're fighting like cats and dogs, and he's threatened to kill my phantom lover.' Yep, that did sound a bit like the truth. At the same time, it was so pathetic, especially since the part about the phantom lover still made his heart hurt. How could Yuki even think that of him?

"You don't look so fine," Suguru said with a shake of his head. The skeptic look he wore made Shuichi want to reach over the wide conference table and smack him on the face. Damn Seguchis were too perceptive for their own good. "Is there going to be a scandal coming? You have that look about you."

"Don't piss me off in the morning," Shuichi retorted, giving Suguru a dirty look. He just knew the guy was trying to get a rise out of him. Right now, getting a rise out of him might include a shouting match. The one thing he didn't want to get into right before a meeting with Tohma Seguchi.

"Settle down you two," Hiro said, taking the seat beside Shuichi. "Suguru, don't start this early in the morning."

"Playing the hero, Hiro?" Suguru said with a wink.

"Now you're just reaching," Hiro shot back shaking his head. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," Suguru said, returning to swiveling his chair. "I hate meetings; we should be in the studio right now. I swear if this is about Shuichi's drama-

"Back off," Shuichi said glaring at their youngest band mate. Sometimes he could be such a pain. The only thing that made it worth while to still have Suguru in the band was his genius brains. His attitude still needed major adjustment. "What's with you?"

Suguru would have replied, but then the door that led into Tohma's office opened and their boss strolled in followed by K and Sakano. They were followed by two women and a young man. Seeing this, Suguru stood up and walked around the long table to come sit on Shuichi's left. Suguru might irritate him sometimes but he did know about making a statement to outsiders. Bad Luck was first and foremost a successful band, and no one outside the group was allowed to see any cracks.

"Morning," Tohma said as everyone settled down. "I'm glad to see everyone here on time. I'll get straight to the point. I called you in this morning to discuss an important issue raised by the NG board of directors. Bad Luck remains the most popular brand in the NG label and we are now faced with a challenge. For the last four years, the band has enjoyed a steady image, which was useful for the climb up the charts. We were selling a new band, and establishing the band members. Now that we have, the challenge we now face is to maintain Bad Luck's new found elite status, and remain original. In short, I am announcing a complete re-branding of Bad Luck. This new re-branding will utilize all the facets of the band, old and new, this should help us keep things exciting."

"Re-branding," Shuichi said slowly. It sounded so technical; all he wanted was to keep writing music. He hadn't heard any complaints from the fans lately. What was wrong with how they were right now?

"I hope it doesn't include our music," Hiro said quietly.

"The change is tailored to fit the changing nuances of your music. You're maturing, and changing, as is your sound and voice. Shuichi's lyrics have been undergoing a lot of change, we can't compare him to the way he was when he first started," K explained. "This is a good thing; in fact, it's played a major role in this new idea."

"This team of three, together with K-san and Sakano, will be in-charge of this project. We will be unveiling the new Bad Luck in three months, in that time, I want a new album, new look, and all the necessary changes done. I expect the best, nothing less, K-san is spearheading this, and all final decisions pass through him. Is that understood?"

"Yes," they all said. Not that they had any other choice, Shuichi thought glumly, his gaze on the new comers. They would follow Tohma's orders whether they wanted to or not. He sometimes wondered whether the man asked the question just to make fun of them.

"Shindou-san," Tohma said then, making Shuichi glance up at the formality of his words. "Meet me in my office after this meeting. I'd like a word with you."

"Yes, of course," Shuichi replied with a bow. He really wasn't going to escape the Seguchi chopping board today. He'd been hoping to escape it for another day or two, but Tohma didn't joke about his precious Eiri. Letting a breath out slowly, he returned his attention back to the new comers and K.

K waited for Tohma to leave before he stood up and turned off the lights. The overhead screen came down and a picture of the current Bad Luck signature picture from their last album came up. They'd gone for the punk look in their last album.

The shoot had been done at a studio in Harajuku; Shuichi's hair was spiked to the tips. Dressed in a white t-shirt with splashed paint, white pants that were studded with large safety pins, and no shoes, the photographer had captured Shuichi while he sang with his eyes closed.

