Ch4
Waking up on the morning of her 18th birthday was pretty much the same as waking up on any other day. Except today Ryan was an adult. She could technically come and go as she pleased with the going part being the most important. No one could stop her or tell her she had to come back to this hell when she left for good this time.
She had repacked her duffel bag last night, cramming the majority of her clothes and important things into it. Her bag and a milk crate jammed with books, weapons, one of Nans small quilts, and a family photo album sat ready by her door. She had started most of the car repairs Dean had suggested last night and topped off all the important fluids and gas. She struggled for over an hour to loosen the stupid lug nuts to change out the old tires before giving up out of sheer frustration. Now she simply had to wait for Dean to finish the few hopefully minor repairs and change the tires like he promised. She had everything she needed to leave this life behind thanks to Bobby and the final helping touches from Dean, whether he knew it or not yet.
She wasn't worried about her father coming after her. She knew he wouldn't come looking for her because he never had the other three times she had run away. It had been the cops that caught her sleeping at a bus stop the first time, the second time she was picked up in a stolen car half way to Bobby's and the last time a noisy motel manager had turned her in to child protective services. Each time her father had come to round her up the beatings had gotten worse. He had hit her hard enough to knock her unconscious for two days after the last time she ran. That had been a few months before her fifteenth birthday. She started saving for Trixie soon after.
Ryan heard Deans door open across the hall and his heavy steps as he moved down the stairs and then out the front door. She was still angry at him for the stunt he pulled with Mandy but self aware enough to know he hadn't meant to hurt her. He simply didn't see her as anything other than the loser girl from his childhood. She would be away from him soon enough and the stupid insecure feelings his presence dredged up. She could take the assholes in town calling her 'Reject' but if Dean dismissed her as 'kid' one more time she might lose her cool. She'd done it yesterday when he had teased her and ignored her irritated objection to hooking-up with the blonde she-bitch. And Dean had responded with an angry outburst that frightened her to her core.
Fear had become an ingrained response. When her father got loud and angry it ended in one of two ways: if she was lucky she got away with only verbal assaults until he passed out but she wasn't lucky very often and it usually ended with a physical attack that left her bruised and hurting for days. With Dean she still want sure how far that pendulum would swing, she wanted to believe it would not go any further than a raised voice but it was safer to stay back and reserved if she could manage it. She watched through her window as he went to work jacking up the car so he could change the first tire. He had his long sleeve flannel shirt tied around his waist and his plain black T-shirt clung to his chest in the all the right places. "Suck it Mandy-fucking-MacPherson." She muttered under her breath as she turned away from the window. She needed coffee and food of some sort. A bowl or two of Cap'n Crunch sounded like the perfect birthday breakfast she thought to herself as she left her room.
As the coffee percolated she poured a bowl of cereal for herself and Dean. An antsy, anticipatory chill started at the bottom of her spine; she wanted out of the cabin, out of Montana and as far away from her father as she could get as soon as she could get there.
"Son of a bitch! Come on!" Dean grumbled pushing against the socket wrench and the stubborn lug nut. The bolt loosened and Dean nearly lost his balance from the sudden give.
"How's it going ?" Ryan asked backing out of the screen door balancing the cups of coffee and bowls of sugary cereal in her arms.
"Great...everything's great. Almost there as long as nothing else is too rusted." He said standing up and brushing his hands off. Ryan carried their breakfast to the hood of the Impala and slid onto it handing Dean his bowl of cereal when he followed her over. "Happy Birthday, brat." He said taking a bite of cereal. "What's the plan for today's festivities?"
She shook her head, "No plans. I haven't really celebrated my birthday since Nan died."
"Well that changes today." He told her. Ryan nodded finishing her coffee in one long swallow. She'd have to tell him what her plan was once he finished with the car. Then she could get out of his way and they could both go on with their lives. Dean finished his breakfast and Ryan retreated to the house. It didn't seem like much time passed between their quick breakfast and Dean calling her back outside. "She's all done Princess." He called proudly as she returned to stand on the porch. He held the car key out to her as she descended the narrow steps.
"Really?" She asked quietly reaching for Dean's outstretched hand and the mini Deathstar keychain with the Chargers small silver key dangling from it. "You think she'll start?"
He nodded, "You want to take her for a spin."
