Auggie slumped down onto his couch, a cold beer bottle clutched in one hand, turning its cap over and over in the fingers of the other as he thought about Annie. He remembered, all too vividly, his own time in the hospital, and rehab, and all of the adjustments he had had to make. His landlord, a vet of the Gulf War, had offered to have Auggie's apartment renovated as necessary, but with the open plan of the loft and Auggie's existing spatial awareness of the place it hadn't been necessary.
Annie was going to have to find a place with wheelchair access, not just disabled access entrances but an apartment designed for someone in a chair – low benches, sinks, the whole nine yards. He knew there were actually a couple of apartments in this building that were converted that way, although he didn't know if any of them were vacant at the moment. He stopped himself suddenly, then shook his head, laughing hollowly.
"Getting way ahead of yourself, Auggie," he muttered. "Get her through the next couple of days first, and then the ones that come after that." He finished his beer and, throwing it in the trash so he wouldn't forget and leave it on the table to knock over later, then shuffled sleepily into his bedroom and collapsed, setting his alarm to wake him up in four hours so that he could hopefully get back to the hospital just before Annie's family.
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Annie slept for most of the day, waking every so often, roused by the nurses who would ask her a few questions, mostly about how much pain she was in, give her more medication, then leave again.
She was lying half asleep when she heard the steady tapping in the hallway, too slow for a pair of high heels, and her eyes opened slightly to watch the door. "Auggie," she smiled slightly as he came into the room. She was feeling slightly high at the moment, courtesy of her most recent pain medication, and she almost giggled at the sight of him.
"Hey, Annie, how are you feeling?" he asked softly.
"'m okay. Seat's at your…ten o'clock." Auggie found the seat where he had left it, not that he told her that, and sat, reaching a hand out for her if she wanted to take it. She did, squeezing it firmly as she looked at him, not speaking. Her mood was shifting once more, and she was starting to feel a bit down again.
"How are you doing?" he asked softly after a couple of minutes of silence.
"I…I don't know," she replied, shifting her head uncomfortably on her pillow. "I don't think it's really sunk in yet," she admitted. "I'm not sure what's going to happen when it does." She licked her lips. "Could you call the nurse? I'd like to get a drink of water," she requested.
"Of course," Auggie replied. "Where's the button?"
"It's hanging on the railing to your left, just out of my reach," Annie replied, frustration lacing her tone.
Auggie's heart squeezed at the pained tone in her voice. He found the button and pressed it, then moved it significantly closer to her hand.
"Thank you," she whispered, squeezing his fingers.
A nurse appeared in the doorway a moment later. "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Can I have some water, please?" Annie asked.
"I'll need to check your chart, Miss Walker. I think you may be NPO – that's nothing by mouth, food or drink wise, at the moment, because they're going to want to operate again soon," the nurse replied regretfully.
"What do you mean? No one's said anything about another operation," Annie objected, frowning.
"You'll need to take that up with the doctor, I'm afraid," the nurse said, looking and sounding decidedly uncomfortable.
"Can I have a drink?" she asked again, and the nurse took the chart off the end of her bed and examined it.
"I'm sorry," she said, replacing the chart. "I'll ask the doctor to stop by and explain."
Annie swallowed hard. Her mouth was so dry, all she wanted was some water to wet the parched tissues. "Can I just have some water to rinse my mouth out? Please?"
"If you spit it back out, yes, I can arrange that," the nurse replied after a moment. "I'll be right back." She stepped out into the hall and returned a moment later with a plastic cup and straw and a kidney dish. "Here we go." She set both up on the edge of the pillow and placed the straw between Annie's lips before she could move to do so herself. "Now, remember not to swallow," the nurse directed, just as Annie was about to do just that. It was such a reflexive action. Instead, she carefully swirled the water around in her mouth, then moved her head away from the straw and spat into the dish the nurse was holding. She repeated the process several times before her mouth began to feel less like a part of the Sahara desert.
"Thanks," she smiled weakly at the nurse.
"I'll get the doctor to come by and speak to you," the other woman promised, and Annie made an affirmative noise.
"Feel better?" asked Auggie softly.
"Yeah, a bit. My mouth doesn't feel like it's going to be annexed by the Sahara desert any time soon anymore, anyway."
Auggie chuckled at that, brushing his thumb over her knuckles. He was about to say something else when a familiar set of footsteps approached the door, pausing outside. "Don't look now, but it looks like you merit a visit from CIA royalty," he joked softly. "Hi Jai, why don't you come on in?" he called over his shoulder.
The dark skinned man entered the room, holding a colourful bouquet in a cut crystal vase. He looked less than comfortable, fiddling with one of the blooms as he moved over to the bed, his smile uncertain. "Hi, Annie," he offered softly. "How are you doing?"