Hiro stood beside Shuichi, his hair messed up wildly, a lock of hair was streaked green and his eyes dark with eye shadow as he kept his gaze on Shuichi. He was dressed in white leather pants that had shiny studs along the seams. The stylist had insisted he not wear a shirt, instead they had placed a fake Bad Luck tattoo that looked too real on Hiro's left arm. He held a black guitar playing it with fingers that were ringed and painted black.

They'd stepped out of the box with Suguru, Shuichi admitted. The younger man was rarely the wild one in the group, but this shoot had brought out a side of him none of them had imagined. Dressed in white, like everyone else, his clothes were ripped in strategic places. His green hair was spiked like Shuichi's and the face makeup had brought out his eyes so well. He wore no shoes and he was leaned back on a keyboard, his arms crossed against his chest, his gaze on Shuichi and Hiro.

The shot screamed hot young men, rocking out. They'd unveiled it at their fourth album launch, and it had been a hit. Sakano, surprisingly, had created the whole punk campaign, allowing them to have fun on the fourth album.

"This was the fourth album," K announced, and then the slide changed and a big question mark filled the screen. "This is the fifth album. Do you know why there is a question mark on my screen?"

Shuichi blinked at the question, Hiro shrugged but Suguru let out a sigh before he said, "We haven't worked on the fifth album."

"Exactly," K replied. "Shuichi, I need your head in the game, three months might seem like a long time, but it's not. Your music makes the campaign."

"Put all the pressure on me," Shuichi said with a sigh.

K slammed his hand on the conference table surprising everyone at the sudden noise he made. Shuichi met K's gaze with eyes.

"Start thinking," K ordered him seriously. "Whatever you need to get this done, tell me by the end of today. We need new songs and a new sound that will keep the masses glued to your music. Figure out what will give us that today, Shuichi."

Shuichi couldn't speak, so he just nodded. K could be scary when he chose to be and currently those eyes of his were looking at him as though they were really capable of freezing him to a block of ice. Pushing his chair out, Shuichi stood up and bowed to the two newcomers he still didn't know.

"I have to go talk to the boss," Shuichi said quietly. "I'll let you know what I need afterward."

K nodded and motioned for him to leave. Giving Hiro a short glance, he headed for the door that connected to Tohma's office. Hiro and Suguru returned their attention to the three new team mates and the last thing heard was the introductions before he closed the door behind him.

Tohma's office was meant to intimidate. A lot of power was wielded from it, and every time Shuichi walked into the place, he felt sufficiently insignificant. There was nothing like seeing The Man behind his massive mahogany desk, framed by the picturesque sight of Tokyo city. Tohma sat behind his desk murmuring into a cell phone he held to his ear. Dressed in a black suit that showed off a navy blue shirt, he swiveled the large chair he sat in slowly.

Shuichi kept his silence and chose to sit on one of the comfortable blue arm chairs he was sure were from some famous designer. Photo books decorated the glass coffee table before the arm chairs. One of them was of Bad Luck, pictures from their early days, photos from their magazine covers, Shuichi was secretly proud to see that Tohma Seguchi would keep a photo book of Bad Luck in his office. And why not, Shuichi thought, cocking his head to the left, his gaze moving to the other books. They made him more than enough money, didn't they?

"Shuichi-san," Tohma interrupted his little praise exercise.

Glancing up, he was surprised to find his boss seated across him in a similar arm chair. Tohma sat back in his, and looked at him for a moment before he leaned forward, as if to study Shuichi better.

"I need to understand something," Tohma said. "What is it with you and Eiri? I can't go a month without having to deal with some sort of issue in your private lives. Why can't you just be like everyone else?"

Shuichi found that he was momentarily without words. The question was so out of character for Tohma. He always had the right answers. "We are like everyone else."

"No," Tohma shook his head and leaned back in his seat. "Far from it, Shuichi-san, I suppose I shouldn't hate it as much as I do right now. But I can't help it. Why did you move out?"

