Well, I don't know what I think about this chapter. But hey. Keira wants to read this, so I'll get on with this.

Disclaimer: la la la, the usual. For Lawyer boy and Keira and Liz and everyone else

On with the shoe!

It was later that morning that we all piled into the truck and Darry found the evidence of my bloody hands. He didn't say anything and I figure I got off easy. I made Soda sit in the middle and Darry's jaw clenched. He'd said sorry. I'd told him it was fine, but I still didn't trust those massive hands that could have snapped my wrist like it was nothing. He understood I couldn't help it, but he still didn't get it. I didn't get it. It was a frustrating situation on all three of us. Especially in the waiting room while Darry filled out the forms. He even put me under my given name. There was no need to lie about that since I hadn't been in the hospital since I was about five and needed stitches in my arm. We were playing football or something and I managed to find a piece of glass when I took a spill. Mom had been crying with me and Dad was really quiet when we went to the hospital. That was the only time I had ever hurt myself like that. Now, I know you're all thinking, 'What about that dislocated shoulder?'. Well, that was a clinic trip. The reason we weren't going to the clinic this time was because they'd recognize the name and ask some questions we could avoid at the hospital. Basically, things were just simpler.

I fidgeted and Sodapop really fidgeted and Darry sent us glares from time to time while he filled out the paperwork. By the time we actually got into see a doc, it was noon and it only took the guy fifteen minutes to set the bone and set me up with a cast that went halfway up my forearm. The stupid thing made it so I couldn't even bend my fingers all the way. It was a good thing it was hard. At least it would keep everything from setting wrong. The whole time I had Soda with me holding my other hand for two reasons. 1) I needed something to squeeze and 2) he ensured the doctor kept his paws to himself. I saw the look he threw me when I first stood up. I wasn't taking any chances, no matter how much he smiled. I was a very suspicious female, apparently. That, and I knew how a guy's mind worked. This was one guy-turned-gal who was not going to be fooled by a friendly smile.

It was a relief to get out of there and go home. I slumped back on the couch, again, deciding to let my hands rest on my stomach. Soda smirked at that and I threw him a look that I hope told him to go to hell. I was tired, I was sore, and he wasn't allowed to make fun of me. Well, he was, but I wished he wouldn't. He kept his mouth shut and asked me if I was hungry. I shrugged in a non-committed fashion and he got up to go and cook something for lunch. I watched the TV until he got back and we sat down to eat some sandwiches. Soda knew I hated those stupid concoctions of his, so he brought me a normal bologna sandwich with mustard, lettuce and mayo on it. It was the first thing I had eaten all day, and you can bet your bottom dollar it was tasty. I only managed one of the three Soda had made, but he seemed pleased with that. He ate the three he had made for himself and asked me if I minded Darry eating what was left. I told him I wasn't going to eat them and that settled that. Soda got up to make Darry eat and I phased out watching the TV again. Soda and Darry had said something about going to work, but obviously that never ended up happening. They weren't about to leave me on my own for a minute. It was obvious I was being babysat by the pair of them. Didn't that make me look tough. The worst part was, I wasn't even on to them until about half an hour ago when the last day shift at the DX started and Sodapop didn't move a muscle. I needed to fix this so I could think straight again.

The door slammed a couple minutes later and I glanced up, expecting Two-Bit or Steve or even Pony and Johnny. Unfortunately, I saw none other than Dallas Winston standing there and he saw me at the exact same time. I only had time to think 'oh shit' before he was half way over to where I was sitting. His nose looked swollen and sore and his eyes were anything but friendly. I cowered behind my pillow and bit my lip. Well, fuck. I wasn't expecting this, at least not so soon.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he growled, nearly nose to nose with me.

"I live here!" I growled back.

"Bull. Shit." He was pulling my hair as he articulated those words right into my face and I wanted to hit him again.

"Is not!" I protested and he pulled my hair tighter, making me wince.

