Depression.

I was waking down the main street of Storybrook. Hands in my pockets, eyes on the pavement under my legs. The gray concrete turned into seemingly unending path leading us nowhere.

I couldn't concentrate on the road ahead of me. I just didn't want to notice anything around me. Everything around me was a dull colorless mass: every car passing by, every building around me, every person walking by.

I felt such an emptiness inside me. Nothing seemed to really matter. All these trivial needs and activities seemed to cease from my mind: work turned into endless cycle of paperwork, I had no wish to go out on calls and left that to my Deputies; food didn't bring me the satisfaction, it used to; cocoa with cinnamon never tasted as foul as now so I switched onto black coffee without any supplements, it made taste-buds feel something even as bitter as this beverage is.

I didn't even noticed how I reached Granny's. We agreed to have a family dinner tonight. I was already late, but I didn't even attempted to hurry up. I was just standing on the other side of the road and looked at the scene in front of me.

Here sat my family at our usual table by the window. My parents were trying to make my little brother sit still for just a minute, but he wouldn't give them a break and desperately tried to slip away. Henry was animatedly explaining something to skeptical looking Zelena or as the boy preferred to call her now Aunty Z. She usually scoffed at this moniker and rolled her eyes, but didn't tell Henry anything. Everyone could clearly see that she liked it.

Regina was holding baby Robin in her hands and cooing at the little girl. Even from the outside, I could tell that the girl was filling the crowded diner with her innocent laughter and Regina's 1000 watt smile could have provided the whole town with energy. She was so radiant and beautiful at this moment that a sudden desire to see her with young Henry appeared in my conscience. Suddenly, Robin stretched her tiny hand out and put it on Regina's chin. The woman burst out laughing, then kissed the girl's palm and pressed the little cutie closer to her chest.

Something squeezed inside my chest. I so desperately wanted to be the part of this pitch perfect family, to sit in the diner among them, smile, laugh with my family and just be happy. But I couldn't. I had to be alone. I had to distance myself from them. So they don't have to suffer after my departure. They've had enough sorrow in their lives. I didn't want to add to it.

'How could they be happy? How could they smile and laugh, when I wasn't able to feel a thing?' a rogue though ran through my mind. Immediately I felt guilt washing over me. They had a life full of happiness and brightness ahead, and I had no right to take that away from them. Snow and David would have one more child, or two, they would have a crazy life, but would always come as winners at the end of the day. They would grow old together and would be happy. Henry will finish school, get into some good college, would find his True Love and build a family of his own. Zelena would make peace with her sister and find her own happiness. And Regina. She deserved to be the happiest person on the earth. With every passing year she would look only more breathtaking. She would meet a person, who would always be by her side no matter what. They would marry, maybe even have another child. For some reason, this thought hurt the most.

'Maybe because I won't be there to see all that,' an unpleasant feeling settled at the pit of my stomach.

I couldn't show up there. I couldn't destroy their happiness. I had to go. I would just do what I had to do and be gone. Everything would be better without me.

I turned around to go back to my empty house. I had to be alone.

Something jingled in the pocket of my coat. I pulled my phone out and saw a massage.

Henry: Mom, where re u? We're waiting only for u.

I just wanted to ignore it, but it would only make them worry, so I quickly typed in the answer.

Me: I don't feel well, Hen. Have dinner without me. I'll just go home, sleep it off. Don't worry bout me, k?

The answer came immediately.

Henry: Do you need anything? I can skip dinner and come be with u.

Me: Nah, Hen. No need to worry. Have dinner, spend time with your family. I'll be fine on my own.

Henry: You're my family too, Ma. But if you insist…

Me: I insist.

Henry: Ok. Love you, Ma. Get better soon.

Me: Love you, Hen.

I looked up at the night sky and tried to compose the features of my face.

Still, a stray tear ran down my cheek.

I was leaning on the counter in my bathroom, looking at the pitiful reflection in the mirror.

The woman looking at me had dark circles under her eyes. Said eyes were sullen and had no fire in them. Blond hair were put into the messy bun on the back of her head. Her face was sickly thin and the skin had unhealthy grayish color.

Nowadays, I rarely looked into the mirror exactly because of this woman. I really didn't like seeing this picture.

I took a small bottle out of the cabinet behind the mirror. With shaking hands I counted down two white pills.

During this month my nightmares got only worse: they were full of different terrifying scenes not only from my future, but from my past as well. After a week without sleep, I was absolutely exhausted. The headaches and muscle cramps only worsened my condition. So I gave up and went out of town to get some sleeping pills. I bought the strongest I could buy without the medical prescription.

At first, they helped and I slept like a babe, but with every passing night their effect seemed to weaken. Yesterday, nightmares reappeared.

My hands were still shaking.

'Ah, to hell with it. I need my beauty sleep, even if it's not so beauty,' I shook a couple more pills into my palm and stretched for the glass with water.

A sound of the bell rand throughout the empty house.

I slammed the pills onto the counter. 'Who the fuck is this?' I shouted in my head. 'They'll go away, just wait. They will…'

The bell kept on ringing, so I went to open the door.