"I have my reasons," Shuichi said meeting Tohma's gaze fair and square. This was obviously not going to be a soft argument. Tohma was out for blood. "I'm allowed that much."

"Eiri was in hospital, he just returned home, don't you care about him?" Tohma asked with a frown. "Because, the way I see it, if you really did love him, you'd be by his side making sure he was doing well. Since you're not, I'm forced to assume that you two have broken up."

"Is that what you called me in here for?" Shuichi asked with a frown. "You think it would be so easy to call it quits with him? I'm losing my mind just worrying about it. If it wasn't for Hiro, yesterday, I'd probably not have gotten any sleep." Launching to his feet, Shuichi glared down at Tohma. "You have no right to say this to me. He kicked me out first, if you really must know. But wait, you do know, because K and Mika-san knew. So, when Yuki kicks me out, you don't bat an eyelash. When I leave, you're up in arms. Thanks so much," Shuichi yelled.

"I've told you before; Eiri is my main concern at all times. You should know this already," Tohma said barely moved by Shuichi's anger. "Well, no matter, the situation works better for me this way anyway."

"How," Shuichi asked walking around his arm chair to pace the space there. He wanted to punch his boss so badly, his fingers were itching. When had he gotten so violent? Shaking his head, he clenched his fingers as he turned. Living with Yuki was doing this to him. Darned idiot, this was all Mika's fault. She'd sucked this rabid dog of hers on him because he'd moved out without telling her.

"You're going away to write this album," Tohma said quietly. "You need time away from Eiri, he needs to feel better. You get to leave."

"Why me," Shuichi demanded. "Why should I leave Tokyo, why can't he leave?"

"He is better off here, and you know it. Mika told me what she told you. You know about Eiri's past. Do you think he should be away from family?" Tohma asked. "I thought you were different, Shuichi. That kind of story would have made you more sympathetic to Eiri. What has changed?"

Shuichi stopped his pacing and stared at the floor. The truth of the matter lay right in that question. Trust Tohma to hit the nail right on the head. He couldn't really tell anyone the truth. Yuki's secret was so personal, and painful, Mika had actually showed him a lot of trust by telling him. He couldn't talk to Hiro about it, and Yuki, well, that guy just wanted him to leave anyway. Tohma was obviously in any boat Yuki chose. He was alone in this.

"You're right, I should leave," Shuichi said quietly. Leaving was starting to be the best option. The pain would ease, his head would clear, and this love he had for a man he didn't understand would make sense. Tohma was right. "What did you have in mind?"

"You won't tell me what this is all about?" Tohma asked.

"You've already made your conclusion. Tell me where I'm going?" Shuichi said looking up to face Tohma. "This is best right, you should know."

"Shuichi-san," Tohma frowned.

Shuichi shook his head and took a step back. His heart hurt. It kept hurting at odd times. This stupid sharp pain that lanced through his chest made it difficult to breath, why were things always so complicated. He loved Yuki, he knew that. But then, taking in a deep breath, he bowed to Tohma and smiled.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get the details to me when it's time. I'm staying with Hiro for now. I think I should go back to the studio, try and get started." Shuichi turned and left the office using the main door as fast as he could. He didn't return to the conference room, instead, he ran to the elevators. He was leaning on the button when the doors opened. Walking in without looking up, he pressed the ground floor button and watched as the doors closed slowly.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath when his thoughts refused to move away from Yuki. "I'm cursed."

"That makes two of us," Yuki said behind him, making him jump in shock.

Whirling around, Shuichi stared at the object of his very life, and wondered what kind of game fate was trying to play on him. His stupid heart soared in joy, warmth seeping in just from the sight of Yuki. Tears filled his eyes, and he shook his head to ward them off.

"What are you doing here?" Shuichi asked quietly. It was taking everything he had not to fling himself into Yuki's arms. He looked so good too. A long black coat tied closed at his waist, emphasized Yuki's height. His hair was wind blown and those golden eyes met his with such challenge.

"I came to see Tohma," Yuki replied casually. "He has some business with me."

