They belong to DW and NBC
If you haven seen "Undercover" Be aware of spoilers from that episode here.
This is the continuation of Resilience or Olivia's POV. And finally we have the conversation between Elliot and Olivia.. (In my SVU Universe)
Again all the errors on this chapter are only mine . (Bare with me)
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On this chapter, the cursive words, are actually thoughts the characters are having in their mind while in the conversation, but don't dare to speak them out loud.
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Olivia and Elliot's Talk
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"El?"
I'm brought out of my thoughts as I heard her voice again.
"Umm?"
"I asked what are you doing here? Are you avoiding diaper duty again?"
"No, no.. I just came by to let you know that Harris is locked up and that there is an investigation going, on Matthew Parker, the other CO at Sealview." I respond the first thing that comes to my mind, her eyes and nose are red, she's been crying.
"I know who Matthew Parker is El!" How could I forget him, the bastard had it for me since the beginning.
"But you didn't have to come all the way here to tell me, you could have call or let Cragen tell me, I'm going in tomorrow, you know? To finishes up my paper work, before I take my "force vacation time." But I really appreciate you been here, I'm still scare out of my mind.
"I know.. I tried." He tells her.
"What?" She ask in confusion.
"I try calling your cell." He said when he noticed she is not following him. "Send me to voice mail the times I tried, I got worried when Cragen told me you came home." Why didn't you call me?
"Oh! I must forgotten to turn it on again, sorry about that, but there is nothing for you to worried about" She said avoiding his eyes.
They are still at the door an uncomfortable silence descends upon them.
"Liv" He try again, but she stops him.
"El, I'm fine! Nothing happen, I told you that already and you should go home to your wife and kids, instead of coming over here" Please don't go.
He feels his blood boiling and his blood pressure hits a new notch. Why does she always do this? Why does she always put others first? Not even after what happen to her, not after she put Ashley's well being ahead of her, does she thinks of her first, that's what I lov.. admired about her.
"The hell you are! I can see you are dealing with more than you are telling me! I wan to help." He said a little louder than he wants and he regrets it immediately, when he sees her recoil from him and she takes the stance of someone waiting to be attack and ready to defend herself.
Elliot shakes his head and stars again.
"Kathy and the kids are fine." He tells her, staying in place and keeps quiet for a second. Please don't be afraid of me.
"I know he got to you Liv, I know you are not OK and that's why I'm here, I know something else happen to you in that basement, and before you ask, no, Fin didn't say anything to me, but what I really know is that you are not fine." She's quiet.
"I wasn't able to be there for you Liv, and you don't know how I regret that, but I'm here now." He finished and his voice has return to that caring tone, the one he uses with his kids, with their victims. Please don't send me away.
The sincerity of his words unbalance her a little, never has Elliot Stabler has spoken to her like this, or at least it's been a while since he had shown so much concern and worry and it feels strange but also comfortable, she backs away from the door leaving it open and retreats into her apartment, he follows her, closing the door behind him, and steeps farther in the apartment.
SVU SVU SVU
She is sitting on the far side of her sofa, the TV on but on mute mode, a still untouched glass of vine on the coffee table, her legs tuck under her, he sees her and he notice she has a grey NYPD T-Shirt on, one that looks to big on her smaller frame, making her look smaller if possible, she has no make up on and he can see the big bruise on her left side in all it's ugliness, it has turn purple and greenish. The bastard punched her really hard.
He also notices the marks across her neck, blue and black, she had escape a choking hold or something worse and he also noticed some scratches on her arms, really small but they are there.
She is wearing a pair of blue shorts and he can see some bruising there too, behind her legs, Olivia seems to notice his inspection and unconsciously pulls her jacket over her bend legs covering them in the process.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Please tell me! Let me help you.
"That's OK, I wasn't expecting company." She tells him, as if this is the most normal situation as if all the bruises, her bruises are not important.
The silence wins again over them and Elliot sits on the coffee table, just at arms length. She doesn't offer a drink.
Olivia can handle angry Elliot, she can handle unstable Stabler and she can deal with his temper flying out of hand, but vulnerable, caring Elliot, it's another story all together.
"I keep wishing you where there." Her acknowledgment is unexpected, and she takes his breath away with her truth, it's so raw so honest.
"Part of me wanted you there." She keeps saying. "But a smaller part of me was glad you weren't there.. Because if you had..You've killed the bastard with your own hands, and I could not have been able to stop you..chain to the door as I was..You could've killed him and we'll be having this conversation in Rikers right now, and I don't think I could've be able to live with that too." But I really wanted you there, I really did.
She keeps quiet and he doesn't know what to do, how to react of for that matter what to ask, but he doesn't have to.
"He got to me, he really shake me to my core and now I have to pick the pieces and. I don't know how to do it..All I keep thinking was that I was about to become what I had always been afraid of, a victim…My mother" And when she said this, her voice falters and is so low he almost didn't hear her. Please don't think of me as weak.
"I know that these will get better, that I will cope with it better after a few days, but right now, I don't know how to do it, I feel like I'm about to implode, about to lose it all together, and then I won't be able to put my self together again." There's anguish in her voice.
"Liv.." He tries to speak but is like she never hears him.