"Hell yes!" Ryan cried jumping into her car. Dean slid into the passenger seat next to her and she sent another quick prayer to whatever Angel might be looking down on her to please let Trixie start. She turned the key in the ignition and the car growled to life, sounding angry for being left cold and silent for so long.
"Yeah baby!" Dean yelled happily patting the dashboard.
Ryan caressed the gear shift. "Come on baby girl show me what you can do." She murmured to the car. 'I am so screwed,' he thought watching as she revved the engine and shivered, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips."Buckle up buttercup. I got something way better than Indian Rock to show you." She said smiling at him. He snapped his buckle into place and grabbed the Oh-Shit handle above his head as she shifted the car into drive sending a cloud of dirt spraying behind them as the tires spun for purchase . The engine roared like hell on four wheels as Ryan tore down the dirt road, shifting gears like Bo and Luke had been her driving instructors. She peeled away from the cabin following twisting, narrow, unmarked dirt roads for miles before spinning the car in a wild doughnut and slamming on the brakes. Dean vaguely heard her yell triumphantly as the car rocked backed on her shocks, his heart beating an adrenaline fueled staccato loudly in his head. She laughed loudly, cheeks flushed, head thrown back and for the first time in a long time actually happy.
He fumbled with the belt restraining him in place. She looked at him, still smiling broadly, her glasses slightly askew from her driving theatrics. His tingling fingers finally figured out the latch and he slid across the seat towards her, her smile faltered and she flinched when he reached his hands towards her. He had wanted to wrap his hands behind her head, run his fingers through her hair while he kissed her stupid. Instead he saw her smile fall as she instinctively shrank away from his hands. She probably didn't even realize she'd done it, tilting her head away to protect the most vulnerable parts of her face. He changed his intended target and gently adjusted her glasses then sat back wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. "Nice drivin' Toretto." He said smiling at her.
She visibly relaxed, pushing her hair out of her face and unbuckled her own seat belt. "Thanks….sorry…I've always anted to drive like that. I knew she could handle it."
"Don't be sorry. You're amazing…your driving is amazing." Dean said then blew out a long breath. 'Smooth, real smooth.' He thought to himself.
She leaned across the seat and placed a lite, chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. This car means the world to me, D…." She murmured into his ear before leaning back. Her eyes darted to the full lips she'd been inches from, if she leaned forward again she could kiss him. He might make fun of her after or push her away but how much better of a first kiss could she ask for? Kissing the boy she'd had a crush on basically her whole life in the front seat of the sexiest thing she's ever owned, overlooking her favorite view seemed pretty ideal. She tilted her head fortifying her nerve before it disappeared and readying herself to clumsily brush her lips against his with the hope he took the reins before it got pathetic.
"How 'bout that view? " Dean said cluelessly turning his head away from her to look out the front window.
Completely and utterly embarrassed she dug her teeth into her bottom lip and sat all the way back putting a few feet of distance between them. "It's better out here." Ryan told him before opening her car door and climbing out. She pushed her hair out of her face as she heard Deans car door slam shut. His boots crunched on the dirt behind her as he surveyed the view.
"Yeah kiddo it's pretty great." He said walking up to her with his hands tucked back in his pockets.
Ryan shook her head. "Kiddo... you're so stupid Reject." She muttered angrily to herself.
"What?" He asked.
She rolled her shoulders and took another deep breath. Now was as good a time as any to tell him her plan."This is my favorite spot." She said not looking at him while she led him a few hundred feet from the car to a jagged ledge. The cliff dropped off leading down to a valley full of green trees and craggy rocks. "Thats the interstate." She said raising her hand and pointing at the dark black strip that cut through the purple mountains at the horizon.
"The mountains are beautiful."
Ryan turned towards him, "I'm leaving."
"Excuse me?" He asked.
She crossed her arms over her chest defensively, " I'm leaving Montana, my father, hunting...all of it. I'm done. I'm eighteen no one can make me stay or come back, I have money, I have my car. "
"And when were you planning on this?"
"Now. Tonight. As soon as we get back. I'm packed, I'm leaving before he gets back."
Dean took a step towards her. "The hell you are."
"What?" She demanded.
"You're not goin' anywhere."
"Screw you Winchester. This is my chance to get out-"
"You can't just take off while our dads are gone." Dean told her.
