Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking: "I know he said that it wouldn't be a back-and-forth between filler and chapter, But I thought that episode 2 is coming out!" Yeah, well, but I procrastinate a lot and while these filler chapters to write take longer, they are also usually easier to make. I don't own gravity falls or anything else, really. also, I'd like to apologize to that one author I read and complained about his update times. I am sorry.

Children.

Some say, "God's Gift"

some, "spoiled brats"

Others just let out a muffled or screamed string of profanities.

I think every parent, even the bad ones, feels the need to Teach their children enough to prepare them for the outside world.

But, Honestly, Be grateful the Northwests taught their son the concept of "Zero Fruit" and "Getting what you want most, not all, of the time"

-An Unknown pre-Summer Date-

"YES!" Thomas Aqua Northwest(Tom) at an enthusiasm that would make Mabel jealous, cry, and commit suic- nevermind. "PINEAPPLES!",Immediately reaching to the center of the table for them

"Yes, Darling- Don't eat them all at once. You'll get a stomach ache." Priscilla, his mom, stated, flinching at his use of a nearby vegetable knife in comparison to a fruit one. "Dear."

Tom, Having been scolded many times, thinks about what he is doing, and corrects his action by using a fruit knife supplied by a nearby Butler.

Pacifica, being used to the starting dramatics of dinner, eats quietly.

Preston, sitting in his usual seat at the head of the table, Decides to intervene in an uncommon, but not unheard of, way: "Thomas, Eat your dinner quietly like your sister."

Had Pacifica not been "As close to perfect as you can be", she would have dropped her fork.

"Pacifica," Preston warned " A Northwest is perfect. You are a Northwest. Is that news to you?"

"No, father," Pacifica Said

"Good. Hold your fork properly, and Do Not Drop it again"

They Finished dinner in silence.

-A Slightly More Known, Unknown pre-Summer Date-

With a tip of his father's head, Tom approached the microphone:

"Howdy, all! You should all know me, Thomas Northwest, great-great grandkid of the town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest, who in-"

"Ahem" Preston clears his throat, clearly signaling for his son to not inform the crowd about whatever connection his grandfather had about pineapples.

"afterGravityFallswasfoundedsetupasmalltableoffoodinthemiddleoftownforthepoorerpeopleandoneofthedisheswasapineapple. Now if you've got a pioneer spirit, we ask you come up and say hi." Tom Shortened his speech.

His Father grimaced internally, but let it slide and refocused his attention to his daughter: "Next year, Pacifica, It'll be your time to do this."

Pacifica felt worried but figured that she could do it at least as well as her brother, even though he had more experience, and next year would be her first time doing this.

-The Summer Before The Twins-

"Please?" Tom asked, his eyes almost seeming to brighten with hope.

"I'll See if I can fit in pineapple somewhere." Pacifica finally said, tired of all the begging.

"THAN- You're not even going to think about it, are you?" Tom says, going from heavenly joy to bottom of a trash heap in a matter of seconds(and for the record, not a trash heap with pineapples in it).

"But It's My first time ever introducing Pioneer Day. Maybe next year?" Pacifica asks.

"I'm holding you to it!" Tom decrees.

-When He Was Once Asked To Watch His Younger Cousin-

And so, Tom told them a bedtime story: "Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was a duck named Bark-th, who was enamored in the mystical land of old, and more importantly, the mystic ways of pineapples. Bark the-"

"I thought his name was Barkth?" the kid being watched asked.

Tom sighed and continued his tale: "Barkth the duck knew of three mystic pineapples: The pineapple of power, the pineapple of courage, and the pineapple of wisdom. When used in conjunction, they would grant the user to defeat anything. One day, an evil monster kidnapped his sister. Bark the-"

"Barkth the duck."

"Barkth the duck knew he would have to find these three pineapples to defeat the monster.-"

"What animal is the Monster?"

"Uhh, Pig?"

"So you're ripping off the Legend Of Zelda?"

The pause between that question and its response was as uncomfortable as a tiny shirt, But Tom did manage to make the response kinda snarky, so okay.

"Well, Then you know how the story ends then. Goodnight then."

And with that Tom left the room, the kid given a story, and a job well done.

-Some Optional Information-

Three Days.

Preston was going mad.

It had been Three whole Days.

Didn't kids die in three days without food or water?

Pacifica was starting to pipe up about, and she'd been nothing but a word-by-word follower of his instructions.

Three whole Days.

He looked about his office, his scowl deepening.

