YEY IRUKA ANGST. let's get it on!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shit.
He was paralyzed. His hands didn't move but his eyes were wide when he noticed Kakashi in the window, hitai-ate up and both eyes staring intently. This is not happening. It couldn't. It's just a dream, a nightmare! A horrible embarrassing terrible nightmare. Kakashi would disappear any moment, right?
"I see your mind feels differently than your body, Iruka."
He squeezed his eyes shut, flipping over on the bed sighing much too loudly as he adjusted himself. He jumped from the bed, spinning to face the ninja properly. That smirk! He was a pervert. He was a pervert and Kakashi was a pervert but at least he was a closet pervert. How long had Kakashi been there watching? Hopefully not long.
His face was deeply flushed, mouth slightly agape. "What are you doing here, Kakashi?"
"Well, I wanted to talk actually if you don't mind." He was so calm. Something in is voice still sounded hurt, Iruka could tell.
He straightened up, crossing his arms and nodded. "Ok. Come in."
He looked around his room hastily then led Kakashi into the hallway with no objections. Leaning against the wall outside his bedroom he waited for Kakashi to settle himself opposite. Who'd speak first?
Why me? Really, why?
"What's wrong, Iruka?"
Who'd ever think he could be sensitive?
He opened his mouth to say something, gaping like a fish before chewing on his bottom lip in lost thoughts.
"I can only talk like a civilized man during a certain hour of the day, Iruka. Spit it out."
No.
"Then I'll leave."
"You came to talk to me, Kakashi.. Don't you have something to say?" He hated conversations. They were awkward but he could only imagine the awkwardness felt by Kakashi.
He was slumping forward a little more than usual, sleepy eyes trying to widen. Then he nodded and leaned back against the wall, soft spikes flattening slightly.
"What do you want?"
"I … I'm sorry."
"Don't say that. What do you want?"
"I want … to forget what it's like to be a ninja. What is required. I always obey; I never used to. I can't help it now…. I'd like to think we could just be citizens and not shinobi."
He knew he was being selfish but observing Kakashi's face he also knew that the man felt the same…
"Iruka," he shifted against the wall, crossing his arms behind him. "We are, though. Try not to use other couples as examples of what happens. There are plenty who survived to die of old age but we never hear of them. Think like this: Asuma would want you to try harder."
To live to love.
"Yondaime knows you care for his son. We both know Naruto will live. You keep refusing to know that I will as well…"
What was he saying?
"Like I've said, we can never be sure of anything. But at the same time, you have to believe that some things will occur."
He pushed off the wall to offer a hand to Iruka. "Worrying won't get you anywhere. You need to know that we want you to be happy, Asuma, Yondaime, the third,... myself. And if I can be selfish, I'd like for you to happy with me."
He stuffed the hand back in his pocket and reached out to touch Iruka's cheek softly with the other.
"You remember when you punched me because I offered Team Seven for the exam? See what happened? Your doubt was proven false…. They were fine. Same here. Ok? Please don't cry, Iruka. Don't make me love you more than I have to."
No, Kami… Fuck, no. Please. Don't touch me. Don't…. don't kiss me like that.
His heart hurt. It throbbed but he could feel Kakashi's as well. Calmer. So peaceful to listen to. Kakashi held onto him tightly against the wall, barely moving.
"Don't think that you're the only one who needs love, Iruka."
"I'm sorry… for only thinking of myself…"
Kakashi hushed him with a small nuzzle to the neck urging Iruka to hold him as well.
Slowly he crept his hands to tighten to Kakashi's vest, pulling at the coarse fabric at his sides. He wrapped his arms around the other man and … if only his parents could see that he had someone in his life now besides his favorite student. Someone to pour his time and energy into. Kakashi was worth it, he knew. His friendship was worth more than Mizuki's ever could. And he knew, finally, that this man would not hurt him or leave him or think ill of him. So quickly, only the past couple days… he couldn't believe it. It was amazing.
