Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Disciple.

If you are reading this story, I assume that you read through the summary. The summary clearly states that Edward and Bella's hearts is filled with bitterness and anger and, I speak from experience, if you have these feelings locked inside your heart, being civil is the last thing on your mind especially to the person that caused you to feel this way. Living with bitterness and hatred is pure hell; there are no other words for it!

Anyways off to much happier thoughts like the reviews I received…thank you, thank you. KGUNTER34, VAMPIREGURL, VIVIANx3, NATSAR, SANDRABR AND BRANIK. Thank you so much for taking the time to review.

I dedicate this chapter to SandraBR!

Review and tell me what you think!

Chapter 3 – Can't breahte

Hayley's POV

"Uncle Em, do you believe in happily ever after's?" I asked Emmett. I really like his dimples and the way his eyes show love and warmness. Just like my mommy's eyes but only when she looks at me. I don't see it in a lot of grown-ups' eyes, but I see it in Emmett and my mommy's eyes. Emmett doubled over in laughter before he gently pinched my nose.

"They are usually just in fairy tales sweet Hayley but yeah, you can say that I believe in them, why?" he asked. I can see the confusion in his eyes, I know I'm only six years old, but I've been through some sick stuff and had to witness brutal, sick stuff. I'm different from the other kids my age.

"No reason," I lied. How can I tell him my mommy's story without her being placed on the spot? I've noticed how she tense up around these people and she can try and hide her feelings from me, but I know her so well. I wish I could take her pain away, I wish she never met my father…I wish she could just find happiness and be free. Emmett gently bumped my shoulder and a giggled escaped my mouth.

"Don't lie to me, besides you're too young to start telling lies. Spit it out princess." He grinned and I laughed. It's so easy to be normal around Emmett and forget about everything.

"It's just…I want my mommy to be happy. I hate seeing her sad all the time," I whispered and felt tears sting my eyes. Emmett picked me up and cradled me on his lap.

"Hayley, you are way too young to carry this burden on your shoulders. You are supposed to be running around and play in the sand or play with your dolls, or whatever it is you six-year-old girls do these days." He whispered into my ear.

"I hate having fun while my mom fights just to be able to smile." I said with a shaky breath. I remember how everybody used to make fun of me back in Forks, because I was so mature. I never played with the other kids and used to constantly worry about my mommy who was home alone. I constantly feared that he would go home during the day and do something horrible to her. Every day when he would drop me off at home after school and I walked through the door and saw my mommy, relief would flood my heart.

"Hayley what happened to your mommy?" he asked the question I feared the most. Raw sobs escaped my throat when I thought back to a week ago.

"He came home after work and he was angry at something mommy did, usually she would tell me to go to my room, but this time she was too late. He grabbed a fist full of her hair and threw her across the room. I remember seeing her body fly through the air. My body shook out of fear and I started crying because I hated it when he hurt her like that. I begged him to stop but he just yelled at me to keep my mouth shut. He kept kicking her and that sound haunts me even now." I whispered and sighed. "Mommy never made a sound and it angered him more…he went to the kitchen and when he came back he had a big knife in his hand. I screamed at him but he just laughed. He grabbed mommy's wrists and started cutting through her skin; her agonizing screams sent shivers down my spine and I tried to cover my ears with my hands to block it out. There was so much blood uncle Em…so much blood. Her body fell to the ground and her eyes were closed and I thought she was dead. I remember him turning to her and saying something about her not being there to please him anymore and she should guess who he's going to turn to. She didn't say anything, she just laid there, so lifeless. When he left I searched for my mommy's phone and just pressed the green button, that's when Jazzy answered the phone." I said the last part with a smile. Emmett's face was wet from the tears and I quickly cupped his face with my tiny hands.

"You are such a brave little girl, do you know that?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I couldn't save her, she laid there soaked in her blood and I couldn't do anything-"

"Hayley stop this, you did save her. Don't you see that? You phoned Jazzy and he came to help." He whispered. I didn't see it like that.

"I never thought about it like that. I kept thinking that I should have gotten in his way, or I should have jumped on him and tried to hurt him."

