Wilhelm: These are my author notes now. Rubedo and I made a deal that I would handle everything while he supervised. Working out so far. He doesn't annoy me and I don't have to burn him with my magnifying glass. I apologize in advance to everyone for being so…crazy and obsessive. I still blame Rubedo for his lack of interest in this fortunetelling business. Burn him not me.

Wilhelm: The disclaimer…I don't own me. Or Xenosaga. Neither does Rubedo…thank goodness…

Rubedo Kukai Jr.: Ha! I'm out of the cement! No one's selling me! I have no price value!

Wilhelm: Well duh, you're priceless.

Rubedo Kukai Jr.: What's that supposed to mean?

Wilhelm: Exactly what I mean. You're worth nothing to anybody.

Rubedo cries.

To lockawayheart-Another one of my favorites. I believe you're friends with Rubedo, correct? So that must mean you know how to take him down…permanently…am I right? I'll have to ask you about it later.

To others: Maybe it'll be a roulette of death or something. To those who I write to, they live, and for those I don't, they die. How's that sound?

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Welcome! For those who don't know me, I am Monsieur Wilhelm! Welcome to the wonderful world of Divine Fortunetelling! If there's something you really want to know about anything, ask me! I am all seeing and all knowing! As soon as I'm done researching on how to kill people, let's go to the questions!

Why are Jr. and MOMO so short?

If they had a bunch of tall people, it would be a basketball team, not a "Save the World" team. We don't need another Harlem Globetrotters…

Why is the Compass of Order called what it is?

I must admit, I have questioned that myself. It doesn't really rule anything with laws nor does it tell direction. I doubt that a name like "All-Seeing Globe" or "Hell on Globe Wheels" is supposed to be satisfactory to my compass. I know what Rubedo would call it…a cinnamon roll.

Does Captain Matthews really have an obese cat fetish?

What kind of fetish are you talking about? A charm? Closest thing he's got close to that is his hat. The other thing? Yeah, he claims to have hallucinations of kitty snipers and kitties bombing the world.

Why is the "Do not turn this upside down" label on the UNDERSIDE of those little pie thingies?

Well, I often get lemon meringue pie because I just love its taste…so…lemony…oh; I apologize for getting off track. Apparently, it's a test to see if customers are worthy of buying it and if they're smart. You're supposed to raise it over your head and cream it at the cashier.

How do you spell the D word? Damnit or dammit?

Well…the F word has one spelling. The S word has one spelling. Hell, even the Z word has one spelling. I'm going to go with damn this word. In other words, I choose the first spelling.

Since you are 4000 years old, how come no one has questioned the fact that you're still alive, since you don't assume any other identities?

It's because of my brilliant complexion. 4000 years and I look like I'm in my late twenties. Call me ladies, I'm available. I mean, I'm supposed not to brag about it but this is too good an opportunity to pass up.

Was Xenosaga ever intended to be related to Xenogears?

Well, I'm supposed to keep this a secret but I was alive and watching while they were producing Xenogears. When they were done making it, the bigwigs decided, "Hey! Let's change 'gears' and totally remake this into a futuristic kickass video game of the sixth gear!"

Why does T-elos look like chaos if he was a girl?

Someone at Vector is gay….or straight in this case…but obsessive…definitely obsessive…

Is the moon made out of cheese?

No, unless you consider hardened cheese a rock. If so, then we could end world hunger by sending the Hungary up there!

Why are bags containing chips never filled to the top?

It's because the people who seal the bags eat it. Fat bastards. (No offense to anyone reading who works in a chip factory. It's true though.)

Why are women…so confusing?

Let me tell ya, kid…women are nothing but confusing. They send males "messages" (as some people would put it) through their bodies and speech and expect us to interpret it. But for us males, reading the messages is like trying to run around the globe stark naked, am I right? Supposedly, we're supposed to have some "ninth" sense like women do and should be able to catch on to what they're thinking. I don't know if they seduce us intentionally or not, but the only thing I do know is that males will let their body do the reading and not the mind. I know. I'm an expert.

Wait, are you sexist against women?

No. I just like bashing them.

Who would win, a lion or a tiger?

The liger of course.

Isn't that avoiding the question?

No, because a liger would appear and rip both of them apart.

What is Citrine's power? The game never explains what it is…

The power to seduce U.R.T.Vs to do her bidding. She is a female U.R.T.V. after all.

If you had to date anyone from the Xenosaga series who would it be? Could you list all the main characters and some minor ones? I need to know!

Geez…you're so demanding. Okay, I guess I will have to tell you since you asked. I'll do my best to be as honest as possible.

Jr.- He loves his guns more than anything in the world… except MOMO because she threatened to call Gaignun to throw away his prized collection.

MOMO- One word. Age…and Iwouldbesuedforrape.

Ziggy- He's a 130-year-old virgin. Like he's going to get any from me. I'm way out of his league.

Shion- She's got two boyfriends. I'd just end up being played…I'm too smart for that…won't get me with your looks…

KOS-MOS- Well, if she wasn't mechanical, I would. But since she is, I won't. So there. Case closed.

chaos- I'm not gay. Need I say more?

Maria- Most likely the one I would date. I mean, she kicks ass. More powerful than KOS-MOS…three or four more times I believe. Plus the blue eyes…yeah. Definitely her.

Pellegri- She belongs to that she-man Jin.

Kevin- He's emo. Plus he's still obsessed with Shion. And I'm not gay. Must I get that point across?

Jin- He's a she-man. Plus hairy legs are a major turnoff for me. Plus I'm not gay. Must make you remember that YAOI FANGIRLS.

Why does MOMO's attacks suck in the game?

It's cuz she's a virgin. You know how women glow when they've…done it? Well, unfortunately, she hasn't. Stupid Jr…

Wilhelm: Unfortunately, that's all the time we have today because Rubedo screwed up one of his stories…or so I hear. He wants me to help him out with it so I will have to cut this one short. So I apologize in advance if this telling was a bit short…but as long as you laugh then I'm fine. Send those wonderful questions! I'll do my best to answer them as well as making my own questions to answer because I'm starting to wonder about some things…