Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma or "Doctor My Eyes". Rumiko Takahashi and Jackson Browne do.

Author Note: I know I said that this little collection would be songfic free, and (for all intents and purposes) it will be. However, this particular one need just a little bit of a set-up. I'll try to keep it brief, okay? Now that that's been said, please turn off the cell phones, dispose of any crying babies, and enjoy the show!

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All was quiet at the Ono Clinic, and Dr. Tofu was taking the time off to enjoy a nice cup of hot tea. It had been a very slow day for the usually-busy chiropractor; he took a quick look at the storm raging outside and (correctly) assumed that it must be the culprit. Tofu was about to start reading a magazine when he heard someone knocking loudly, almost frantically, at his door!

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

He rushed over and opened it, allowing the visitor inside. To his suprise, it was Mr. Torugawa, an elderly man who had moved to Furinkan just yesterday. The little old fellow seemed dazed, and was desperately panting for breath. Without saying a word, he walked over to Dr. Tofu's examining table and sat down. Dr. Tofu walked over, concern written all over his face.

"Mr. Torugawa, what are you doing out in this nasty weather?" he asked. "Are you sick?"

"To tell the truth, Doctor, I was hoping that you could tell me that. You see, I'm afraid that something might be terribly wrong with my eyes..."

With that, all of the lights in the room went dark with the exception of one that served as a spotlight for the old gentleman. Seventies-stlye rock music started playing, and Mr. Torugawa began to relate his strange tale...

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"Doctor, my eyes have served me well
And I thought my vision was swell
But my opinion
Was changed just a minute ago
This pigtailed boy was running by
When it started raining (my, oh, my!)
He turned female, chuckled, and said "Hello!"

Doctor my eyes
Am I as blind as a bat?
Or do some guys
Really transform like that?

And, Doctor, that's not all
There was this scary, ten-foot tall
Ghostly cat
Trying to give away a bell
The girl was frightened as can be
She took one wild-eyed look at me
And we started running
We were both scared as hell

Doctor my eyes
Must be playing tricks on me
I'm not telling lies
That's what I seemed to see

Doctor my eyes
Tell me, are they still good?
Or is it my mind
That's not working like it should?"

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By the time the old man had finished his tale, Dr. Tofu was desperately trying to keep a straight face. He walked over to Mr. Torugawa and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Mr. Torugawa," he said, "there's nothing wrong with your eyes or your mind. Also, I would say that your legs must be in great shape. Hahaha!"

Mr. Torugawa seemed caught between confusion and amazement. "Why, then that boy really did... And there really was a... and... and..."

Dr. Tofu could see that the old man's brain was about to blow a fuse, so he handed him a cup of tea and said, "Don't worry about it. You'll get used to all of this soon enough."

Tofu raised his teacup and chuckled, "Welcome to Furinkan Town, Mr. Torugawa. Cheers!"

THE END

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Well, I hope you enjoyed it! I know that many of you probably haven't heard "Doctor My Eyes" before, but I hope that you had fun with this anyway. (By the way, I'd really recommend trying "DME"; it's a mighty fine song). Toodles!