"And if something would have happened to you, you and your mommy wouldn't be here today. You saved your mommy's life." He whispered with a smile. "I'm sorry that you had to witness that sweet girl. It breaks my big heart to know what you went through. You are just a little girl and didn't deserve to see that happen to your mommy." He wrapped me in his big, strong arms and I sighed in relief.

"I'm okay now, I think. My mommy is safe now and that's the best thing that could ever happen to me. She deserves to be happy." I sighed. "I'm glad I told you though, it's such a relief to have shared that with someone. My heart feels different now."

"I'm going to make sure you get some quality girl-time. You're going to start acting like a real six-year-old." He said indefinite.

"I can't go back to being that little girl anymore; I've been through too much, but I'm willing to start having real fun as from today." I grinned and Emmett smiled.

"How did you get to be so smart? Um…never mind." He said awkwardly and I doubled over in laughter.

"Hey Hayley, how come you get to call Jasper, Jazzy and I have to be the uncle?" he asked with a furrowed brow and I giggled.

"Jazzy freaked out when I called him uncle Jazzy; I'll call you Em or Emmie if you'd like." I said and he nodded.

"I'd like that very much thank you, no more uncle." He said and crossed his arms.

We were on our way back to the house. We spent the whole day in the bushveld, as Emmett calls it, and we had a picnic and everything. I had so much fun with him today and I do feel so much better after telling him about the last time my dad hurt my mommy.

Bella's POV

I heard Emmett's Jeep approach the house and my heart started beating out of control. I felt anxious today while Hayley was away from me. I met them halfway and although I couldn't hug my daughter properly, I did try and regretted it immediately. It felt like my flesh was being torn apart where my ribs were situated.

"Hey baby girl," I whispered out of breath. She looked concerned and I felt guilty once again. She's been through so much already; the least I could do is to pretend that I'm fine. It just hurts so much, even the slightest movement places pressure on my ribs and it makes breathing almost impossible.

"Are you okay mommy?" she asked with tears in her eyes. I ran my fingers through her dark curls.

"Fine baby, please don't cry." I begged her with tear-filled eyes, but I looked away so she wouldn't see them. Emmett saw though and he looked back at me with sympathy.

"Hayley, why don't you go to Rosie, I'm sure she would like to know about your day." Emmett suggested to Hayley and she smiled while nodding her head. My eyes followed my daughter as she ran back to the house. Emmett gently took me by my arm and led me to the swimming-pool.

"I know what happened to you Bella." He sighed and I felt my eyes widen in surprise. "Hayley told me," he explained before I could ask him.

"I…I…I don't know what to say." I whispered in shock. My daughter told a man we only met, about my history. I'm a little freaked about this.

"Do you even realize what she's going through?" he asked and guilt filled my heart again. "I mean really Bella; really realize what your six-year-old daughter is going through."

"Don't you think I know, do you really think I don't see what she's going through? I just don't know how to help her because I'm so screwed up myself." I sobbed.

"What kind of man did you marry?" he asked in astonishment and a humorless laugh escaped my throat.

"The monster-kind."

"He nearly killed you?" he asked and I sighed.

"Yes, he nearly killed me." I whispered as I lifted my arms and stared at my bandaged wrists.

"Where else are you hurt?" he asked in concern.

"He cracked a few ribs while kicking the shit out of me," I said as I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

"This is probably a stupid question, but why did you marry him?" he asked.

"I was pregnant but…please Emmett, just let it go." I begged him but he shook his head.

"No, I can't. You're daughter lost her childhood because of this and I know it's not your fault but I'm sure as hell not going to drop it. Hayley is in so much pain over this. Do you know what her biggest wish is?" he asked me and I shook my head. My heart felt heavy with all the uninvited pain and guilt that crawled in.

"She wishes that you would be completely happy and completely free from all this pain." He said and my knees couldn't hold me up any longer. Emmett caught me before I could fall but it didn't stop the heart wrenching screams that escaped my mouth.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't go on…" I sobbed. My ribs screamed for me to stop crying and to release some of the pressure but I couldn't contain the raw sobs that escaped my mouth.

"Yes you can, and you will. You've got a beautiful daughter that needs you now more than anything. You'll go on for her Bella," he said with determination.

