I'm sorry I haven't updated for ages! I just hope this chapter is okay, I made it even longer because it's been so long - By the way the ramen store they go to is the ramen store Naruto is always at D
When feeling guilty, one can express their feelings to another who cares. Sharing the guilt can heal one's pain. By stating feelings and understanding them, sad events that lead to guilt can be avoided by opening up.
Unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't going to be opening up anytime soon.
Naruto felt the door slam in his face.
For several seconds he stood gob smacked, taking in who he had just seen. No doubt he had seen the shock in Sasuke's face too, horror, even. He had just reacted quicker.
Naruto gathered his wits, and began pounding on the door again, this time more desperate.
"H-hey! Hey! Open up dammit! Sasuke!"
On the other side of the door Sasuke was pacing, his chest beating rapidly, but he didn't understand why.
I'm not scared of him…
Or maybe he did, and he just couldn't bring himself to admit it even in his own mind.
As Naruto began shouting again, Sasuke desperately shushed the door in a mad hope the yelling would stop. He looked over to the bathroom where Kakashi was, he hadn't heard yet. Sasuke made his way over to the jounin's small television, turning it on to whatever channel and maximizing the volume.
The blaring noise of the people on screen had drowned out most of the Naruto's yelling, but by now the door had started shaking with his frantic knocking. Feeling an urge to pull out his hair, Sasuke rammed his back into the door to keep it still.
"Sasuke what's going in there?" He heard Kakashi call over the TV.
"N-nothing!" He choked whilst he gripped the walls for strength. The harsh knocking stopped promptly, a wave or relief overcame Sasuke and Kakashi re entered the room.
He raised his eyebrows as he turned off the television.
"Something you want to tell me?" He asked, eyeing up Sasuke who was up against the door.
Looking at the ground he moved away from the wall. And once again he failed to open up his true thoughts. "No." He mumbled. And he would never feel guilty about it either.
Kakashi tutted, this was way past sulking. His young student's problems were so severe if he didn't communicate his troubles the Hokage and councillors would be less sympathetic when deciding his future.
Taking his mind off of the trial, he bent down and began clearing up what Sasuke had knocked off the table minutes before. Sasuke watched, making no attempt to aid him. He scanned the room instead, when something caught his eye.
Dragging his feet, he made his way over to the large window, sitting on the ledge were a two photographs in frames. One was the team 7 portrait, the other photo was similar, but with a different team. Sasuke spotted a younger Kakashi complete with a mask frowned terribly, it amused him. Recognition then tugged at him.
"Is… You never told me the Fourth Hokage was your teacher." Sasuke managed to contain the shock from his voice.
Kakashi looked at the old picture over his shoulder. "There's a lot of things I don't tell you."
"Hn." Sasuke frowned slightly, remembering things what Kakashi had said not long ago.
Those who don't care about their comrades are worse than trash.
Carelessness is your worst enemy.
All the people important to me are dead…
Sasuke asked, "Who are they?" He wavered his hand at the two ninjas next to the young Kakashi. Their facial expressions reminded him of Sakura and Naruto, they definitely looked around their ages.
Kakashi shoved the broken vase into a bin and came over, a little surprised at Sasuke's curiosity. He pointed to their faces.
"My old team mates. That's Rin, that's Obito." He then hesitated. "…Uchiha Obito."
"Oh." Sasuke's shock wasn't concealed that time. "You failed to tell me that too. Explain to me," He turned around. "why is it that I am constantly scolded for concealing my troubles and dealing with them alone when that's what you do."
"Because," Kakashi replied in the same tone, "My troubles aren't so bad they'll cause me to run away and betray my village."
Sasuke huffed, slamming the frame back down on the window ledge, glancing outside the window.
He did a double take as he saw a crazy Naruto climbing up Kakashi's wall, nearing the window.
Oh you have got to be kidding me… He's that desperate to see me?
Sasuke didn't know whether to laugh or cry at how unwavering Naruto's determination to talk to him was.
