A/N: It has been far too long and I do apologize for that! I've been pretty busy, first of all, plus I've lacked some creative energy, which is unfortunate. But I think the big thing was not being confident enough to post anything since I've been reading a lot of fanfic recently and I haven't been too impressed with my own (the first part of this reality is literally terrible I'm sorry if you read that oh gosh). Anyway, I'm back nevertheless mostly because I do enjoy writing these even when they don't come as perfectly as I would hope. Plus, I hear we're expecting ANOTHER hiatus, so I really needed to post something.

The reviews for this were really great and I'm just really glad that somebody's reading this series! Anyway, to Eternally Romantic, Aniable, toffeema, Emmafan, and Forever Day: you're all fantastic and thanks a lot, I'm so happy you enjoyed it! To MoonlightGardenias, I hope the series last long enough for that too, if I only get a kiss and that's it I may weep. To Moonprincess92, not at all rambling and I really appreciate that you wanted to say so much. It was definitely nice writing something opposite those dates, and I'm glad you could relate to what I wrote, that's really cool! To Stars May Fall, it's somewhat difficult to write their relationship the way I want to because I want to flush it out a lot from what we see on the show. So it's nice that it shows and I hope none of the 'I love you's seem out of place (and no I'm not saying that because of what I wrote for this chapter. Not. At. All.) To Juliet, I'm really flattered that you'd say that (though I'm not too impressed with the show lately either)! Also, I may have written a HUGE chapter for "So quiet, but so loud" and it may be my favourite one yet, so thank you for the inspiration! Otherwise, I'll just try to keep them coming.

This fic takes place immediately following episode 20 (yes, I went all the way back into the darkness of the James Elton story line for this one).

"(8) Life Doesn't Work Like That" continued

But then he realizes that he really doesn't want to know, and just decides to trust that this is how things would return to normal. So he took her comment for whatever it was, shrugged and replied, "You didn't miss much."

Before she can overthink what she's doing, Emma is turning the knob of Alex's office door and slipping inside. Alex looks up at the sound and she grins back at him as she takes a seat in the chair next to his.

"And here I thought we were done talking for the day," Alex mutters, saving the document open on his desktop and turning to face his business partner. He briefly checks and notices that the camera doesn't seem to be on, which he takes as a plus as far as whatever this conversation is going to be about.

Emma's smile falters a bit, "I thought we called a truce?"

"In spite of the fact that neither of us has changed our mind at all?"

She sighs, "Alex, when have we ever seen eye to eye about anything? The point is, I have exciting news so can I please have a conversation with my best friend and not my business partner, just this once?"

Alex looks back at her, confused. "As your friend, I'm still frustrated with the choices you're making."

Emma stares at him, practically shocked. Then she looks him up and down and blinks before saying, "You're mad at me."

"We literally just had this conversation. I am not mad at you, Emma."

"Yes, you are," she points her finger at him. "I can understand my being mistaken before, but now you're actually mad at me and I haven't done anything!"

Alex sighs so she continues talking. "Look I know you mean well when it comes to Harriet but –"

"This isn't about Harriet, Emma!" he meets her eye then, and in spite of the intensity of the look, Emma carries on.

"I know, I know, it's the principle of the thing and me involving myself in the lives of my friends, etc. But Alex –"

"Emma, honestly, I'm not upset with you about Harriet." He turns back to look at his computer and runs a hand through his hair.

Emma doesn't look at him when she says, "But you are mad at me."

Alex sighs and she watches him raise his face to the ceiling as if wishing for the right words to fall on his head just then. Eventually, he says, "I know you think I don't know anything about relationships."

He turns to look at her as if expecting her to contradict him. Emma tries her hardest to look like she isn't biting her tongue.

"But I know enough to give my opinion on what I think might be best for our friend, Harriet."

"Right, because you've had such great experience with relationships in the past," Emma mutters, because she doesn't understand why he can't simply let this go.

