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Chapter 4

An entire week passed without a single word from Remus. To anyone. Not even Dumbledore knew if anything was amiss.

Severus barely slept and had to be reminded to eat at least twice by McGonagall. He didn't even insult her back which concerned her greatly.

Finally, after eight days, Severus came knocking on Dumbledore's door.

"Why has he not contacted anyone?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Severus, I know no more than you. Until we hear from him, we are to assume nothing."

"How could you let him go?" Severus suddenly accused.

"Severus, Remus is a grown man and perfectly able to handle himself. I did not force him, if that is what you are implying."

Severus looked down. "No, of course not, Headmaster."

He returned to his dungeons more agitated than he already was.

Dumbledore called an Order meeting at Headquarters the following week to discuss new strategies.

Severus had no desire to go, but he sat in stony silence, zoning out Dumbledore's speech. The Wolfsbane that he had just brewed was burning a hole in his pocket.

He didn't even know why he bothered. He had no indication whatsoever that Remus would be around to take it. Yet, faithfully, he brewed the potion that he could have done blindfolded, and brought it with him.

After the pointless meeting ended, many of the Order members immediately disbursed, leaving just Dumbledore, Molly, Arthur and Severus.

Snape sat in the chair unblinking. He thought he heard Molly whisper to Dumbledore if he was alright. The Headmaster had only nodded with a concerned glance in Snape's direction.

He suddenly felt very alone as he realized everyone had finally left. He checked the clock on the wall and swallowed painfully.

Bracing both hands on either side of his chair, he grudgingly stood up and gracelessly left the dining hall towards the exit.

Standing in the entryway, clearly just arriving, was Remus. Snape shuddered to a halt as if seeing an apparition for the first time. To Severus, the figure appeared very real.

"Severus?"

Baffled into silence, Snape could only stare as he watched Remus approach, stopping a foot away.

"What are you doing here?" the werewolf curiously asked.

"I thought for sure you were dead," Snape responded off topic.

Remus frowned and took in Snape's uncharacteristically concerned tone. Instinctively, he reached out and touched Snape's arm.

Wide-eyed, the only thing Severus could do was grab the rest of Remus and pull him forward, pressing his lips against Remus'.

The werewolf was more than willing. He brought his arms around Snape's back and clawed his fingers through layers of clothing.

Moments later, both of their apparel was scattered all around them as they lay panting, Snape practically drooping across Remus' tired body.

Their hoarse breathing was the only sound to fill the house and when Remus finally was able to feel the weight above him, he gently pried Snape off him.

Another minute passed before Remus found the courage to speak.

"So I guess you missed me, huh?" he asked in light jest.

"Don't mock me, Remus," Severus replied in a dead tone.

Remus leaned up on one elbow, looking down at Severus with barely restrained concern.

"It's ok, Severus," he softy said. "I missed you too."

Snape turned his head away. With his free hand, Remus grazed his fingers across Snape's chest, not knowing what to say. He remembered Snape's earlier concern.

"I'm sorry I never contacted the Order. Truly, there was hardly an opportunity. I was never in any danger…" he trailed off, his heart pounding loudly against his rib cage.

Something was off with Severus, thought Remus. He was truly rattled.

"I'm sorry if you were concerned," he began carefully. "I didn't even think-." He didn't know how to finish that without offending Severus.

"Severus… I'm fine." Lame, but it was all he could manage in his perplexed state.

"Do you even know what tonight is?" Severus finally asked, still not looking at Remus.

Of course Remus knew, but he obliged the other man. "Yes, that is why I came back. I couldn't chance transforming out there. Who knows what would have happened. At least I can ward myself in here without anything…terrible happening.

Severus languidly reached out, locating his discarded waistcoat. He managed to plunder the pockets while laying, and pulled out the tiny vial he so carefully kept. He showed it to Remus, who looked dumbfounded.

"You made it?" he asked with a mixture of relief and surprise.

"Of course I did. When haven't I?" Snape replied quietly.