"I'm so scared of hurting her more than she already is. What have I done?" I screamed out. He gently stroked my hair while holding me in his arms.

"We are here to help you." He whispered.

"Thanks Emmett. Thank you for spending time with Hayley," I sighed. I wanted to go back into the house and spend some time with my daughter.

"Spending time with her is a bonus for me Bella, she's a sweet girl," he said with a smile, "Let's get inside and eat." He said and I laughed. We walked back to the house and found Hayley and Rosalie in the kitchen. Edward hasn't spoken to me since my breakdown this morning. I feel bad for the way I've been acting, but he still gets to me and I'm trying to protect my heart.

"Do you mind if we talked for a while baby girl?" I asked Hayley and she smiled at me.

"Sure mommy, let's go talk," she said while placing her hand in mine. We walked into the first room we laid eyes on and I gasped. It was a room full of music instruments and I wondered to whom they belonged. Hayley smiled when she saw my face, she knew how much I loved music. She loves my songs and when I sing them to her. We took a seat on the black sofa in the farthest corner of the room.

"Sweetie I want to tell you tonight that I am beyond happy. I'm happy that I have you in my life, I'm happy that I'm alive and that you saved my life. I'm happy that we're here, starting a new life. I want you to stop worry about me so much and start to live again Hayley." I said.

"I was so scared that I was going to lose you. When you were lying in your blood I thought you were dead. I don't want to lose you, ever." She whispered. I don't know why I didn't see this before. I should have talked to her about what happened right after I gained consciousness but as always I ignored it. I thought by ignoring it she would forget about it or not think about it. How stupid of me? I gently wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head.

"You're never going to lose me, baby. We're safe now," I promised her but I felt my stomach turn. What if he finds me? He'll kill me for sure this time. I felt the hair in my neck raise at the thought of Mike touching me again. How did I live like that for six years? I never should have married him; I never should have used him as a rebound and let him talk me into marrying him. I should have faced my feelings for Edward and stitched my own broken heart together. At least I would have known how to deal with pain in a healthy way. For six years I needed to feel physical pain to forget about the pain in my heart and I realize now that it's so sick and so unhealthy but…I needed it. It takes all the strength I have left in my heart to not grab a razor blade and cut myself to release my heart from the pain that's been locked in there. It takes one look at my daughter's beautiful face to tell me that that is just sick and that I don't need that. I'll get through this, I'm strong enough.

"I'm happy we're here too. I don't want to see him ever again." She whispered in guilt. My heart started bleeding for my daughter.

"Baby, don't feel guilty about that, I don't blame you at all. I don't want to ever see him again either." I said. I have to learn to face this pain that Edward caused inside my heart without Mike!

"I love you mommy." Her sweet voice whispered and tears stung my eyes. I slowly lowered my head and kissed her on her head.

"Love you too baby, more than my life,"

Edward's POV

The light of the music room made me walk that way. No one goes in there anymore and I almost knew that it was Bella in there.

"Love you too baby, more than my life" I heard her soft voice say to Hayley. Hearing those words makes me jealous because I wished it could have been me she said those words too. My daydreaming is getting ridiculous.

"You should write your songs in here mommy," I heard Hayley say and I frowned. Why would Bella call herself a failure when her daughter clearly thinks otherwise? I felt suffocated when I suddenly remembered how my own daughter used to run into my music room and begged me to play the piano for her. I felt my legs dragging my body outside and I gasped when I felt the cold air on my face. I bent over, resting my hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths. It felt as if my lungs were being punctured and all the air escaped. I had a hard time to breathe back there thinking about her.

Hayley being here brings back really painful memories which I don't want to think about now. I was doing fine before they came along and now in two days; both of them turned my world upside down. I prefer the anger and hatred over this excruciating pain. It's killing me to go through this shit. Grunting noises formed in my throat and before I knew what was happening; my face was flooded with tears. It's been so long since I cried this much and it's irritating the crap out of me. I have learned to suppress my tears and to keep the pain and brokenness locked up, but since Bella made her appearance again, I'm just lost. Feelings that I've thought were long gone, suddenly emerged as if they never left my heart and I feel so confused right now. Even after all this time I still love her, I've never stopped loving her but she broke my heart and how am I supposed to live with that? How do I forgive her after six years of bitterness that I've been carrying in my heart? This is what I'm familiar with; the anger and hatred, I've lived with it for so long now that I don't know how to live without it. It's a part of my life now and Bella is not.