Why the hell did girls keep their hair this long? It was a hassle and it was a hindrance! Not to mention it never stayed in place. And, as Dallas was proving, you could be dragged by it.

"Ouch, Dally! That hurts!" I winced.

"Good!" he snapped back, shoving me towards the door.

"Where are we going?" I asked, timidly because I was pretty afraid of what would happen outside with no Sodapop.

"Somewhere I can teach you a proper lesson."

Oh shit. That could not be good. Before I even processed that thought, I swung around and hit him with my cased arm, jarring everything in the cast like you wouldn't believe, and pulled my hair from his hand, loosing a chunk in the process.

"Darry!" I hollered, scrambling away from Dallas, who was cursing and calling me names I won't repeat because I would have found them offensive, even as a male.

"Come here!" Dallas yelled and I felt myself trip as he grabbed my foot.

I kicked at him and scrambled to my feet, limping towards where I had left Darry ironing in his bedroom. I met him before I even got to the hall and pushed past him, putting him between Dallas and me. He spun around from looking at me to where Dallas was stomping over, looking more pissed than I had seen him in a long while. Darry turned towards Dallas, chest out, and muscles bulging, ready to try and sort this out. I cowered behind him and Sodapop came loping over. He took one look at Dallas and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. Dallas was seething he was so mad, but he also had Darry standing in front of him.

"You move out of the way, Curtis. I'm gonna kill that bitch."

"You touch him and I'll break your jaw," Darry threatened.

"She did something with Pepsi-cola!" Dallas snapped, pointing a finger at me, pure fury in his voice. I hadn't known he cared. "And she just plain pisses me off."

"He is Pepsi-cola!" Darry snapped back.

"Bullshit!" he cursed. "Pepsi-cola is not a bitch with long hair and tits."

I was now…

"Dallas," Soda sent him a deadly look. "That's my family you're insulting."

"Soda, she did something to Pepsi-cola!" Dallas snapped in our direction. "She probably mugged him and killed him for what little was in his wallet."

Yeah, there was very little in my wallet. Nothing worth jumping me for, anyways; not even a pack of cigarettes. That was when I could actually find my wallet…

"He is Pepsi-cola," Soda repeated in that dark tone, letting go of me and standing beside Darry. "He proved it to me and Darry and everyone else."

"You both have mush for brains," Dallas accused, trying to push past them, but they stood their ground, shoulder to shoulder.

"You should leave before you do something stupid, Dallas," Darry advised, giving him an out, giving them all an out.

"It's you two doing the stupid thing," he answered and I saw all three of them double their tenseness – if that was a word – as they got ready to fight.

I was in a bit of a panic now. I did not want them fighting. I did not want to watch them fight. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted to be a guy again. Sometimes we don't get what we want. I was going to stop this fight, though. Think, Pepsi, think.

Shit. I only knew one way to stop this fight and that was to freak the hell out of Dallas by making him believe what everyone else did. Remember how I said I concealed injuries to avoid the iodine? Well, I concealed them to avoid my brothers, too.

"Dallas," I snapped to get his attention. "Two months ago."

Dallas' head snapped up and he gaped at me. I moved around Soda and Darry and lifted up my shirt to show him the still red wound right by my hip. Dallas blinked in disbelief and took a couple steps back.

"How?" Dallas asked.

"I don't know," I told him honestly.

"But then…Man…" Dallas looked like he was in shock. "I thought…"

"I know," I told him, forgiving him for that morning with those two words. "You wouldn't have believed me if I told you."

"But I wanted…I almost…a guy…" Dallas stumbled backwards a couple more steps so he could gape at me and hold onto the wall at the same time. "I'm losing my mind…"

"It's fine. You didn't know," I told him again hoping he would just leave.

Dallas nodded, still looking so freaked out it wasn't funny. He backed away towards the door and I watched him go, wondering if things would ever go back to normal between us after what just about happened. Once he was gone, I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to my brothers who were still standing there, but they looked both shocked and confused. Then Darry gave me the 'spill it' look I hated. There was never any way around it.

