Four: Confessions

'Yes,' she confessed. 'I felt so bad about us fighting, especially after Dad told me how they met. I just had to try and fix things.'

Trixie thought back to the morning which would prove to be a turning point in the relationship between herself and her mother.

'Moms,' Trixie hesitated in the kitchen doorway.

Sighing heavily, Helen Belden turned to her sons and ordered. 'Mart, please take Bobby upstairs and help him get ready for school.' When neither moved fast enough for her liking, in a stern voice, she repeated, 'Now please?'

Mart glared at Trixie as he shepherded his younger brother upstairs. His silence was deafening, increasing Trixie's trepidation. I have to do this, I have to say what I really mean.

'Dad came and talked to me last night, Moms.' Trixie started awkwardly. She received no encouragement from her mothers closed expression.

'But it hasn't made you changed your mind?' Helen stated, attempting to stare her daughter in to submission.

'No, it hasn't,' Trixie agreed, giving as good as her mother. She was determined not to back down from this conversation. Yet Trixie was also determined to keep her temper under control. Anger wouldn't get her point across. 'I don't want to argue with you, Moms. Not about this or anything else. I just can't help thinking you're being a little hippo…hypo…'

'Hypocritical?' Helen supplied warily. Since her talk with Peter last night, she had been beginning to think the same thing. Not that Helen was about to tell her daughter that.

'Yes,' Trixie agreed. She needed to explain, 'I'm not trying to hide anything from you or Dad or Jim. I want everything out in the open so Jim can pick me up at my door and bring me home. I want people to know he likes me and I like him. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, hiding our relationship, least of all from you and Dad.'

'Besides, Moms,' she finally dropped eye contact. Trixie didn't want to hurt her mom's feelings, yet she had to tell her how her thoughts had changed. 'I'm not ready for a family and life long commitments just yet. I want to go to college, have a career, and maybe travel a bit before I settle down. But I want to do those things with Jim, that is if…if…'

'You really have thought about this, haven't you?' Helen realised sending Peter last night might have achieved more than all her months of shouting. Trixie had actually listened to her father. This sudden change in her was testament to Trixie's new found maturity. A maturity Helen had been attempting to ignore. But even I have to admit my baby girl is growing up and all too soon she'll be a college. As Trixie says, I won't be in control of her choices then.

'Yes, Moms, I have.' The level answer only served to confirm Trixie's coming of age. 'And Dad's talking to me last night, well it made me realise something else too. If Jim feels the same way, we'll use my prom as our first real date. After all it is on my 17th birthday. Then, maybe we can do things together, movies, dinner and stuff without the rest of the Bob White's tagging along. And I promise,' Trixie said cheekily, 'to be home from our dates by midnight.'

'Ten O'clock,' Mom's corrected, knowing what teenagers could get up to in that time frame.

'Eleven,' Trixie amended, 'but I won't promise how long our good-nights will take, in full view on the porch.'

It was Trixie's last offer and Helen knew it. I'd better take what I can get, she thought, because it was better than her previous plan. At least this way I can judge how far their relationship has progressed.

'Didn't Honey or Di miss you on the bus?' Jim asked, wanting to know why Trixie hadn't called him in New York, with all he'd just learnt.

If I'd known all this, I'd have gone straight to Trix's instead of the preserve. Maybe if I can keep her talking I'll learn more. Somewhere, deep inside his mind, Jim was elated because he didn't know when or if he would ever have the courage to talk so openly about his feelings. Trix always makes it easy, even though I fear intimate bonds. Somehow she's the only one who can navigate around my hurt and shame to make me feel better about myself.

Trixie gave a very unladylike snort, bringing Jim's thoughts back to the present.

'Gee, you sure can tell you've been away at college for the last two years, and then signing up for summer school to finish your degree a year early!' Sarcasm dripped from Trixie's tone. 'Your sister, my brother, Di and Dan are so tight…' she paused, considering if she should tell him. 'Did you know Honey's going to the Junior Prom with Mart and then to the Senior Prom with Dan?'

'But I thought Mart and Di had an understanding,' Jim was astounded at what he'd obviously missed.

'Jim,' Trixie rolled her eyes in exasperation, 'Mart and Di went out on exactly two dates early last year, before they realised it was like taking out a sibling. Don't ask Di what she thinks about kissing boys!'

'I guess I missed that.' Jim thought he was rather glad about not being there for some things.

'Yeah, well you and Brian have missed a lot in the last couple of years,' Trixie stated. 'Honey and Di don't have feeling for any of the boys at school. Dan and Mart are happy to be at their beck and call because they are both off to college next year and it keeps the girls they don't want away. With finals just around the corner, they have to do well to keep their scholarships.'

'So doesn't that leave you….' Jim hesitated, not wanting to say left out because he just didn't want to think of a Bob White being left out by the others.

