For the next two days, sam didn't move, jack fetched her food, but she aimlessly pushed it around her plate, not consuming much of anything, Teal'c dropped by for a hour or so each day, and sam didn't seem to be feeling any better. On the third day jack was called back to work, he whispered on the phone, as he watched sam sitting on the lounge, still in her pyjamas, staring blankly out the window.
'ok, yeah, i'll be there soon ..uh-huh' he hung up.
Jack looked at sam over the back of the couch for a moment he rocked on his heels, his head down looking at her through his brows. Hesitantly he dialled the phone and waited patiently as it rung.
'O'Neill' Teal'c's formal voice answered.
'Teal'c buddy, watcha doin?'
'I plan to take Brata'c off base for lunch' he informed jack.
'oh sounds good' jacks voice broke a little.
'I believe so, he has now earned his security clearance' he smiled with pride.
'where you taking him?'
'Brata'c has never experienced fast food, McDonalds seems sufficient'
'okay, sounds great, look I have a question, favour'
'yes, how may I be of assistance?'
'well I gotta go into work, do you think that you and Brata'c could bring it back here and watch over carter for me?' The phone was silent for a moment.
'is major carter still unwell' Teal'c worried.
'yeah, Teal'c I don't think she's gonna get better anytime soon.' jack admitted.
'I shall be there soon, thanks buddy'
'would sam like something to eat?'
'yeah just a cheese burger and some fries, she wont eat allot'
'I shall order her a happy meal'
'sure Teal'c, thanks buddy' jack hung up and casually dropped the cell on the cupboard.
He walked gently and sat beside sam, she gave no response, and so he reached his arm around her. It took her a moment to respond, slowly the stiffness left her body she shook her head slightly and lent into jack, laying limply in his arms.
'sam, I have to go out in a little while ok' he whispered, as if the volume in his voice could break her.
Her grip around him tightened a little.
'Teal'c and Brata'c are gonna come and hang out for a while ok' he smiled into her hair With no response he allowed her to hug him for a few more minuted before he gently kissed the top of her head and moved of the couch.
Jack showered and packed his bags, with the mission reports he d been going through over the past few days, finally he put his jacket on as he heard the knock at the door. He huffed to himself, he was hoping for a little more time to hug sam, but he walked to the door grateful for the break.
'hey guys' he smiled as he opened the door.
Teal'c nodded as he entered with the brown McDonalds bag, and Brata'c bowed as he carried the drinks through.
Jack organized the rest of his things before entering the room again, he smiled as he watched the three sitting on the lounge, sam squished at the end her knees against her chest hugging them, he saw the smallest hint of a smile tugging on her lips as Brata'c explained his astonishment for the fast-food court. She chewed nervously on the edge of her burger, as she had done with all her food in the past two days, but something about that hinting smile told him, she would eventually be ok.
He decided it was time to leave and so he walked to the couch,
'thanks T' he smiled
'hey I bet Brata'c's never seen a movie before' he nodded to the DVD collection
Teal'c smiled and laughed heartedly.
'I believe he would find great enjoyment from this experience.'
'what is this movie you speak of?' Brata'c asked cautiously.
'oh your gonna love it' jack smiled as he pinched a chip from Sam's lap.
'it is a motion picture portrayed by.....' Teal'c began.
'oh cut out the carter dribble, it s a picture, in that screen..... it moves, you know what, your gonna love it' jack grinned
Teal'c stood heading for the movie collection 'uh-uh Teal'c, no star wars' jack demanded.
'but..' he protested jack wiggled his finger in response.
'no' he reinforced
'breakfast at tiffanies?' sam asked.
The three stunned looks from around the room made her shift uncomfortably 'dad and I used to watch it all the time when I was little, when he was home' she explained.
'nice' jack smiled. Stealing another chip.
'well I'm off' He bent to ruffle her hair. 'see you guys later,' he smiled grabbing for another chip, this time his hand was slapped away with the slightest cheeky smile.
Yeahp she's gonna be ok he thought as he left the house.
Sam spent the after noon with Teal'c and Brata'c, something about Teal'c brought her back to reality, perhaps it had something to do with his tough warrior facade, she remembered that she had to stand up strong, she was a soldier, and after all with all that her dad and her had done in the past few years she knew his memory would be preserved.
Daniel .Daniel was Daniel, he'd find a way to survive somehow, and jack, jack was hers. She smiled brightly to herself, but as the credits rolled, her glum feelings returned, she looked around the room
'where's Brata'c?' she asked Teal'c,
'he has taken his leave' Teal'c informed her.
'where'd he go?'
'to read in the study..'
'why?' she sounded worried.
'because I must speak to you privately' he explained.
she shifted nervously, 'about what?' she sat straighter and crossed her legs.
'I have experienced similar feelings of defeat, and heartache' he began.
She looked at him knowingly as he continued.
'but as a warrior of the Tau'ri you must rise again, frustration can overshadow you, sometimes things may indeed seem impossible to conquer... and yet in times such as these, it has been the friendships forged with yourself, O'Neill and Daniel Jackson, that have allowed me to rise again.'