"I fell down the stairs at Buck's a few months ago after Dallas punched me. One of the railings snapped and speared me pretty good." I shrugged as both Soda and Darry gaped at me.

Why Dallas punched me wasn't something I was going to bring up. Let's just say I said the wrong thing about him and prison and I ended up at the bottom of the staircase bleeding around a chunk of Buck's railing. It wouldn't have been so bad if my jeans had have been pulled up higher and I had have been wearing shoes or bare feet. The socks gave me no traction and that's why I couldn't catch myself before I fell and…this post-event analyzing thing was not helping my current situation. Darry was giving me this hard look and Sodapop's look was guarded. I knew this conversation was not going to go over well.

"And you didn't tell us?" Darry stated more than asked.

"I had it under control," I told him, shifting from foot to foot; trying to cross my arms over my 'twins' as Two-Bit labeled them.

"What if you didn't?" Soda asked with heat in his voice that made me flinch. "What if you had have gotten an infection or something and died?"

"I was careful, Soda, honest," I told him. "Cleaned out the wound twice everyday with alcohol."

"You passed it off as a pulled muscle!" Soda snapped.

"And you were still going out and partying. Real smart," Darry added, both of them looking anything but impressed with me.

"Because you would have mothered the hell out of me if I hadn't!" I defended, hating Darry and his stupid need to know everything. "And I took the partying easy! Just pop, honestly. I'm not dumb. It wasn't serious."

"It was serious! You bleed and you tell someone!" Darry barked. "You want to end up dead?"

"I know how to take care of myself!" I snapped.

"I thought we were past this," Darry sighed. "I thought you finally got it. We're all we have left. But you just care about Pepsi-cola, damn the rest of the world. You selfish brat."

I tried to look away from him because I was starting to tear up, despite my best efforts not to, but I couldn't. He looked so mad and sad and pissed and it was my fault. I really didn't hate him. I hated this crying shit! I was mad. There was no reason to cry when you were pissed. And, as stupid as it sounds, I really wanted him to come over and hug me. I wasn't going to hug him, no way, but I wished he'd get the hint already.

"You know what, fine. We'll just put that on your tombstone one day." Darry stormed off down the hall and slammed the door behind him making the house shake and me flinch.

I stared after him for a minute, feeling the welled tears in my eyes ready to pour over my lids and down my cheeks. I looked over at Soda, knowing he'd get it and come make everything better, but he didn't move.

"You deserved that," he said harshly and I nodded, a tear rolling down my cheek.

Yeah, I deserved it. But I didn't deserve whatever twisted fate had me feeling miserable about it instead of mad as hell. Darry didn't hold a card to me when it came to slamming doors.

"Yes," I agreed, cursing these damn emotional moments where I cried instead of yelling and fuming. "Soda…"

"Don't you try and make me feel bad. You hurt me," he said frankly. "I stick up for you and I wonder why when you do things like this. I won't be the middleman anymore. I'm on Darry's side this time."

I nodded, tears spilling down my face uncontrollably. Soda glared at me some more and I turned down the hall. I closed the door to my bedroom before curling up on the bed and clutching the pillow to my chest. My arm hurt, Dallas was gone, Darry was mad, and Soda hated me. It seemed like a good enough reason for me to bury my head in my pillow and sob since I was going to anyway. At least this way no one would hear how stupid I was acting. So I did just that. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and my head throbbed. My eyes were swollen and itchy and I wanted to go to sleep. But the last time I did that, I woke up like this. I wasn't too keen to fall asleep and end up something worse, like a dog or Steve. So I stared at the wall, my eyes barely open in hopes that would fix everything. Well, it didn't.

It was some time later when Ponyboy came into the room and rubbed a hand on my back in a soothing motion. I hiccupped a few times while I tried not to think about how Soda was the one who was doing that when everything was so horrible this morning. He hated me now. I'd screwed up big time. And fuck if I couldn't even get mad about that.