Alex shakes his head and moves back to look at his computer. "See, there it is."

"There what is?" she complains, lifting her hands in exasperation. Alex finally turns to face her head on before responding.

"You, talking about my relationships like they weren't important. You, mentioning my girlfriend from business school like she meant nothing," Emma audibly tsked at that. "Despite whatever version of reality you've concocted, Emma, I have been in relationships before and they have mattered to me."

She narrows her eyes at him in confusion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because those women were important to me. They all played a role in making me who I am just as much as anyone else in my life has."

Emma rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "I highly doubt the majority of them deserve that much credit."

Alex blinks and stares at her in disbelief. He doesn't seem to be sure what to say next so he just sits there waiting for her to continue. She doesn't.

"Well, where did that come from?" he says, finally.

Emma visibly shifts around in her chair, uncomfortable. "I really don't know what you're talking about, now can I tell you what I came in here to talk about or – "

"Well, no," he interrupts her, turning his chair to face hers. "Now I'm curious. What exactly is the problem you have with my past girlfriends, Emma?"

She purses her lips and pulls up her phone from beside her, "This seriously has nothing to do with anything, Alex Knightley."

He watches her taping uselessly at her phone for a few seconds before he slips it out of her hands.

"Hey!" she cries, indignantly. Alex shrugs in response and gestures with his hand to suggest she continue talking.

"Do you not realize how ridiculously childish this is?" At this point, Emma is even refusing to look at him.

"Yes, well we can put all this childishness to bed once you've answered my question," Alex replies, slipping her phone just out of her reach.

"I don't even remember the – "

"My past girlfriends. What exactly did you mean when you said I shouldn't give them that much credit?"

"Oh that," Emma pulls at the fabric of her pants, seemingly far more invested in that than the conversation.

"Well, I wasn't referring to all of them," she meets his eye, as if wondering if that is enough to satisfy his curiosity at this point. He motions with his head for her to continue and she knows she isn't getting out of this that easily. "It's just the ones…that didn't…matter particularly much to you."

She watches him blink in confusion, shaking his head as if to clear it. "And how exactly did you decide that some of them didn't matter to me?"

"Alex," she whines, moving her hands up to cover her eyes. "It literally does not matter what I thought about your silly business school girlfriend or any of the others that have come and gone, it doesn't – "

"Why are you so focused on that?"

Emma sighs loudly. "You really need to stop interrupting me," she mutters.

"Seriously, Emma," Alex says, forcing her to meet his eye. "What is it about my girlfriend from business school that sets you so on edge?"

"You didn't care about her!" she bulldozes over his words because she has no interest in hearing them, hearing the accusation in them. Emma realizes that they're at the office and this wasn't the time or place for this conversation, but he had forced this out of her so she'll be damned if he doesn't get the whole bit. "You didn't and you shouldn't have because she didn't care about you. And yet you still feel so goddamn apologetic and guilty about it when you shouldn't and…and maybe I just want you to accept that already and move on!"

Alex again looks confused by her outburst, but he also looks like he's starting to get angry. The tone of his voice only confirms this further, though he struggles for the right words at first. "Where exactly do you come off telling me that I didn't care? What right do you have to – "

"You kissed me, Alex!" she practically yells it in his face because that's all she's wanted to do for so long, yell at him. Yell at him for pretending not to remember, yell at him for moving past it like it was nothing, yell at him for acting like he knew better than her when it came to Harriet's relationship with James, yell at him for not seeing things her way, yell at him for not supporting her, for leaving her at Thanksgiving, for everything that he deserved to be yelled at for. She had thought that yelling would feel like giving up, but it doesn't. It feels more like she's finally in control again, unafraid to say what needs to be said.

"You kissed me," she repeated, quieter and for no particular reason given that they both knew what she said. "And you would have done more than that if…" she lets the words hang in the air rather than complete the sentence. Mostly because she doesn't know what she would say. If what? If she hadn't said his name and reminded him that their relationship didn't usually involve them making out on his apartment couch? It wasn't quite the way she wanted to articulate it but that is essentially what happened.