Much to his dismay, Kakashi pulled back and tugged down his mask to reveal a warm refreshing smile in which Iruka saw the truth.
He was in his mid-twenties and finally felt a new type of love.
And then Kakashi's stomach made a funny noise.
They both heard it and ignored it.
Kakashi's grip became a little more awkward and he sighed.
Then it grumbled again.
"Kakashi… Would you like me to make you something?" Iruka said, trying to stifle a giggle in the other's arm.
Kakashi stepped back and recovered his face. "I'd rather go out somewhere."
"Ichiraku's?"
"Nn… I have an idea."
"Teriyaki?"
"Nn."
"Hibachi?"
"Nn."
Oh crap. No… it was just like Kakashi. The lust began to flare in his eyes and Iruka tried to flatten himself into the wall, palms scratching to either side.
"Aw, Iruka, don't look like I'm going to rape you."
"I think you would, you bastard."
"Perhaps. Because my civil hour is almost up."
"I think, Kakashi -"
He managed the strength to poke a finger into the man's chest in an effort to push him backwards so he could slide from between him and the wall.
"- that you and I need to have another talk about proper behavior."
He stood in teacher mode, hands on hips, blocking the hallway. He knew Kakashi would try to run from such lectures.
"I confess my undying emotions for you and you want to talk about my mannerisms?"
"No. Just your undying thirst for sex. Which I can tell you want. Because you're a horny bastard. And only you and Jiraiya know about real perversion. The things you must be imagining!" And what I'd like you to do. Dammit!!
"All are true."
What to say to that? The change of atmosphere was … slightly disconcerting to say the least.
"Kakashi, you –" point of the teacher–finger "and I-" point with the other teacher-finger "are not doing anything-" rubbing of the two teacher-fingers together "until I say so, understand?"
"But I want to," Kakashi said in his whiny puppy dog voice accompanied by the wide puppy-eyes. Then he stuck a finger in his mouth which Iruka swiftly swatted away.
Kakashi caught his wrist, muttering another "Nn," and slumped into the kitchen.
Iruka watched him slink away, wounded, and remembered that he always wanted a nice romantic relationship with flowers and cuddles and tenderness and honesty. This was … well … what else should he have expected?
He went into the kitchen to find it empty. "Kakashi?"
He spun around once before opening the front door.
"Ah!"
Kakashi stood with a small bouquet of roses and Pakkun at his side wagging his tail.
"You're kidding me."
"You don't like?"
"I knew you shouldn't have gotten him roses, boss. Carnations would have been better."
"It was your suggestion!"
"Was not."
"Was-"
"Kakashi." Focus back here. Good boy.
"Hn?"
"Do you like food, Iruka?"
He laughed. "Excuse me?"
"Do you –"
"He means to say, Would you like to join him for a lovely picnic at the playground?"
"Playground?"
Kakashi shrugged.
"We figured-"
"Wait, when and how did you plan this?"
"Um. Technicalities do not need to be observed at this moment," Kakashi recited. Pakkun winked up at his master.
He nodded and smiled. He gripped the doorframe with both hands and leaned out slightly to peck Kakashi through his cloth mask.
"I do like food. Will Pakkun accompany us?"
"I've got things to do."
"Like sniffing your ass," Kakashi hissed down.
"More like cleansing the grime from my hind quarters, thank you." He shook his head, winked up at Iruka, and disappeared.
Kakashi leaned back and thrust out the flowers which Iruka took obligingly and set in a water-filled vase that had magically appeared on his table. He glanced back at Kakashi who had commenced reading.
Would he do that in bed? Aggghhh, not yet, Umino!!! Not…
"Kakashi?"
"Hn?"
"Do you mind?"
"Hn? Ok." He swept the sensei over his shoulder despite a protesting yelp, closed his door, and yet still did not put away the little orange book.
Iruka knew that he was going to have a very very tough time training Kakashi to be decent…