Thank you to all those who have already tried to read this chapter. There was some sort of error but hopefully now this chapter should be readable Apologies for the long wait in updating but between having a baby and lack of muse for writing, I couldn't do much really. Hopefully my muse for writing is here to stay so I can continue posting updates Enjoy

Chapter 4:

Eric wanted to go straight to Calleigh but he figured she would need him to stay over, and truth be told, he wanted her to need him like that...he wanted to spend the night over. He knew she wouldn't do anything stupid, that was not what he was scared of, but he knew that she would be having nightmares and she was going to need him. They kind of had this silent agreement between the two of them, that when something bad happens to either one of them, the other one spends the night over, so Eric stopped by his house first.

He needed to grab a few things to take with him, and at the meantime, he could use that time to try and cool down. He was still furious with Hagen. He knew that he was unstable, and he could understand, that when someone is mentally unstable, they won't think twice about taking their own life, but what he couldn't understand was, how he could kill himself in Calleigh's lab...in front of her.

How could he do that? How is it possible that he couldn't have known how bad this was going to affect her? Was it because she had ended it with him? Was it some sort of revenge? Did he think that she was that tough that she wouldn't care what happens to him? If that is the case, then he deserved to be dumped by her, because he certainly didn't know her at all.

It didn't matter for how long she dated someone, Calleigh would always care and go out of her way to help the guy if he needed her.

And then there was another possibility...He could have asked to get transferred to somewhere where no one knew about Ray and them being partners, to somewhere where he wouldn't see Calleigh...to somewhere where he wouldn't face what was troubling him and start over.

'Damn you Hagen' Eric swore as he slammed his fist onto the wooden piece of furniture in front of him.

He really couldn't care less at this point about him, whether he was talking about a dead guy or not. That dead guy just rocked Calleigh's world, just made her quit the job she has worked so hard for and the job she loves so much.

'It's temporary' he told himself 'She will come back' he said as if trying to assure himself.

She had to come back. He couldn't imagine going to work without her being there...not after loosing Speed earlier this year. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he needed her there, at the lab, every single day, and he knew that Calleigh needed to be there. This will pass. It was just a hurdle...a rough patch that she needed to overcome. He knew one thing though, after she manages to put all of this behind her, Calleigh was going to be even tougher and stronger, and that wall that she has around her heart was going to get even more impossible to bring down.

He made his way to the bedroom, grabbed his gym bag, and started putting some clothes in it and other stuff that he was going to need. He wasn't just going for the night but for a couple of nights for sure. She was too shaken up to be back home after just one night.

He made sure he had everything with him and turned off any appliances that didn't need to remain switched on for days where Eric wasn't going to use them. The weather in Miami was too hot to leave unnecessary appliances switched on. Being part of the police department, he knew too well how easy it was for a house to catch fire, so he always played it safe.

He grabbed the bag, keys and wallet along with his badge and gun and made his way out to the car and on his way to Calleigh, and all the while, as he drove, Eric tried to prepare himself for the state he was going to find her in. He didn't text her or any of that, but he knew that she knew that he was on his way to her. They always did know this stuff about each other. They had a certain connection between them that didn't exist with anyone else. They always knew when the other one was in danger. It was like a sixth sense. Earlier when Alexx called him to ask him to come down to the ballistics lab, he had already been on his way to her. He was going to trace when he got this weird feeling, the weird feeling he only gets when it involves Calleigh, so he turned around and started making his way to her and that was when Alexx called.

It didn't take long for Eric to arrive, and as he grabbed the bag from the trunk and locked the hummer, he only prayed the situation wasn't so bad. He took out his keys and opened the door to her apartment.

'Calleigh it's me' he called out just so she would know and not startle her. It was the last thing he wanted to do.

He placed the bag down in the entry and turned on the lights to the corridor. She was in the dark and that told him that she wasn't in a very good state. He already knew where she was.

He found her lying on her side on her bed, curtains closed, as if shutting the outside world away from the comfort of her bedroom. She was still in her work clothes and Eric knew that was the first thing that he needed her to do. She needed to get out of those clothes. He hadn't noticed any blood spray on her at the lab, but he wanted to be sure that she didn't have any blood on her, and he knew that she needed to have a bath. One of those relaxing baths she always craved for after a very long and tiring day at work. That was definitely the best way to start...that and then her stomach. She needed to eat. He was more than one hundred percent sure that she was not going to get up and eat something as if nothing happened, so he needed to prepare something for her. Not a full meal but something just for her to have a bite. At least a good sandwich, then he can prepare a full meal tomorrow morning.

'Calleigh' he whispered as he walked closer towards her and sat down on the edge of her bed.

She didn't even look up at him or move a little bit so he could sit properly. She just remained as she was, the only action being when Eric ran his hand through her hair and watched her close her eyes as he did. Tears still remained intact though. Calleigh definitely wasn't a crier. She didn't even cry when Speed died even though her eyes had turned red, and as much as he knew how tough she is, Eric still couldn't understand how she managed to hold back her tears in such a moment. Her world had been rocked pretty bad, as much as his was, or almost, so Eric knew full well how she must have been feeling. It only told him though, that she was keeping it all in, which was even worse.

'I'm gonna go and fill in the tub for you alright' he told her softly.