"It is like part of me is gone, the stronger part and a totally strange woman has taken it's place, and I don't know..I don't know how to feel..I "
"Liv did he.."
"NO!" she interrupts him. "No." and she shake her head.
"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help." Please let me in.
"All you have to do is let us in Liv" Melinda's words come forwards and she makes her decision.
"I can't go into all the details, no right now, is to painful, but what I can tell you is that he didn't rape me Elliot, he got close, but he didn't, he beat me up a little and scare the living lights out of me, but he didn't got that far."
He didn't get that far? He beat you up a little? Common Liv, it is more than that and you know it. But he doesn't say it, he keep his eyes on her and just waits for her to continue.
"Fin got there, just when..when he.." But she can't do it, she can't tell him, not at the moment. "Fin keep him away from me, and all I wanted to do was run and put as much distance between him and me.. He got to me El!.. He is in my head and I can't do anything to make him go away..I think I'm going to lose it and he'll win, and I can't let him do that to me..I can't.. I just need time."
Elliot moves a little closer and he sees her move back, uncomfortable, hugging herself even tighter.
He knows that if he pressures her now, she will clam up and she will just retread into herself as far away from him as possible and he can't allow that to happen, so he does the only thing that, he knows will help her, he gives her time and space.
"Liv, I understand and I will respect your decision, but promise me, promise me Liv, that you'll talk to me when you are ready?" He searches for her eyes and she is looking strait at his.
"I won't judge. Hell I'm proud of you! I was so afraid he had break you, but when I saw you in that interrogation room, face to face with him, I was just so proud of you, you need to understand this. Please believe me.
"I want to believe you." She just looks at him wanting to believe.
"He didn't break you, he may have gotten in your head, but you are stronger than him, he is not here and he'll be send away for a long, long time, thanks to you, thanks to you Ashley is safe and her mother will get some justice too, all because of you and your determination to get the bastard."
"But he did break me El, he, I was a mess I couldn't help my self, I..all I could do was cry and scream and run.."
"Yes but in the process you manage to keep yourself save, you never gave up and you got him, he had all the advantage and even like that he didn't break you, you keep fighting." Why don't you believe me?
"All there is to do now is for you to regain you footing and heal. Liv you are not alone, don't let us out, let us.. let me help you!" He sees doubt in her eyes, something has changed, and he doesn't know what, but he waits for her response.
Olivia looks at him and scrutinizes his eyes, trying to fin out if she..No she wouldn't have.. It's just a coincidence.. But she needs to know, all she has now is a glimpse of thrust in her friends and if she can't thrust her friends with her "secrets" then she has nothing.
"Did you talk to Melinda?" She asked her tone harsh.
"What?" Her question is unexpected.
"I ask if you talk to Melinda.. Before you came here?"
"No..Yes"
"What is it Elliot yes or no?" She is getting angry.
"Yes I talk to her, just before Cragen told me you had gone home, I call her, I just wanted to know where you where and that you where Ok, and no she didn't say anything to me about what you talk about." He can see she doesn't believe him.
"She told me, you'd tell me when you are ready, but you know me Liv, I just can't sit still and wait until then, that's why I came." He doesn't know what to expect, but he waits for her. Talk to me.
She can breathe again, he is telling her the truth. It's not that she doesn't want Elliot to know all the truth, she does, but right at the moment it is to soon, she needs time to digest what happen to her and then she will tell him, when she can talk about it with out feeling like parts of her soul and heart are chipping away in the process, she needs time.
"It's just that.. She said almost the same words.. Melinda.. About letting you guys in and about he having all the advantage, I just assume she had told you what we talked about and.. I guess my pride got the best of me. Sorry." I'll tell you El, everything, but I need time.
He seems to understand because he doesn't question her trust issues and misgivings.
"Liv all I want you to know is that I'll be here when you are ready to talk, I know is not easy but you can trust me, just like you did Melinda, you don't have to deal with this alone."
"I know El, I know." She looks at him once more and he sees a little bit of her resilient self in it. Thank you." You don't know how I needed you to come.
SVU SVU SVU
Her home phone stars ringing and breaks the comfortable silence that has follow their conversation, she gets up and goes to answer it, letting her jacket fall to the floor, revealing her legs, and once more Elliot is glad Cragen didn't let him go to the hospital to see her, because if he had seen her bruises, all of them; Harris would have die as soon as he had a moment alone with him.
He repeats his breathing techniques while lessening to her conversation.
"Yes.. Ok.. Tomorrow then, Ten Thirty got it..Thanks." She hangs up and returns to her place.
He doesn't expect her to tell him whom she talked with over the phone just now, but she does.
"It was George.. I have an appointment to see him tomorrow."
He looks at her and he is glad she is seeking help.
"Good, that's good." He tells her.
"El, is not that I don't trust you, is just to.." Please understand.
"I know Liv, I do." He interrupts, and his eyes are telling her the truth, he is truthful in his answer and she feels relief. Just remember I'm here for you.
Once again the silence return, but this time brings understandability and comprehension with it.
Finito
Hope you like it and if you did, you know what to do.
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Also, I want to give thanks to all of you that have read and have taken the time to review .
THANK YOU SO MUCH!