It takes a while to figure out where Lucci's house is exactly, but when it comes to information digging, Nami's the best source to go to, so by the time the the clock strikes 7 'o clock, we know where to go.
"Don't give me any of that full stomach bullshit. Or about how cops should come. Or about how we should leave it alone. Or--"
"I-I get it, Nami," I reply my hands gripping onto the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles are turning the same colour of my face... that is, white. As it turns out, their base is about as subtle as Nami is generous. That is to say, not at all. It's a mansion. Literally, a mansion, about as big as Brooke's.
Now, I am generally quite fierce and fearless, but something like this has me scared. Just a little bit.
"Your knees are knocking," Nami observes before getting out of the car and pulling me out. I look at her, waiting for her to take the first step - she was the one who wanted to come here without a good night's sleep to think about it! - but she pushes me ahead of her.
"Wasn't this your idea?"
"Yes, but I'm a cute girl. I'll be kidnapped. You're the big strong man, aren't you, Detective Usopp?"
"Nope. You're definitely stronger than me. Manlier, too." ...Well, when things get desperate, one must take desperate measures.
A bruise on the top of my head tells me that yes, she is definitely stronger than I am.
"So, Usopp," she briefs me as we make our leisurely way up the stone path, "they call it Lucci's mob because he's the strongest, but he's not the leader."
"Why isn't the strongest guy the leader?"
"I don't know," Nami says, shrugging. "Anyways, a guy named Spandam is the leader of the place, Lucci's the strongest, and we've gotta worry about the other members."
"So in other words, this is suicide?"
"Nope," Nami says, with a smile and a tap to her nose. "They'll spare me 'cause I'm a pretty woman."
"Right."
"But not you, 'cause—"
"I get it, Nami." She grins at me in response, bravado hidin' what I'm sure is fear underneath. In fact, I'm positive that behind that smile, she's more scared than a cat up a tree. Bad example. Cats up trees usually aren't that scared. I know that 'cause when I tried to save one once, it scratched me instead of thanking me. Rude creatures.
…actually, that does fit Nami real well. But I'm getting' more off topic than a kid with A.D.D. trying to give a lecture on genes. Yeah, yeah, that was in bad taste, but what can I say? I'm a gritty man, after all. I'm getting off topic again.
Long story short, we get to the door, knock on it, and some guy just looks at us as if he's been expecting us all along and tells us to come in. I look to Nami to see if she recognizes him, but she simply smiles blankly. Must be some new guy. We're led into a sitting room, and the chairs are squishy and the fire's warm, but all I can think about is our imminent doom. We're left there until a woman sidles over, and smiles.
Now, you know how I described Robin as being a beautiful woman? Yeah, this dame's a pretty one too, but not nearly as pretty as the doctor's assistant. The only difference is… skin. Yeah. A lot of skin. Nami elbows me, and mutters, "Get your jaw off the floor, Usopp, and work with me."
"My jaw was not on the floor," I mutter back to her, indignant, but she sighs her world-weary sigh that suggests that we're all idiots.
"We were looking for the owner of this residence," Nami says, all professional-like, "to ask about the musician Brooke's death." She smiles sweetly, then, and looks about as innocent as a thief. "We heard that he played here last, so we just wanted to know if you thought he was acting weird."
"Ah, but Miss Nami," the woman says, as coy as my assistant, "the last place Sir Brooke played was a club down fourth street. Maybe you'd be better off checking there."
"Yes, let's check there," I agree with her. What? The woman's got sense!
Nami's smile turns steely. "No, we'd like to investigate here anyways. This is a big place, and surely you nice people know something," she purrs.
Kalifa stands, two long, long legs and heels clicking on marble floors, a shock of long blonde hair, a—"Usopp, pick up your jaw."
"Yes ma'am."
Anyways. All those physical features, yeah. She says to us, "I'll go get somebody to help you, then," and walks away. The tension's so thick, you could cut it with a piece of paper. We dunno if they're gonna try to lead us to someone else… or worse. I look at Nami to tell her that maybe we should be escaping right about now, when her face turns slack jawed and wide eyed. "Oh my God," she murmurs, "Usopp, he's got your nose."
When I turn, I see a square face attached to a square nose – which I don't have, thank you very much, Nami! – and he cracks his square knuckles and grins with square teeth, and edgily, says, "You are detective Usopp?" and…
Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit, we're going to die here. He's coming right at us when a flash of black and blonde flies in front of us and blocks the square-face off. I think my heart's beatin' a million miles a minute.