"Pony," I whimpered, curling myself into a tighter ball.

I'd screwed up. I felt like shit. My arm hurt. I wanted things to go back to normal. I needed something to make the ache in my throat go away. I hated myself because of this stupid crying. I hoped he understood. He always did in the past.

"I'll get you some water," he said, standing up.

It wasn't Whiskey, but it was a start. Thank god Ponyboy and I still spoke the same language.

"Pills," I added and he nodded, smiling gently at me.

Well, at least one brother still loved me. He hadn't ever screamed and yelled at me before and he wouldn't start now. He knew what it was like. I was going to stay on his good side. This whole thing with Darry and Soda hating me forever sucked.

Pony came back and I sat up to drink the water and swallow the pills. He sat with me for a few minutes while I leaned against the headboard and closed my eyes, willing the pills to work. I finally opened my eyes to meet Pony's concerned ones.

"Something happen?" he asked needlessly. He just wanted me to feel like I was informing him rather than crying on his shoulder. He knew me too well.

"They hate me," I whispered. "They found out I got hurt and…Soda said he agreed with Darry. They yelled and I couldn't stop crying."

Ponyboy looked like he wanted to hug me, but he didn't. That confirmed that he'd talked to either Soda or Darry before he came in here and thought I was at fault, too. He fingered the blanket, a sure sign he had something on his mind he didn't think was going to go over well, but had to be said all the same.

"They feel hurt. Worse than you, probably."

He was lying. Nothing hurt worse than I felt right then. I knew; I'd been in knife fights.

"What will make this better?" I asked tiredly.

"I don't know. But you have to fix this because you made it wrong," he said simply and I nodded, thinking that was asking too damn much.

"Soda's in the kitchen. He'd probably forgive you if you looked really miserable," Ponyboy suggested.

"Ok," I gulped. "Ok."

I got up on shaky legs and made my way into the kitchen. Soda was cooking up some chicken for supper. I wrinkled my nose, but let it go. It at least looked normal, which meant Soda was thinking about something else completely. Didn't take a genius to guess what that was. I stood by him and hoped he would notice me. He didn't or if he did, he was being very rude. I felt like a kicked dog and willed myself not to cry again. I cleared my throat and tried a tentative 'Soda'. I still got ignored. So I did the one thing I didn't want to do. I hugged his arm. What? I was still a guy…drowning in freaking hormones. If I was going to hug him, it was going to be on my terms. That meant no reminders that I had the twins and he didn't. The arm was a safe bet. Why was I justifying this again? Soda was the one who wouldn't hug me. He should be glad I was even trying.

Soda sighed and set the knife he was working with down. He didn't do anything and I started to sniff. He braced himself against the counter, willing himself to ignore me. I was about to let go and go hide under the back deck for a while when he yanked his arm from my grasp and pulled me roughly to him, hugging me tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gritted out the words as a kind of chant. "I'll try and do better. I won't do that shit anymore. I promise."

"Hey, I know –"

"Just, please, love me again." It was an order from teeth clenched against these damn tears. Not that that was helping, but it was something.

"Pepsi," he said pushing me a way a bit so he could look at me. "I never stopped loving you. You're my brother and it's because I love you that that shit hurts."

"I thought…" I gaped at him. He loved me and yet he let me wallow in my own tears for at least half an hour? The bastard.

"Pepsi," he sighed, pulling me to him again. "Family loves you no matter what."

I had my own opinions on that. I didn't voice them, though. Sodapop was confusing me. There was something I had to clear up before I even thought about what family and love were.

"But you were so mad. You've never been mad before. I ruined you."

Just like I was ruined.

"This wasn't my first time being mad. You don't have that all to yourself. But I try not to get mad and I won't always be mad. That's what counts," Soda explained.

I nodded and Soda stroked my hair for a minute. I knew all this, but it had felt so real, like there was no one out there that loved me. I had never cared before. Had Soda always cared? He finally let me go and gave me a goofy smile.