Alex is quiet for a long time. He seems to be finding it difficult to meet her eyes as he runs a hand across his face and into his hair.

After a while, he tries to open with "We were drunk."

Emma laughs in response, "We are not rehashing that argument right now."

"It's true and you know it," he continues, eyes glued to his computer screen. "What does this have to do with Amanda?"

Emma takes a second to stare at him in disbelief. "Seriously? Barely a few days after you two broke up and you're kissing someone else and you're questioning why I don't think you cared for her?"

"That's not fair, Emma," he responds, his voice catching on her name somewhat. His anger, or whatever it was he'd been feeling when she mentioned what they'd done all those years ago, seems to have deflated back into its usual guilt. It was his default emotion for the entire situation no matter how much time had passed.

She didn't want to let his guilt get to her, but it always did. After all, she was the one who kissed him first. She was the one who pretended it didn't happen first. It wasn't like she could lay all the blame on him just because she had wanted him to prove her wrong. Just because he had failed her didn't mean he had failed himself.

"Well, I mean it was a billion years ago," she raises her eyebrows to reinforce her hyperbole. "Hardly something either of us should get worked up over right now."

Alex looks up from staring at his hands to stare at her, looking lost for a moment. His eyes are searching hers for something, and she doesn't know what, so after a while she clears her throat. But he beats her to it.

"So this whole time, you thought I didn't know anything about relationships because I screwed up one that was really important to me?"

"No, Alex, that's not what I meant," she's shaking her head and trying to focus because he's looking at her so pitifully. "She didn't really care about you anyway, she wanted to move across the country and wasn't even willing to ask you to join her. I…you can't…she just wasn't worth it."

Alex is shaking his head, mournfully. "You don't get it."

Emma bites her lip slightly, this isn't the direction she anticipated any of this going. Though, to be fair, it's hard to believe she had any coherent idea about where they'd end up once she brought up that night.

"Alex, that's only one out of many relationships and you still treated her right and it wasn't even like the two of you were still together…" Emma's trying so hard to retrace her steps, to take back what she'd already said that she doesn't notice how frustrated Alex is becoming.

"Emma, you don't understand," he tries to interject, but as caught up as he is in his own thoughts she's just as caught up in her own words.

"And I was the one to kiss you first anyway and I could concede to the fact that we might have had a little too much to drink, still – "

"No, but I lov-" yet the fateful word doesn't escape his lips before both of Emma's hand are covering his mouth. Alex's eyes widen and he stares at her in disbelief but she meets his expression with one of terror.

"Don't say it," she pleads, closing her eyes and not moving her hands an inch. "Please. I can't hear that right now."

Alex's breathing returns to normal and he tries to talk past Emma's hands. The muffled words would almost be cute if Emma wasn't so genuinely worried by what he was actually saying. Still, when he raises his own hand to pull hers off, she lets go without much of a fight. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

"But that doesn't mean I'm not ready to say it, Emma." He's searching her eyes again but Emma is certain the only thing she's giving off just then is fear.

He gives a bit of a bitter laugh, "I guess you're right in the end, then. I'm hardly the expert on relationships."

Emma tries to say something but he doesn't seem to even notice she's still there.

"I didn't kiss you because I was drunk or upset about my break up. I did it because I had wanted to for so long and you made it so easy," he shakes his head and closes his eyes. "I wasn't lying when I said we need to make mistakes to figure out who we are, and that night taught me that I was an awful person. And I learned from that not to…not to go after anything I didn't deserve." He catches his face in the teepee formation of his hands, his elbows digging into his desk, looking like he was both developing a migraine and trying not to let himself cry.

"Alex, you're one of the best people I know," Emma says when she finally finds her voice. She reaches forward to grab one of his hands, finding this whole situation more than a little unbearable. But before she can, he pulls them back out of her reach.

