IV. 1981
He could not think. He did not feel. It was a lack of feeling that was jarring: Emptiness; Nothing.
He was not worried about company. There was not anyone to come. He knew this. But he did not feel it.
James, Lily, Peter,
Black,
They had left.
He did not feel alone but he did not feel anyone's presence.
He only was
Empty;
Blank;
Nothing.
He wanted to scream; he wanted to cry; he wanted to hate Sirius.
Instead he could only hate himself for the emptiness he felt.
O
He woke up and lay on the ground of his basement. He figured that he should start to heal his wounds. But the pain was a refreshing interlude to the emptiness. It made him feel human.
He thought bitterly that it was ironic that turning into a wolf and attacking himself made him feel human.
He needed to do something. He would heal himself.
But as he lay with the excuse to himself of "becoming aware of his injuries" he realized he had been distracted from this by thinking of nothing in particular.
Remus was not sure whether he fell asleep or passed out but he knew that there was no change in amount of emotion he felt.
Madam Pomfrey's face loomed his own as she briefly ran her wand over his shoulder, healing the last deep cut that remained. He blinked several times before Madam Pomfrey noticed.
"Ah, you're awake", she exclaimed as she straightened up after healing his shoulder.
"Mada-", Remus began to choke out before he had a coughing fit.
"What are you doing here?" Remus asked, looking around to see that he was in his house and that he hadn't gone on some killing spree at Hogwarts before continuing, "How did you get in?"
Madam Pomfrey scrutinized him a moment longer before replying, "I knocked at around 8pm and you didn't answer so Albus helped me get in. You were still in your basement."
Remus felt heat rise to his face and didn't reply.
"Did you want me to stay?", Madam Pomfrey asked.
"You don't have to", Remus answered quickly.
"I know I don't have to. I want to, but I don't want to intrude. I don't want you to be alone if you don't want to."
"I-", Remus started, swallowed hard and then continued, "I need some time for things to- sink in. I'm okay. You should go back to Hogwarts, someone might need you."
Madam Pomfrey caught the emphasis on 'you' although it seemed that Remus had not intended him to catch it. She tried not to think of him alone in his small apartment as she got up to leave.
"Don't give up, Remus", she said, looking pleadingly into his eyes.
Her reassuring hand left his shoulder as she left and he was alone once more.
A/N: I worry about Remus circa 1981. Seriously, all his best friends either died or betrayed him. I don't see him tons of close friends either because of the whole werewolf thing. And since so many other people in the Order died…
Life just isn't fair on Remus.
And since I'm worrying about the wellbeing of a fictional character, I think that a review would be a nice distraction :)