"No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories"

~ Chris Sorensen

The silence was comforting for once, not piercing or suffocating as usual, just soft. Romano was happy to welcome it in.
The tears and sobs that had ripped through the air not minutes before were fresh in his mind, clogging it up so it was the only thing he could think of. It would always be carved into his mind, the heart-wrenching screeches of pain, begging, pleading, filled with agony. It was the worst he had seen the Spaniard since the funeral and it was branded painfully into his memory forever.

Spain lay sprawled out on the sofa. He faced the black television screen in front of him but his eyes were not open. They were screwed shut, afraid of the outside world, an expression of insufferable pain plastered over his face. His eyes were puffy and red. His nose ran. His cheeks were streaked with tears. One arm dangled limply off the sofa, the TV remote cracked beneath it.

Romano had watched all of it and not spoken a word. He wouldn't, he couldn't, and not just because the words were lodged by the lump in his throat. Now it was over he didn't want to speak. The silence was too comforting. Romano only slid to the floor, sitting stiff beside Spain's feet, leaning against the sofa.

"Hey Spain," he muttered, the rhetorical words out in the open and breaking the silence before he even knew what he was saying. He was so used to saying his feelings out loud now; he didn't even give it a second thought. "Do you remember that time we went to the park? It was hot, august I think, and we sat under the shade of that one massive tree, all alone, and picnicked. Tomato sandwiches, I think." Romano chuckled humourlessly. "We stayed there all day, didn't we? Just lying there, talking, until the sun set and the stars came out. And we started naming them. You just made up a bunch of bullshit names and said they were actually true. You even named one after me... Yeah, that was a nice da-"

"Shut up."

Romano stopped, the fog of silence smashing hard against him. He couldn't speak. He couldn't think. He could do nothing but stare, mouth open in shock at the grieving Spaniard. Spain was unchanged, eyes still screwed shut, the agonizing expression still on his face. It was as if he hadn't uttered a word. But he had. It had rung out clear as day through the all but empty house.

"Y-you...b-but..." Romano spluttered, his jumbled mess of thoughts making impossible to speak coherently. His body reacted before his mind could, rising to his feet, never tearing his eyes from the defeated Spaniard. He tried to ignore his desperately shaking legs, his unbeating heart pounding in his ears.

Spain just spoke to me... Did he?

Romano needed to know if Spain had actually said it. He needed to know if it was him he was talking to. This time when he opened his mouth he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"Y-you can hear me?" It was a shocked mutter; he couldn't muster anything more in his foggy state of mind. Whether it was a question or a statement, he wasn't sure, but he knew now. As soon the words slipped from his lips, he knew they were completely true.

Romano's feelings were suddenly scattered everywhere, no sense of order running through them at all. His heart fluttered in excitement, suddenly breathless that his only ever wish was coming true, yet it squeezed with the hurt that rushed through him, realising with devastation that Spain had kept this from him all this time. He didn't try to understand, he could only raise an accusing finger at the silent Spaniard. It trembled as he held it in the air.

"You can hear me... Y-you... you bastard! You can hear me!" The sudden anger was too much to hold in. His rage formed a distorting cloud in front of his eyes, tinting the taste on his tongue, and suddenly Spain was his worst enemy. He could do nothing but scream as it boiled and smashed within him.

"You bastard!"

"Shut up!" Spain's lips moved as the words cut through the anger filled atmosphere. It only hammered the nail on Romano's rage.

"Don't fucking tell me to shut up! You can hear me-"

"Shut up!"

"-and after everything I said, you never fucking told me! I thought I was just talking to myself!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

He can fucking hear me!

Anger blazed through Romano. It burned in his mind, a searing flame fuelled by all his hate and pain that had festered inside him the past weeks. He trembled uncontrollably, his hands curling into fists at his side. He needed to lash out, to punch something, anything.
He can hear me!

But he couldn't suppress the excitement that bubbled through him, exploded in his heart. He could feel it trying to burst from his chest and fly away into the sunshine. The happiness, the hope, it more than he had ever wished to feel for the rest of his life.

He can hear me! His mind screamed it at him, the only thing he could think through his fog of shock. But he was careful – cautious optimism as they say – he had to know for certain.

"Spain... just tell me... can you hear me?" His voice was trembling as he tried to contain his anger.

"Please shut up."

"You just have to say 'yes', dammit. Then it's over. I'll shut up for you."

"Go away! Just shut up."

The pain in Spain's cries was becoming ever more agonizing. Romano's voice caught in his throat, the excruciating yells piercing him like shattered glass. He couldn't stand hearing it. He couldn't bare it. He had heard too much of it for one life time, for a million life times. He wasn't strong enough. He could never be strong enough.

But the infinite questions still flitted through his mind. It took him all he had not to voice them out loud.

Why didn't he tell me?

The twang of pain that came with the question became more prominent every time he thought it. But it was nothing compared to the Spaniard lying in front of him, suffering in misery as he woke up every day to the emptiness, the agony and torture, of reality. Every thing Romano had said since he had died must have been close to death to him, every word, every curse, every compliment-

Romano's stomach dropped like a bullet. His eyes widened desperately. A shocked gasp escaped through his trembling lips.

He... He heard everything I said...
Embarrassment and dread burned through him, a hungry disease, twisting and squeezing at his heart, flushing every inch of his face the bright red of blood. He felt his shaky hands rise to his mouth, covering it, attempting to stop the silent scream that was slipping from his mouth.

"Y-you... but... no..."

For the first time since his death, Romano was deeply grateful that Spain could not see him, invisible like the stars beside the blazing sun, always there, never to be seen. At least his humiliation would not be display for the whole world to see. Only Spain would know, but then, it was only Spain that mattered.

For the first time since his death, Romano wished with all he had that he wasn't here, that he could have stayed with his body, forever buried in the blackness of the damming, soul-sucking hole of his grave, that he had never come back to this world, here with the only purpose to torture the one he loved. He couldn't stand it, the stabbing, blistering agony he felt every time he saw that vacant look in Spain's eyes, the screams of torture that echoed through the house every night when he had no option but listen to them drag on, and on, and on.

It was torture, worse than torture.

His anger, his complete and utter humiliation, was too much for him to bear. It was all he could feel, the only thing that blazed through his veins. And it was there and then that Romano decided maybe it was best for them both if he was to disappear completely, if he simply stopped talking, cutting off his final way for them to reach each other. The very idea of it sent a numbing pain shooting through him. It was like a blackening cloud had spread over the sun, sucking out all the light and energy from the world. But it was how everything was supposed to be. He should not be here. He was dead, and as long he kept silent, kept his mind blank from all thoughts, then maybe he could finally leave.

At least then the pain would stop.

Sorry it's a day late. I have no excuse, I just kinda forgot it was Friday yesterday. I thought it was today. But then, that's what summer will do to you. Well, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Something's finally happening (YAY) Please review! I really want to know what you guys think :3