"I'm sure," Shuichi replied with a sigh. He hated this stupid bond Yuki and Tohma seemed to have. It was as if he couldn't be part of the elite club and it maddened him.

"Shuichi," Yuki said quietly.

His tone was such that Shuichi couldn't help but look up to those eyes again. A mistake he knew, but how could he fight what he saw in there. Did it matter that his heart flipped up and down just from being this close to him. Yuki took a step forward closing their distance. His arms moved around Shuichi's slender body and pulled him closer. Shuichi couldn't help the whimper of happiness when he was finally pressed to Yuki's warmth.

His hands moved without thought, winding them around Yuki's waist, Shuichi breathed in the scent of nicotine gum and spice. His eyes closed in bliss as Yuki tightened his hold on him. He couldn't imagine this elevator ride ending, he just couldn't. This was so rare lately; it felt like he was dreaming.

Lost in the wonder of being held in Yuki's arms, he was even more surprised to feel Yuki's lips pressed to his jaw. They traveled to his lips and Shuichi couldn't help the moan that escaped as they fell into a wild kiss. It had been so long, Shuichi couldn't stop his aggression as he clung harder to Yuki. A sob escaped when Yuki pulled back for a breath.

"I've missed that," Shuichi confessed when Yuki pulled him up into his chest again. "I can't stop wanting it. It feels like jumping in the fire with my eyes wide open."

"You've always been an idiot."

"I'm not the one carrying out a seduction in an elevator," Shuichi replied. "This can't go any further than it has."

"I can fix that," Yuki replied rubbing a hand up and down Shuichi's back. "My car is right outside."

"I guess I deserve that," Shuichi sighed. He tried to pull back but Yuki kept holding him. Sliding his head to the side, he glanced up at the elevator lights. It was a miracle no one had joined them down the ten floors yet. The ground floor was coming up, and a paparazzi shot of him clinging to Yuki at the NG offices elevator was not what he wanted to wake up to tomorrow. Not when he couldn't be happy outside of this elevator. "We should stop."

"I don't think we should," Yuki replied still holding on.

Suddenly Shuichi wasn't sure they were talking about their current embrace or their relationship in general. There was so much they needed to talk about. Yuki's past being the most obvious topic to tackle. His anger rose and he found that he wanted to punch Yuki again for not telling him something so important. Was it fair that Yuki knew everything about him, but when it came to Yuki, he knew nothing? No, it wasn't right. Hearing scary stories from Mika was not the way he wanted to know about Yuki.

"I can feel you getting tense right now." Yuki let go of him and took a step back. "I'm not up for a fight right now, anyway, why don't you head where you were going."

"It's always like this with you," Shuichi said as the elevator doors opened. "This is not my fault; don't put the blame on me up there with Tohma. I'm not destroying us, you are, Yuki."

"So hot headed," Yuki said reaching out, he pushed Shuichi out of the elevator. "I have an appointment. I'll talk to you later."

Shuichi stared in shock as the doors closed and he was left standing at the ground floor. Damn bastard. What the hell was wrong with him? Talk later, Shuichi scoffed. Where would they be talking? Yuki knew perfectly well that he was sleeping at Hiro's. Tohma would be sure to break the exciting news. He could almost see that stupid grin Tohma wore when he was around Yuki. Tohma would announce his departure plans to Yuki with glee. Yuki would smile in triumph. Those two deserved each other, Shuichi decided as he turned and stalked out of the building. Rico was waiting at the front and Shuichi got in the car with a small nod.

"Where to," Rico asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"My parents' house," Shuichi answered quietly.

LoveMeNine – Thank you so much for your comments, I'm glad I'm getting Yuki just right for you. He drives me nuts too, so stubborn that one.

Chloboshoka- Thanks so much for the compliment. I'm glad you like the story.

Bettyek – I'm glad you loved reading this story.

Saint Germain –So happy to see you again, I'm glad I still have your interest. ^_^

AlexisAshnew- I love, love your comment, I'm glad you love this story.

I promise to keep going, hope to bring as much drama as I can, hehe, of course, love included as well. Cheers,

Elainanna