"These hormones are driving you crazy, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled with a sobbed laugh. "I hate this."

"We'll fix it; I promise."

I nodded and Soda offered me his handkerchief to blow my nose on. He laughed and wiped a bit of grease from the hanky off my nose. I gave the thing a disgusted look before setting it in his palm, snot down. He laughed and muttered how gross a chick I was before washing his hands and telling me he had to get back to dinner or none of us were going to eat tonight. That was just fine with me, but I figured no one would really agree with me. I was upset and a chick. They were still boys who ate like horses. So I nodded and looked at what he had going for dinner.

"Soda?" I asked. "Do you know what would make me feel better?"

"What?" he asked.

"Blue chicken and red potatoes."

Soda's smile was bright enough to make me believe he would never be sad or mad again. I smiled back and he nodded.

"I think I'll do just that."

I handed him the dye and looked off towards the living room. I knew Darry was in there and I knew I had to face him sometime, but I just couldn't move. Soda gave me an encouraging shove forward and I glared at him. He may have been able to fix cars, but this was not a car.

"Go on," he urged and I slinked out of the room, hoping if I were quiet Darry would somehow get the hint and not yell. I had a snowball's chance in hell of that, but I tried all the same.

Darry was sitting in his armchair. He normally would have the paper open or the bills laid out or something, anything but just sitting there. This wasn't natural for him. I snorted. What about today had been natural for any of us? He didn't even look at me when I came in. I even stood right in front of him. I got nothing.

"Darry," I told him, thinking I sounded as confident as a kitten. "I have something I want to tell you and it's important…"

Darry still wouldn't look at me. I bit my lip and looked back at him, wondering. I'd seen a movie once where the little girl used to curl up in her daddy's lap. It seemed like a pretty good idea, but there was no way in hell I was doing that, so I sat on the arm of his chair. Let him try and ignore that. He didn't say a word and I decided I would have to do the talking here.

"Sorry doesn't make things right," I told him. "That's because I'm not sorry. I did what I thought was best and I can't go and fix that screw up or the millions of other screw ups I've had."

Darry glanced at me, finally, and I held up a hand. I wasn't finished.

"I won't do that shit anymore if you feel that strongly about it. But you can't crowd me. And just because I say I won't do it again doesn't mean you'll trust me not to. But I need the chance to try without you being mad and hating me forever. I don't like feeling like this. All I seem to be able to do is cry over this shit."

I paused to see if he was going to say anything, but he was making this as difficult as it could possibly be. I hated it when he did that. I sighed and thought hard on what I wanted to say.

"I thought for a while there that you didn't love me anymore. But it's like Two-Bit always tells Ponyboy, it's because you do love me that you yelled. You don't hate me, but I think it would be easier if you did because I sure as hell hate you sometimes. But I promise to try and tell you about that stuff. I do know that it's not just about me; I just forget that sometimes."

It would just be a hell of a lot easier if it was just about me.

"Can we please try and get along? At least until this whole chick thing is sorted out?"

I couldn't handle anymore of this crying bullshit.

Darry heaved a sigh and looked at me. I tried to look as honest as possible and Darry nodded.

"Don't do that again," was his gruff answer and it was my turn to nod.

We sat like that for a few minutes, both of us content with what we'd said or didn't say. Most of it was stuff I would never have said yesterday. I was starting to really turn into a chick. But right then I didn't mind. I would have never had a moment like this with my brother if it weren't for this whole ordeal. I needed Soda to figure this out and fast or I was going to do something really embarrassing. And most likely it would be in public. I was really looking forward to that.

Someone just shoot me now.

Well, that was long and hard to write over the phone, but hey. It was worth it. Did you all know I narrate what I'm saying on the computer? Its kind of funny to me.

Any comments at all are welcome and flames are accepted

See ya in the spooky papers!!!

Tens and Zickachik