dreamscape: annie spills into other / continents legs / melting underneath her eyes / fluttering shut like / so many flies. around her she can hear the buzz of / care, prim everdeen calling for help maybe, johanna's "what the fuck?" maybe, someone's arms lifting her up and annie hopes it isn't finnick, wishes / he wouldn't have to carry her again, he is always / carrying her places.

where does she go? goes to mags, who's scolding saying annie, you can't / let him baby you you have to / be strong goes to katniss everdeen, every / radiant burst of her arrow like power, the power of a woman in love, women's love as power, when she heard it was a ruse she / wanted to die, everything is making her / wanting to die, has anyone ever felt this intensity of emotion before? has anyone ever felt like this before?

goes to: johanna, hacking away, johanna who went back into the games, who didn't need to be volunteered for like a / baby johanna who'd had and flushed away her own / baby johanna who no one treated like a / baby johanna johanna, lethal johanna, johanna and katniss the woman in love.

katniss and / peeta, peeta like passivity, peeta like annie, peeta "strong in his special way." / (what she was always getting) / when they were in cages johanna grit her teeth but peeta wept like / annie, peeta and annie consoled each other with / stories, peeta and annie from the other side of the equation, the prim side, where people go when they need to be protected. peeta with his games-torn / leg, annie with her games-torn / mind, sometimes annie thinks all johanna needs is someone to be her jabberjay, someone she needs to be protect.

annie wants to ask, but who will i protect?

finnick. annie will take care of / finnick finnick / scraping off his skin in the bathroom finnick who / tried to make love to her like an expert, all showy, all see how many times i can make you cum? and annie'd said i like it best when you're awkward, said / i like it best when you fumble, and you scratch me, and you slobber, and you can't find my clit, i prefer you as a / novice, wish you didn't have this / expertise you never asked for. finnick who cooked for her. finnick who plotted his nightmares on a calendar, trying to figure out the cycle like a period, realized which / clients made his mood get south. finnick who tried to give her a necklace from a capitol woman, how they'd both cried. i wanted to find you something pretty, he'd said. annie knew better than i have you. annie knew they all called him pretty. she hated the word.

remembered when she was a / tribute, remembered saying "wish i had your pretty face" in one desperate attempt at / gallows humor (all games humor is gallows humor) and mags had said call him anything but pretty please mags mags

mags who finnick had let / die for this revolution so they could be here, feeling awful & melted on the floor, mags who had not / coddled her, mags who had said annie get dressed, annie comb your hair, annie let's get moving until there was finnick to care for her, to brush her hair for her, said he loved it, made him feel calm.

but who will make me feel calm?

mags who found calmness in herself mags who / took care of herself mags who / loved herself mags who / protected annie from certain death or alternatively having to watch finnick die to protect her. awful, awful, awful. / mags like a savior like johanna, like katniss, when annie could only ever muster the energy to be saved.

"Annie? Love, can you hear me?"

but who will i rescue?

"Annie? Annie, can you hear me?"

but who will i take care of-

Snap. The eyes open. The head? Taut. Arms – oh, the hands are clasped together. Like holding one's own hand. Lovely. "Finn?"

He's holding her on the floor. They're surrounded – Prim, head doctors, physicians, even Johanna, her IV on wheels. Sharp blush rises to the cheeks – everyone is looking at me. "You scared me," he murmurs. (He's always murmuring.)

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Finnick kisses her forehead. "It was a mistake, heading out of your room. Let's get you some rest."

He carries her back to her designated room without saying goodbye to Johanna. Annie feels awful.

Finnick with Johanna is like someone else entirely – teasing, crude, lascivious, sarcastic, snarky. Nothing like the tender, cautious, warm Finnick she knows. Sometimes she enjoys seeing that side of him – so bold and vivacious. Sometimes she wishes he were that way with her, making filthy jokes and seeing if she'll squirm.

"I wanna walk," Annie says about halfway through.

"I don't want you to strain yourself. You've had a long day already."

"I wanna walk, Finn."

He puts her down but supports her heavily. They shuffle forward.

"Why'd you run out of the room, sweetheart?" he whispers into her ear. (He's always whispering into her ear.) "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"We don't keep secrets, Annie," he reminds her, stroking her hair with a free hand. They manage their way into the room, and Annie collapses onto the bed.

"Nothing's wrong. Johanna was being Johanna. I just. I couldn't."

"You couldn't…?"

"Please, please stop asking me if something is wrong when nothing is wrong! Please!" Annie pulls her knees up to her chest, code for don't touch me.

Finnick sits beside her carefully. "Okay. Okay."

They're quiet for a long time, and gradually Annie unfurls, resting her head in his lap. He pets her like she's a kitten or beloved. "Finn?"

"Mm?"

"Will you let me care for you right now?"

There's a long silence. "Of course, love," he says slowly. "Whatever you want."

So Annie stands up carefully. "Lie back," she orders, and he does. "Let me tuck you in," she demands, and he does – she does it so delicately, carefully patting down every edge of the hospital bed. "Let me stroke your hair," she insists, pulling up a chair beside the patient's bed, and so he does. "It'll be okay, sweetheart," she murmurs like him, touching his cheek and his hair and his lips. "You'll be okay, Annie. Shh. Shh. You'll be okay."