"Yeah I can. It's the best time. No threats, no fights, he won't even give a shit that I'm gone. Trust me-"
He took another step closer, "What about me?" Ryan blinked and dropped her arms. "My dad comes back and you aren't here... if I have to tell him you ran away on my watch he will fucking kill me." Dean didn't look angry, he looked frightened, face pale, green eyes tight with worry. "Sam ran on my watch. I left him alone to go get laid, I can't even remember her name or what she fucking looked like but it seemed so god damn important to get my dick wet and when I got back Sam was gone and when dad found out...when I had to tell him...he will kill me, Ryan."
"Then come with me." She told him. "We'll get our stuff and just go. We'll get away from those abusive fucking assholes. We can be free, have our own lives."
"You don't know what you're talking about-" Dean said quietly dropping his eyes to his boots.
Ryan reached her hand out and brushed the fading bruises on his face. "Takes one to know one, D." She said quietly. "Whatever he did it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. All the black eyes, the bruises...the summer you showed up with a broken arm? I remember. You can't lie to me. Not anymore."
He placed his hand over hers gently squeezing her fingers. "I can't leave my dad. I can't run away from my family like Sam did..."
" Come with me." She repeated quietly stepping forward..
"I can't..." He said shaking his head. "Please, please don't do this. Not now, not like this. "
Ryan pulled her hand away from him. After all her planning, late night phone calls to Bobby, scrimping every dollar for car repairs, biding time until her birthday. She hadn't planned for this, for her father to call John Winchester in a drunken stupor or for John to actually show the fuck up. And she certainly hadn't planned for Dean. "God damn it, Dean." She cursed. "I can't do this anymore. I won't! I won't fucking live like this and I certainly won't die like this! And You don't have to either."
"I'm not asking you to stay forever. Just wait until our dads get back. You wanna leave as soon as we see the whites of their eyes I won't stop you and I won't let them stop you either." He told her reaching out for her hand and gently took the keys she still grasped in her palm. "Let's just go home. Please."
Ryan silently released the keys to him and stalked back to the car. They drove to the cabin in silence; Ryan staring quietly out at the trees, Dean taking his eyes off the road to watch her. "Why don't we go swimming for a while?" He asked her as the car bounced back down the Toryn's private road.
"I don't want to go swimming." She replied as the cabin came into view.
"Then how about we share a six pack and play video games or watch some shitty movies...I'll run to town and get us some dinner you can put on those stupid ugly slippers-"
"I'll pass."
Dean sighed running his hands along the steering wheel. "What do you want then?"
"I'll tell you what I don't want," she said. "I don't want to pretend that everything is ok because it's not-"
"I know."
She sighed, " I just need to get out of here. I don't want to wait around for my father to get back...but I will wait because you asked me to and because I won't be the reason John hurts you again. But please just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone and then maybe it won't hurt so bad when I have to watch you leave again." She got out of the car and walked into the cabin without looking back. Dean sat in the silent car for a long time after, staring at the cabin, angry at himself for being afraid of his father, and more angry at being afraid of leaving. The prospect of a halfway normal life was within reach if they just drove away but it felt like he'd never known anything but hunting and following his fathers orders.
They spent the next couple of days existing in the same house but not really ever sharing the same space; only bumping into each other in the kitchen in the morning when they came in search of coffee or in the hallway or stairwell. Ryan spent most of the time in her room where she always felt safest in the quiet and loneliness. Dean read and worked on the Impala or Charger doing minor maintenance and repairs because he had nothing better to do. His father sent him a cryptic text message of coordinates followed by a trio of 7's a little after the fifty hour mark of their last call. Dean knew the 7-7-7 meant everything was good he just didn't know exactly where his father was. "Can't you just tell me where you are asshole..." he grumbled under his breath as he searched the living room and kitchen for Ryan's laptop wanting to check the coordinates but came up empty handed. So he found himself outside of Ryan's room rapping his knuckles on the door and hoping she wouldn't ignore him.
The door swung open and Ryan appeared with her pajamas still on. "Yes?" She asked.
"Can I use your laptop?" He asked tucking his hands in his pockets. "Dad sent me a message and I just need to check something."