"Sanji!" Nami exclaims. "You followed us?"
In response, the cook looks at me, and says, "You gotta learn how to protect a lady, shithead," and then looks at square head. Looks like he's still planning to fight with a cig in his mouth. Now, any other time, I'd tell him that that's stupid, but he is right on the count that we need to get out of here, so I grab onto Nami's arm and run the hell away.
In the distance, we can hear, "Fuck! You…burned my nose?" …Maybe there is some virtue to fighting with a cigarette in mouth. Anyways, when we run to the door, we see three, four guards there, and there's no way to get through these powerhouses, so me and Nami, we decide to find a back exit. Through the winding halls, though, another guy reaches out for us with a wolf like grin, and there's no Sanji to save us.
"Nami!" I yell at her, "get outta the way!" And I'm about to fling one of my many projectiles at him when Franky comes runnin' outta nowhere, flanked by his lackeys. He glances at Nami and says, "I'll take care'a this punk, Little Missy. You go do what you have to do."
Well, needless to say, we get outta there as fast as we possibly can. But when I look at Nami to ask her if she has any idea as to where the exit is, she shakes her head, her mouth a grim line. "No, Usopp, we gotta solve this. Something's happening here, and it's connected to Brooke." Which is completely stupid.
"Brooke's dead! Us dying won't do anything to—"
"I'm not sure if he's really dead, Usopp." She frowns, grabs my elbow. "Come on."
The place is like one of those mazes you put mice through and wait for them to get the cheese at the end. Except I'm startin' to think that it'll be a mousetrap waiting for us instead. We keep on running, because hey, what else can we do? I'm a great detective, not a superhuman warrior, even if I did manage to vanquish the evil tribe of Bedlam and… never mind.
But then two very strange looking men stand there and look at us, one with pink hair and one with… very little hair, and when they charge, I'm pretty sure we're doomed. My father, Yasopp, was a master of the gun (or so I heard). I, the Great Usopp… have a slingshot from when I was a kid. I mean, I can shoot a gun pretty well, but I generally don't carry 'em around, 'cause as I've figured out from my last case, if you carry around a loaded gun, it's easy for the enemy to shoot it right back atcha. And that results in pain. Terrible, terrible pain. So I take out my slingshot, and fling one of my devices at them—basically a water balloon. Except with gasoline. More durable, though, and… it's sort of hard to explain. And a bit embarrassing. No Great Warriors I know fight with slingshots.
But it's hard to feel that embarrassed when you throw a match on 'em and the pink haired guy's long hair catches on fire, and the other guy screams in shock. This does not have the desired effect, though, as two men on fire start to charge at us. Jesus Christ.
I'm about to think I'm gonna die when a hand jerks us out of the way from behind, and we turn around to see Nico Robin, an astutely distressed look on her face. It's one of the only flickers of emotion I've ever seen from the dame, and it makes me real sad, actually, seeing her so destitute.
"Detective," she acknowledges me, and reaches out for the doctor.
The doctor speaks, in a tiny voice not fitting his massive frame, says, "It's okay, Robin," and touches her hand. Then, he turns to us, and tells us, sternly, "Go find my patient." Then, they launch into battle, and…
And we run again. By this time, I'm starting to feel pretty cowardly, but Nami is pulling at me, and is insisting that we're going to figure this out, we're gonna get to the bottom of this, and it'll only be a matter of time. And she pops her bubble gum. We run past a corridor when Nami screeches to a halt.
"Usopp! Look!" I look at where her finger's pointin', and there's a grand ol' treasure chest.
"This isn't the time for money!" I yell back at her, but she shakes her head vigorously.
"Get it down for me, Usopp!"
Now, it's real high up, see? I'm not a short guy, but I'd have to have a stature like Franky's to be able to reach that. But then again… I level up the place. The walls are a bit crumbly, here, and there's only a thin, thin rod to hold it in support. Only a genius sharpshooter would be able to hit that, though, and I stare at it dubiously before taking out my slingshot. It's worth a try, right?
Sure enough, as I draw the rubber band back, biting my lip in concentration, I fling a projectile at it, and the entire shelf falls. Bingo!
"Yes! Good job, Boss!" Nami says, and runs to the treasure chest, takes a… lock pick out of her bra and starts to work on it?