"Please. Just…don't touch me, and I won't say what you don't want to hear," his eyes meet hers and she knows she's looking back at him with determination. So she grabs his hand and holds it in both of hers.

"Alex," she starts, making direct eye contact with him as she traces her thumb over his fingers. "You could never be awful, even if you actually put effort into it."

She smiles at him lightly, reassuringly. He responds with, "I love you."

Emma looks away from him towards the camera that was inconveniently off. It was a shame no one was there to capture her snarky expression that would put her partner's usual one to shame. She turns her expression towards Alex, and he can't help himself from chuckling just a bit.

"You asked for it," he says, with a cautious smile.

Emma rolls her eyes good-naturedly, "Good to know you don't use empty threats." His smile widens slightly.

"You don't have to…say anything," Alex says, pulling his eyes away from hers and shaking his head yet again.

"I don't intend to," Emma says, watching his shoulders slump slightly. "Or, at least not when you're using it against me to win an argument."

He looks up then, incredulously, but watches as Emma tries to fight the smile that remains obvious on her lips. "I was trying to explain my actions, not win the argument."

"Mhm, well you weren't very successful with either." He seems to want to contradict her but Emma just holds up one of her hands, the other one still holding his, and he allows her to continue. "This whole time I thought you felt guilty about that night because of Amanda. Not because of me."

She shifts in her chair and then directs the rest of the speech to their clasped hands. "I thought you were worried about hurting her or ruining what you two had or something equally as ridiculous, but this whole time you've been avoiding the topic because you thought you hurt me."

"I took advantage of you," he says, in the tone she's come to associate with his own patented self-loathing.

"But you didn't," she starts.

"Emma," he tries.

"You seriously need to stop interrupting me," she counters. He raises his free hand in defense and lets her carry on. "I kissed you, it was my decision, and I don't take it back, not entirely."

He raises an eyebrow at that last bit, "You don't?"

Emma shrugs, "I tend to not admit my own faults." He laughs and she smiles back at him. "Besides, it was a particularly good kiss."

Alex sighs, "That doesn't mean I should have kissed you back."

"Oh well now you're completely doubting my ability to be a good kisser," she looks at him waiting for him to challenge her, which he doesn't. "Well then, we can share the blame. That's my final offer?"

He sighs again but nods. She smiles again, "In that case, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be," Alex says, exasperated.

"Maybe, but I choose to be so accept my apology," she responds, challenging him once more.

"Fine, but I'm sorry too."

"Better," Emma says with a smile, before patting his hand with her free one. "Oh, and apology accepted."

Alex rolls his eyes but he also allows himself to feel a bit better about what happened that night. It felt odd having it all out in the open like they were discussing the weather or something equally as mundane. The event might not have plagued his every waking moment but it had really wound him up pretty tightly. Now, he really felt like he could breathe.

But he wasn't quite sure what to do next. He was aware that all of his cards were already on the table so there wasn't much else he could say just then. An awkward silence begins as they both wait for the other person to break it.

"You're not a bad person, Alex," Emma eventually says, quietly. "You dress terribly, you find spreadsheets more interesting than I believe is legally acceptable, and you really need to be introduced to a hairbrush, but your heart has never been anywhere but in the right place."

He seems surprised by her flattery, though the undercurrent of insults was one he was very used to. Nevertheless, he replies with, "Thank you, I think?"

The pair of them smile at each other in that way they do where nothing else really matters. But then Alex is reminded of the bridge he may or may not have unintentionally burned.

"As for what I said earlier, I didn't mean…to say it," he starts, worry already working its way back into his gut.

"Hmm, you seemed pretty confident in it," Emma replied, making him realize that there wasn't going to be an easy way out of this.

He narrows his eyes at her playfully, "Well then, I guess I meant that I didn't mean for it to come out the way that it did." Alex sighs, but continues nonetheless. "I didn't even intend it as a confession, but as an explanation for why I was so angry with myself. Emma, I knew how I felt and...and I kept acting like it would go away. And that wasn't fair to anyone; I take the blame for that."