'It makes me feel like a fifth wheel when we all go out together,' Trix confessed. 'I guess I know what Dan and Di felt like now. Not that they intend for that to happen, it's just…'

'Just what, Trix,' Jim asked softly.

'I guess Honey and Di suspected how much I care about you and that…well…maybe you felt the same way. They never tried to include anyone else in the group because they knew I wouldn't be interested. It's just…well… lately they've gotten into all that really girly stuff,' Trixie wrinkled up her nose.

Jim couldn't help himself, he laughed. The jovial sound echoed off the walls. He could just imagine Di and Honey, nail polish bottles strewn around Honey's room, talking about clothes and hair and fashion. So not Trixie, Jim knew.

'It's not that funny,' Trixie tried to stop the smile threatening the corners of her lips.

After finally getting his mirth under control, Jim encouraged, 'Tell me what happened when you got home from school. It seemed like you and your Moms were well on the way to patching things up.'

'Moms was surprised when I did all my chores without having to be asked after school and then went to my room to study. She just watched me without saying anything. I think that helped,' Trixie smiled. 'I was so worried…'

Trixie thought back to the evening before. It had been a sombre meal. Mart was still mad at Trixie for shirking her responsibilities with Bobby that morning. That was on top of making Moms constantly aggrieved and not knowing what the arguments were about. Peter watched his two girls, unsure how the land lay between them and not willing to ask. Only Bobby didn't succumb to the strained atmosphere at dinner and kept up a cheerful chatter that only an egocentric ten year old can.

'You look worried, Trixie,' Helen sighed, after the men had left the dinner table and the women started to clear the dishes. 'Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?'

Worrying her bottom lip, Trixie didn't want to upset her mother. Not after they had come to some kind of arrangement this morning. 'When I talk to Jim…' she started but Trixie just couldn't get the rest out past the lump in her throat. All her fears had engulfed her thoughts at once.

'You're afraid,' Helen's stated kindly, trying to bolster her daughters flagging emotions. She knew what the outcome of Trixie's talk with Jim would be, she'd known since their return from Iowa three years ago. 'Trixie, on Sunday you're going to be so elated you won't be able to sit still for a moment.'

'Or so depressed I won't want to do anything except cry,' she lamented.

Helen laughed. It feels good to laugh at my daughter again, after all the angst she's given me. 'Trixie, promise me you won't ever change.'

'You're not mad at me anymore, are you, Moms?' Trixie seemed genuinely surprised.

'No Trixie,' she replied. 'Maybe, just a little disappointed. I still don't think this is the right time to go about expressing your emotions, but as you and your father have already pointed out, the way our parents tried didn't work either. Maybe openness and honesty is the better way. I guess only time will tell.'

'We'll know one way or the other tomorrow,' Trixie stated, her unease returning at the thought of finally facing Jim.

'Jim's coming home?' Helen asked, unsurprised.

'Honey called earlier,' Trixie answered. 'Jim came home from New York this afternoon and took off into the preserve. Honey has arranged for all of us to go riding tomorrow when he gets back, followed by lunch at Manor House. She thinks I'm finally going to ask Jim to the Junior Prom.'

'Well aren't you?' Helen asked a little confused after their conversation this morning. Smiling internally, she realised her daughter was having second, third and maybe even fourth thoughts about her plan. Now you have our permission, even if only tentatively, you're wondering if you're doing the right thing. Oh, Peter, how did you know this was the right way to do things when I was so vehemently opposed?

'Yes,' Trixie's determination was once again back.

'Then I think you had better get to your homework, because I don't think you're going to have time for the rest of the weekend.' Helen once again had to work hard to stop smiling. 'Mart can help Bobby do the dishes tonight.'

'Thanks, Moms, you're an angel.' Trixie hurried out of the kitchen, up the stairs and sat down in front of her open text books.

'And you don't remember anything after that?' Jim questioned.

'I had planed to get up early this morning, fix breakfast for everyone, do the rest of my chores, go riding and speak to you.'

'Trix, I think…well…maybe, we need to get some sleep.' Unable to tell her exactly how he felt about the declaration of her feelings, Jim pulled Trixie tighter into his embrace. He still had a long way to go to overcome many of his insecurities. Now Jim had hope, hope that he could finally lay to rest some of the darkest horrors from his past. 'Tomorrow we have to try and find a way out of here. And when we're back in Sleepyside, we can work out our relationship. But, Trix, we need to sit down with both our parents and set some ground rules.'

'Dad said you would say something like that,' Trixie grinned. 'He also said you would be one of the only people who wouldn't let me have everything my own way.'

'If your dad's as smart as I think he is,' Jim chuckled, 'I bet he knows that's exactly what you need in a boyfriend.'