Hi everyone! Hope everyone's doing aye-okay out there! :D Well first-things-first, I'm so glad you guys found the flashbacks not too distracting! Or .. didn't tell me that it was distracting but same difference. Everytime I saw a new review come up, I was so scared to read a "GAH THIS IS SO CONFUSING" or even a "YOU SUCK", though I'm glad people refrained from doing so. ^_^ The flashbacks won't be in every chapter because that would just be pure insanity and I only incorporate flashbacks when I feel it's needed. So no worrying about confusing flashbacks for now, let's just enjoy this new chapter, eh? This chapter generally isn't very eventful, but it's super informative and explains a lot about what Tina's life came to be and her relationships.
OH, & I failed to mention that I'm probably not updating anytime soon if people aren't too in to the story. I feel like people aren't folowing with the story, so I'm giving it more time to be more exposed (and hopefully more reviews? :D No need to be greedy and all. But if you like, please review!). Have fun reading! I do not own Glee.
Cardboard Cut Outs, Chapter 4
"He still looks at you the way he did .."
After the brief encounter with Matt and Mike, they shared hugs and contrived handshakes, bidding their farewells. It was over just as fast as it'd begun. Oddly enough, Tina wasn't sure how she felt about that.
She now found herself in her silver Honda Civic waiting for her mom to exit the store she'd quarantined herself in for the past half an hour or so, racking her brain. For what exactly, she wasn't too sure. Possibly about how fast their conversation lasted, or the fact that she'd been idly gawking at his number on her cell phone screen. Then again, it could have been the way she had to lie to him for why she'd really moved back to Lima in the first place. Though her mother will never fully get over her husband's death, she was back to normal and didn't need Tina's help. It'd been the other way around. Or maybe it was about that girl he mentioned a couple of times. Annie, Rina, Karen?
Instead of staring blankly at the number in front of her, she chose to dial the number that had been on speed dial, whom she should be calling. As she waited patiently for her call to be answered, she inhaled deep breaths of air. "Hello?"
"Hey, Craig."
The matured male on the other side of the line was shocked by her voice. "Oh, hey babe." Tina's perceptible silence easily alarmed him. "Sorry. I mean Tina. How is it at home?"
She really hoped hearing his voice would convince her why she'd decided to live her life the way she was but she knew that wouldn't be the case. She was desperate. "It's going .. It's going good. I've missed Lima."
An off-balanced silence filled the line. "I .. I miss you."
She sighed and disheveled her hair, avoiding the comment. "How's everything at New York?"
"Um, it's good, it's good." The silence seemed to be a reoccurring theme. "I want you to come back home, T."
"You know how much I hate it when you call me T, Craig," she retorted, outwardly upset. She's told him numerous times how much that bothered her, though he never seemed to listen nor understand. The nickname just relived unwelcomed memories, especially after what happened that day.
"Okay, I'll stop. Just promise me one thing. And I know I shouldn't be asking you for much, but please, just don't do anything you're gonna regret over there. Don't go back .. Don't go back to him."
The mention of whoever Craig had been referring to led her to quiet. The irritation in his voice heightened, obviously being able to translate the silence into his own words. "You can't be telling me you've already seen him already Tina!" with the most tangible impatience found in his tone.
"I can't believe you'd even bring him up after all the reckless things you've pulled off. Do you not remember why I came back here in the first place?"
He grunted, restraining himself from saying anything more. "Look, I don't want to fight. I want to figure this out and fix this, without any yelling or arguments." He ended the conversation for the good of them. "I'll call you later."
Just when she thought calling her sort-of boyfriend, would help in the slightest bit, it did nothing for her. Craig generally was a nice guy, she could admit, but he always found a way to push her buttons. The reason she went to Lima in the first place was to get some space from the man she couldn't really make a decision upon. Then, she'd decide what to do with their dwindling relationship. But even then, the distance between them seemed to do more bad than good.