Emma nodded, but didn't say anything for a bit, which wasn't boating well for his nerves.

"But did you mean it? Confession or explanation, did you mean what you said?" she asks eventually, looking him in the eye.

He can't read her expression but eventually nods. "Yes."

She nods back and stands up, dropping his hand. He isn't sure what this means but it doesn't look good so he stands up with her. Emma nods at him before gesturing to his computer, "What are you doing right now?"

Alex furrows his brow, "Touching up the last of our earnings to prepare to balance our year end books. Why?"

"I think we need to have lunch, don't you?" she questions, reaching past him to grab her phone off the edge of his desk. She rights herself back up and catches Alex's expression of uncertainty.

"Look, Alex," she gently grabs his forearm with her free hand. "I don't honestly know what's going on between us right now. I'm not sure how long it'll take for me to understand it, either. But I do know that I'm tired of whatever distance there is between us because we aren't being honest with each other, that I hate the thought of you being mad at yourself because of something that I did or something you can't control, and that, years ago or not, kissing you was definitely an Emma approved experience." He smiles shyly at the last one but waits for the contradiction that would ruin whatever good this speech has done so far.

"So, lunch, and we'll figure it out from there?" she finishes, surprising him with the simplicity of it all.

Alex breathes for a second before responding. "So you'll listen to what I have to say now? About James and Harriet, I mean?"

She makes a face but says, "I'll certainly keep it in mind." He laughs.

"And if this," he slips out of her grip to catch her hand in his, "doesn't work out, then what?"

"There's a lot to consider, and so much that might not work out in our favour" she says, looking down and appearing serious for the first time in a long while. Then, Alex feels her tighten the grip on his hand before continuing, "But at least we'll have given it a chance. Isn't that what you said this is all about? Making choices and learning from them?"

She looks so determined, which, when he thinks about it, is really just her usual appearance. When Emma Woodhouse sets her mind to something, it would be near impossible to see her fail. It was one of the reasons why he loved her, but it didn't leave him without his own set of worries. After all, he knew all too well that 'choices' can become 'mistakes' very easily. Alex wasn't sure he was ready to be one of Emma's mistakes.

So he looks up at her and says, "I'm really scared, Em. I don't want to mess this up."

Emma's face softens and she bites her lip. Then, without ceremony or hesitation, she kisses him slowly right there in his office like something straight out of a dream. He moves to catch her face softly and kisses her back in much the same way as she's kissing him. When she pulls back, Emma allows herself to lean her forehead against his, enjoying the silence for a few moments.

"Do you remember what I said the last time I kissed you?" Emma asks, after a while.

Alex shakes his head against hers because he isn't positive what exactly she's referring to. His head may also be a bit fuzzy from the day's turn of events.

She pulls back so she can look at him. "I said that I just wanted you to be happy. Now, and forgive my selfishness, I just really want you to be happy with me."

Alex moves his head from side to side, as though letting the idea roll over in his head. "I suppose that could be arranged."

Emma shakes her head at him incredulously, grinning at his response, "Oh, so now we're being funny, are we?"

He laughs and takes her hand in his own. "How about that lunch, then, Miss Woodhouse?" he asks, watching her grin shrink to a smile of pure contentment. Emma nods, wrapping her fingers around his and leaning against his shoulder.

And maybe things weren't meant to feel this easy. Maybe things between them were likely to fall out of alignment in a few days time, no matter how hard they tried to keep them together. But sometimes it wasn't a crime to ask for more out of life, even if you only got it for a short while.

So yes, this chapter was messy and probably terrible, but on the plus side writing it really helped me to write the next chapter (which is potentially my favourite of all my fics so far). (Like seriously I'm angry with how cute it is) (especially at Alex, gosh darn him). Anyway, I hope to update soon, I'll definitely try to keep this up over the hiatus!