That was true, thought Remus. Even when he and Severus were apart, his Wolfsbane arrived promptly each month by owl. A lump formed in his throat, hard and uncomfortable.

"Thank you," he managed as he carefully took the vial from Snape's fingers. The other man merely nodded as he finally sat up, gathering up his clothing.

Remus sighed and followed suit, only donning his trousers. There was no point in anything else as his transformation was a few hours away.

Somehow they ended up in the library, drinks in hand, sitting in complete silence. Guilt was gnawing at Remus as he contemplated the other man staring off into space. He noted Snape's drink was untouched as he subconsciously kneaded the fragile glass with his fingers.

This issue between them needed to be resolved for Remus knew he wasn't the only one feeling the effects. He just didn't know what to say to the other man to make it right. The guilt sprang up again.

"Severus?"

Onyx eyes flickered over to Remus, then down again.

"Mm?"

Remus sighed, feeling miserable suddenly. "I'm so sorry about what I said to you before." Snape was still but refused to make eye contact.

"I can't believe I said you don't deserve me," he blurted morosely. "That was unforgivable, and you have every right to despise me. I don't know why I said it," he declared, swiping his shaking hand through his hair.

Severus looked down at his glass. "You were right about that, Remus. I've always known it. I'm only surprised it took you so long to get it off your chest."

Remus was disgustingly dismayed. He walked over to Severus and kneeled in front of his chair.

"Damn it, Severus, it isn't true. How could you think I could stay with someone so long if I didn't-"he stopped, frustrated.

"I was an idiot, Severus," he began again. "And yet you still made me my potion. If anyone is undeserving-"

"Enough, Remus. You don't owe me anything. I do it for the Order, and because Dumbledore wants me to."

Remus barely refrained from glaring. "Don't shut me out, Severus."

"I hate what you've done to me."

Remus blinked, completely baffled. He leaned backwards, knees protesting.

"What are you talking about? I've done nothing but contend with you! I've defended you, helped you in any way that I could-I would have stood in front of Voldemort for you!"

"You've made me weak! Don't you see that I've done all that by myself for years! I've come to rely on you and-"

"And that makes you weak? Severus, there is no shame in feeling something other than bitterness and hatred."

"Don't you get it, Remus? I can't do my part to the best of my abilities when I know you are putting yourself in harm's way. And for a lost cause at that."

Remus could have flown at that moment. He was wrong about Severus, had been for some time. The man did care, despite his actions.

"How do you think I feel whenever your mark starts to burn?" Remus replied back.

Severus sighed. "That's different."

"No, it's not."

Severus regarded Remus stoically before allowing a nod in defeat.

"Please stay with me tonight," Remus asked, finally getting to his feet. He stared down at the potions master and couldn't tell what the man was thinking.

Remus reached out his hand in question. After a pause, Severus took it.

Severus lay awake listening to the pounding rain. It had started after midnight and hadn't let up since. It felt calming.

He looked across the room to the furry creature softly snoring in front of the fireplace, and felt his heart seize up. He was ill-equipped to deal with this situation.

All his life he was shunned and disregarded as nothing. He didn't come from a loving family and his life at school was barely tolerable. He built himself a stone wall around his heart and now it was slowly crumbling to bits.

Severus knew Dumbledore cared for him. Probably better than anyone ever had. But this felt different. It felt…deeper. He didn't even want to think about what that meant. He didn't know how to react. And he certainly didn't know what to do about it.

It was easier for Remus. Everyone loved him and admired him and he regarded just about everyone with kindness and appreciation.

It still surprised him that he wanted anything to do with Severus. It was perplexing and completely outrageous. Or maybe that's just what Severus wanted to believe. It would make things easier.

But he couldn't shut Remus out anymore than he could stop the Dark Lord from calling on him. He could end the relationship, but he would never truly be rid of the effects.

He tossed on his side, feeling strange and nervous. Sleep was futile, he knew. He quietly got out of bed and managed to leave the bedroom without waking the sleeping wolf.

He crept downstairs to the library and contacted Dumbledore through the floo.

"Severus, what are you doing at Headquarters?" Dumbledore asked, clearly confused.