"Do you miss it?"
"Something like that, yeah."
And somehow in the midst of all their commotion, she still had that two little lines reiterating in her head. Miss what exactly, she couldn't put her finger on it.
The repetitive tapping on the window disrupted her distraught thoughts thankfully. "Open the door honey!" her mother yelled out, two pink shopping bags at hand.
Tina leaned her finger onto the button allowing her mother into the vehicle with a deceiving smile. "How was shopping? Not that it's not obvious."
"Hey, I haven't been shopping since forever. I think I deserve it." She stepped into the car, slamming the door as she entered. "Do you think I can drive? I haven't actually been behind the wheel in .. in a very, very long time."
She threw her the keys. "Go crazy."
Her mom really could not stress enough how long it had been since she drove. In the last five minutes, at least seven people had honked at her frustratingly and all she'd done was back up from the parking lot. Though Tina didn't really mind. It was actually quite amusing.
"Shit! Why don't they get out of my way then if they won't stop their fuckin' honking?" she cussed loudly, eliciting a timid giggle from her daughter. Normally, she'd be laughing hysterically, but with what was on her mind, it seemed a little more difficult.
Her mother sneaked a glare at the gadget she'd been frivolously staring at for the past ten minutes. "What're you looking at that seems to be so exciting, huh?"
She whipped her head almost automatically from her cell phone to her mom. "Oh, it's nothing." It didn't even hit her that she'd been looking at her phone for that long.
Raising her eyebrow in doubt, Lauren concentrated back to the road. "So how did lunch go?"
"Fine." She should've known using such a lame word as "fine" would earn her more suspicious glances from her mother.
" 'Fine', huh?"
"Yeah; fine."
Suddenly, her apparent focus was now all directed to her as others continued to honk and beep at her feeble driving. At this point, she was pretty sure her mom ran at least three red lights. "Honey, do you understand how weird it is to hear that seeing your high school sweetheart after almost seven years is just fine?"
"Mom, look at the road!" she yelped. Luckily, her mom did accordingly, swerving the vehicle before crashing into the truck in front of them. That would have been all sorts of ugly.
"Jesus. Christ," she sighed out.
"Sorry," she lamely replied.
"It's fine."
Though not too shortly, she continued her mini-lecture. "See! Honey, you're my daughter and I know for a fact that when you say something is 'fine,' it's the complete opposite. Like right there, I almost got into a car accident, and that is so not fine."
"Mom, I'm with someone and he's waiting for me in New York."
"You can't honestly be telling me you're still seeing Greg, Doug, whatever his name is, are you?"
"Me and Craig, we're trying to work things out right now .."
"Honey, I can't stand seeing you hurt like this over that stuck-up, asshole who doesn't care about your feelings. For all you know, he's with that trampy brunette who's boobs are faker than the weave she has on her head -!"
"It was okay. There. Does that make it any better?" raising her voice unconvincingly.
"There's no point in lying to me or yourself, I'll just say that."
"Well not everyone can be like you mom."
Avoiding the road once more she whipped her head her direction feigning aggravation. "Excuse me? And that's supposed to mean what exactly?"
"What do you want me to say? That it was completely awkward and that it's official that we're no longer in each other's life? That we've both moved on for good? How after how many years of meaning something to each other, it took only a few seconds to realize that all we are to each other are some useless memories in some dusty box hiding in the corner?"
It was almost ridiculous how emotional she was being over something she'd known for a while. That the only thing they were now were a box of useless memories that could only be proven by some stupid pictures and petty gifts.
Her mother sighed sympathetically allowing silence to happen between them. Before stopping the engine on the driveway of their house, she spoke carefully one more time. "He still loves you, you know."
She kept within the same tone of voice. "That's stupid."
"You might think so, but he still looks at you the way he did eight years ago." Her head lolled on the shoulder rest of the chair. "I remember when he used to come over. When he'd look at you. Me and your dad used to talk about that look all the time."