I swallowed hard when I heard footsteps approaching me and I sighed. I'm in no state to talk to anyone now.

"Ed, are you okay?" I heard my brother ask me. My face was stained with tears and I felt like a mess and he asks if I'm okay?

"Why the hell did I have to cross paths with her again?" I asked more to myself then to Emmett. He bumped me with his shoulder and I grinned. Yup, leave it to Emmett to take your mind of things, even if it was for only a few seconds.

"Are you talking about Bella?" he asked and I sighed. He can be so dumb sometimes.

"Yes Emmett, I'm talking about Bella, or have you seen any other woman that came to live on the reserve?" I asked sarcastically and instead of Emmett getting pissed he roared in laughter. "You need some serious help Emmett," I huffed.

"No bro, I'm fine. I'm worried about you though-"

"Don't be, I'm fine." I said but Emmett wasn't going to let this go. I could tell by the way he crossed his arms and took a stand right in front of me.

"No you're not, you're falling apart Ed. I miss them too and you're not handling this in a healthy way." He whispered and I felt my heart ache.

"Please don't Em, I can't handle this right now." I begged him.

"Then when, it's been six months and you haven't talked about them once." He pushed and my breathing became heavier.

"Because it hurts to talk about them, it literally fucking kills me to talk about them. I miss their laughter when they used to run through the house, I miss how they used to beg me to play songs for them, I miss how their tiny hands used to cup my face and they would give me wet kisses all over my face or when they used to hug me. How do I deal with it Emmett? How do I forget?" I screamed out and for the first time since that horrible night six months ago, I clung to my brother and cried my heart out. He comforted me like no one has ever done before and when I pulled away from him I saw the wetness of his own tears on his cheeks.

"You don't forget Ed, you'll never forget them bro…you just have to learn to live without them. You have to accept the fact that their gone and that life goes on, whether you like it or not. You learn how to cope with the fact that they died and you learn to take one day at a time. If you do this in a healthy way Ed, you'll find the road to healing and acceptance is so much better than the road of bitterness and asking 'why'?" he said and I knew this was true, I mean it sounded so right but to actually do, that would be terrifying. I mean just the thought of accepting their deaths and to live without them freaks me out. I know I've been doing it for six months but that's because I've been ignoring them. I haven't faced anything, tonight was the first time that I've actually opened up.

"You just had to push me…" I said with a smile and I must admit that I did feel better but the pain was still there.

"I just…I miss them too you know? They've been in my thoughts constantly, ever since I picked Bella and Hayley up at the airport yesterday. Hayley reminds me of Jade so much." He whispered and I closed my eyes when he said my daughter's name. Hearing her name caused an enormous amount of pain in my chest. I feel so emotionally drained, I haven't cried, really cried like this since their funeral. I thought I was going to die that day.

"I appreciate you doing this Em, thank you. That felt really good." I whispered.

"No problem. Um Ed…can I ask you something?" he asked hesitantly and I nodded my head slowly not knowing if I wanted to hear the question. It's coming from Emmett for crying out loud, I thought to myself with a grin on my face.

"What happened between you and Bella?" he asked and I felt the blood drain from my face. I didn't expect him to ask that question, I thought it would be about my children.

"That's really difficult to talk about Em, I haven't talked about it in six years and if it weren't for my children; I wouldn't be sane right now." I explained.

"I understand, I just…I guess I'm just surprised that you never told anybody that you had a girlfriend before Tanya." He said and I flinched hearing her name. She made my life a living hell and I wish that she was alone in that car when it crashed. Since she hasn't inflicted enough pain in my life, she took my babies with her.