"Albus, Remus has returned," he stated in an even tone.

Confusion and relief were evident in the Headmaster's voice. "Thank Merlin. He has transformed then?"

"Yes, he is sleeping. I took the liberty of brewing the Wolfsbane, just in case he did show up."

"I am sure he appreciated your foresight, Severus."

"It was nothing," Severus adamantly declared.

Albus practically beamed at him. "I can wake Minerva if you'd like me to come through?"

"That won't be necessary, Albus. I was merely calling to inform you of his return. I will see you in the morning."

"Of course, Severus. Goodnight."

He shut the floo without responding. Suddenly tired, he made his way to the nearest chair and promptly fell asleep.

Soft fingers trailed his forehead, carefully nudging aside the strands of stray hair. On the edge of sleep, he forced his eyes open. Though bleary, he easily made out Remus' familiar shape as the other man sat kneeling in front of him.

He sighed in rare contentment and allowed the respite, if only for a moment.

"How are you feeling?" he asked when his voice wasn't so dry.

"Perfect."

Snape cocked his head and contemplated Remus' expression.

When nothing was forthcoming, Remus asked if he wanted some coffee.

"Yes, thank you." Remus braced himself on Snape's knees to stand-whether on purpose or not-and Severus couldn't help but notice the mischievous smirk. He mentally rolled his eyes and managed to get himself off the chair without any assistance.

They sat in the kitchen in comfortable silence, slowly sipping their warm coffee. Severus knew he should be getting back to Hogwarts, weekend or not. Some of his students may come looking for their potions master.

He continued to sit however, trying to prolong whatever was happening. Hogwarts seemed like such a reality compared to where he was now. He wanted to relish whatever it was.

"You've been experimenting with the Wolfsbane again." Remus began with a light, knowing smile.

"Whenever I have the time," replied Severus.

"May I tell you something?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Is something the matter?" Severus automatically asked, knowing exactly what Remus was about to say.

Remus leaned forward in his chair, elbows on the table. He sighed.

"Is it the Wolfsbane? If it is, you have to tell me so I can remedy it," Severus replied evenly.

"Yes… it does have to do with my potion. I just noticed that this month felt…different." He averted his eyes, not wanting to offend Snape.

"Worse?"

Remus could only nod.

Severus sighed. "I can't help you if you don't tell me." He paused, then, "I put in a bit more aconite."

Remus looked up, perplexed. "What for?"

To build up your immune system, just in case, thought Severus, but instead merely said, "Just a hunch I had. Thank you for telling me, I will fix it for next month."

Remus looked at Severus for longer than was really necessary, finally lifting his mug to his lips once more.

"Will you be heading back to Hogwarts now?"

Severus couldn't help the sigh from escaping.

"Unfortunately."

Remus nodded. "I'm sure Albus will want to see me soon."

"Probably."

"May I accompany you back then?"

Severus took a big gulp of coffee. "If you so desire."

Remus nodded once and they finished their coffee in silence.

Severus bent over his workbench, complete concentration etched on his face. His fingers carefully gripped the tiny dropper as he allowed two small beads of amber liquid escape the glass opening.

They dropped right into a stone dish filled very shallowly with a reddish substance. The combined liquids almost hissed in protest and in mere seconds, the blood disintegrated into nothing.

Snape swallowed hard and sat back, releasing a shaky sigh. He calmly placed the dropper on the desk and wiped the sweat off his brow. Vanishing what was left in the dish, he left his lab for the day.

He knew he would come. When the knock came, he was out of his chair before he even realized it. He opened the door, and after a quick second of indecision, grabbed the other man's wrist, and quietly led him to the bedroom.

After their breathing had slowed and all was quiet and still, they lay facing each other.

Severus's habitual mask was gone and Remus felt as if he could ask the man anything. He refrained however and decided to relish the moment instead.

He languidly grazed Snape's shoulders and wrists, toying with the long, pliant fingers and interweaving their hands. Severus allowed all this.

Words are just not enough, thought Remus as they simultaneously drifted off to sleep.