Disclaimer: Everything is property of Marvel. If I could, I would be too, because everything under Marvel's name is automatically amazing.
A/N: I am thinking of possible finishing up this series with Part Five: Google, but if I get at least ten comments (and not from the same person) then I will continue it on instead.
Part Four: Moobs
Thor walked into the Avenger's tower, feeling incredibly glad to be home. He was unsure when exactly Asgard (where he had been for the last two weeks) had started to feel strange and unwelcoming and the Avenger's tower had started to be where he felt like he could fully be himself, but he supposed it was around the same time that Tony had been comfortable walking around without a shirt on, bearing his shining blue heart for them all to see and the time that Bruce was comfortable enough to only chuckle when fair maiden Natasha accused him of drinking the last of the special cream she enjoyed putting in her coffee.
"Thor, you're back!" Tony greeted him joyously as he entered the kitchen, where the man was making a mess and Steve was sitting nearby watching him, most likely to ensure that an explosion was avoided. Tony stayed where he was, but Thor could quite easily read the look in his eyes, so he took the liberty of consuming the man of iron in an affectionate hug.
"He's turning purple," Steve informed Thor. Thor released Tony, surprised to find that yes, indeed, the man was an unnatural color. As he moved forward to engage Steve in his own friendly embrace, he was reminded once again of how glad he was to have found his new home.
That doesn't mean, when four hours later he finds himself squished on the couch with the great Captain and Tony, that he doesn't still feel confused and frustrated when once again on of his teammates, nay, family, say something that he doesn't understand.
"Man, he's really let himself go, hasn't he?" Clint asks from where he is sitting next to Natasha on their own seat.
"Be nice," Steve chastises. Next to him Tony snorts.
"He has a point, much as it pains me to admit. The guy has moobs, Steve. Moobs." Tony protests.
"Well, he's an older gentleman, Tony, be respectful." Steve says. Thor files away that information. Steve knows what these moobs are, so it must be a Midgardian timeless word. He becomes distracted by the movie, but later as he is lying in his bed waiting for the tricky mistress of sleep to embrace him, he ponders the word.
Moobs.
Moobs.
Moooooooooooooobs.
` Ah! When said like that it sounds much like the cattle that roam Midgard. Perhaps these moobs have something to do with cattle? Tony and Clint had said that an elderly man had them, perhaps these moobs were a cow product that assisted the elderly in their everyday life?
The next time they go to the store Thor manages to get away before Natasha and son of Coul realize he is gone and he follows an elderly woman to the shelves that seem to house the things that older people use for assistance.
There are interesting things that assist with walking and a multitude of medicines, one of which says stool softener, which confuses Thor greatly, because if a seating device is uncomfortable, why do they not move instead of resorting to medicines? Finally he spots something that seems to share cattle's pattern of hide, but when he examines them he finds that it is just a package and that the undergarments in it have nothing to do with such an animal. And he cannot find any other sign of moobs anywhere. Perhaps Thor has once again misunderstood the intention of a Midgardian thing.
As Thor follows dutifully after Clint, who was sent to find him, he thinks of the word again. The last part of the word sounded a bit like what Steve said after he had made a mistake. Oops and oobs, sounded mighty similar indeed. Perhaps moobs is another word for an accident.
After dinner, when Thor accidentally drops a dish, he tries it out, crying a mighty moobs.
Judging by the looks he gets, that is not the correct way to use the word.
Frustration settle in and he vows to himself that he will just forget these moobs. But at the next fight, towards the end, when he finds that Tony has been turned into a woman and hears the great Captain sassily remark 'Who has moobs now, huh Tony?' he cannot control himself. He destroys the enemy he is fighting against with a bellow of frustration.
"Uh Thor buddy, don't worry, I'll be back to normal soon," Tony says over the comms.
"No it is not your current predicament causing me such irritation." Thor corrects. "You must tell me, what is this moobs you speak off?"
"It's when a man has boobs," Clint says bluntly, far too used to these type of questions to even hesitate.
"Men can acquire such great things?" Thor asks. He is rather fond of boobs.
"They're considered very unhealthy and unattractive," Natasha warned him.
"Ah, so you wouldn't love me if I grew moobs?" Tony complains, though there is an undercurrent of fear beneath his humorous voice.
"Nice try Stark," Clint snorted. "You're stuck with us, moobs or not."
Thor is amazed that somehow he has been lucky enough to find a family that would love him, moobs and all.
But he'd prefer not to gain these moobs, should they dissuade Jane from seeing his worth as a mate.