The tavern was noisy and crowded, with people of all kinds gathered to tell tales and drink away their troubles. A woman of twenty sits in the back, black cloak shielding her skin, hood covering her face. She drinks a bit more from her glass, keeping others away with hostile stares. This strange woman, dear Reader, is you.

You stand up to leave, having gathered as much information as you could without being discovered. You begin to walk out when a man bars your path, drunken gaze eyeing your feminine shape.

"So," he slurs, "Yer a lady? W'l maybe you should come wi' me. It's dangris fer a lady on 'er own." He stumbles against you, grinning foolishly.

You brush past him, but he steps on your cloak. It slips off of you, revealing your pale skin, glowing eyes, and strange scar on the side of your neck. You turn, lashing out with sharpened nails and take the drunk down, minus one eye.

The tavern is still for a moment before exploding, every person grabbing every manner of weapon and charging you. You turn and flee, sprinting out of their range and off into the fields. Quickly you break into a small house by the river, stealing anything valuable and drinking from the farmer who lives there.

Did I mention you were a vampire?

Well, vampire is a bit of a stretch. You certainly aren't the classic vampire, with purple skin and black hair, and you aren't a cool vampire with the turn into a bat power and hypnotize gaze and mind control.

You are a "vampire", the kind that runs really fast and sparkles. Congratu-freakin-lations.

Did that clear things up? I hope so, because here are more info dumps!

Something about you being a famous vampire, daughter of a king, most powerful in blah-blah country, most wanted monster in where-ever, something about being lonely.

Well, maybe you wouldn't be lonely if you didn't kill everyone you met? Did that ever dawn on you? That maybe people don't want to be friends with a murderer?

But, we, and I mean you, have a more pressing issue. The sun is rising, and without shelter, you will blind yourself with your sparkles. Time to find a place to go.

You run through the city alleyways, avoiding everyone you see with some bullshit power vampires don't even have. In the last fleeting minutes before full sun, you find a few pieces of wood to make a sun-shelter with. Sitting by the road, pretending to be a homeless person and collecting information for reasons never made clear. This is your day.

That is, until a strange man walks by and notices your odd clothing. Picture whatever you want, I'm going with the well-thought out exposition that will give clarity to whatever is supposed to be going on that the writer obviously left. Out.

So this guy has you come with him, and the fact you sparkle is forgotten as you walk through a city in broad daylight. But you arrive at a castle-y type place, so we don't even need to worry about that.

"I," The man begins, turning to face you for the first time, "am Gilbert Beilschmidt." He's albino just so you know, with the red eyes and such. Not sure how far into the series the write actually got, so s/he left that out with rest of the description. Just kidding, that's all the writer described.

You stand still for a few seconds, struck with the fact you aren't a real vampire. Gilbert sees this and mistakes it for something important. Soon you are lying in his bed and he is watching over you.

Wait, weren't you supposed to be famous? Isn't that why every one at the bar-sorry, tavern-knew who you were and decided to attack you? Shouldn't Gil, who seems like a knight or something like that, be able to recognize the most wanted and deadly "vampire" in all of where this takes place? But we get it, everyone is stupid and or blind.

Gil goes to get you some food, and you decide how to kill him without drawing any suspicion. He returns with food, and gives it to you before deciding on a whim to spill his heart to a complete stranger.

So here's Gilbert, angsting up a storm about problems pulled out from the cliché bucket, and you, silently noting every weakness he has to use against him later. And you wonder why you don't have friends.

Days go by with you acting as a freeloader and dealing with Gil's angst. But, as a well thought out and paced character development point, you realize you don't want to have to kill everyone you see and are in love with Gilbert. I'm just kidding, it came to you in a shitty dream sequence.

But you then decide to confess to Gilbert, and he reveals after a moment of not at all suspense, he likes you back. Story over, right?

What? We still got more? Ugh, here we go.

You feel bad for all the people you killed and decide to turn the tables, angsting your heart out to Edwa- Gilbert. He is totally Gilbert. This is not Twilight, this is Hetalia, how could ever get them mixed up?

You and not-Edward then have some nice romanticy style talks about feelings and philosophy that drag on and on and on.

You stop being a freeloader and start instead wandering about the house, being antisocial and wondering why no one wants to talk to you. Turns out Ludwig was invited to the fanfic, and you talk to him a bit while the writer tries to be ominous.

Then, one fateful day, because of reasons that are being withheld indefinitely, some demon/devil thing possesses you. It is known as the Stupid Plot Device, and lurks in the deepest depths of Fandom Hell.

The Device forces you to kill Ludwig. You then hide his body in a closet. You probably didn't even need to do that with how thick everyone is.

Gilbert comes and notices something amiss.

"Hey, is everything alright?"

"Yep! I totally did not just kill your brother and hide his a closet. Not a chance."

"Well, that's good! Let's just hope my density doesn't cause a gravitational collapse into a black hole!"

And they lived happily ever after, with only the occasional demon murder spree.

Hello world! This took a bit longer than expected, but after I finish these two projects I have, updates should be much quicker. I still need more ideas for more chapters though, and a big thanks to my good friend Miss Malicious Makara for helping me with this chapter. The advertising is done, so SCC out!