Kakashi, although he had not caught sight of his other student clambering up his drainpipe, he sensed his chakra nearby. "I have to go out shopping this afternoon I can't leave you alone so you're going to have to come with me then."
"Why not go now?" Sasuke said a little too quickly. Avoiding his eyes, he headed towards the door. "I need to get out of here."
Kakashi put his hands on his hips. "Well I thought that would be more awkward, going outside and acting like nothing had happened."
Sasuke was already half way out of the door. "Better than staying here dwelling on it."
Closing his blinds, Kakashi followed Sasuke out of the flat, not in the mood to argue about it.
Damn sunshine…
Sasuke squinted up to the bright blue sky, Kakashi by his side. He could sense two Anbu tracking him also. Still, he kept along side his teacher not making any glances for escapes. If he were to run into Naruto…
What a waste. Kakashi thought to himself. Those Anbu could be out doing real missions, when just the thought of Naruto keeps him in line.
Sasuke stopped suddenly. Looking onwards, Kakashi saw Shikamuru and Kiba approach them. Kiba wore bandages and moved slower than usual and was without his dog Akamuru, despite a few scratches and brusies, Shikamuru was looking much better. Being involved in the retrieval mission, Kakashi had heard that both of the boys had agreed to stay quiet. Whether they were happy about it however, he did not know…
"Don't be worried, they're still your comrades." Kakashi assured Sasuke, who was feeling and even bigger urge to pull out his hair. He just wanted to run away.
"I'm not worried." He insisted under his breathe as Kiba and Shikamuru greeted them.
"Mr Kakashi." Kiba said, Shikamuru nodded to the jounin also. "And Sasuke…" There was an awkward silence, all four of them were very aware they standing in the middle of a busy street, under no circumstances could they discuss what had happened. Shikamuru looked at his feet and Sasuke was refusing to look at any of them.
At that moment a young chuunin ran up to Kakashi, tugging on his sleeve.
"Mr Kakashi, sir?" He addressed him urgently and quietly, "There has been news of a single sound ninja circuiting the outside of the village."
Kiba and Shikamuru shot nervous looks at Sasuke, Kakashi's face darkened. "When? Right now?"
"Yes but his location is unkown, we believe he may have been spying on Konoha, we need you to summon your animals to track him." The chuunin said quickly.
Kakashi guessed the spy had been sent as a clueless pawn, and if succeeding his mission he would be able to inform Orochimaru of Sasuke's current state in the village.
Not that he would let him succeed.
He looked from Kiba to Shikamuru. "Can you watch over him?" He asked, gesturing to Sasuke.
Sasuke glared at Kakashi who gave him an apologetic look before departing with the chuunin.
I'm not some kid that needs to be looked after!
Shikamuru sighed mentally, he knew this would be troublesome. Facing Sasuke who had turned now to glare at them Shikamuru found himself filling the awkward silence, saying anything that would get them out of the street full of watchful eyes and open ears.
"Have you eaten yet?"
Sasuke tapped his fingers lazily on the counter of the ramen store, he had hardly said a word to Kiba or Shikamuru, he hated the situation. And he hated ramen too.
Glaring at them made him feel a little better at least. Shikamuru must have understood this, or he didn't care Sasuke wasn't sure. But he was sure that Kiba, on the other hand, would meet his gaze and glare back.
"Akamuru and the others are still in hospital you know." He growled. It was at this moment that Shikamuru was glad he had chosen to sit between the two.
Sasuke merely shrugged. "Others?"
Kiba gave a harsh laugh. "Oh yes. Your rescue team. We may have succeeded in bringing you back but that doesn't mean we haven't suffered."
Sasuke slowly craned his neck around, eyebrow cocked.
"You may have suffered," He drawled. "but that doesn't mean you succeeded in bringing me back. If I remember correctly, I didn't see you once in my, 'retrieval mission'."
Kiba snarled. "So what? Just because something's there it doesn't mean it's not significant. You don't see the Anbu hiding but you know they're following your every action even though we all know that's why you're behaving so perfectly."
"Kiba." Shikamuru broke in sharply, "I know you're angry but you can't do this here." Kiba huffed crossly.
