Over the next month, I hung out more with Luce than I think I ever have with anyone, at least since I've been in high school. We had both made varsity field hockey, obviously. We ate lunch with a group of girls from the team, had practice every day, and sat together on the bus to away games. We also spent a lot of time together outside field hockey, just doing our homework together, going to movies, or watching our younger siblings. She has a younger brother and sister. I invited her to join the BSC, which she did, but was usually too busy to take jobs. I was finding that myself, though I'd sat for the Ryders a couple more times.

Friday night, both of us lacking a job, she spent the night at my house. We turned off the lights and were chatting in bed.

"Greg Owens asked me out today." She said suddenly.

"What? Really?" I wasn't terribly happy with that news. If she started dating someone, she wouldn't have as much time to spend with me. I tried not to let that show, though. I didn't want to be a bad friend.

"I told him no."

"Oh." Come to think of it, we didn't really talk about boys. Claudia and Stacey had asked her what boys she liked, and I couldn't remember what she said. We must have gotten a call, or something.

"Did you have a boyfriend at your old school?"

"Not really. I um, dated a guy for a while in ninth grade. But I uh, I realized it wasn't really my thing."

Her voice was shaking a little. That was weird. "Yeah, I don't think I have time for a boyfriend now anyway."

"That's not exactly what I meant."

"Oh. What did you mean?"

"I mean that I don't like guys. Like that. I don't like guys like that."

"Oh." My head was spinning.

"I like girls instead." She said softly.

"Right."

"I should have told you before. But it didn't really come up. That was cool, I like that we don't have to talk about boys."

"Me too."

We lay in silence for awhile. I was thinking about boys. And girls. And the Ryders. And Luce.

"Kristy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you freaked out?"

"No. I was just thinking. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. You're my best friend. You can ask me anything."

"How did you know? That you like girls, I mean. How did you know that you like girls?"

"Well, I wasn't really interested in dating boys, but I hadn't really thought about the alternative. Then I kissed one. Well, she kissed me."

"Like, on a dare?"

"No. We were drinking, though. At a party. She was on the field hockey team with me. She probably wouldn't have kissed me if she wasn't drunk – when she was sober she denied liking girls."

She sounded kind of bitter.

"Oh. So she kissed you, and you liked it?"

"Yeah. It was way better than kissing a boy."

"Did you have a girlfriend?"

"Not really. I made out with Carrie – the girl that kissed me – a couple more times. Usually when we were drinking. She had a boyfriend, too. Until I decided I didn't want to just be some girl on the side, and watch her be all lovey with her boyfriend in front of everyone else. I was kind of glad we moved because of all that."

"Plus, you met me." I grinned in the dark.

"Well, duh, of course."

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By some twist of fate, I was sitting for the Ryders the next night. I spent a good portion of the day thinking about things. How was it possible that liking girls had never occurred to me? Now that I thought about it, it seemed crystal clear. Why I was not interested in talking about boys. Why I didn't care that I didn't have a boyfriend – and usually said no on the rare occasions boys asked me out. Why I was drawn to certain girls and really wanted them to think I was cool. Why I had been finding myself looking at Luce's body. It freaked me out. I mean, I wasn't stupid. Lots of people hated gay people. And I wanted kids. I reminded myself I was sitting for two kids of gay people right now. That only helped a little bit.

The Ryders came home, and Pat went up to check on the kids while Susan got her checkbook to pay me. I gathered up my courage.

"Um, Ms…I mean, Susan." They had told me to call them by their first names, joking that it got too confusing with two Ms. Ryders around. "Can I ask you something kind of weird?"

She looked up from her check. "Sure, I suppose. What's on your mind?"

"Is it hard being gay? I mean, are people mean to you?"

"Sometimes. Nobody I care about, but sometimes people in stores, or new people I meet, that sort of thing."

"Do you wish you weren't?"

She looked thoughtful. "Not really. I wish the world were a better place. But I love Pat, and I can't imagine not being with her. And I'm certainly glad I am not hiding it, living a lie and pretending to love a man."

"Is it hard on your kids?"

"You know, we worried about that. But I really don't think so. Most of their friends think it's cool that they have two moms. Occasionally they get teased by some ignorant kid. But honestly, Sophie gets more upset by getting teased about her glasses." She grinned.

I grinned too. Sophie complained constantly about her glasses.

"Kristy? If you need to talk about anything…"

I looked at the floor. "I kind of feel like an idiot."

"Why?"

"My best friend just told me she's gay. And I don't know, I guess I never really thought about it one way or the other. I didn't think about it being a possibility. And suddenly it's like, I don't know, how could I not have thought about it?"

"You're sixteen, right?"

I nodded.

"I didn't figure out that I was gay until I was twenty."

"Really?"

"Really. And I didn't come out until I was 23. So don't feel stupid."

"I just don't want people to hate me."

She sighed. "Nobody wants that. All you can do is be a good person, and hope that they see that."