I swung the door open. "Regina?" my voice was filled with confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Good evening to you, too, Ms. Swan," without invitation she entered the house and made her way to the kitchen. I followed her. "I brought you dinner." she put the bag onto the counter and started taking food out.

"I'm not hungry," I whispered, but it was enough for her to hear.

Regina abruptly shoved half-full bag onto the counter and turned to look at me.

"Emma," she walked closer to me. "Tell me, what is happening?"

"I'm fine…" I tried to deny everything, but she didn't let me finish.

"No, enough with this bullshit," now she was standing so close to me that I could practically feel her breath on my face. "I tried to give you some space, but enough is enough."

"I…"

"Henry is worried; I am worried. You practically stopped eating, you lost weight; you have huge circles under your eyes and always look tired; you spend less and less time with your family. So tell me, Ms. Swan, what is really happening?" demanded Regina, her hands were on her hips, her eyes were filled with determination to find out the truth.

I felt cornered. I couldn't run away, after all we were in my own house; and I couldn't lie to her, not to her.

Unconsciously, tears started to fall down my cheeks. "Re-Regina…" I whimpered.

The look in her eyes immediately softened. "Oh, Emma," Regina whispered and wrapped her arms around me, embracing me.

I instantly wrapped my arms around her and started to sob into her shoulder like a fucking baby.

"Emma, shh… Everything will be alright… Shh…" Regina whispered soothingly and started running her right hand through my hair. The other was rubbing small circles on my back. "We'll deal with everything… Shh…"

"I-ah… I'm… just so-ah… damn… tired… Gina-ah," I gasped between the sobs. "I-ah… need to… want to… sleep… so-ah… much…"

"Okay, Emma, you'll go to bed soon," Regina whispered. Bit by bit her ministrations worked and I started to calm down. "You just have to eat something and then you'll go to bed, okay?"

"No… I don't… want…" I only pressed closer to her warm body and burrowed my head deeper in her shoulder. 'I'm so comfortable… and she smells so nice… And we feet so well together.'

"Okay, then let's get you straight to bed," we disappeared in the purple smoke and reappeared in my room. "Emma, let me go and go to bed." Regina prompted, but I refused to do as she said.

"Nightmares, I won't be able to sleep," I whispered. I wanted to hug her forever.

For a couple of minutes we just stood there in silence. Then Regina seemed to come up with something.

She guided our bodies to the bed and a second later we were lying on it in each others embrace.

Regina scooted back to lie on the pillow and I settled my head on her chest with my hands tightly wrapped around her waist.

Regina started to hum lightly and when I looked at her questioningly, she explained. "When Henry had nightmares, I used to sing to him, so if you don't mind…"

I just shook my head.

She started to sing. Her voice was reach and soothing, and soon I started to drift away. Her hands were gently running through my hair and over my back, adding to the calming effect of her voice.

The last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep was a light kiss on my forehead and her angelic voice.

"Sleep tight, Emma."

"Emma," I was ripped from my sleep. And, Gods, what a sleep it was. There were no nightmares, I was so comfortable and warm. I could have stayed like this for the rest of my life.

"Emma!" this pretty voice shouted once more.

I tore my eyes open and saw Regina standing over me with her hands on her hips. Her face was full of anger and something else… Fear… Yes, definitely fear. 'But why is she scared?'

"R'gina," I mumbled and leaned on my forearms to take a better look at her.

She took a calming breath, ran a hand over her tousled hair and sat on the bed next to me. "Emma, what are these?" she stretched her hand out, and there were the pills, lying on her palm. "Were you trying to..?" But I didn't let her finish.

"No, Gods, Regina, no, nothing like that," I sat up and assured her. "These are slipping pills. I had trouble sleeping, because… well, you know," now I was embarrassed by my sob-fest yesterday. "So I bought them…"

"Ok, but why are there so much of them out of the bottle?" Regina's eyes were still filled with worry.

"I… At first, they worked great, but then…" I scratched the back of my head. "They weren't anymore… And I decided… The more I take, the stronger the effect, right?" I couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Emma…" Regina gave a frustrated sigh. "You could have killed yourself with this dose…" she put her hand on my cheek and made me look her in the eyes. "Promise me, you won't do something stupid like that ever again."

"I promise," I repeated.

"Now tell me, what is happening to you?" she ordered and removed her hand from my cheek.

I really didn't want to tell her about my visions. It'll only her worry more. It was unnecessary. So I decided to tell her only the part of the truth.

"I… I have these nightmares… They just won't stop… I can't sleep, so I'm always tired during the day… I don't know how to get rid of them, Regina," Regina just looked at me and then pulled me into a tight hug. I immediately felt guilty about concealing the truth. 'It was for her own good…' I tried to convince myself, but to no avail. Guilt still filled my body.

"We'll deal with it, Emma," Regina whispered. "I promise, we will…"

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I had to dig up some info about depression; hope, I showed some aspects of it accurately.

Truth be told, it was a hard chapter for me to wright. I always try to process through everything the character is feeling, live through the situation as them and try their personality on myself, so they would be more accurate and feel more real. So this chapter really took a lot out of me.

All in all, hope you'll like this installment. See you all in the next chapter.

Elia