"I'm okay," she replied. "Those are beautiful, thank you," she added, taking in the flowers.
"I'll put them here, where you can see them," he said softly, setting them down on a bench against the wall within her line her sight.
"So, what do the doctors say?" he asked, pulling up a chair beside the bed. "How long…" Auggie's foot connected with the side of his leg, and he started with surprise, breaking off his question.
"Joan didn't tell you," Auggie stated flatly.
"No, but she's been walking around with a chip on her shoulder the size of Texas all day," Jai replied. "I tried to ask, but she almost ripped my head off, then gave me scut work for the rest of the day."
Annie bit her lip. She couldn't bring herself to name it, to tell this guy, who flirted shamelessly but was gentleman enough to tell her to take her time, what had been done to her. It didn't seem real, and as long as she didn't say it out loud, she didn't have to consider it real. She squeezed Auggie's hand tighter, wishing that he could see her, read what her eyes were saying.
Auggie squeezed her fingers back gently, as though to say 'I got this one, Annie,' and turned his head towards Jai. "The bullet severed her spinal cord at the level of T12," he told the other man.
"Oh…well, that makes a couple of things make more sense," he said slowly. "She had me spend the day finding out the best disabled access options for the DPD and organizing maintenance to install them, said they'd probably need at least a six-month lead in to get it done. Well, there isn't really that much to do, there's already ramps up to the half level, but we've got to move the desks further apart, which means unbolting them from the floor, check and adjust door handle height, a few other things," Jai explained.
"What?" Annie demanded, her eyes narrowing and forehead creasing as she frowned.
"They're setting up the department for you," Jai spelled out.
Annie felt something crack inside her at that. A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought about everything that statement said. One – the CIA still wanted her to work for them. Two – This was her future. Disabled entrances, ramps and dinky little wheelchair elevators, being dependent on others in a world built for people with legs that worked…like hers didn't. "Get out," she whispered as she felt more tears start to fill her eyes. "Get out. Leave me alone," she ordered, then turned her face into her pillow, letting it soak up her tears once more. She didn't want them to see this, to see her be weak. Her shoulders shook as she heard retreating footsteps on the linoleum floor, then a warm hand took hers and lifted it, holding it to a stubble covered cheek with gentle strength, denying her attempts to free it.
"Just cry, Annie. It's alright, you cry as much as you need to," Auggie whispered gently. She felt him kneel by the bed from the change of the position of her hand, then his other hand was resting on her hair, stroking it, and down her back. "You don't have to be strong for me, Annie. I've been there, remember? It's alright, you just cry." He pressed a soft kiss into the palm of the hand that was against his cheek, then just sat quietly with her, rubbing her head and neck, occasionally murmuring soft reassurances and gentle nonsense.
They stayed like that until Auggie heard a voice down the hall asking for directions to Annie Walker's room.
"Annie, I think your sister's here," he said softly, moving carefully back to sit on the chair but not relinquishing his grip on her hand, although he did shift to holding it in his lap instead of to his face, and his other hand shifting to hold it as well. Annie sniffed hard, the tears having stopped a couple of minutes ago except for the occasional aftershock sob, and wiped her face on the pillowcase.
"Can you turn my pillow over for me? If you can't, that's ok, I'll get a nurse to do it," she assured him quickly.
"I think that might be better; while I'm sure I could turn the pillow, I'm not sure how much we should move your head in order to accomplish that." Before they could pursue that conversation any further, several people entered the room at once.
"Annie!" Auggie listened to the fast footsteps of the woman who had to be Annie's older sister, which Annie confirmed for him a moment later.
"Danielle!" he could hear the fake note in the happiness, but he didn't think her sister noticed, because she didn't call her on it and from what Annie had told him about her, she would have. "Michael."
"Annie, what happened? We got the call and rushed straight down, we just stopped to drop the girls off at the sitters because we weren't sure you would be up for visitors. What happened?" Danielle was almost babbling the words flowed out of her so fast, and Annie didn't quite get everything but she caught the question and tried to figure out how to answer it.
"I…got shot," she told her sister.
"Shot? How?"
"With a gun," she snapped, getting annoyed at Danielle's tone of voice. She knew her sister was worried about her, but at the moment she was making a very easy and attractive target out of herself.
Auggie, sensing danger, squeezed her hand gently, trying to ground her. He knew the rapid pendulum shifts that moods could make at times like this, from happy to grief stricken to angry and bitter, and he didn't want her to drive her sister away in a fit of unprovoked anger.
"Sorry, Dani, you didn't deserve that," Annie said after a moment. "I was leaving a meeting and apparently got shot from behind. I don't actually remember that part, although they've already caught the guy who did it."
"So, what do the doctors say?" Danielle asked quickly. "I mean, it's not too bad, is it? You're awake, mostly, and talking, so it can't be too bad…"
Annie bit her lip, hearing the painful hope in her sister's voice. "Ummm…" before she had to be the one to break her sister's bubble, someone else spoke up.