"We were both eighteen years old and I fell in love with her the same day I met her. She's the only woman who ever made my heart beat faster and I'll die feeling this way. We were together for four months and I was supposed to leave for college, you know that. Tanya came by the house that night to tell me that she saw Bella with another man. Of course I didn't believe her, I knew Tanya wanted me and I knew she would say anything to jeopardize my relationship with Bella. So I got into my car and drove to her house where I saw her through her bedroom window with another man. He was holding her and Bella's arms were wrapped around him tightly. I went back home to calm down so I could talk to Bella when I was calm. But unfortunately Tanya was still there and she comforted me. I was so hurt by what I saw at Bella's house and when Tanya kissed me I kissed her back, but only for a few seconds and then I pushed her away. I wanted to work things out with Bella and I wanted Bella not Tanya. And that's it, I never saw Bella again." I said and heard my own voice tremble. What a night? Emmett got me to talk about my children and about Bella. I've never told my family this because I didn't think it was important. Although my heart was broken into a million pieces, I kept it to myself, well partly because Jasper knows the story as well. I kept it locked up inside my heart where even I had a difficult time to find it.

"Where did Bella go?" Emmett asked.

"How should I know Em? She left me; I assumed that she left with that man that held her so tightly that night. I tried to find her but it was as if she disappeared from the face of the earth." I answered him in irritation. If I really knew where she was I wouldn't have made such a mess of everything. Well not everything was a mess; my children were my life, my sunshine, the very air that I breathed. And now they're gone, forever. They're never coming back; I'll never get to run my fingers through their bronze curls again or kiss them on their heads, or read them a bedtime story…or sing to them.

"Bella had a rough life, rough is an understatement, she had a fucked up life." He whispered and I felt my heart ache at the thought of her being hurt, but quickly shook the feelings off of me. She chose that life; she left me and chose another life with someone else.

"It's not my fault Emmett." I whispered and I heard the exhaustion in my own voice.

"I'm not saying it's your fault, but you should hear-"

"No, I don't want to hear, we're through and I don't want to hear what she's been through. Don't you think I've got enough to deal with right now." I asked and he nodded his head and I saw the guilt in his eyes. I punched him playfully and grinned.

"I'm going to bed, I'm bushed." I said.

"Yeah, me too." He said. "Ed, spend some time with Hayley please," he pleaded and I heard myself sigh. Will he ever stop?

"Okay, but I won't promise that anything good will come out of that relationship." I said and walked away before he could say more. I love my brother to death, but he annoys the crap out of me sometimes with all his questions and…his preaching. I'm thankful that he's been in a questionnaire mood and not in a preaching mood. Once Emmett gets on that pulpit, he doesn't get down easily, but I still love him though.

I crawled into bed and thought about my children. Jade was five years old and was the spitting image of me; she was my little sun; where Bella left my heart cold and lifeless, Jade filled my heart with warmth and love. She was born the 8th of January, nine months after Bella left and she would have turned six…three years later on August 13th, I became the proud father of a son, MJ, who was the spitting image of Tanya only he had my bronze colored hair. I never saw Tanya in him though; both of my children didn't have Tanya's…um…qualities. Their hearts were filled with love, affection, gentleness and kindness. Tanya's bad qualities never entered their hearts or their lives, I made sure of that.

Sometimes I wish that I was in that car with them that day after Christmas, six months ago; living without them is pure hell. The emptiness of my house in Seattle was too much to handle, that's why I moved here. I saw them everywhere and it nearly drove me over the edge. If it wasn't for Rosalie and Emmett, I would have lost my sanity. I never thought that I would endure so much pain in only six years. I have my whole life in front of me, but I lose so much in only six short years. Life sucks!

I suddenly felt the urge to write down some lyrics, not that I'm ready to compose again or even sing again but I have some words that I wanted to get off my chest. I took my book and pen out of my bedside drawer and started scribbling words down. "I know the pain of being alone, and I have to confess this to you…that I can't move and I can't breathe, I can't love and I can't speak…I can't trust and I can't run…I can't wake and I can't sleep…I can't live my life without you…I can't feel and I can't know, I can't think and I can't show…I can't give and I can't touch, I can't sink or rise above…I can't live my life without you"

The songs name is 'Can't breathe' by Disciple. Listen to it if you can.

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