"Is that code for you're going to use it watch porn?" She asked turning away from him and rearranging stacks of books and papers searching for it. "You know you can come into my room without erupting in flames. It's not like you haven't been in here before." She told him.
Dean coughed, worried she had somehow figured out he had previously snooped in her room. But it wasn't like he had gone through her underwear drawer. "Well you used to have a real bed and toys...and you were like ten years old last time." He said stepping forward as she finally uncovered her old sticker covered laptop.
"I'm sure the toys are still around here somewhere. I lost the bed privilege after I ran away for the second time. Took me six months just to earn a mattress instead of a sleeping bag." She said holding the laptop out to him. "Practice safe internet sex and don't get a virus on it."
"I'm not gonna watch porn on it." He told her.
"Sure you aren't," She told him rolling her eyes. "Now get the hell outta my room, Winchester."
"Brat," He called over his shoulder as she shooed him out of her room and shut the door. The coordinates turned out to be for a small town in southern Colorado, which meant his and Ryan's fathers had traveled further away than they had planned. "Damn it, dad." He muttered. "What the hell is going on in Pueblo?" He skimmed through several local newspapers and couldn't find any definitive leads but then again he wasn't his father. John Winchester had a knack turning breadcrumbs into full blown cases. After thirty minutes of fruitless searching he couldn't help but check Ryan's bookmarks and favorite pages before switching over to his favorite porn site. Another thirty minutes of disinterested browsing and he went back to the news searching for interesting stories in the local area.
Intriguing enough he found a potential case in Whitehall, the same small town Ryan had wanted to go for the fair. Apparently the small town had seen a recent increase in violent murders. Six people were dead so far. Three sets of parents from a small, tight nit community were brutally murdered in their homes, the children in each case unharmed. Some articles were even reporting possible cannibalism. The only links to the murders were that each family had spent the day before the murder at the fair. A little more digging and Dean found similar cases scattered along the fairs path, someone or more likely something at the fair was killing and eating people.
"Your disaffected teen age angst phase is officially over," Dean announced barging into Ryan's room. She gave a startled scream and tossed the book she had been reading at his head. He ducked it and continued on his path to her closet.
"Get the fuck outta my room, Dean!" She yelled scrambling free from her cocoon of pillows and blankets. "What part of leave me alone don't you get?"
He ignored her as he dug through her closet until he found clothes he deemed suitable. "I did leave you alone. For two whole days. And now I'm bored and I'm tired of you ignoring me and we gotta job." He said turning towards her to give her the outfit he picked out. "Get dressed we're going to the fair."
Ryan spluttered indignantly, pushing her glasses back up her nose, face growing redder by the second. "What…what the fuck kind of job?"
"Hey, language princess." Dean chided. "A job-job. A hunt. Get dressed."
"I'm not hunting with you. You're still injured." She countered.
Dean swung his arms above his head in a wide arc then dropped to the floor in a pushup poistion. "Woke up yesterday feelin' like a million bucks." He said from the floor. Ryan stopped counting after the first dozen push ups.
"Alright…alright G.I. Jane I get it. What are we hunting?" She asked as he stood back up smiling like an idiot.
"I dunno."
"Of course you don't …this is a skirt." Ryan said looking at the bundle of clothes Dean had shoved at her.
"Yeah it's the only one you had." He answered.
"Why would I wear a skirt on a hunt?"
Dean shrugged, "Because when we're done with killing whatever it is that needs killing we're going to enjoy the fair."
Ryan tilted her head looking at him quizzically. "Is this a date? Are you asking me out on a date?"
He blew out a long breath, rocking back and forth on his feet feigning indifference. "No…maybe… do you want it to be a date?"
It was Ryans turn to shrug. "No I don't I think do. Because that would be weird…"
"Super weird…." Dean agreed.
"Yeah…well if I'm supposed to wear this skirt on our none-date. I need to shave my legs because I've got a Wookie thing going on right now…" She said once again pushing him out of her room, Dean in turn started making very accurate Wookie noises on his way back to his room.
"Can I ask you something real quick?" Dean asked as she walked across the hallway towards the bathroom. She gave him an affirmative 'mmhhmm' while she searched a cabinet for clean towel. "What is fan fiction and who are Serena and Darien?" Ryan choked on her tongue with a strangled, embarrassed squeak as she darted into the bathroom slamming the door to block Dean's teasing laughter.