Chapter 4

Getting back into her routine proves to be difficult. Rachel thinks it's strange. Yes, her father died but, in all honesty, her dad wasn't crucial to her routine. Usually, she wakes up, has her flax shake, works out, showers, gets dressed, goes down stairs, kisses her parents goodbye, and goes to school. That's the morning schedule. Then there's school and depending on the day it's followed by either glee or dance. Afterwards, she goes home, does some homework, if she has dance she showers if not then she gets to decide what take out the Berry clan will be feasting on. Her fathers usually arrive home by seven and she usually gives them a kiss goodnight at ten sharp.

So really, it's just a couple of steps that have to be altered: One kiss goodbye and goodnight instead of two, ordering a bit less takeout, and that's it. But, those two steps ripple throughout the rest, disturbing everything from her awakening to her slumber; everything has changed. Now Rachel wakes up and she can't bring herself to get on her treadmill (despite this lack of exercise, she's lost a lot of weight since her dad's passing since she can't bring herself to eat much either). Now before she goes downstairs to give her daddy a kiss she has to psyche herself up and make sure not to cry because she doesn't want him to feel any worse than he already does – he's been blaming himself for Hiram's death even though Rachel knows it was a complete accident. Now she has to force herself to go to glee. Sometimes she just doesn't show up. She doesn't want to sing happy-go-lucky songs with people who give her pity eyes when they think she's not looking. Now when she's home she's more likely to sit staring out her window for hours then she is to do her homework. Now, just like in the morning, she has to psyche herself up to give her daddy a goodnight kiss. She sleeps and wakes up and does it all again.

Hiram Berry has been dead for a month and a half. Regionals came and went. Rachel didn't perform since it was two weeks after Mr. Berry died and she had missed too much school and practice. Mr. Schuester tried to convince Rachel to join them, but she politely declined. It had been close, but the New Directions took home first. They were now preparing for Nationals. It was in two and a half months, so they had some time to relax. During the interim, they hoped that Rachel would heal and rejoin the living because, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, they all noticed that she was having a hard time.

Xxxxxxx

Rachel was walking to glee one afternoon – Puck had cornered her in the hall and made her promise to be there - when she ran straight into a lanky boy who looked like a young Patrick Dempsey, just a bit thinner and who appeared to be getting over an illness. The young man let out a bit of a hiss when Rachel stumbled and put her hand on his chest to steady herself.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I wasn't paying attention." The teen rubbed his chest and took a deep breath while nodding his head, letting her know that he heard her. Noticing his pain, Rachel asked if he was all right.

"It's cool, really," Bobby Ford said.

"Are you sure? I mean, I could walk you to the nurse?" she offered.

"Honestly, Rachel, it's cool," he replied. Her eyebrows furrowed when she heard him refer to her by name.

"I'm sorry do I know you? I mean do we have a class together?" She was skeptical because even though he was a good deal taller than her, the boy looked mighty young and she doubted that he was in any of her advanced classes.

"No. We're not, but I know who you are. I'm Bobby, by the way, Bobby Ford," he extended his hand. Rachel saw that he looked hesitant before saying his name, almost as is he was afraid of how she'd react to hearing it.

"Well, Bobby Ford, aside from running into and then possibly injuring you, it was nice to meet you, but I really must me going." Before she could go Bobby's bumbling stopped her.

"Uh…um…wait…um…I just…" Rachel looked at him expectantly, but any hope of getting an answer out of him ended when Puck found them.

"Hey, we're all waiting for you," he said to Rachel, completely ignoring the freshman, "you're still coming right?"

"Yes, Noah," she sighed, "I'm still coming. I just got a little held back." Her eyes traveled to Bobby, prompting Puck to finally notice the skinny, uncomfortable looking kid.

"Who's this jerk?"

"Noah!" She apologized for her friend's lack of manners.

"What do you want frosh?" Puck asked Bobby. Seeing that Bobby was too intimidated to speak, Rachel answered on his behalf.

"This is Bobby Ford. I accidently ran into him." Puck continued to give him a dirty look until Bobby backed away.

"Well, sorry about running into you Rachel, gotta go," and he was off.

"That wasn't very nice, Noah," the brunette scolded him.

"Whatever, looked like a creeper anyways. So glee. We're picking numbers for Nationals today." Immediately he could see her mood damper. She silently nodded her head and prepared to him, but Puck didn't move.

"You don't want to go?"

"It's not that. I just haven't felt much like singing."

"We could skip and just hang out at your place." Puck suggested. He and Kurt had tried their best to be there for her as she and her father tried to adjust to their new lives.

"No, it's fine," she brushed off his concern, "Plus, I'm eager to hear what everyone suggests," she lied with a smile on her face. Puck didn't buy it, but let it go. When they arrived the group was in the middle of a heated debate: Florence and the Machine versus Johnny Cash.

"Guys, guys, guys!" Mr. Schuester tried, "there are four slots, there's room for compromise." Everyone quieted down, conceding that he was right.

"Rachel, I'm glad you're hear, we wanted everyone to have a vote," her teacher informed her. Rachel bobbed her head up and down, but focused her eyes on the clock behind his head. Prior to Rachel's arrival, it had been decided that they would offer her the chance to sing a solo at Nationals. When Mr. Schuester asked the girl if she was up for it, she looked around the room at all the expectant eyes and, although reluctant, she accepted, on one condition: that she be given the third song. That way there was still the possibility that she wouldn't have to sing; they had to place top ten to move on to the second round in order to perform their last two songs.

Once class was over Puck waited for Rachel to pack up so that he could drive her to his place. Leroy was out of town on a business trip. Unlike his daughter, Leroy had thrown himself into his work, hoping to combat his guilt by focusing on an upcoming trial. He wasn't a bad father; he was just having a difficult time dealing with his grief and he didn't want to appear weak to his daughter. Ms. Puckerman had offered Rachel the guest room and although she tried to politely decline, she could tell that it wasn't a suggestion.

"Ma's working the late shift this week so we're ordering out. You feel like Chinese?" Puck asked as they made their way to his truck.

"Sure."

"K, call it in and after we pick Becca up we'll stop by Beijing Express." After Rachel called in their order, the ride to Becca's friend's house was pretty quiet. Puck tried to start up a conversation with the girl.

"Ready for Mrs. Harper's test tomorrow?"

"Yeah." That was a lie. Rachel hadn't opened her Art History book this entire week.

"That's good. I think this lessons pretty easy, I mean, there's a lot of architecture and less painting."

"Mmhm."

"You want to review with me tonight?"

"OK." Puck tried another approach.

"Congrats on your solo, by the way."

"Thank you."

"What's that song Kurt suggested for you?"

"Landscape." It was like pulling teeth, but Puck was use to it. Rachel hadn't been her normal chatty self for a while and even though she smiled a bit more and didn't break down crying (at least not in front of people).

"Who sings it again?"

"Florence Welsh."

"Right, that Dog Days chick." That got him a smile.

"Yes, she also sings that song." After that the conversation flowed a bit easier and once Becca was in the car Rachel made sure that all of the attention was focused on the eleven year old. Puck played along; he'd give Rachel all the time she needed.