His office, to him, was noticeably smaller due to the recently added soundproofing.

In reality, the expert carpenters had made it impossible to notice unless you knew it used to be bigger.

He Didn't dare leave.

If he left he would cave.

Preston Blaine Northwest does not cave, now or ever!

...

...

...

Four Days.

Preston was going mad.

It had been four whole days.

Preston Blaine Northwest... Had had enough.

He opened his office door...

...Left his room...

...Listened to the sound of his son screaming for the fruit that was his obsession...

... And Caved.

"WE CAN HAVE YOUR STUPID FRUIT FOR DINNER!" Preston shouted at a volume he'd never assumed possible.

Like magic, Tom had unlocked his door and bolted into the dining hall before Preston could take his next step.

-Things For Sale-

"I'm Sorry, sir, but you will be glad to hear your father has made his business very interesting as of late." Jeffens, the jack of all trades(or whatever they order) , said.

Tom sighed and reluctantly took the file and looked at the latest business report.

His father was trying to get him to know how to work business- Wait, what is that he sees?

"WE BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE SHIPPING COMPANY?"

Honestly, You have to give the Northwests some credit for knowing how to get what they want.

-When Pigs Or The Other Fly-

"What do you mean there are no pineapples?" Tom shouted, his face full of disbelief

"I'm Sorry Sir," Apologizes for an airline stewardess that is not to be named here.

"But Your flier Says you serve everything you could want!"

"Not everyone wants pineapples"

"THAT'S FALSE ADVERTISING!"

"Sir, I am only a stewardess. The only adds I make are when I'm calculating my paycheck."

"Well then, GET ME YOUR MANAGER"

"Sir We are in an airplane, 30,000 feet in the air."

"Can You AT LEAST file a complaint?"

"Yes Sir, that is customary even had you not asked for that"

"Thank You for THAT, I guess."

Pacifica, seeing her chance, finally ordered something:

"Can I have a Shrimp Steak- Steak extra rare, Shrimp Prosciutto wrapped, A Buddha Jumps Over the Wall soup as a side, and some apple juice. Get my brother a Cheesecake."

"Yes, Thank you, Ma'am" The Stewardess replied, glad to finally have an order she can handle.

-Tom Gets A Friend-

"What?" Tom asks confounded.

"Well, I said that having an obsession on pineapples is your thing, and that's cool," Alcott said, who was practically the nerd of the rich world. So a rich nerd, basically.

"I heard what you said but, usually people just shrug it off, if anything" Tom defended.

"Dude, My mom has like a mini mansion, made out of clothespins, full of clothespins. She has furniture, made out of clothespins, just to hold more clothespins. She has clothespin mannequins wearing clothespin clothing with clothespin designs on them. I can handle a guy who likes to eat pineapples." Alcott explained

After stopping and thinking about this, Tom decided something: "What's your thing?"

Alcott stepped back and began his tale:

"Puns Popularize Puzzles, Perset Perform the Practice-"

"Are you saying a paragraph that has all the words start with 'P'?" Tom interrupted.

"Well, I was trying to, but some words are hard to project meanings onto," Alcott admitted

"What?"

"Well, For example, homophones and conjunctions. There isn't a lot of them and I couldn't think of any replacements off the top of my head."

"But Don't homophones start with "p" regardless? And you didn't say any homophones!"

"Well, yes, but if you think the sentence doesn't make sense, then it doesn't matter if it does or not, And technically I did."

Five Hours Later

"NO!" Tom blasted with full force, " THAT IS NOT TECHNICALLY A PROJECTION!"

"IT IS TOO!" Blasted Alcott right back

-A Very Important Date: hPF qTYF xL lPZLP hPF uAGYPlFHYH SSAYS hA sF sFYYFG oTGFLYH.-

"Fine." Tom said, "I'll Make A Deal, Bill."

Bill Cipher cackled with laughter while Tom shook his hand.

I Expanded My definition of a week. And Got it in before midnight. I Also gave you all a really hard cipher(Hint: Some letters, like "S" and "L" are used twice). Make sure to come back to this chapter often, because I have some more ideas and I ran out of time. Anyway, I'm Thinking of making some sorta picture for this story. Also, leave some reviews to let me know how I'm terrible. AND I PROMISE TO HAVE NEXT WEEK'S CHAPTER THE NEXT EPISODE. Also, I used a different document style, so if there are more spelling errors than usual, That is why. See You! Please Review!

(Hint: SSAYS="Got")