Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, but I certainly wish I did, just like all those other fangirls out there...

Chapter 4: Carrie

When Jeremy Sayer was just five years old, his sister Carrie was born, and he began to question how much his mommy really loved him.

"Come along now, Jeremy," his grandmother said, tugging his hand as they walked along the hallways in the Saint Jude Hospital.

They were going to go visit his parents and his new sister, Carrie, in the hospital, and he couldn't wait.

Jeremy was so excited to see his parents and Carrie. He raced ahead of his grandmother just a tad and before walking into the room, he heard something that bewildered him a bit…

"A daughter, Carter…" Mrs. Sayer tenderly said holding Carrie Rachel Sayer.

"I've always wanted a daughter…Girls are just so much more sweet and delicate aren't they?"

Mr. Sayer cocked an eyebrow. "I'm going to get some coffee. It's been a long day…night…whatever. I'll bring you something."

Jeremy trotted in the room, unsure of what he just heard. "Where's Carrie? I want to see her!"

He plastered a fake smile to his face to hide his discomfort. Yeah. Two can play at that game, mommy.

"Jeremy! Come here and meet Carrie, your sister! Isn't she just so…precious?" his mommy cooed.

Strange. Jeremy had never really seen his mommy in such a great mood. And she was smiling for real, too. Rushing over, he took a look at Carrie. She was…small…and wrinkly. Carrie didn't really look precious to him right now. She looked a bit weird, honestly. Did he look like that when he was just born like her?

"May I hold her?" Jeremy asked.

Mrs. Sayer paused and looked at Carrie. "Be very careful, Jeremy. She is very, very delicate. Try not and drop her…"

She placed Carrie into his arms. Jeremy sucked in his breath, as this small bundle, his sister, was actually breathing in his arms. Life can be very miraculous.

He held her for a long moment, his eyes traveling up and down her tiny body.

Then, his grandmother finally came into the hospital room and smiled wonderfully as she looked at Carrie.

"Oh, look at them, Kendra! Brother and sister….So sweet… May I hold her now, Jeremy?"

He nodded and felt a tiny bit of weight taken from his arms.

"She's such a sweetie isn't she, mother? My pride and joy as of now."

Jeremy froze. Wait. What about him? Wasn't he good enough to be called "pride" and "joy" by his mommy?

Besides. He came first. But, why? Why, why, why? He could not understand.

His grandmother and his mommy chatted about…Carrie for what seemed the longest hour ever. But, he filtered it out their conversation as his mommy's words played over and over and over in his mind…

My pride and joy…My pride and joy…pride and joy…pride…joy…

It hurt him deeply. Why wasn't he her "pride and joy?" Maybe if he drew her more pictures, she would call him that too? His rambling thoughts were interrupted by a quick dismissal from his mommy.

"Go home now with your grandmother, Jeremy. I'm tired," his mommy didn't even look at him as she said this, as she was much too occupied with Carrie in her arms.

She closed her eyes with a real smile upon her face and made a shooing motion with her free arm. So, Jeremy went home with his grandmother and waited and waited for his parents and Carrie to come home.

Currently, his grandmother had told him to sit with her as she watched one of her soap operas. He couldn't really understand why she liked them so much even though she thought it was very…suggestive.

"…Oh my goodness…Jeremy, dear, promise me you will never, ever do things like that in your life. People like that have absolutely no respect for themselves…absolutely no respec—Wow, Gretchen! You can do so much better than him, young lady…"

Yawning, Jeremy leaned over the couch, propped his head onto his arms, and stared into nowhere.

He had a …sister now? What does it mean to be a brother?

Why does she get to be "expected?" Why did he have to be a "surprise?"

What Jeremy wanted was to have his mommy smile a real smile at him and let him curl up next to her again. Just like before. Now, he could not possibly understand why she acted so different. What did he do? What exactly did he do to scare her away?

Standing up, he stretched and got out his crayons and paper. His grandmother didn't even notice, as she was too busy yelling at the TV.

Oooh! He could draw his family. He took out green and started to move his crayon up and down the page. Slowly, a grassy field began to form.

Then, he started drawing himself, his parents, his grandparents, and…Carrie…

Brown for our hair, blue for our eyes…he thought as he colored and drew.

Soon, a beautiful picture (as beautiful as a five-year-old can possibly draw) began to take place, and Jeremy was proud of what he drew.

His family stood together in a grassy field under the blue, blue sky holding hands. He made Carrie small because...she…was really, really small… She reminded him of an ant, though. Okay. Maybe it was a bit too small.

A day later, his parents came home with Carrie. His daddy immediately collapsed on their couch and snoozed away. But, his mommy held Carrie tight to her chest and sat down next to daddy.

He was excited as he presented is drawing. "I drew this for you, mommy!"

She frowned and looked at it. "Why is Carrie so small, Jeremy?"

Jeremy shrugged. She is tiny, mommy. "Do you like it?"

After a pause, she smiled plastically. "…Of course…"

"Am I your pride and joy now, mommy?"

Mrs. Sayer chuckled awkwardly and told him to play outside. And he did, because at five years old, you don't question your elders. And you're naïve at five, willing to believe everything. And you're so young and innocent…

Gosh, all his mother did now was take care of Carrie. He understood she was just a baby, and babies apparently need lots of attention, but now he had nobody to talk to or show his crayon drawings to.

So, he found other ways to entertain himself. Sometimes, he would find trails and trails of ants crawling all over the trees or the cement. Then, he would get water and pour it all over them. He learned quickly that hoses, although quite effective, were less entertaining because it quickly got rid of all the ants, and after just a burst of water, nearly all the ants he sprayed at were all gone.

No, he learned that sprinkling a handful of water or two on the ants would ensure that they would not escape that quickly. Now, he could watch them squirm around in the water, trying to somehow crawl out before drowning.

Some ants, strong ants, managed to crawl out of the puddle he created. Some ants didn't. And most of the time, the ants lay there in the water, twitching, squirming, until at last, they stopped moving.

He recently learned that when the ants stopped moving forever, that they were…dead. Jeremy didn't really understand what death was just yet, but his daddy briefly explained that it was like sleeping, except forever. And, people come to bury your body and cry over you.

He thought it was really weird. Weren't humans supposed to be one of the most dominantly magnificent beings on earth? Why did they have to one-day stop moving and twitching like the ants? Why did they have to…die?

Sighing, Jeremy stopped messing with the ants and gazed inside the window. He pressed his face and the palms of his hand to the window. There, he saw his mommy gently rocking Carrie as she drowsily drooped her tiny eyelids.

And sure enough, his mommy was wearing a real smile. He wanted to be rocked like that…even if he was such a big boy now at five years old. He wanted to be held in his mommy's arms. He wanted his mommy to love him just like he loved her.

But, it seemed, for now, the person that his mommy gave the most attention and love to, was Carrie. Not him.