'thanks Teal'c' she smiled reaching to put her arms around his neck.
'if you fight hard enough, it is possible to receive your reward in full, as both master Brata'c and myself have learnt this week, our triumph in winning freedom for our people was a great privilege and we were richly rewarded with the honour given to us, sometimes you must fight, for what you want, but until such time as you may be strong enough to do so both general O'Neill and myself shall carry you until you are able to carry yourself' he added as he returned her hug.
'thankyou Teal'c'
Hours later jack returned home to find sam participating, in conversation, with Teal'c, she wasn't saying alot but at least she was paying a little attention, Teal'c stood and bowed as he noticed jacks presence,
'hey guys' he smiled widely.
'O'Neill' Teal'c nodded.
'so what you been up to?' he slumped on the lounge.
'we have been enjoying the movie, you were not gone as long as expected' Teal'c replied
'uh, no, where's Brata'c? jack questioned,
'he is enjoying your library'
'cool, I guess, so watcha doin for the afternoon?'
'there are many things on this world I wish master Brata'c to experience' Teal'c smiled widely.
Jack and Teal'c chatted for a while before Brata'c re-entered the room, before too long they left, and jack found himself once again alone with sam, something about it seemed strange, their relationship was kept so professional, for so long they were only alone when in life threatening situations, in witch case there was almost no time to think about his feelings, now they were together, finally and he didn't know how to behave, it hadn't been discussed, he found himself wanting to reach out and touch her face but he knew that he couldn't, he had to be considerate of where she was in her head right now, the last few months he'd noticed she had been a little off, somehow she remained completely professional but he knew she was suffering deep down, something about her had changed, his heart ached to hold her, but he restrained. Finally he was interrupted.
'sir?' she sat at the opposite end of the couch, her legs crossed as she fumbled with her own fingers nervously biting her bottom lip.
It took a moment for him to respond
'carter?'
She shifted a little before allowing her eyes to flitter up to him before returning to her lap
'I'm sorry' she smiled nervously
His face dropped for a moment, fearing her answer
'for what?' he finally questioned
'for everything ..' she shook her hands with frustration before taking a deep breath and continuing
'for being selfish'
'your not' he began
'no sir.' she looked determinedly at him 'I have been'
'carter I understand, you and your dad were so close, and you've had a lot to deal with lately.'
'no not that, well yes that, I'm sorry I lost it for a little while, but its not about that' she explained.
'its not?'
'no .Daniel' she breathed deeply.
'ah yes, how is that at all your fault, replicator sam....'
'no, not about that, well I guess I've been acting like I'm the only one who lost him, and I know that you and Teal'c. well, its not fair for me to....' she babbled incoherently.
'yeah you and Daniel had something going on didn't you?' he enquired.
'I guess I was, he was, I, he was helping me, I guess I just wasn't ready to let him go again... yet' she blushed.
'with what?' he smiled warmly and turned to face her a little more, as he sunk back into the arm of the lounge chair.
she looked meaningfully at him for a little while longer.
'sorry?'
'with what? What was he helping you with?' jack had wanted to ask for a while now
'you' she stated matter of factly.
His eyes popped with shock
'sorry?'
'you, you don't know what these past few months have been like, Pete .I , you, its always been you and no matter how hard I try to make it someone else, it just isn't, and I got so tired of waiting, I've been trying too, I guess Daniel understood, and he encouraged me to do the right thing, only that keeps bringing me back to you' she blabbered
Eventually she lifted her head through the silence to peek at his reaction. He sat still, him hand covering his mouth with a fist, he looked as if he were in pain and yet his eyes were smiling.
'sir?' she questioned.
He cleared his through softly before leaning forward a little
'sam,..am I what s right for you?' he questioned, clearly uncomfortable in his position.
She tensed as the words left her mouth involuntarily
'yes, you are sir' He leaned back thoughtfully Before continuing
'sam are you ok now, I mean I know your sad, but.' he trailed of into his thoughts.
'I'm ok, or at least I will be, I want to go to work tomorrow' she hummed.
'is that wise?'
'it will keep my mind of dad'
'ok' he smiled. jack shifted of the couch and began tidying, sam sat deathly still, the knot in her stomach tightening until she had to blurt out her question
'sir?' Jack turned to face her
'no don't uhh don't look at me' he ordered.
'what?'
'I need to ask you something... and if you look at me I wont be able to say it'
'okaay, not looking' he turned and continued tidying.
'sir? I know what ., what do I, what are we? I mean, you've stayed here, are you my friend, or my commanding officer, or....' she hesitated
'is there more?' she questioned her voice shaking.
'sam, I thought you knew' he stood hands full of rubbish still keeping his back to her.
Silence filled the air and so he continued.
'I've stayed with you for two days, do you think I could, would do that if, Sam I, for eight years I have worked beside you, I've watched you, we've faced the world.. hell the universe together, do you think I could be here if I was gonna change my mind?' He placed the contents of his hands on the coffee table.
sam looked back to her hands and fumbled again
'I know that, but, I need to know, I've been....'