"I know you've never liked Craig mom, and that's okay, just please, don't make our relationship harder than it has been on me for the longest time."
"That's not what I'm telling you honey," trying to convey a point that Tina couldn't grasp.
"Mom, he's moved on." She gripped onto the handle of the car door, preparing to jump out. "And I have too."
Her mother's stare could be easily sensed as she attempted to open the entrance of their home, hands trembling from the lingering hollowness she felt inside.
Truth is, she would've stayed in that car longer. But she didn't know how long she could take before the already forming tears would spill out. If you knew Tina, you'd know that she doesn't cry, or at least you'd never witness it.
From the end of the staircase, she marched into her cluttered room looking for the first thing in mind. Clutching the heavy box in her hand, she infuriatingly thrashed it onto the wall of her room, stumbling onto her back from the force.
"Ow!" she whimpered, rubbing the small of her back. Steadily, the tears streamed one by one though she never let it all out at once.
The sound of footsteps nearing the room automatically led her to shake herself off, pushing back the tears from her eyes. She saw as her mother stood in the middle of the doorway crossing her legs, staring. Tina stared back with a slight frown. "Sorry," she meekly apologized.
"It's okay." Knowing her mom probably noticed the tear stains on her face upset her.
"I've just been under a lot of stress lately. Moving all the way from New York, and just having to think about Craig is hard enough as it is .."
She sighed. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard." Tina nodded understandingly. "It's just .. I remember how happy you were with him back in high school, and it killed and still kills me seeing how unhappy you are now. Ever since the day you graduated and he stopped showing up at the house, it was so hard seeing you come out of your room with your eyes puffy and red from all the crying you did." She remembers how slick she was with her secretive weeping: not very slick at all. "You'd just stay in your room for hours, telling us everything was fine when we knew it wasn't. And that piece of paper you'd bring with you everywhere. It just really sucked. For everyone."
Although her mom continued to mention about him, she actually felt remorse toward her. Her mother cared about her a lot. Tina was convinced that that's why she said the things she said, even if the things she said wanted to make her scream on the top of her lungs just because.
"I know all you want is to see me happy, and you're the best mom in the world for that, but you have to understand that I'm not in high school. He's not in high school. We're not in high school. It's been nearly eight years since we got out and there's no point in pretending. And even if Craig made mistakes, ones that I'll probably never ever forget, we've been together too long for us to just end that fast."
Her mother breathed out unevenly. "I understand. I really do. I just love you a lot. If you didn't know."
"I love you too mom."
Finally, they were capable of genuinely smiling at one another, her mother leaving the room so she could have it for herself. She really did love her mom.
The abrupt vibration from her jean pocket alarmed her immediately. It was a text message from an unidentified number. Curiously, she slid the front part of her cell phone, reading the text message with a bit of excitement.
"Hey tina, its matt! :) I was just wondering you were free tonight for .. *drum roll* karaoke night! Its for mike's bday. It'll be like a glee reunion. It'd be really great if you could make it."
The thought of reuniting with her fellow Glee members was beyond overwhelming. She felt like the worst person in the world knowing she hadn't kept in touch with any of them after her move to New York. But after all the drama that merely came into an hour's worth, the idea of seeing him again seemed so quick.
"Hi Matt! Thanks for the invite but idk, not too sure if I can make it."
It was a lie, yes, and lieing was bad, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Ooh cmon tina, it'll be fun! When was the last time you saw your former glee friends, and whens the next chance you'll get to see them altogether? I won't push you but you'll truly be missed if you don't go. :("
Tina thought for a moment, internally debating on her decision. It seemed wrong to see her former-love right after having a conversation with her somewhat-current boyfriend about her ex. Slowly clunking the tiny keys of her textboard, she somehow convinced herself that she should go; that it would be the right thing to do. Besides, a little innocent karaoke wouldn't do much damage, would it?