And of all the years Sasuke chose to stay silent when he was misunderstood, of all the times someone had picked away at his temper he chose now to start retaliating.
"Since when have you been able to talk about my behaviour like you know me?"
Kiba scoffed, "Stop acting like a girl you've got people who understand, of course I know you."
"So how come everyone was so damn shocked when I upped and left?" Sasuke snapped back. He leant back, a little surprised by his own behaviour.
What is this feeling?
Even Shikamuru was sitting up straight and paying attention. Whatever this feeling was, it was causing Sasuke to act out of character.
Maybe he's feeling guilty. Shikamuru considered. Mostly likely, however he thought against asking in case the agitated uchiha would turn on him too.
Kiba gave a single sniff to the air, before adding triumphantly, "Well why don't we ask someone who does know you then? He should be coming here any minute now."
Sasuke frowned, alarmed. "What?"
"Naruto. Kiba you can smell his scenet nearing?" Shikamuru guessed.
"Uh…!" Sasuke looked around wildly as if Naruto would jump out any second. Kiba and Shikamuru exchanged glances.
Realising he couldn't leave suddenly with Anbu watching him, he sat on top of the counter, swung his legs around the other side and jumped down crouching behind it, disguising his chakra. Kiba and Shikamuru leaned over the counter, looking down at him.
"You okay down there?" Kiba teased. For once the incredibly cool and collected Uchiha Sasuke was arguing and panicking, and he wasn't going to let that slip.
Shikamuru who was taking a lot more pity on him sat back down. "How troublesome. You want us to tell Naruto you're not here?"
Sasuke didn't get a chance to answer as Naruto suddenly appeared, looking energetic and anxious. A huge grin formed on his face as he recognised the two people sitting in front of him.
"Kiba! Shikamuru! What are you guys doing here? I didn't know you liked ramen!" He greeted loudly.
"Hey. Um, we were just stopping for lunch, discussing the mission. What about you?" Kiba asked, brushing off the suspicion.
"Yeah it's great to see you've recovered from that, I heard the others will be okay that's great!" Naruto's wide smile faltered slightly. "I was looking for Sasuke. I saw him this morning and I've been searching for him ever since. I came here for some ramen to help boost my energy!"
"Sasuke you say? You know I saw Kakashi go by about ten minutes ago maybe he'll know something." Shikamuru suggested calmly as Kiba shot him a look.
"R-really?" Naruto's eager face returned and began to run the way Shikamuru had gestured. "Thanks!!" And as quickly as he had come, he left again.
Shikamuru swung back on his chair facing the counter, Kiba was still looking at him angrily.
"I don't like lying." He frowned as Sasuke slowly stood up, looking in both directions.
"Neither do I, but it would be troublesome for these two to confront each other for the first time in a small ramen store in a busy street." Shikamuru explained, also frowning slightly.
"Well maybe our arguments wouldn't be so extreme if he didn't express his feelings all the time." Sasuke said, sitting back down.
"Expressing yourself is good. If you don't open up how is anyone going to know how you feel? Take just then for example, normally you would have ignored what Shikamuru had said but instead you told us what you feel. Makes people understand a bit better." Kiba said, secretly triumphant at how wise he had seemed.
"So why didn't you tell Naruto how you felt about sitting here with me?" Sasuke hissed menacingly. "Instead you said nothing. Saying you need to tell people your feelings doesn't count if you don't do it to everyone. The only guy who does that is Naruto and you ask yourself how he gets into so much trouble!"
The owner of the ramen shop interrupted suddenly, he had not heard the conversation. "Uh, excuse me but are you guys going to actually order anything?"
"Got any sedatives?" Shikamuru asked.
"I'm not." Sasuke said swiftly standing up and beginning to walk away.
"Sasuke, the Anbu-"
"I don't care!" He bellowed back, causing several people to stop and look at the commotion that had risen.
Kiba stood up out of seat just as dramatically.
He can't just run away after causing so much hurt, doesn't he feel guilty?
