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4. Comedy of errors in the worst possible way.

"I slept with Kensi."

It had felt a little strange to say it aloud, as if it had been his greatest inner secret that he was finally revealing; but even as doubt poked him he had still felt the weight being lifted from his shoulders, the kind he figured criminals felt when finally admitting to guilt.

He hadn't meant to tell Sam, he hadn't meant to tell anyone, ever, but he had been giving him looks and pulling his chain, and sometimes just asking straight out what was up with him, until he finally started sulking like Kensi had done; annoyed that he was keeping something from him and Callen had wondered how much fault Sam had in this. Callen knew he hadn't been the most enjoyable person to be around these past few weeks so it was only natural his best friend would want to know what causing the change.

Sam's head had turned so fast to look at him that made Callen wonder if he'd be in pain later; then the look was gone and in a matter of a second he was laughing. "Right."

He sighed, regretting telling his friend; maybe he should have kept suffering alone; some secrets were better kept to yourself. Especially if others didn't believe you. He had looked out of the car window gazing at the drizzle that had been falling for days now; gloomy and steady and irritating, a mirror of how his mood had been.

"Right?" Then his friend's brain finally seemed to catch up with the words that had been said, and decided to process them as real.

The silence that followed had been a little scary; Sam had never been known as one to shut up when needed, especially when it came down to Callen's life, so the lack of reaction had been a bit unsettling.

"You slept with Kensi." Apparently the information was something that had needed to sink in for a long moment.

Callen had shook his head; the words themselves had taken quite a lot of courage to be said, so he didn't turn to face his friend deciding to stare at the rain instead. They had been in the middle of a stake out and with their time almost up he had realized telling Sam had been the wrong choice. Kensi and the new temp would be coming within the hour and he didn't want a flabbergasted Sam to look at her as if she had grown two heads.

He had decided to remain quiet, to let the silence between them hang and twist and maybe make the moment just go away. He had done his part, he had told his best friend what had been pushing his feelings to the surface and making him grumpier than usual, more often than normal, and hoped that this would be finally over with; he had forgotten the part where Sam Hanna never let go.

"With Kensi-"

"I know, alright?" The tone of Sam's voice had been reproachful, like he had expected, but mostly there was a hint of disappointment somewhere in there, laced with surprise, and Callen wasn't sure what to make of it. Maybe Sam would need to let it sink in awhile more before finally getting to the logic and good sense and the fact Callen lacked both.

"Have you lost your mind?"

She had smelled like summer; her perfume woodsy and strong that reminded him of the backyard on a few of the houses he had stayed at as a kid. He could always feel the scent of the garden after the rain, the flowers and the grass seemed to come alive with the water and maybe that's what she really smelled like: life. Her skin had been soft and her body warm and her hands carried a gentle roughness from holding her gun one too many times and her hair had felt good falling on his face and the marks she left on his body had long faded and he hated that.

Maybe he had lost his mind, after all.

"Apparently," he had said exasperated more with himself and his inability to forget certain details about her, than with Sam's inevitable questioning.

"When did that happen?"

He had shrugged, pretending to ignore minor details, when he knew very well when it had happened, down to the day, "About a month and a half ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Yeah, a month and a half later!"

"I wasn't going to tell you anything, but you were whining like a little girl and it was getting annoying, so be grateful."

Sam had made some gasping sound, his face twisting into an expression of utter dismay as if he had just been incredibly offended. Fortunately, Callen knew him for too many years to believe his acting. "Forget the Kings game next week. I'm so not taking you anymore."

That had done it. Callen had turned on his seat, his eyes widened in shock and he had almost sputtered in horror, "You wouldn't dare."

"If you keep offending me and keeping things like that from me, trust me when I say there will be no more games for you."

"You are unbelievable."

"And you don't have a brain. When I encourage you do date I don't mean Kensi."

Callen had crossed his arms, staring his friend down, while he had done the same; he hadn't bothered to point out he and Kensi weren't dating. He hadn't worried about it at the time, but later he realized that the glaring match could have cost them their suspect; he had been so deep into wishing he could turn back time (all the way to the night he slept with Kensi for the first time and taking Sam's offer to crash at his place instead of turning it down), that he hadn't noticed Kensi arrived early.

The exchange had been a little awkward because of the conversation transpired in the car just before her arrival, but he had been glad it was finally over. Instead of being relieved to finally get it off his chest he had ended up more annoyed at himself. He knew he had screwed up, he knew he had been stupid and irresponsible and he really didn't need any one reminding him of that, but the worst part was that he hadn't learned from his mistake: he wanted her, and wanted her badly.

tbc.

A/N 2: I'm going to have to change the rating to M for the next chapter (and later ones). There isn't anything graphic but I don't think it can be rated as T either. I'm just warning in advance in case anybody follows the fanfic via the site instead of alerts and the story suddenly disappears. You'll just have to change the rating search engine :)