Do I want to know why Nami has that on her? One glance from those demon-eyes, and I find out that no, I don't want to know. I really don't want to know. Then, she opens the chest, real slow, and her eyes open real wide and she stumbles away. So I, the Great Detective Usopp, have to peer in to see what's so frightening. I can't see too well in the dark – and I guess Nami can; that dame's like a cat – and I lift something out. I hold it up to the light. It's hard, and smooth, and…
…and a skull.
"Holy…" When I look back down into the chest, it becomes apparent that yes, there is an entire skeleton in there.
I don't have much time to panic, though, as a glint of metal flickers and I see what are truly demon eyes. You know how I said Nami had demon eyes? They're nothing compared to these. Broad shouldered, narrow eyed, grim faced and holding a very, very sharp sword is none other than Roronoa Zoro.
"Give that back!" He roars at me, and I do the only thing I can: run. As fast as I can. When I turn my head desperately behind me, he's still charging in my direction, and when I turn my head to the right, Nami's right beside me, panting in exertion.
"What… what's his problem?" She squeals, lookin' all for the world like a guy's just stepped on her tail.
"I don't know!" I reply. "Just keep running!" So we take a left, then a right, then down some stairs, then right again, then right again, then left, and hiding in a corner, we see Zoro charge past, and screech to a halt.
He scratches his head. "Where did they go?" He crosses his arms, frowns. "Damn…"
Is this it? Is Brooke's own bodyguard in cahoots with Lucci's gang? What an interesting turn of events! It would be a lot more interesting, though, I would have thought, if a massive man didn't make himself clear to us at that moment, a passive face and a pigeon on his shoulder.
"Lucci," Nami gasps.
And this is when I scream. I can't help it, y'know? We're not built to take on this sort of punishment. Thankfully (and I can't believe I'm saying this), this gets the attention of none other than the bodyguard who had just been trying to kill us.
Lucci plucks the skull from my hands, is about the crush it, and Zoro charges and jams his elbow into the man's stomach, making him drop the skull, right into my hands.
Zoro turns to us, narrow eyed, and growls in a voice that suggests he's gonna kill us, "Take that and run."
Within the second, we're gone. He didn't need to say it twice. I look at Nami, still holding the skull, ask her for answers. She shrugs, helplessly.
"I don't know what's going on, Us—"
She isn't able to finish her sentence, though, as a roar of pain that comes from the demon's mouth reaches our ears, and Monkey D. Luffy runs up to us.
"Did you see Zoro?" He pants, looking as if he's just run a marathon.
Nami points in Zoro's direction, and Luffy nods. "Okay. I think there's two people fighting him instead of just Lucci now." He points at the skull. "Take care of him." Then, he's gone, his face more grim than I've ever seen it.
Taking a deep breath, I voice what's running through both of our heads. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Those were all of our suspects," Nami says suddenly, and I realize that it's true. Roronoa Zoro, Sanji, Franky, Nico Robin, Dr. Chopper, Monkey D. Luffy...
So who did it? Who killed Brooke? And why the hell am I still carrying this skull?
Then, there it is. A door, with sunlight streaming through. We can leave now, leave and forget that this has ever happened, and label the death of the musician as an incomplete. A mystery. One that will never be solved.
"Nami." I point to the door, and she nods, agreeing with me. For once. Then, as we're walking towards it, a man appears, a mask on his face and manic eyes boring into us.
"Spandam," Nami says, wonderingly. The master of this place.
He grins a demonic grin and cackles with laughter. "You've found him!" The guy crows, and steps towards us.
We've got two choices, and we know it. We can either run out the door, and stay here and face Spandam, figure out what's happening once and for all, like a Great Detective should. But I don't know which I should do. After all, if I abandon this case, it's just an unsolved case, right? Nobody will die.
But somethin', somethin' is telling me that I have to stay and fight, even if my knees knocking together are creating a rythm. "Spandam!" I yell, and point at them.
...Okay. Okay, now what? And this, this is the final battle of the Great Captain Usopp, and Spandam hits and hollers and I throw things, and Nami hits him with a stick she's found, and by the end of it, we're not strong enough, not really. We should have realized that from the beginning. Spandam's not as strong as Lucci, maybe, but he's still plenty strong, and standing over Nami and I, and I don't know what to do. My nose is bleeding and I think I broke my ankle. And my wrist. And my heart. My heart is beatin' so hard I'm pretty sure it'll go into overdrive and I'll have a heart attack, and this will be the end of the Great Captain Usopp!
Nami isn't looking too good either.
...We're doomed.