"You can say you don't care untill you're blue in the face but it doesn't change the fact you feel guilty! You feel guilty because you care." Kiba shouted through his teeth. Shikamuru put his head in his hands, feeling nothing he could add to the argument would change their opinions.
Sasuke laughed harshly. "No, I feel guilty because I don't."
Kiba folded his arms, thwarted. "Well then you're not the guy I used to look up to, you're not the guy I thought you were."
Sasuke's look was almost tragic. "You're right, I'm not."
And with that, Sasuke turned his back on another person he had let down and ran away.
"You shouldn't have walked off without me coming back."
"What's the big deal I came straight back here!"
That evening in Kakashi's apartment a teacher and student had been argueing since dusk.
"You knew that there was news about the sound how do you think that looked when you suddenly walked off?"
Kakashi could have been furious, but he was far too tired and laid back to be. To be frank, he could have cared less about how Sasuke was disobeying the rules set for him as he obviously would do. But it was his job to enforce these policies and if they weren't carried out it would be him Tsunade would throw the book at… literally.
"I don't know, just leave it." Sasuke sighed, fed up with the scolding.
"I would, only there's something more there isn't there?" Kakashi persisted, Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just tell me what's going on, just let me understand for once."
Sasuke sat down on the worn couch with his arms folded, he looked like he was sulking but after a few seconds he spoke slowly and carefully.
"Okay… so if I express these oh-so-heart-breaking feelings, will you do something for me?"
Kakashi sat down on the sofa leaning back, a little suspicious. "Okay… as long as it isn't anything dirty heh heh…"
Rolling his eyes again, Sasuke then mumbled, "I knew they'd probably suspect I might be trying to leave again, even though it was highly unlikely. I wanted them to panic that I wasn't opening up about my thoughts towards my recapture hardly, because it serves them right for not listening in the first place."
Kakashi sat thoughtfully, scratching his head casually. "We were here, you know."
Sasuke nodded. "I know, maybe that's the real reason I feel bad." And for a second Kakashi saw a sincere look in Sasuke's eyes, the coldness gone.
Kakashi forced himself to break this one time of silence. "So what do I have to do now?"
Sasuke leaned over the couch to the window sill, grabbing the photo frame with Kakashi's old team photo.
"You have to open up too… tell me what happened to them." Sasuke said evenly, tapping to the photograph.
Kakashi chuckled softly. "Okay."
Not only does sharing feelings share pain, but it also shares guilt. Expressing yourself can be found in any form, even a smile can be seen as huge gratitude.
"Akamuru will be healthy in no time."
"Thanks, thanks a lot…" Kiba gave a closed smile, his fangs producing from his lips slightly, relief was an understatement.
An invitation to discuss hurt can also be greatly appreciated.
Sakura heard a harsh knocking on the door, yawning and getting up from her bed where she was reading, she headed towards the sound.
"I'll get it Mum." She called softly. Opening the door she saw a weary Naruto with restless eyes.
"I saw him today!! I saw Sasuke! Did you see him? I've been looking for him all day…"
Sakura watched him for several seconds, the more selfish side of her telling herself to close the door on him, but she opened it wider gesturing inside.
"Ten minutes, okay?" Naruto grinned from ear to ear and happily skipped in. "Don't touch that idiot!"
Sharing guilt especially can make it easier to endure.
"…I still feel guilty about it. His death was my fault and if I would hadn't been so irresponsible he might still be alive. I could have avoided it." Kakashi finished, feeling a little awkward about talking like this to his student.
Sasuke tutted. "…shouldn't think like that."
Kakashi eyed him, challenging him to speak up. "And why not?"
Sasuke shrugged, eyes narrowing as he pondered. "You can't prevent what you can't predict." He said finally. "I guess revenge just makes up for things."
Kakashi was taken aback at how much it made sense to him, despite how much he was against revenge, he had to admit; what he had said made him feel better.
And sometimes, it can even erase it completely.
Ta da! I was thinking of writing a story of what happened to Sasuke in the 2.5 year gap, I had it all thought out. It would include made up characters and Sai's brother. Should I abandon this story for that?