He wasn't expecting an answer...nothing. In fact, she didn't even look at him, but he knew she could hear him. He knew that she was cautious of everything that he was saying and doing, and he knew that she was also grateful that he was there. He was just what she needed. They always needed each other especially in such tough moments. Eric always appreciated her, and ever since Speedle died, Eric appreciated even more each minute he spent with her and that was why he asked Horatio for at least two days off so he could be with her and take care of her. She was in no state to be left alone. It took a little convincing seeing as their team was short on CSIs, but after Eric informed him that she had removed her name from the roaster, Horatio agreed to give him two days off unless something really bad happened and they needed everyone on scene. It wasn't exactly what he wanted but he agreed.

It was about an hour later, when Eric heard the bathroom door open and as he peaked from the kitchen he saw Calleigh stepping out of the bathroom in her towel material white robe, wet hair resting on her left shoulder.

'Thanks Eric' she whispered. It was the first thing she said to him since he has been there.

'You're welcome Cal' Eric replied 'Here...I prepared a sandwich for you and a glass of water' he told her as he placed the plate and glass in front of her.

'Thanks Eric...but I'm not really hungry' she replied apologetically.

'I know but you need to eat something Cal. You'll end up with a big headache if you don't and that is the last thing you need' he told her, hoping to convince her.

'OK' she whispered.

She really wasn't hungry but she knew that everything Eric said was right. The last thing she wanted was a headache, worse than she already had. She could still hear the sound of the gun in her head, the clicking of the safety valve of the rugger from earlier that morning and then the loud bang as John ended his life.

Eric watched her wince and realized that she must be hearing the gun going off 'It will pass' he told her.

'I know...and I know it is too early to stop hearing it in my head, to stop seeing him falling down on the floor lifeless but I really wish I can push those memories away. It is all I can see and hear' she admitted.

'It will get better eventually Cal' he told her as he placed his hand on hers.

Silence fell between them after that and even though Eric wanted to distract her from her thoughts, he also knew that everyone process situations differently, and he knew that Calleigh also needed her space.

It wasn't long after that she excused herself and made her way to her bedroom. He really didn't want to leave her alone but at the same time, he didn't want to hover. It was getting quite late anyway, and Eric hoped she would try to get some sleep, although he was pretty sure that she was going to have some bad nightmares and that was when she was going to need him the most and Eric was going to be there for her.

oooOOOooo

It was almost one in the morning when the sound of Calleigh screaming tore through his dreams and Eric almost fell off the couch as he quickly pushed the blanket away and ran into her bedroom. She was up in a sitting position, her face buried in her hands as she tried to cradle herself to calm herself down.

'Hey hey I'm here' Eric told her as he practically jumped on the bed and pulled her in his arms, one hand cupping the back of her head while with the other one he rubbed her back 'I'm here Cal...I'm here' he told her repeatedly.

He could feel her grabbing his t-shirt as she pushed her face in his chest 'I keep hearing the gun going off' she whispered 'It's all my fault' she told him 'All my fault' she repeated.

'No it is not Cal. It is not your fault' Eric told her sharply 'None of this is your fault' he told her again.

'But it is. If I didn't leave him or get involved with him none of this would have happened' she started telling him.

'You're wrong Cal, you're wrong' he repeated 'Hagen's death is not your fault nor was his depression and deep down you know that' Eric told her 'You know he never got over Ray's death' he told her.

'But maybe I could have helped him, instead I missed his calls on purpose' she explained.

'For good reason. You two were no longer together. You needed that to get through his head' Eric explained. Eric could see that there was no use trying to explain all of this tonight 'Listen Cal...why don't you try and get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning' he told her.

She nodded and laid back down while Eric tucked her in before he stepped out of the room and went back to his couch. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling, one arm resting on his forehead, as his mind wondered off to the day's events. He couldn't stop nor could he control his thoughts. He was still angry at Hagen for hurting Calleigh in this way. She was still trying to overcome the loss of their dear friend and colleague Speedle, and now this. It wasn't bad enough that he had to commit a suicide but he had to do it in front of her and in her own lab. The lab was her home, her safe place and Hagen had blown that all away now. How was she supposed to work in there after what Hagen did? Surely she was not going to be able to work there any time soon, if she ever goes back to work that is.

Eric had no idea for how long his thoughts prevented him from falling asleep, but when he finally almost did Calleigh's screams woke him wide awake again, and so they did the time after that, and the time after that until finally Calleigh wouldn't let him go.

'No...stay here...please' she practically begged him.

'You want me to stay here? In your bedroom?' he asked her surprised.

'I want you to hold me...maybe I finally manage to sleep. Maybe he won't haunt my dreams for the rest of the night if I'm in your arms' she told him. She wanted him to protect her from all the nightmares she was having. In all the years they had known each other, this was the first time that Calleigh was actually letting herself be so vulnerable and practically beg for someone to help her.

'Alright...if that is what you want' Eric replied.

Calleigh shifted so Eric could climb into bed and as he slipped under the sheets, Calleigh rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped one arm across his chest. She felt him pull her into him and instinctively she closed her eyes, feeling safe for the first time since she felt the gun against the back of her head.

As if knowing what she was thinking, she heard him whisper 'You're safe Cal, I'm here' he told her as he kissed the top of her head.

Eric kept rubbing her head, pressing soft kisses against the top of her head until she finally fell asleep. He looked down at her form and pressed her a little bit against his body, giving her a tighter squeeze 'I'll always keep you safe Cal...always' and with that Eric finally managed to close his eyes and sleep for the rest of the night.