"Perhaps I would be best to take that question," Auggie recognized the voice as that of her surgeon, and figured he must have finally had time to answer the nurse's summons. He quickly introduced himself to Danielle and her husband, Michael, then continued. "The bullet entered Annie's back right next to her spine, on an angle, and smashed through one side of the spinal column and severed the cord before lodging against the vertebrae on the other side."
"Severed…you mean…" Danielle's voice trailed off, her eyes and mouth both wide with shock.
"I'm afraid so," the doctor replied. "Now, I need to have a talk with Annie about where we go from here. The surgery last night stabilised her spine, but there are other things that need to be taken into consideration." He moved so he was standing behind Auggie, clearly within Annie's line of sight. "Would you be more comfortable if we had this conversation in private, Annie?" he asked gently, the compassion on his face clear and undemanding, prepared to go with whatever she wanted.
What Annie really wanted was for Michael and Danielle to leave and Auggie to stay, but she didn't know how to say that without upsetting her sister, so she opted for them all to stay. "Go ahead, Doc," she told him, forcing the corners of her mouth up in a slight smile.
"Okay, as I was saying, we stabilised your spine last night, but there are other things that we need to do, and the sooner they get done, the better. Do you know what a colostomy is?"
"Yes," Annie replied, blushing slightly and wishing that she had requested privacy after all.
"Well, we need to organize to do one sooner rather than later. There are several options that I'll discuss with you later. We also need to perform a similar technique on your bladder, called a Mitrofanoff. I know this is a lot to take in, Annie, but the sooner we do this, the sooner your body will be able to adjust, and the sooner you'll be able to start physical therapy and get your independence back."
"Yeah," Annie replied tiredly, feeling her energy start to flag once more. "I understand."
"Looks like you're going out on us again. That's alright. I'll schedule the procedures for tomorrow afternoon, and I'll be by in the morning to walk you through everything, alright?"
Annie made a tired sound of agreement, and he nodded once more before leaving the room. Danielle was in shock, clinging to her husband's arms as she stared at her sister, trying to figure out how to cope with this and how to help her sister.
"Dani," Annie freed her hand from Auggie's for a moment and reached for her sister, who stepped forward to take it. "It'll be alright," Annie told her, and a half laugh, half sob exploded from her throat. "I'm really tired, so why don't you two go and get the girls and get home, take care of them. I'll be here in the morning."
"Are you sure?" Danielle asked, studying her sister's face closely. "I don't mind staying the night, if you want."
"No, the girls will need you at home. And you'll need to explain to them, at least a bit, before they come in. And I'd like to see them soon." She yawned mightily.
"Okay then, Annie. I'll see you tomorrow," she pressed a kiss against her sister's cheek.
"I'll see you soon, Annie," said Michael, pressing a hand to her shoulder briefly before escorting his wife from the room. Annie returned her hand to Auggie's, who was sitting with a contemplative look on his face.
"So…" he said slowly. "He just dumped a whole lot of stuff and ran, anything you want to talk about?"
"It's just becoming more…real, I guess," she muttered, shifting her head slightly on the pillow. She grabbed the button and buzzed for a nurse. Her neck was killing her from turning to the side all day, she wasn't used to sleeping on her stomach, and the pillow was soaked with her tears. A nurse popped her head in a moment later, while Annie was still trying to formulate what she wanted to say.
"What do you need, dear?" the middle-aged woman asked with a gentle smile, admiring the picture the clearly devoted young couple made. She'd heard several of the other nurses talking about them, how sad their situation was, him blind, her now paralysed, and how devoted he clearly was to her.
"I was wondering if I could get turned off my front, and if you could help me turn my pillow over please," Annie requested politely. She hated asking for help, wishing she had the strength to at least try for herself, but she was just too tired and worn out.
"Of course, I'll just have to find someone else to help with that. I'll be back in a minute."
"I'm proud of you," Auggie leaned in to whisper, smiling gently. "Asking for help is hard." Annie just squeezed his fingers, too physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted to formulate an actual response, and they sat in comfortable silence.
The nurse returned a few moments later with a guy and they gently rolled her onto her side so that she was facing Auggie, carefully drawing her knees into a gentle bend to support the position, and, rather than turning the pillow, replaced it and sent the other out to be cleaned.
"Thanks," Annie mumbled, smiling sleepily at them. "Sorry, Auggie, I'm going out again. You should go home, an afternoon nap doesn't make up for a night of missed sleep."
Auggie reluctantly agreed, and pressed a kiss to her cheek before bidding her goodnight and leaving the room, switching out the light for her on his way past. He made a note to himself to get her something on his way in tomorrow, something to make her smile.