'sam' he turned to face her 'I'm not going anywhere, I told you that the other day' he explained as he stepped towards her.
'I also told you that you'd never have to ask me that again' he smiled as he knelt in front of her
'I guess I've just felt that, I couldn't give you all that you deserve, I've been scared I suppose'
'scared?' she criticized 'scared you've fought the goa'uld, and the replicator's, I mean you've been tortured and....'
'and I'm still scared of you' he mumbled.
'why?' she contorted her face into a small cheeky grin.
'because I don't care about them like I care about you' he admitted stiffening slightly at his own honesty.
A tear ran down her face as she smiled, reaching out to hug him, he held her hands back.
'sam, I'm not going anywhere, well not literally, I mean I might go off world or...' he coughed nervously, 'I'm not ever going to leave you' he added.
Sam smiled briefly as she stared into his eyes, and she leant into his warm embrace she felt a pair of warm lips rest softly on hers, they seemed to linger a while, before she was pulled in tighter into his strong arms.
'thankyou sir'
'sam? don't you think?' he chuckled slightly.
'yes ..jack' she smiled.
Finally she pulled away abruptly, 'there's something I need to do,' she stood.
'sam?' jack stood with her, grabbing her shoulders
'he can wait until tomorrow' jack placed a quick kiss on the side of her neck before heading into the kitchen. Sam followed quickly behind him, he pored her a wine as he began dinner, it didn't take long after her meal for sam to be taken over by the emotional exhaustion and she fell asleep again.
Jack carried her to her bed and tucked her in, he then stood and headed for the spare bed, where he'd been sleeping for the past two nights.
The next morning sam awoke early, she felt the need to make up for the past few weeks of indecisiveness, and so she showered and left a note on the kitchen bench, nothing exiting, just a quick scribble.
Si.. jack,
I had to go fix something,u at work. I ll see you at work, Hope we can talk tonight.
Sam.
She thought about writing the word love, but somehow it still felt like she was betraying Pete, she knew she had to sort it out today, before this thing with jack went too far.
She climbed in the car and called him, as she drove.
'sam, hey I was worried, I haven't heard from you in a few days' he sounded happy to hear her voice,
'hi Pete .I know, I-I uh was wondering if we could meet?' she tried to sound happy
'oh yeah well I'm at our place now, if you want you can come here'
'ok i'll be there soon.'
'ok love you sam' Thankfully he hung up before she had a chance to respond.
Sam pulled on the road in front of their new house.
Pete was sitting on a bench waiting for her, she reluctantly stepped out of the car and headed towards him.
'sam,' he stood holding out his arms.
'Pete' she hugged him awkwardly, eventually he kissed her cheek as she stepped back sit he motioned to the bench.
she sat obediently as she took a deep breath.
'so how's things?' he asked.
'um, not so good, um dad died on Tuesday, and-and' her voice dwindled out
'what sam? oh I'm so sorry I couldn't be there are you ok?' he placed his hand on her back.
'I'm fine but uh Pete, we need to talk' she huffed.
He took a breath and withdrew his hand
'I know, the weddings getting closer and we haven't even...'
'Pete' her eyes squinted a little and he swallowed hard
'its not fair, I haven't been fair, and I can't keep lying to you, to myself' she looked at him for confirmation.
'I-I don t understand, what's wrong?' he asked as he shifted on the chair.
'Pete, ther-there isn't going to be a wedding' she mumbled bluntly as she dropped her head to her lap.
Pete leant back a little and took a few deep breaths before giving her a knowing look
'I know, I knew from the beginning'
sam lifted her head to look at him
'I guess I just thought, when you said yes that...' he swallowed hard before looking at her. Sam sat a little straighter.
'that you would be worth the risk' he finished.
Tears stung her eyes as she looked back at him. she opened her mouth to begin but he continued instead.
'don't say I deserve better' he looked her up and down 'I can't get much better than you' he admitted.
Sam shook her head instantly
'that's not true' she sniffled as she looked back into his eyes, if he knew how she'd betrayed his love he would know that it wasn't true.
'I wish I could believe that this had to do with your father, that you needed some time to sort some things out' he stared at her desperately trying to force a smile 'I guess all I can say is I hope you get what you want'
Sam looked a little questioning
'that's it?' she asked.
He suddenly looked angry 'what do you want? You want me to get down on my knees and beg?' his words stung her almost as much as his tone did.
She shook her head
'god no, of course not. I just...' she closed her eyes shaking her head 'I thought you would react differently' she didn't realise how poorly she'd been hiding her feelings these past few weeks.
Pete looked briefly at the sky as he tried to hold back the tears
'bye sam' he said abruptly as he stood
'Pete?' she called after him as she watched him walk away, he stopped to take the sold sign of the lawn and he continued to his car.
Sam sat on the bench for a few moments, it ripped her heart out to see how much she'd hurt him, it took her a moment to compose herself before, she left for the base.
******************